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Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 9:05:36 AM   
ontiptoes


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/17/2007
Status: offline 		I have very little time to ask this question, so I will try to be precise. I am in a new 24/7, and had profiled myself as a submissive woman...
I am now living with him, and find that my whole dailly life must turn around hi. As s western woman, I have always been used to even a bit of time here and there nmy day for myself. to read, or just sit with my cup of coffee to look out the window.
I cried the other day because I no longer had these moments with me, and he said that I had better get used to it, as my whole day must revolve around him.
I sleep less...

I must go, he is finished showering..
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 9:14:37 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		why would you move in with someone before knowing what their expectations of you would be once you got there?
 
sounds like your cart is in front of your horse, and you are the only one that can set that to right.

(in reply to ontiptoes)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 9:15:12 AM   
LittleWench


Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline 		Classically the difference between a submissive and a slave is the "level of submission".
Only you can determine your own level of submission.
If you wish to remain in the relationship, communicate to him your level of submission.
If you discover your level of submission and his desire or dominance are incompatible, stand up, walk away.

Edited to add my Master's note:-

It does not seem like you are both on the same page.  You may be looking for different things.  I would say to get out now if its apparent that you are looking for different things.  If he is not willing to reassess the boundaries and re-evaluate the situation, it is obviously not something that you are wanting.


< Message edited by LittleWench -- 12/17/2007 9:16:59 AM >

(in reply to ontiptoes)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 9:17:48 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		You got yourself into quite a mess. If it's breaking your boundaries and hard limits, get yourself out of it. No one else can do it for you. Use your common sense and good judgement.

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 9:39:20 AM   
mhawk


Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
Status: offline



something my Lord explained to me before coming here(yes i have a response in here), was that, His wife is for the most part submissive,she is not a slave and could never be.

He was searchignf ro a slave when we met a few months ago,as was His wife,She has been an intricate part of this.

some are submissive but some are not,some are slaves. that is for each person to figure out for themselves.perhaps you need to talk this out with your Master.that is your place to realise who and what you are.as an example,that would be like to me my Lord's wife(my Mistress) asking me to top form the bottom.that is something i cannot do it is not part of me.

this seems to be something you two need to talk about before it goes too much further



(in reply to ontiptoes)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 9:50:16 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		In the end terms are irrelevant and the individual situation is. I live now and have in the past in pretty severe power exchange relationships and have always had some time for myself so for me personally that has nothing to do with anything. I can very much have time for myself while still doing and feeling very slave like things.

It is about compatibility and the question I would pose you have to ask yourself is are the issues you dealing with just about not having some time for yourself or is it the problems and difficulties of transitioning from doing most if not all things your way on your terms to doing them his way.

If it is about just needing time for yourself that has nothing to do with a power exchange relationships. Every human being regardless of role or gender has something in them where they like/need a lot of time alone or no time alone and everywhere in between. Finding a person compatible with that is important. I knew a very vanilla woman who went into bad relationship after bad relationship because she could not handle even one second of being alone with herself and I have know the opposite. It is a human being thing.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to ontiptoes)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 9:53:02 AM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		This is definitely time for a talk about what your responsibilities include and what his include. I'm not sure I would be getting into semantics over what your role is, but what will be expected of you in that capacity.
 
I know this may seem like Monday morning quarterbacking, but this is probably something you should have discussed before hand. The "Story of O" sounds sexy in theory, but in reality, I find it a bit lacking...but that's me.
 
So, maybe you should make 2 cups of coffee and sit down and discuss the situation...good luck!

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to ontiptoes)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 10:00:11 AM   
TMaster2


Posts: 194
Joined: 2/25/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with what some have said here -- the term itself is not what's important, although I do think YOU should be the one to decide what/who you "are" in any relationship.  I also agree with "you got yourself into a mess" and you might consider rethinking what/who you want your role to be before getting in much deeper.

_____________________________

Doms/Masters Who are also Gods, CLICK HERE!

(in reply to ontiptoes)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 10:20:50 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ontiptoes

I have very little time to ask this question, so I will try to be precise. I am in a new 24/7, and had profiled myself as a submissive woman...
I am now living with him, and find that my whole dailly life must turn around hi. As s western woman, I have always been used to even a bit of time here and there nmy day for myself. to read, or just sit with my cup of coffee to look out the window.
I cried the other day because I no longer had these moments with me, and he said that I had better get used to it, as my whole day must revolve around him.
I sleep less...

