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Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 2:24:52 PM   
blueeyedgirl


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		i'd like to ask all the Doms/Masters here what they think about the following situation...i have been visiting Houston from the UK and have met a Dom with whom i had been corresponding on this site.There have been three meetings in total and as many more that have been cancelled,sometimes as late as 20 minutes before He was due to come and collect me...He professes to still be interested in conducting a relationship,and yet i have been 'stood up' again today when He knows full well that i leave the country tomorrow.What i want to know is this - is this some form of breaking my spirit down and ensuring my submission, or is He just acting like an *******?(feel free to fill in the blanks)Due to bad experiences in the past it took a great deal of courage for me to even meet Him in person once,and right now i am very close to abandoning my search for the right Dom as i very much doubt He exists.
Respectfully
blue
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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 2:28:41 PM   
greenie


Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline 		have you asked him why he didn't show the other times? did he have other commitments that ran over and made him unable to make it? does he have a way to reach you when he can't make it? is he married and his wife doesn't know what he's up to? could be alot of reasons.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 2:31:02 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greenie
is he married and his wife doesn't know what he's up to?


It certainly sounds like sudden bouts of married-man-itis!

Do you have his phone number? Can you call him at any time? Have you been to his house?

Taggard

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My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 2:32:42 PM   
blueeyedgirl


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		He has always had what seem to be plausible explanations...it is just that it has happened so many times.And yes,i am beginning to wonder whether He is married,although He has assured me He is divorced.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 2:33:29 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Talk to him. Instead of guessing what his motives are, just ask him. He should be upfront and honest with you about how you fit into his life. Apparently if he's cancelling 20 minutes before you meet up on a consistent basis, he hasn't really made you a priority.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 2:36:28 PM   
greenie


Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline 		oh yes the phone number issue! if i give my number i insist on having theirs also. i have privacy manager on my phone so no one can call me unless their number is either already unblocked or they unblock it. i'm assuming you're staying in a hotel though and don't have access to a service like privacy manager but you should ask for his home number if you don't already have it.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 2:39:06 PM   
blueeyedgirl


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		(Apparently if he's cancelling 20 minutes before you meet up on a consistent basis, he hasn't really made you a priority. )

That's exactly how i feel,you know...i suppose i should have seen it coming,but He said and did all the right things...i just feel real let down and angry at myself.



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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 2:45:21 PM   
Rendclaw


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You shouldn;t be angry at yourself.... chalk it up to a learning experience instead.

If I am going to meet a submissive/slave who is coming in from out of town, I wouldn;t do that without a damned good reason. Then again I am not married though I do have several relationships, and I would make it known beforehand that I would be spending time with this person.

It definitely sounds like someone who is married and can't get away when he wants to... so enjoy the area, and when it is time to go back, tell him what he has missed.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 2:45:46 PM   
feline


Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline 		Dump him like a lead brick and move on! He is an *******. Real Masters don't pull shit like that.

Hang in there, take care & best of luck,





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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 2:46:17 PM   
greenie


Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline 		ever hear the saying "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"? Get to the bottom of the problem and don't allow yourself to be fooled again. This does not mean you should give up! Not if you know deep inside you that this is the life for you. How could you walk away from something that is so much apart of you? Patience is a virtue, i have to remind myself of that constantly because when i want something i want it NOW. The search for what you need could take days or even years but better for it to come later and be right then now and be wrong.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 3:18:05 PM   
Rendclaw


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You;re exactly right, greenie... I have been hurt by those who have pledged themselves to me for various reasons, and it seems to me that the negative experiences accumulate with each one, until you get to that point where you want to walk away from it and back to the vanilla... but I cannot. I simply can't. This is as much a part of me as my internal organs. Take any of them away, and I die, or at the very least I am not the same as I was beforehand.

Dramatic? maybe, but as my favorite radio host says, "it is what it is."

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 3:19:36 PM   
sirstoi


Posts: 12
Joined: 4/1/2005
Status: offline 		obviously there is something wrong here. Just because one is submissive does not mean they have to put up with being treated like dirt. I am a firm believer if someone doesn't show when a meeting is arranged either they aren't that interested in you or there is something else going on...ie they are married. I am sorry you had to endure this, but there are Doms out there who would respect you and your time..good luck.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 4:02:15 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		First off I am sure that "HE" exists for you.
He may not exist in Houston tho.
Unfortunately this person who is NOT interested in the person who YOU are.
If he was interested in YOU he would have been on time or at least had avery very good reason not to be.
Thankfully you did not travel all the way from the UK to Houston just to meet a wannabe who it sounds like is married.


