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Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 9:50:04 AM

MiladyElaine

Posts: 1086
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I would love to have a conversation with a slave that offers information about himself when asked without Me having to ask specific questions. I know all slaves aren't like this.
So many will say "Ask away, I'll tell you anything!" Sometimes the right questions don't get asked. Like "Are you a convicted axe murderer?!" If they WERE they wouldn't volunteer the information and it is up to Us to find out. But I am certain You know the type I mean?
Which do You prefer? I don't want one that goes on and on about himself, at least not untill he's invited but I don't want to "pull teeth" to get answers either.

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RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 9:58:20 AM

Badkitty0810

Posts: 223
Joined: 2/18/2006
From: NH
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Milady,
Personally, I hate it when someone says "Tell me about yourself". I'm never sure what they want to know and I hate to just go running off at the mouth with random facts that could be perceived as boring or inconsequential. I do much better if someone asks me specific questions and gives direction regarding what information they're looking for. You mentioned in your post that you don't want one that goes on and on about himself. I don't want to be that person.

Kitty

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Post #: 2

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 10:24:44 AM

MiladyElaine

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Joined: 10/10/2004
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I understand where you're coming from but it's those "random facts" that I AM interested in.

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RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 10:35:49 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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I prefer someone who once a question is asked is comfortable enough to talk and expand naturally upon it.

For example if I asked "What type of education do you have?" they might start with basics, high school degree, college degree but then add information about a favorite class, thoughts about getting more education, etc.

Of course they should also know how to take a question of them, answer it then ask a complimentary question in return.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 10:41:30 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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Yes, I look for people who are somewhere in the "happy medium" on this or slightly on the more talkative side. I can be quite chatty but am by nature rather quiet... Meaning, I can really get talking when a subject comes up that I have something to say on, but if it's not I tend to keep my mouth shut. I'm one of those at parties or outings who chats with a few folks but mainly keeps quiet and listens and watches.

I *hate* those who I have to try and force a conversation with... they're quite different and separate from those who just don't have much to say on a topic or are a bit reserved. If the conversation goes like this:

Me: So, what's your favorite food?
Them: Pizza.
Me: Really? What kind?
Them: Pepperoni.
Me: What do you do for a living?
Them: Work.
Me: Sooooo, what music do you enjoy?
Them: Rock.
Me: Any favorite bands or styles?
Them: Yes.

I lose interest very, very fast. I'm not up for every conversation being a one-way interrogation. If they can't expound on thier likes, dislikes, experiences, etc. or bring up topics themselves then they've lost me.

I like someone who can just hold a regular conversation... including changing the conversation to something they're more interested in or sharing their day some or any of that while having an interest in me, too.

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Post #: 5

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 10:42:25 AM

MiladyElaine

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Yes, that is preferable.

quote:

For example if I asked "What type of education do you have?" they might start with basics, high school degree, college degree but then add information about a favorite class, thoughts about getting more education, etc.

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I prefer someone who once a question is asked is comfortable enough to talk and expand naturally upon it.

For example if I asked "What type of education do you have?" they might start with basics, high school degree, college degree but then add information about a favorite class, thoughts about getting more education, etc.

Of course they should also know how to take a question of them, answer it then ask a complimentary question in return.

_____________________________

A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 6

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 11:08:26 AM

ItalianSMistress

Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
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Personally, I just tell them upfront, if I replied to your message, or you have interested Me enough that I am willing to chat with you, then you better keep Me interested, dont waste this chance. If they can not keep Me interested or engaged in conversation, do I really have any other use for them? No. Once they have interested Me long enough that I acually want to know more, I will ask, and I have a basic set of questions that I like to go thru. But it is their job, not Mine to keep the conversation afloat, I am not there to entertain them, so they better be entertaining Me, or someone else will.

_____________________________

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"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."

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Post #: 7

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 11:16:08 AM

MiladyElaine

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Joined: 10/10/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianSMistress

Personally, I just tell them upfront, if I replied to your message, or you have interested Me enough that I am willing to chat with you, then you better keep Me interested, dont waste this chance. If they can not keep Me interested or engaged in conversation, do I really have any other use for them? No. Once they have interested Me long enough that I acually want to know more, I will ask, and I have a basic set of questions that I like to go thru. But it is their job, not Mine to keep the conversation afloat, I am not there to entertain them, so they better be entertaining Me, or someone else will.

Yes I have a basic set I ask also, but have you really found one that will "keep you entertained" and the conversation going?
I haven't yet.

