Other states

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takenbyjohnr07 -> Other states (12/16/2007 10:32:26 AM)
i have noticed that most people who have D/s relationships that start on line are involved with people who live in other states. Why is it so hard to find one in your own city? i found this to be the rule. Everyone who lived close to me was not for me. My Owner lived about 200 miles from me. Which is relatively close compared to some that are out there. i wonder why that is. Does anyone else find this to be true for them?

rubberpet -> RE: Other states (12/16/2007 11:16:57 AM)
It is certainly true in my case. I'm not a typical sub...I'm more service oriented. I'm not a masochist, I don't like to be beaten or CBT, and I'm not willing to open my wallet for anyone as a sign of "submission". Plus, my extreme fetish for rubber is an aquired taste, so few dommes actually enjoy it or have experience with it, especially down here in south Louisiana. That is why I had to dramatically expand my search range. I'm so glad I did...I found the most wonderful domme a subby could ever hope to find. Now we just have to make it through the distance thing until She can move down here. Thankfully, She is willing to work for this just as hard as I am[:)]

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Other states (12/16/2007 11:21:22 AM)
When you finally do move in with each other and set up house. there is no greater feeling in this world. i use to hate cooking and cleaning, etc. Now i love it.

AquaticSub -> RE: Other states (12/16/2007 11:36:48 AM)
Probably the same reasons vanilla folk date people in other states through an online service.

zhouwuatsien -> RE: Other states (12/16/2007 11:49:49 AM)
I think people just feel safer when the other person is far away, when you live close there's an initial fear and even pressure of meeting eachother because you're so close.

wisteriaV -> RE: Other states (12/16/2007 12:05:50 PM)
Yes, Master is from California, he came to Northern New York to be with me after about 6 months of us living coast to coast. Its been worth it![:D]

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Other states (12/16/2007 1:09:42 PM)
local dominants weren't interested in a submissive like me, wanted play partners, were married/committed to someone else, or were looking for submissives who don't come with attachments (UMs) - take your pick.

Decimus -> RE: Other states (12/16/2007 1:23:10 PM)
You find people that connect with you from wherever they happen to be. Its not a trend or a fact its simply where you meet them. The reason the "facts" may be skewed from online is for the simple fact that online you find a larger group of people who are interested in the same activities as you. As they say, you have a much larger pond to find the right fish as opposed to your local area or city.

lronitulstahp -> RE: Other states (12/16/2007 1:53:22 PM)
Perhaps, because living in the times in which we live, a small thing like geography shouldn't be a barrier when attempting to find what You truly seek. Think of it this way, if you had a substantial inheritance check some several hundred miles away, and you had to physically claim it...would you declare the distance was too much??? If something as fleeting as money can provoke one to travel...how much more so for true intimacy and perhaps love? (gosh, i'm a sap[:@])

RumpusParable -> RE: Other states (12/16/2007 2:08:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07 i have noticed that most people who have D/s relationships that start on line are involved with people who live in other states. Well, in addition to what others have said, often when people start out online it's because they don't know of or don't have a local scene so hunting partners online follows naturally... and being that a match can then be anywhere on the planet...

beeble -> RE: Other states (12/16/2007 3:54:52 PM)
quote: Ironitulstahp wrote if you had a substantial inheritance check some several hundred miles away, and you had to physically claim it...would you declare the distance was too much? Depends. Is the cheque in Nigeria, the Ivory Coast or some similar location? ;-)

forg0ttenclone -> RE: Other states (12/16/2007 4:16:06 PM)
I wasn't so much looking for a Dominant at the time i met my Goddess. However; much the same as you mentioned, she is not located in the same city. She's roughly a two hour drive away (at speed limit). So it's not as bad as two or three states away. I'm close enough that if She needs me there right after work, i can be there in no time I can then drive back in the morning for work. I was never able to find a Dominant locally (thank god). I now belong to an amazing Goddess for whom words of praise are not enough. I cannot express how truly grateful and lucky i am to have met Her. [:D]