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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 4:04:29 PM   
MstrHellsFury


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		all the responses so far are of sound and informative value...although I don't have as much information to give a solid assessment...I can only view this from what I know happens from seeing similar events before...constant broken engagements...a very good clue..a contact number...if you're unable to call and ask...is everything ok...will you be on time or a little late...is there anything special I should wear today...(either married or has another) in either case more than likely unaware of his activies...thus given pause to the notion...he has other commitments he can't get out of...(damn I hate cheaters)...anyway...my opinion is that ...you simply resolve to find injoyment in what time you have left before you depart...sorry if this may sound like a harsh thing to do..( I believe a lady should always remain so)...tell him it was nice but hasn't worked for you...he's not what you're looking for...(calm the hurt inside)...turn..head high and proud...just walk away...ignore the plea..the beg..the I'm sorry...(blank his voice out so you don't crumble)...then later reflect on everything and you'll know you did the right thing...(again this is just my opinion)...

Fury

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 4:40:39 PM   
MistressFire70


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Another point to consider: if he IS doing this to break you down and ensure your submission, are you comfortable being treated this way? If not, it's time to bail.

Don't stop looking; you merely have more sifting to do. *hugs*

Fire


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you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 4:55:02 PM   
ItzKat


Posts: 86
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i have been visiting Houston from the UK and have met a Dom with whom i had been corresponding on this site.


You came from the UK (spank me capital of the world) to Houston (Duh capital of Texas) to find a Dom?! Just kidding, I am from Dallas so I can pick on Houston, it is a state law that allows me to.

Seriously, you should go with your gut feeling. In your heart you know somethink is wrong and you most likely know what it is. Enjoy the rest of your time in Houston and get on back home. Then work on finding a Dom a little closer to home. One that doesn't take so much effort.

My opinions are, or course, my own.

Good luck,
Kat

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 5:33:45 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

That's exactly how i feel,you know...i suppose i should have seen it coming,but He said and did all the right things...i just feel real let down and angry at myself.


You aren't a mind reader, so all you can really do is try your best to decipher when someone really cares and when they don't.

Don't let this discourge you. Now you are a little older and a little wiser. You can grow from bad experiences just as much if not more than good ones. Keep your head up, what you want is out there somewhere.

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 6:03:50 PM   
lovingmaster5880


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/15/2004
Status: offline 		Before acting with much haste, I would say you should talk to him about it, if your too scared to or are unable to express your thoughts or have been unable to in any situation then you have more problems than this one.

And before taking on a some other people's advice I would say a much more descriptive account with all pertinate information is needed before any of us can offer correct advice, especialy the comment about just dumping him.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 7:47:05 PM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline 		You travel all the way from the UK to Houston and he cancels the meeting 20 minutes before? And this has happened more than once?

Sorry blueeyedgirl but your nic should be blindeyedgirl. There is no excuse for this behaviour. One time might be some kind of emergency with a reasonable explanation. More than once and you are being taken advantage of. Take off those blinders and show us those blue eyes.

The right dom exists for you. You will recognize him because he won't cancel a meeting with you and he would travel TO you.

Drop this "dom" and move on and best of luck.

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Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 8:08:04 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

Due to bad experiences in the past it took a great deal of courage for me to even meet Him in person once,and right now i am very close to abandoning my search for the right Dom as i very much doubt He exists.
Respectfully
blue


Hello blueeyedgirl,
So you have had past bad experiences, but yet pick up and leave to go to another Country, even though you barely know anything of this person. How long did you correspond with this person before you decided it okay to make the move to go meet him?
Not to blame you, I think this guy is married and could probably give a flying phuck the effort you made and the money you have spent. I'd fill in the blank with "Sociopathic Jerk"!

But dear, having had past experiences and having to have garnered "courage" to come to meet him. I think you really should begin to get to know someone much better before you are off to meet them, especially outside of your country. If they are being truthful and sincere there shouldn't be a problem with you knowing a good number of personal things about him, i.e. phone number(including home and cell, possibly work), address, where he works, basic morals, and should be able to try and contact him whenever... outside of work. And always make sure some friends also have this infomation.
Don't sell yourself short or put yourself in unnecessary situations and possible danger.
Just think if this guy fetish was murder?, Houston Authorities might be out right now searching for your body.

I would never leave my state with out a stronghold of information I could check on a possible person of interest, let a lone my country.

I am sorry this happened to you. Please do more research and take the time to get to know someone, before taking such a huge trusting leap.

*Brightspot


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