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No Shows - 2/16/2004 8:08:02 PM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Im curious.. why waste our time.. what sort of joy/pleasure/enticement do you get from No shows.. and I mean that both in a literal and an online sense. You emai... oh yes oh yes oh YES.. when given the opportunity .. the emails stop, you fail to call, you miss a meeting.. This sort of behaviour is what gives online a poor name among people who are active and serious offline. This sort of behavior is what gives fodder to people who say online is for weekend warrior and gamers. So I ask with the utmost respect Do we need to create a hall of shame to weed out those people so that this sort of behavior stops and New Dominants are forwarned and therefore Forarmed?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: No Shows - 2/16/2004 10:14:22 PM   
MistressIvory


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		No shows is definitely a problem which is one reason it's hard for me to take submissives that contact me online seriously. I have wasted months talking to some and when it gets to be time that I say it's time to meet they disappear. I know there are some Dominants that do the same thing and I agree, it gives online a poor name.

I don't know if making a hall of shame would be a good idea though due to the fact that there are some "real" online subs that have not worked out with one or two Dominants but then when they found the right match things went well.

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: No Shows - 2/17/2004 6:27:30 PM   
dizzylizzy


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		I think that a lot of people aren't really sure that they want to meet face-to-face and for some reason, have trouble stating that. There are some righteous cowards out there who just never seem to be able to say "Look, I am not sure what I am doing so let's give it a few more weeks/months/years until we meet." They know people will likely tire of the online and phone stuff and move on to something or someone more promising. So they just don't show - and then they are deservedly embarrassed and so they cut off all contact.

But just like vanilla dating, this is a numbers game. The more people you plan meetings with, the more times you will get stood up but the more times you will meet someone fabulous. It is soooo hard to keep expectations low but I think you have to in order for online to work at all. Lets face it, you can find someone with a great email and phone persona and meet them and it just fizzles. But you can also meet someone with whom you will have a great time. So I just try to remember that to keep perspective.

(in reply to MistressIvory)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: No Shows - 2/19/2004 5:48:00 PM   
ShadowHwk


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline 		There is also another reason a no-show happens. Quite simply if someone has lied about themselves, their relationship status (married, divorced, single, etc), their qualifications (Master with XX years experience, slave with only one owner), or even their physical traits (height, weight, hair color, number of teeth - [remember I live in Alabama]), then when it comes to time to meet, they realize that the lies they have told, and the subsequent lies to cover the first lies will all be found out. As posted elsewhere on this board, a bit of time with a webcam can clear up a LOT of nonsense before it gets too far.

Peace and Light
Terry
AKA ShadowHwk

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: No Shows - 2/28/2004 6:48:08 PM   
sweetieboop


Posts: 84
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I know there are some Dominants that do the same thing and I agree, it gives online a poor name.

I have thought about this topic and wondered why myself. I was brought into the lifestyle by a Dom who saw my ad on a regular dating site and wrote to me saying that I screamed of being a submissive. He told me about it, gave me sites to read, asked me to do certain things, talked to me on the phone and computer, but when I wanted to meet him, he disappeared and left me in limbo. I felt horrible. Here I was finding out who I really was, starting to learn about it and then out of nowhere, with no explanation and no reason (that I could see), I was just abandoned. I would think that a person could at least give a reason for it, especially when he came looking for me.

(in reply to ShadowHwk)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: No Shows - 2/28/2004 7:43:20 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I hate to point out the obvious. I'm sorry this may seem rude. Since it is on the "Ask a Submissive/Slave" board perhaps you want honesty. (If I was hitting on you I'd know better than to be honest with you.)

You wasted your time on the wrong submissive. While you chatted up a moron who wasted your time ten guys who would beg for that were ignored. Don't you think there might, might, might be the teeniest chance that one might have been worthwhile?

The problem does not lie with the submissives or the Internet (or alleged subs) but with your selection process that promotes the fakes over the real.

(Before blame goes to the anonymity of the Internet, newspaper personals were pretty anonymous too and lying on the telephone is not unheard of.)

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: No Shows - 2/28/2004 9:27:30 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Actually, my answer is it is a waste of time to do a *wall of shame*.. It's not like they won't just have a new name the next day/time. Granted, if they are on a cable modem or DSL, you can post their ISP, but since I have also seen a lot of people tear other's up to cover up their own insincerity, so I personally would tend to discount most lists of that nature anyway.

Sandy

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: No Shows - 2/29/2004 11:41:43 AM   
sweetieboop


Posts: 84
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

(If I was hitting on you I'd know better than to be honest with you. )

You wasted your time on the wrong submissive. While you chatted up a moron who wasted your time ten guys who would beg for that were ignored. Don't you think there might, might, might be the teeniest chance that one might have been worthwhile?


