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RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/19/2005 8:15:23 AM

Veav

Posts: 150
Joined: 8/1/2005
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quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
I look forward to your post next week asking how to deal with sub drop :)

Explain please... Theres so much terminology that only makes us new ones even more confused...

I think, and bear in mind I don't really know what I'm talking about... the endorphin rush mentioned by krazy isn't exclusive to painsluts, it's experienced by everyone at the end of a scene (more bottoms than tops, for obvious reasons). It ties into the term "after care", having the top there to ease you down gently and help bring you back down to earth. "Sub drop" sounds like what would happen if they just popped the cuffs, packed their toybag and walked away, leaving you to deal with it on your own. Considering how draining an experience this is, I know I wouldn't want that to happen...

*now, googles* First impressions, not so bad. According to the first few hits, "sub drop" is like that, but refers more to the d/s relationship and the feeling of loss experienced after a sub pours all their energy into the top, only to have the top take it with them when they go. So, in other words, it looks like it's just normal post-relationship shellshock/PTSD. Except, y'know, because we're all kinky, we have a kinky name for it. }:D

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Post #: 21

RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/19/2005 8:33:34 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissTy

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I look forward to your post next week asking how to deal with sub drop :)

Explain please... Theres so much terminology that only makes us new ones even more confused...
Plus, in general your posts are very objective and down-to-earth which I appreciate, but here I thought you're really negative... Burned too many times??

Well, subdrop is a valid consideration. Of course, since it often comes after a GREAT scene, I didn't read this as unequivocally negative.

The best antidote for subdrop is to realize that it does happen and it's a physical thing. Being prepared for it is the best way to deal with it. The worst is to look through one's soul for the things that "went wrong to cause this horrible feeling." [sad smile] Look hard enough and you'll find them whether or not they are there.

Thanks John, that's pretty much what I was going for.

It's a normal pattern of newbies posting, first nervous about meeting their first dom, then nervous about playing the first time and then it's "OMG it was amazing but now I feel like I'm gonna die of loneliness!"

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Post #: 22

RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/19/2005 8:43:32 AM

night101owl

Posts: 83
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline

I totally feel like high school, when I'm dealing with play dates. It's fun to indulge in the the nervousness, the crush, the excitement, etc. I just try to keep my reasonable expectations, adult mind frame around the outside of it.

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Post #: 23

RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/19/2005 8:48:29 AM

krazysubbiekat

Posts: 145
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Veav

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
I look forward to your post next week asking how to deal with sub drop :)

Explain please... Theres so much terminology that only makes us new ones even more confused...

I think, and bear in mind I don't really know what I'm talking about... the endorphin rush mentioned by krazy isn't exclusive to painsluts, it's experienced by everyone at the end of a scene (more bottoms than tops, for obvious reasons). It ties into the term "after care", having the top there to ease you down gently and help bring you back down to earth. "Sub drop" sounds like what would happen if they just popped the cuffs, packed their toybag and walked away, leaving you to deal with it on your own. Considering how draining an experience this is, I know I wouldn't want that to happen...

*now, googles* First impressions, not so bad. According to the first few hits, "sub drop" is like that, but refers more to the d/s relationship and the feeling of loss experienced after a sub pours all their energy into the top, only to have the top take it with them when they go. So, in other words, it looks like it's just normal post-relationship shellshock/PTSD. Except, y'know, because we're all kinky, we have a kinky name for it. }:D

i appologize if because of sharing from my personal point of reference, i inferred in any way that this experience is exclusive to a painslut. Just another example of IMHO.

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Post #: 24

RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/19/2005 9:29:21 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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Please....no more talk about Dom's being nervous!

Seriously though, I think it's natural to feel nervous, just tell him how you feel and ask him to help make you feel comfortable. That would be my expectation.

(in reply to krazysubbiekat)

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Post #: 25

RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance-UPDATE - 8/21/2005 8:39:01 AM

shamelesss

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

And a fun time was had by all...or at least by my Dom and I, and that's what counts, right? I suppose I shouldn't claim him as my own, but at least for last night he was, so I'll refer to him that way.
Last night was the dreaded first playdate/playparty. My first playdate with my Dom, and my first playparty with an 'organization' rather than a group of friends. Needless to say from my post here, I was a nervous wreck.
The first part of the evening was a picnic to celebrate the groups aniversary. My Dom made every effort to make sure I was comfortable and relaxed, introduced me to people, and guide me along. After a couple of hours of socializing and a minor business meeting, the playing commenced. I won't go into detailes, but approx. four hours later I had welts on my bum, and my nipples will never be the same again.

Highlights of my night....
Kneeling at my Dom's feet. Being told I was a good girl. Having my Dom receive compliments on me. Exploring my own pain limits and going beyond what I previously thought I could.

I felt safe and valued and everything was fabulous.
The people at the club were warm and friendly.
Japanese rope bondage ROCKS!

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Post #: 26

RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance-UPDATE - 8/21/2005 9:50:17 AM

krazysubbiekat

Posts: 145
Joined: 7/31/2005
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I am so happy for you! You will never forget your first party hun. I am so glad that it was a great experience. The Dom in question (notice I didn't say yours *s*) sounds like a very experienced, caring, talented man. Lucky lucky girl!

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"Treat every day like it is a gift. Unwrap it and then wrap your arms around it; it will surprise and intrigue you." --N. Elchibini

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Post #: 27

RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance-UPDATE - 8/22/2005 7:09:22 PM

shamelesss

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: krazysubbiekat

I am so happy for you! You will never forget your first party hun. I am so glad that it was a great experience. The Dom in question (notice I didn't say yours *s*) sounds like a very experienced, caring, talented man. Lucky lucky girl!

Yes, the Dom in question was very caring and talented. Our post scene interaction the next day going over how things went was very helpful. He did make a lot of effort to provide aftercare at the party post every scene we did. We will most likely play again, in public and private. No sub-drop, no overwhelming loneliness, but also no expectations on either of our parts that this is suddenly a magical and forever relationship.
Despite my "highschool" episode, I really am fairly level headed, and I know how to deal with NRE (New Relationship Energy).
Thanks to all for their responses, even the hard ones I didn't want to hear.
J

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Post #: 28

RE: nervous sub seeks reassurance - 8/22/2005 7:16:12 PM

shamelesss

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Joined: 8/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Veav

Getting a good night's sleep helps with that sort of thing. On the other hand, you mentioned fasting? Erm... I'd discourage that. I'm sure someone with more experience can speak with authority, but do you really want low blood sugar, etc. when playing around?

You are absolutely right! I wouldn't want t o mess with my bloodsugar that way. I planned my fast to end the night before I played. I ate small, frequent, bland, easily digested meals for the next 12 hours. I ate lightly approx. 1 hour before play, wouldn't want to faint or toss my cookies (not to mention that eating while wearing a corset is an adventure in itself).
Thank you for your concern!
J
-when I told the Dom I played with about the fasting, He said expressed the same concerns...and I gave the same response;)

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Post #: 29