RE: No Shows (Full Version)

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SherriA -> RE: No Shows (3/13/2004 6:53:22 PM)

Arghh!!!!! I wrote this once already, and collarme decided to eat it for dessert. My apologies in advance if I forget to say things, thinking that you've already heard from me about it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieboop
From what I see, it seems that you say you're a sub, but your actions don't say that. At least not to me.


This comment has me curious. These types of comments always make me a little curious. Just what type of behaviour/actions do folks expect from someone, just because s/he identifies as a submissive personality?

In my reality, people decide to submit to specific individuals, not the general public, and they generally negotiate those expectations at least to a degree. Why would there be any expectation for someone to submit (or act in a specific way) with people they have no relationship with? Unless that's a specified aspect of your relationship, people are just people, at least from where I sit. An individual's chosen role is irrelevant, unless I decide it's someone I might enjoy playing with. I wouldn't expect everyone who claims to be submissive to kowtow any more than I'd tolerate someone who says they're dominant to dominate everyone around them willy-nilly.

I have to say that personally I'd find nothing at all attractive about someone who was willing to subjugate his/her will to anyone who crossed his/her path. Where's the "specialness" in that, for me? I want to surround myself with people who are interested in ME, not just any old warm body. Maybe I'm selfish that way.

So, if you haven't negotiated a power imbalance with someone, just what do you expect from them, based solely on their chosen role? This always makes me wonder...any enlightenment is appreciated. :)

-- Sherri



iwillserveu -> RE: No Shows (3/14/2004 2:03:02 AM)

I could say I'm tired of explaining you are not my Mistress. (Hey Sweetieboop, you don't have Dominant tendencies and are coming on to me, right?[;)][8D] {I can tell. She wants me![:D]})

The truth, however, is I missed that. (Gee a golden opportunity for a joke and I missed it. I must be slipping.)

Thanks for the real answer SherriA.



Silkyloverdomme -> RE: No Shows (3/15/2004 10:58:52 AM)

Sylverdawn...well put. I have had many "no shows" I call it the game of tricking the domme. My mother reminded me for every one sale a good salesman has 99 bad calls. I try to keep that in mind and just say....Next!!! There are good subs you just have to pick through the rejects.[:D]
MsTrish



lonewolf05 -> RE: No Shows (7/13/2005 2:43:45 AM)

there already IS a hall of shame. many dominants have a blacklist for these things. i know. my 1st Ms had one on the net.

the wolf



sweetieboop -> RE: No Shows (7/13/2005 8:05:29 AM)

This is so long ago, i don't know why i'm getting notified about it now, but i never saw this before. So forgive please for not responding SherriA. i wasn't trying to say that because a person is submissive, they are required to act a certain way to people. i was taught that you show respect to everyone until they give you a reason not to. i was also taught that a sub/slave is a reflection of their Dom/Master. Therefore, a sub/slave should always want to be on their best behavior to make their Dom/Master proud of them. Again, i'm not saying that this is the way it is, i'm saying that this is what i was taught and believe in. With that being said, at that time iwillserveu had a lot of posts going on in different places that (to me) were very disrespectful with no reason for it. i couldn't understand the concept of a sub/slave behaving that way, so i questioned it. As a matter of fact, i became friends with him for a while. [;)]



lonewolf05 -> RE: No Shows (7/13/2005 1:33:51 PM)

sweetieboop;

i have no idea whom this other person is, but if ya check around, you WILL find many of MY posts that a lot of folks hate just because i am vanilla and speak my mind. i don't know subbie talk from girl talk so i just call em as "I" see em. and i step on a lot of toes doing it. not my fault if i dont know i am doing it.
yeah, i heard tell a lot of hen gossip about talking nicey nice to dominants. but "I" pick n choose who i wanna be nice to. no names here but i can give ya 3 right now i wouldnt give ya time of day for. but i know 6 i am crazy about coz they are always nice to ME.

but hey. it's the wild way of The Wolf on the prowl.
take care out there.



sweetieboop -> RE: No Shows (7/13/2005 3:40:05 PM)

quote:

i don't know subbie talk from girl talk so i just call em as "I" see em. and i step on a lot of toes doing it. not my fault if i dont know i am doing it.


i'm not putting fault on anyone. If you'll notice i wrote that i'm not trying to dictate how the lifestyle "should" be. i'm explaining the way i was taught because it shows how my thinking works. i realize that everyone has different views and definitions and i was saying that the way i was taught, it didn't seem like that person was a sub. So i questioned it because i am a very curious person and like to learn. :)



fastlane -> RE: No Shows (7/13/2005 4:19:28 PM)

No shows are a dom a dozen, but when the one good one shows up, it makes the wait...priceless...and pantsless.



HalloweenWhite -> RE: No Shows (7/19/2005 6:30:30 AM)





plantlady64 -> RE: No Shows (7/19/2005 7:30:43 AM)

Hello There,
My Master and I have potential suitors meet us in open play dungeon situations.
If he's meeting a sub or I'm meeting a Dom this is a firm rule.

Not only does it protect us from fake people, it also gives us more freedom to feel comfortable in such intense play. There are many things like bondage for example you'd be free to do in a public dungeon that would be foolish to try in private with someone you just met. It also affords us the opportunity to play with each other or our other club friends if our date is a no show.

I know a lot of people prefer private situations, but I think for the first meeting at least, to have a drink at the local dungeon is sound advice for a blind date.