Forgive me if I sound a little thick, but I don't understand who you wrote this to or what you mean by it.

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: No Shows - 2/29/2004 11:47:11 AM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Trust me sweetieboop, you aren't the only one confused by iwill's answers.

(in reply to sweetieboop)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: No Shows - 2/29/2004 2:03:08 PM   
sweetieboop


Posts: 84
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you, I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. :)

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: No Shows - 3/12/2004 6:06:40 PM   
MsGeri


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/22/2004
Status: offline 		I do not understand why some people can't be honest with their true intent. I think it is a waste of time on My part to chat with, read emails and phone when you have no intention on being truthful. It's a shame because it makes it harder for the one who is truly seeking. Just be upfront...if you are seeking only online, state that.

MsGeri

(in reply to sweetieboop)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: No Shows - 3/12/2004 7:20:58 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowHwk

There is also another reason a no-show happens. Quite simply if someone has lied about themselves, their relationship status (married, divorced, single, etc), their qualifications (Master with XX years experience, slave with only one owner), or even their physical traits (height, weight, hair color, number of teeth - [remember I live in Alabama]), then when it comes to time to meet, they realize that the lies they have told, and the subsequent lies to cover the first lies will all be found out. As posted elsewhere on this board, a bit of time with a webcam can clear up a LOT of nonsense before it gets too far.

Peace and Light
Terry
AKA ShadowHwk



Terry:

You are too funny! But so right, too.

Over the years I've come to this...

I don't 'look' for people online. I spend time online socializing in places where those that do wiitwd are. During the course of this socialization process I get to know, casually, many people. If it's someone that is close enough to meet me for coffee, at a munch or out and about, then I'll schedule it if I've the time and the inclination. The sooner the better as a no-show relegates the relationship to 'online-social' at best. All other introductions happen at social events. I don't schedule meetings with potential play partners from online. I don't meet anyone as a potential partner...ever.

I've found that an aversion to playing 'getting to know you' online, for the purposes of partnering, has me spending my online time with people I already have relationships in r/t with. I have some great r/t relationships and the internet has been a great way to facilitate those relationships.

I do not have 'intense' relationships with people I have never met. I know that it's possible, I've done it - more than once. It is that experience that tells me that it's just not a good way to expend my energy.

I save my energy for those that have made the transition to r/t.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to ShadowHwk)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: No Shows - 3/12/2004 11:30:27 PM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

that an aversion to playing 'getting to know you' online, for the purposes of partnering, has me spending my online time with people I already have relationships in r/t with. I have some great r/t relationships and the internet has been a great way to facilitate those relationships



I suppose because its where I started..with such a willingess to learn.. and to experience.. and yes have transitioned to rt .. but then I think even though in the beginning online was one of my resources I was always rt even when I wasnt rt. As well many of my rt friends have been friendships that develop over the net.. I am perhaps of the view point that hope springs eternal. That people are basically truthful and good... I dont fall in love online..or whatver.. but I am not a person who deals well with wasted time, being late is a pet peeve of mine.

There are a limited number of minutes that consistute my life.. when you waste them you are infact a thief of a piece of something that cant be revisited..that is precious to me and so in that sense I suppose I do have regrets..

With regard to my selection process i will serv.. Im not sure there is one.. I chat with many.. regardless .. Im not sure what sort of process there is involved.. perhaps you would like to expand on your thought process

regards
SD

< Message edited by Sylverdawn -- 3/12/2004 11:27:14 PM >

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: No Shows - 3/13/2004 5:15:17 AM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		sweetieboop,

It was in reply to a FemDom. I doubt you've noticed, but FemDoms don't like being told they are really at fault. It is kinda like a college athlete being told he really has to study despite never having to study in the past.

Sylverdawn,

Actually it is your process that we are talking about. Don't take this wrong, but if a jerk replies to the "all jerks welcome" sign it is not a jerk's fault. What you need to do is find out why you are attracting jerks. (To use the metaphor, wash the sign.)

In other words you cannot control the behavior of jerks. You can control your behavior attracting the jerks. It is sane to focus on what you can do.

Meanwhile there are ten potential suitors who are all saying, "i'm not a jerk, Mistress." (Probably nine of them are, but you knew that.)

MizSuz's way at least gets the Internet anonymity out of the way. (Trust me, it is hard to hide your 14 year old identity in person.)


All,

If you don't like hearing it (anything), you are lucky. You are lucky because you know it's true. Brutally frank things are never what you want to hear.

