RE: can you trust him/her again? (Full Version)

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SweetSarijane -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/16/2007 5:08:59 PM)

For me, I doubt I'd trust them again after that. I trusted my ex and he kept on cheating, trusted 2 ex bfs and they continued to cheat, though I ended those two relationships much quicker than the marriage. Strike 3 and not interested in going through it again.



erebus -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/16/2007 5:10:22 PM)

Nah, you can't forget.  Obviously, once someone does this, they are likely to repeat that action. 

As far as not being able to get over an obsession with a past experience, that's more difficult.  I'd suggest being open to new partners to see if you can have a similar experience.



DesFIP -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/16/2007 5:19:19 PM)

Trust can be earned back but it is a long, slow process. He has to be able to know why he did this, be willing to change the parameters that led to this, be willing to be cross examined for months if not years. Does he want the relationship enough to do all this?



Dolce -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/16/2007 6:35:57 PM)

Once a cheater, always a cheater. My last dom was one of those bastards, and he knows that if he gets within swinging range of me, his nose won't necessarily sit in the same place God put it :-p

Hell hath no fury like a sub scorned...especially when she sleeps with a baseball bat next to her bed. [:D]



exquisitefeline1 -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/16/2007 6:52:44 PM)

i will go with the negative also.

If he is Dom, then he should be in control of himself and desires not to cheat, if he cant Master himself and his own desires then he should not be a Master. Simple, a Master like that deserves no respect, another important ingredient.
If he is sub, then he has not served you.

Another thing, how did he let it get as far as cheating?
Nipping the energy exchange in the bud is easy, for someone who is not stoopid.
Cheating is not respecting your partner, but also oneself.

A relationship is like a diamond, through neglect it can be tarnished, but with a bit of work it can be polished like new again, but once it is broken, its broken, and will never be the same.



ligar59 -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/25/2007 2:21:13 PM)

End the relationship and move on



Rushemery -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/25/2007 2:46:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yuyu777

If you were cheated on then got back together, can you trust him/her again?
when he/she is nowhere to find and you are obsessed with the "past experience", how do you deal with it? 




Depends if they want to spend the rest of their lives in the basement if they are sure I would give them another chance if not.... no way

cheating says they love themselves more than you or they are trying to hurt you emotionally some people need to make you feel like dirt to feel good themselves and cheating is a good way to do that



PanthersMom -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/25/2007 10:42:34 PM)

once a cheat, always a cheat.  learned that the hard way.  won't accept that kind of behavior ever again.  once the trust is broken, it can never be repaired in my book.

PM



sunshinemiss -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/26/2007 5:19:57 AM)

Yuyu - is this the same guy you're having the language issues with?  If it is, well, I wonder if he is blaming you for something that is his stuff nd calling it your lack of English.

Just a thought.
peace.

edited to add - I just looked at your other thread - you wrote it ONE DAY after you wrote this one.  In it you said:
In general the relationship with my Dom is good... we care for each other and love spending time together...

I think you need to look at what a "generally good" relationship is with a Dom.  He's cheating on you and then you are saying that the problem is with YOUR ENGLISH ABILITY?  A man who cares for a woman and loves spending time with her doesn't cheat.  You are really being taken for a fool if all that you have said on the two threads is true.

Good luck.



KnOcala -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/26/2007 5:49:54 AM)

no, too much has been sacrificed.  A person can change there behavior but once he/she has cheated a line has been crossed that can never be totally erased.



MissSCD -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/26/2007 5:53:31 AM)

My ex husband cheated on me.  The answer to this question for me is no.  Besides, I would have to wonder what type of person they were and get checked to make sure I had no STDs.
For a sub/slave to do this, it would be immediate release. 
 
Regards, MissSCD



Evility -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/26/2007 4:08:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yuyu777
If you were cheated on then got back together, can you trust him/her again?
when he/she is nowhere to find and you are obsessed with the "past experience", how do you deal with it?


In the case you just described, you move on. If you are truly obsessed with the past transgressions against you, there is no going back. Furthermore, If I met someone who had been cheated on in a prior relationship and was still obsessed with it  I would not become involved with them. I have done that before and it is a losing propostion to involve yourself with people who carry baggage from previous relationships. I won't do it.

Would I get back together with someone who had cheated on me? I can't answer that - it's just too broad of a question. I have been in relationships that were enjoyable but did not have enough going for them to offset something like this. Yeah, I know cheating is bad, mmkay? But people make mistakes and people have been known to learn and change from those mistakes so I would have to take all of that into account.






BikerDomRealTime -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/26/2007 6:02:42 PM)

yuyu777,

That would depend on the reason that she cheated on Me.   Was it because there was a problem in our relationship that was not talked about or I did not listen to?  Was it because some need she had was not being met?  Was it because she just wanted to try someone different?  I think the main reason people cheat is because they are not getting what they need in the current relationship. 

I like to think that I would give her another chance depending on what the reason was.  If we did get back together it would take time for complete trust to come back.  I like to think that I could forgive, but I doubt that I would ever forget.



undinerising -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/26/2007 6:10:26 PM)

Depends. Sometimes, when people cheat, it's because they're unprincipled. Sometimes it means they're just not committed to your relationship. Sometimes, it means something is wrong either in the relationship or in their lives, which they're not articulating or addressing. Cheating happens for all sorts of reasons. Some can be worked through; others, not so much.

It's understandable to be wary, having been burned- but personally I'm a big fan of persistent honesty and compassion.



Sirek -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/28/2007 10:36:05 AM)

There are some things I will forgive, but cheating is not one of them.
Maybe if it was confessed, immediately, and was 'grey area' cheating, such as kissing or making out, I would consider a second chance; if there is any shadow of a doubt that they would have concealed it so you never knew, unless they feared you were about to find out yourself, then they are untrustworthy and can have their second chance with someone else.



taintedgypsy -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/29/2007 6:58:58 AM)

Cheating is just one way to destroy trust, and once trust is trashed there is usually no way to fix it. Great intentions, autopsies of why, how and when and all the strategies to avoid future recurrances still do not erase memory of the event and negative thoughts just keep coloring the present with the past.

There are exceptions to every rule yet I have found that Trust is the whole humpty Dumpty thing ... all the kings horses and all the kings men just could not put it back together again ... cut your losses and start afresh, time heals and life goes on.

just my 2 cents worth



sunshinemiss -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/29/2007 7:12:33 AM)

I'm still thinking - he cheated on you, and then tells you the problem in your relationship is your English ability.  And now you believe that your relationship is "generally good".

shaking my head in wonder.

peace



came4U -> RE: can you trust him/her again? (12/29/2007 12:11:08 PM)

quote:

If you were cheated on then got back together, can you trust him/her again? 


NO, its over, done.

quote:


when he/she is nowhere to find and you are obsessed with the "past experience", how do you deal with it? 


I wouldn't allow it to get to this point, he would be no where to be found alright, and that is a good thing.




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