Sincerely,
sub suzanne



plantlady64 -> RE: No Shows (7/19/2005 7:53:40 AM)

quote:

In my reality, people decide to submit to specific individuals, not the general public, and they generally negotiate those expectations at least to a degree. Why would there be any expectation for someone to submit (or act in a specific way) with people they have no relationship with? Unless that's a specified aspect of your relationship, people are just people, at least from where I sit. An individual's chosen role is irrelevant, unless I decide it's someone I might enjoy playing with. I wouldn't expect everyone who claims to be submissive to kowtow any more than I'd tolerate someone who says they're dominant to dominate everyone around them willy-nilly.

I have to say that personally I'd find nothing at all attractive about someone who was willing to subjugate his/her will to anyone who crossed his/her path. Where's the "specialness" in that, for me? I want to surround myself with people who are interested in ME, not just any old warm body. Maybe I'm selfish that way.


Hello All,
Sorry to get off track, but this is something I've felt strongly about and have taken a lot of flack over......

Finally I see someone agrees with me. I've been having difficulty with the theory that a sub has to be a doormat to anyone who claims to be a Dom too. The way I've decided it is for me is like I'm a trained tiger. I'm very devoted to my Master and want to please him more than anything in the world. I'll jump through hoops of fire or roll over and expose my soft belly for him any time he wishes. Let some other Dom I don't respect try and control me or act like he deserves to be obeyed and I'll growl and let him know I am fully in control of my own will and don't feel I owe him any special favors.
My Master loves the fact I'm alpha oriented, but go completely omega for him and those I choose to submit to. This way I'm an asset to his Family, and not a burden he has to carry. We carry our lives on the path he chooses for us to walk together as it should be.
I am respectful of all until they step out of bounds, and then watch out, you'll see this sub expects to be treated fairly and has the spirit needed to get the job done, and what I deserve.
Choosing to be a sub or slave does not mean you're livestock and have to follow the herd. It means you've offered your will as a precious gift to those you choose to submit it to.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne




EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: No Shows (7/19/2005 8:04:05 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64
Choosing to be a sub or slave does not mean you're livestock and have to follow the herd.

Unless your owner tells you to. :)

quote:

It means you've offered your will as a precious gift to those you choose to submit it to.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

Just FYI, a lot of people don't consider it a gift.



sudja -> RE: No Shows (7/19/2005 8:08:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressIvory

No shows is definitely a problem which is one reason it's hard for me to take submissives that contact me online seriously. I have wasted months talking to some and when it gets to be time that I say it's time to meet they disappear. I know there are some Dominants that do the same thing and I agree, it gives online a poor name.

I don't know if making a hall of shame would be a good idea though due to the fact that there are some "real" online subs that have not worked out with one or two Dominants but then when they found the right match things went well.


And, as you note, there are bad apples on both sides of the continuum.

Not to mention quite a few no shows offline as well - "I'll call" and they don't, etc.

Online does make it easier to attempt to pretend that you're not dealing with real people and disclaim responsiblity for deeds, but it has its pros as well.

How is "I'm going to the corner to get cigarettes" and they never return any different from "I'm going on vacation for a week, I'll chat with you when I get back."

It's not.

sudja




plantlady64 -> RE: No Shows (7/19/2005 8:14:33 AM)

quote:

quote:

It means you've offered your will as a precious gift to those you choose to submit it to.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

Just FYI, a lot of people don't consider it a gift.


Hi Emerald,
Those are exactly the types I avoid. If my sumbission is not treated as a gift I give each time I sub for someone, or the gift I gave my Master when I requested to be owned as his slave, I would not have extended it.
To me it's a tremendous gift I give to those I choose or My Master chooses to give it to.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: No Shows (7/19/2005 8:17:46 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64

Hi Emerald,
Those are exactly the types I avoid. If my sumbission is not treated as a gift I give each time I sub for someone, or the gift I gave my Master when I requested to be owned as his slave, I would not have extended it.
To me it's a tremendous gift I give to those I choose or My Master chooses to give it to.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

I didn't say dominants, I said people.

I am one of the people who do not consider my being a slave to be a gift.

Choosing to be grateful for someone/something, choosing to appreciate it and enjoy it is hardly the same thing as thinking of it as a gift.



plantlady64 -> RE: No Shows (7/19/2005 8:25:24 AM)

quote:

Choosing to be grateful for someone/something, choosing to appreciate it and enjoy it is hardly the same thing as thinking of it as a gift.

Hello Again Emerald,
What would you consider your submission to someone as if not a gift of your will to them then? Just something you do for kicks? If you don't give it to them how can they appreciate or enjoy it if it still belongs to you and has not been given to them?
sub suzanne



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: No Shows (7/19/2005 8:28:01 AM)

Gift or Not



QuietMaster4u -> RE: No Shows (7/19/2005 5:20:25 PM)

I'm upfront with everyone I talk to on here and who contact me on yahoo.

I'm a slave owner.. I try to deal strictly with seriously interested persons. But the internet, gives people a false sense of security. In that they can be whoever they want, and not have to answer for any mistakes they make online.

We've all heard about the overweight guy pretending to be a young firm body teenage girl... That should sum it up right there



HalloweenWhite -> RE: No Shows (7/21/2005 6:38:47 PM)

People just lose interest or dont really feel as seriously about it as others do so they let people down.


HalloweenWhite.



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