DesFIP -> RE: Other states (12/16/2007 6:00:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Probably the same reasons vanilla folk date people in other states through an online service. What she said. And you're far off here. Same state, adjoining regions. Of course anywhere in the NYC region, distance isn't the question, drive time is.

goodgirl08 -> RE: Other states (12/16/2007 6:34:41 PM)
I guess the scene is not exactly huge in my state. I've seen other collared female subs on here, close to my age, who name their Doms in their profiles. I look them up and their Doms are halfway across the country. I guess I got lucky with Boston! But, there is a fairly active (non-online) scene in my part of the state that I would have gone on to check out if I had not met Master first. I was just too nervous initially to go to such an event by myself, especially because I am young and the type of person people love to prey on, lol.

Imajican -> RE: Other states (12/17/2007 6:46:36 AM)
I've yet to be with anyone local or even within 200 miles. My not-entirely-BDSM-oriented husband moved from CA to NE, my female sub moved from OR to NE, and if I'm so fortunate as to have it all work out, my boy will move from the UK to at least the US, if not NE also. That one is by far the trickiest since he's in a whole other country. There are some locals who've shown interest but far more often they're looking to cat around on their vanilla spouse which isn't something I'm generally too hep on. That and there's the fact that I live in a pretty conservative state so those who are into BDSM tend to be Doms with femsubs or at least monogamists of which I'm neither. Of course we don't plan to live here forever, but it's where we are for the time being.

KatyLied -> RE: Other states (12/17/2007 7:26:17 AM)
I've always believed that is in inverse relationship between attraction and distance. I don't know why this is. Certainly there are local, attractive, attainable, compatible people, but I don't know where they are hiding. I also think that sometimes people just talk and click and then they realize, well there is pesky issue of geography. And what do you do at that point when you think there may be something worth investigating?

toservez -> RE: Other states (12/17/2007 9:55:16 AM)
I searched out of state because I was looking for a 24/7 severe power exchange relationship. This is difficult to find let alone when also matching up all the other huge amount of things that makes two people compatible. For me personally it was about expanding my choices to give me the best chance at success. If I was looking for less severe or just play type things I would not have been so open to expanding my search to far and wide but like you wrote your local area was not much of a selection for your needs.

Imajican -> RE: Other states (12/17/2007 10:35:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied I also think that sometimes people just talk and click and then they realize, well there is pesky issue of geography. And what do you do at that point when you think there may be something worth investigating? I think as long as prople are honest leading up to meeting then things will hopefully go well. When you reach the point where you think it's worth investigating is when decisions have to be made about who is going where and all those technicalities. I guess part of what it is with me is that I find things when I'm not really looking so the fact that X lives 1500 miles away (or 4000) doesn't really matter at the time. Once you get so far in and things are going splendidly it's hard not to want to meet since it starts to hurt that people aren't together even when they've never actually been together. It's somewhat odd to try to explain to somebody how you can feel a void in your daily life when the person that fills that void has never, in fact, filled it. I've felt that with the boy several times as he has with me. Overall I think as long as people are honest and want the same things, it can work out. Some people just have to work a lot harder to get there.

Ryugen -> RE: Other states (12/17/2007 12:23:59 PM)
I'm traveling across the Pacific Ocean to collar someone. It's funny really, this whole getting together across long distance is so unlikely to happen if it wasn't for the internet. Perhaps many years ago, before the internet and well established international travel, people made more compromises? That also makes me wonder if people did not look as deep into others to try and find 'the one' back then. Distance is no longer such a great barrier, and I think it's awesome that people from different cultures and upbringings can find love in each others hearts.

Peridot -> RE: Other states (12/17/2007 12:44:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ryugen Distance is no longer such a great barrier, and I think it's awesome that people from different cultures and upbringings can find love in each others hearts. Said beautifully! I see it as freedom to find a best match. With travel and communication today, why limit happiness? I don't see it as negative. It's opportunity! Please do think positively.

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