Oh, and a suitor will never be honest for fear of being brutally honest. Brutally anything only gets you to walk away.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to sweetieboop)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: No Shows - 3/13/2004 6:54:14 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sylverdawn

Im curious.. why waste our time.. what sort of joy/pleasure/enticement do you get from No shows.. and I mean that both in a literal and an online sense. You emai... oh yes oh yes oh YES.. when given the opportunity .. the emails stop, you fail to call, you miss a meeting.. This sort of behaviour is what gives online a poor name among people who are active and serious offline. This sort of behavior is what gives fodder to people who say online is for weekend warrior and gamers. So I ask with the utmost respect Do we need to create a hall of shame to weed out those people so that this sort of behavior stops and New Dominants are forwarned and therefore Forarmed?



I don't think this is only a lifestyle problem. I would assume it is internet wide. Even with vanilla people.
There are flakes all amoung us. We have to face that fact. Yes, it gets annoying. That's life though. I don't have a clue where you would seek online and actually find a flake free environment.
I agree with MsSuz on this one. Don't seek online. Go to munches they are plentiful.
Groups and clubs. If you look in the right places the lifestyle is everywhere. It is'nt like the days of the old guard where you had to know where the secret club was. Today, for the most part we are out. We have people from all walks of life.
There were 2 love connections at my munch last month. You never know when you may meet the one for you.

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: No Shows - 3/13/2004 7:00:25 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

In other words you cannot control the behavior of jerks. You can control your behavior attracting the jerks. It is sane to focus on what you can do.



I thought about this ... and a take on a ancient philosophy came to mind...

I exist and am here therefore I am jerk off material

my profile is under my name.. SylverDawn

Men who are used to treating women as chattel, object of their personal pleasure when confronted by a serious polite funny Dominant women often are unable to deal with that .. I think 95 percent of the people who identify as submissive have it confused with getting off on kink... because I like to be spanked I must be submissive.. {big buzzer sound}.. WRONG. Submission is a state of being..or graceful acceptance of anothers will... service is the act of being in that state of submission. It can either be somthing one feels is a natural state ie always have been that way.. or it is an informed choice they make because a person feels they need to. Men are in general not used to having to seperate emotion from sex and therefore react in juevnile ways because most of them think that being spanked makes them submissive. They dont spend a great deal of time searching themselves or their needs to find out why,what and wherefore... I know I spend time informing myself..checking to make sure that I am true to who I am ..what I believe and why I am making these choices.

Ah well enough of the soapbox today...

I wish you well
SD

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: No Shows - 3/13/2004 7:08:58 AM   
sweetieboop


Posts: 84
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I still don't understand it. She never said that she doesn't give anyone else a chance while she is deciding to meet someone. How do you know that she doesn't give people a chance? Also, just because someone doesn't want to hear something, doesn't necessarily mean that they did something wrong. Sometimes people don't want to hear nonsense. If I missed other posts that might make sense of this, I'm sorry. I just don't get it. If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you (iwillserveu) if you are a sub or Dom. I mean, no disrespect intended. I'm just a little confused by the things that you write. From what I see, it seems that you say you're a sub, but your actions don't say that. At least not to me. This is in no way an attack on you, I just wanted to understand. I have a very curious nature. :)

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: No Shows - 3/13/2004 11:00:37 AM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Lol. Sweetie, iwillserveyou does tend to confuse people. He does have some good ideas, but he sure does love the sound of his own keyboard.

(in reply to sweetieboop)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: No Shows - 3/13/2004 12:36:09 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		If I don't love the sound, who will?

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: No Shows - 3/13/2004 5:43:51 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		SylverDawn,

For some reason I can't see your profile. What state are you in? (I'd like to see what attracts me so you can hear from a certified jerk. ) (Seriously, unless I'm mistaken I am the only male sub here and I want to help. {Before your "He's "hitting on me" alarms go off I assure you my capitalization would be different if i was "hitting" on You.})

Just curious, am I starting to piss you off. No, nothing you said gave me that impression, but in my experience people don't like facing facts. (I've been told I have the subtlety of a steam roller. Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude, just honest.)

Oh as for you being jerk off material I'll need a picture to verify that. (If you did not catch it, that was a joke. That is not my kink anyway.)

sweetieboop,

I'm a sub/slave male. (Not all know the difference between a sub and a slave. Suffice it to say I want to wear the handcuffs.)

I don't know there are other sub/slave males waiting, but I would bet there are. Unlike sub/slave females and Dom males, the other side is not evenly matched. For every dominant woman there is something like ten sub/slave males. Oh, I'm not saying SylverDawn is doing anything wrong, but instead of asking why the river must flow around the dam she focus her efforts on fixing the dam.

Oh, I'm not insulted in the least. People (and yes, subs are people) have the right to be curious.

(Edit: They must've disabled the search feature while updating collarme. I've found SylverDawn's profile and set her an e-mail. I'm leaving this as is because I'm lazy.)

< Message edited by iwillserveu -- 3/13/2004 6:25:10 PM >

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to sweetieboop)
Profile   Post #: 20
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