_____________________________

A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady

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Post #: 8

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 1:40:23 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

For example if I asked "What type of education do you have?" they might start with basics, high school degree, college degree but then add information about a favorite class, thoughts about getting more education, etc.

Of course they should also know how to take a question of them, answer it then ask a complimentary question in return.

Unfortunately, some people who could easily do that in a verbal exchange [phone or face-to-face] have a more difficult time putting it down in written form.

Being able to compose a brief [let's say 400-500 words] and informative report is a skill taught in journalism schools. Otherwise intelligent and charming folks are not at their best sitting at a keyboard.

One of my UMs, intelligent and well-spoken, was in the Navy in the 1990s. When he was at sea, our usual form of communication [especially because of time zone issues] was by e-mail. His notes were painful to read...and he is someone I love. In spite of an outstanding education, he just seems to suffer from permanent writer's block when it comes to discussing himself. When I was away in the Army, I had the same problem with his mom.

So I can easily identify with the OP's complaint. However, because of my experiences with two loved ones, I try to be as open-minded as I can be about notes I receive from others.
However, I do agree it is a great pleasure to receive a well-written one.

< Message edited by AFlyInYourWeb -- 12/15/2007 1:41:42 PM >

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RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 1:46:30 PM

mimkyodar

Posts: 72
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline

Well, i know this is "ask a mistress" but i think i could put my two cents in here.

I find i unwittingly give myself away, accidently quoting (I'm a quoty guy) things or freudian slipping all over the place.
Or just continually bantering on and on. The only time you'll get one word aswers from me, is if i'm seriously bushed.

(in reply to AFlyInYourWeb)

Post #: 10

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 1:50:32 PM

HottLicks

Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline

I can understand difficulties in communication in most forms, but in relationship to me and who I spend a lot of time with... he needs to be able to speak, write and do so at my slightest prompting. If every conversation becomes an interigation type thing, I won't have a lot to do with the person on a personal level. I might help them learn to feel more at ease in communicating, but they won't be someone I have a relationship with or will be mistress to. I enjoy the work I put into my submissives, but I don't have the time to help or train in that way every day. Besides, I do get bored easily when someone cannot put themselves into a conversation. If I am talking to myself... well hell... I have done that... I already know what I have to say or know what I could say. I want to hear another point of view or whatever.

(in reply to AFlyInYourWeb)

Post #: 11

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 2:03:43 PM

mimkyodar

Posts: 72
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline

A thought occurs. (That's something i actually say)
How can you expect to actually meet someone online, if you don't sell yourself?
I don't mean like on the slave exchange or anything, i mean in a Ta-Da!!! kind of way.

(in reply to HottLicks)

Post #: 12

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 2:08:03 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AFlyInYourWeb

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

For example if I asked "What type of education do you have?" they might start with basics, high school degree, college degree but then add information about a favorite class, thoughts about getting more education, etc.

Of course they should also know how to take a question of them, answer it then ask a complimentary question in return.

Unfortunately, some people who could easily do that in a verbal exchange [phone or face-to-face] have a more difficult time putting it down in written form.

Being able to compose a brief [let's say 400-500 words] and informative report is a skill taught in journalism schools. Otherwise intelligent and charming folks are not at their best sitting at a keyboard.

One of my UMs, intelligent and well-spoken, was in the Navy in the 1990s. When he was at sea, our usual form of communication [especially because of time zone issues] was by e-mail. His notes were painful to read...and he is someone I love. In spite of an outstanding education, he just seems to suffer from permanent writer's block when it comes to discussing himself. When I was away in the Army, I had the same problem with his mom.

So I can easily identify with the OP's complaint. However, because of my experiences with two loved ones, I try to be as open-minded as I can be about notes I receive from others.
However, I do agree it is a great pleasure to receive a well-written one.

AAHHH....

See when I see the OP say "conversation" I'm not thinking email, I'm thinking real conversation, the kind you have face-to-face or at least on the phone.

So my reply had zip to do with email or chat program and little to do with phone too -- I was thinking of directly talking to each other.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to AFlyInYourWeb)

Post #: 13

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 3:07:42 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Yes, I was thinking realtime conversation, not emails. I was out with a potential recently and he was doing a reasonably good job of talking, but when I mentioned that he could feel free to ask me anything he liked, he responded that he couldn't think of anything!

Dang, dude, ask my why the sky is blue, or what my shoe size is! Honestly, sometimes I do despair when it comes to finding compatible playmates who can keep me entertained when they are dressed, but then someone fabulously amusing comes along and makes me feel better. Maybe there are some brought-up-in-a-barn doms out there who will be thrilled with the grunting guys. Hope so!

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Post #: 14

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 4:52:08 PM

Honsoku

Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

Even with the genders reversed, this is an issue I encounter frequently. I am normally quite the introvert, so when the other person is only slightly more talkative than a mime, conversation of any sort is wholly uninteresting (I don't care that you are in an invisible box! Say something!). It is even better when they ask questions. It is especially good when they ask questions in the "getting to know each other phase" because questions indicate what is important to them and a good match needs to fit on what we both think is important.

Honsoku

(in reply to MiladyElaine)

Post #: 15

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 5:19:23 PM

LadyChef

Posts: 105
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

I personally prefer a talkative person who keeps My interest. So far, I have only chatted and talked with one person from here who I find interesting.(He also wrote the first intelligent e-mail and referenced My profile). When anyone e-mails Me, if they are intentionally retarded (I know I'm not being "politically correct" here) with grammar and spelling, I usually just delete the mail. If all "they" reference are BDSM, or sex, or what they want Me to do to them, I don't even waste My time reading it.

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RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 5:34:15 PM

deeddlit

Posts: 484
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

*raises hand for talkative*

If I have to pull conversation out of someone I become uninterested VERY fast. Naturally flowing, stimulating conversation always makes my heart go pitter pat. :) Oh yeah, lots of candles too and hot tea!!

Oooo, that sounds so nice...I think I need some candles and tea now...

Deeddlit

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Post #: 17

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 5:36:48 PM

ItalianSMistress

Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianSMistress

Personally, I just tell them upfront, if I replied to your message, or you have interested Me enough that I am willing to chat with you, then you better keep Me interested, dont waste this chance. If they can not keep Me interested or engaged in conversation, do I really have any other use for them? No. Once they have interested Me long enough that I acually want to know more, I will ask, and I have a basic set of questions that I like to go thru. But it is their job, not Mine to keep the conversation afloat, I am not there to entertain them, so they better be entertaining Me, or someone else will.

Yes I have a basic set I ask also, but have you really found one that will "keep you entertained" and the conversation going?
I haven't yet.

I have, yes, any of the slaves I deal with on an ongoing basis have been able to do this. Of course I lose many the first conversation, if they dont keep it going, I just dont talk, at times I dont even answer when they talk, if they are not saying anything interesting, sometimes they will ask if I am still here, I will tell them yes, but bored, so you better pick it up if you want Me to stay any longer. I have had many hours of online conversation with subs that have keep Me well entertained with conversation. Those are the ones I will talk to again.

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."

http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MiladyElaine)

Post #: 18

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 6:22:10 PM

Boondoggle

Posts: 123
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Yes, I was thinking realtime conversation, not emails. I was out with a potential recently and he was doing a reasonably good job of talking, but when I mentioned that he could feel free to ask me anything he liked, he responded that he couldn't think of anything!

Dang, dude, ask my why the sky is blue, or what my shoe size is! Honestly, sometimes I do despair when it comes to finding compatible playmates who can keep me entertained when they are dressed, but then someone fabulously amusing comes along and makes me feel better. Maybe there are some brought-up-in-a-barn doms out there who will be thrilled with the grunting guys. Hope so!

Personally, I'm not someone who works terribly well under pressure. I think I'm generally a good conversationalist, but I don't always have a burning question in the back of my mind waiting to get out. I also know that when I'm meeting someone for the first time, I tend to be a bit guarded with what I say so as to remain socially acceptable for a first meeting and not seem to casual. Granted I wasn't there, but it sounds a little bit like you put him on the spot. That doesn't work for everybody, especially introverts.

Now I could also be completely wrong and you just casually mentioned that he should feel free to ask you anything as part of the natural flow of conversation and suddenly he could no longer converse.

Back on topic:
I think chatting online is a slow and painful way to converse. Words take much longer to type than to say. I think that's a big part of why I don't like writing in general, though I do end up doing a fair bit of it in communicating with other people. I would much rather talk on the phone or in person. Telepathy would be the best, but I think that might be an unreasonable expectation.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 19

RE: Talkative vs. Quiet - 12/15/2007 7:06:37 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

My point with his "Can't think of anything" was that it showed pretty much a total lack of interest in ME. Which is never smart. :)

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