I must go, he is finished showering..



I am SO not liking the sound of this...it smacks of some sort of fear based abusive dynamic.

Without being able to see a profile or know anything else about the story, let me just say this does not bode well.

OP, only YOU have the power to change what you don't like; so YOU decide what you are, no one decides for you.

(in reply to ontiptoes)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 12:02:40 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		It doesn't matter what you call yourself.  You need to discuss with your dom what each of you expect from the relationship and come to an agreement with it or he isn't the right one for you.  If you need time to yourself to be happy and he won't allow that then he isn't right for you. JMHO.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 12/17/2007 12:03:13 PM >

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to ontiptoes)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 12:11:37 PM   
BruisedHick


Posts: 123
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline 		Anyone else think this sounds like someone's left hand typing?  Next, we'll hear that he likes her to wear sexy panties, to which she objects, and the dirty things she doesn't like to do but can describe so well.

Blech.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Guess who?

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 12:11:54 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		If it ain't fun, then don't do it. What exactly are you consenting to be?

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 12:15:37 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ontiptoes

I have very little time to ask this question, so I will try to be precise. I am in a new 24/7, and had profiled myself as a submissive woman...
I am now living with him, and find that my whole dailly life must turn around hi. As s western woman, I have always been used to even a bit of time here and there nmy day for myself. to read, or just sit with my cup of coffee to look out the window.
I cried the other day because I no longer had these moments with me, and he said that I had better get used to it, as my whole day must revolve around him.
I sleep less...

I must go, he is finished showering..


I hear some new drama in the making....

Yay...I have not bashed anyone in a while; I need to practice

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to ontiptoes)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 12:15:46 PM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Is he Dominating you or abusing you? There is a difference. Do you live in fear? i agree 100 pervcent with sexyred. i don't like the sound of this either. If you need help. Come to us or send a private message.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 12:19:15 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: ontiptoes

I have very little time to ask this question, so I will try to be precise. I am in a new 24/7, and had profiled myself as a submissive woman...
I am now living with him, and find that my whole dailly life must turn around hi. As s western woman, I have always been used to even a bit of time here and there nmy day for myself. to read, or just sit with my cup of coffee to look out the window.
I cried the other day because I no longer had these moments with me, and he said that I had better get used to it, as my whole day must revolve around him.
I sleep less...

I must go, he is finished showering..


I hear some new drama in the making....

Yay...I have not bashed anyone in a while; I need to practice


I don't know Irish, you know I am as cynical as you, but this sounded off to me, like someone locked in a house by an abusive guy under the guise of this is what a sub/slave should do. And something about Western woman, set off my inner alarm.

If I am wrong and the OP is yanking our chains, fine. There is no profile to check out.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 12:46:32 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I don't know Irish, you know I am as cynical as you, but this sounded off to me, like someone locked in a house by an abusive guy under the guise of this is what a sub/slave should do. And something about Western woman, set off my inner alarm.

If I am wrong and the OP is yanking our chains, fine. There is no profile to check out.


LOL that's ok sexy one  

I'll hang onto my cynical side thought. Just the fact that she was able to throw up a profile and post here is enough to keep it strong.



_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 1:15:38 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You define yourself, no one else.

You entered into a situation without stating your hard limits and having them accepted. That was wrong on your part.

He thinks that by calling you a slave you are no longer a person and won't suffer a burnout. That is very wrong of him. Even if you believed yourself to be a slave, you still need time to yourself, you need to eat, drink, sleep, destress.

You aren't getting it there. What happens when you break down and can no longer function? Will he sign you into a hospital, throw you into the street,  beat you even further in anger and frustration?

Why are you staying in a relationship which makes you physically and emotionally ill? Because that isn't D/s, it's abuse.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 1:18:13 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BruisedHick

Anyone else think this sounds like someone's left hand typing?  Next, we'll hear that he likes her to wear sexy panties, to which she objects, and the dirty things she doesn't like to do but can describe so well.

Blech.

Yours,


benji


Nope. I'm hearing abuse. No time to email friends or family. No permission to talk to other subs, get any info from anyone but him. Deliberate sleep deprivation to cause Stockholm Syndrome. Abuse.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to BruisedHick)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 1:27:43 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		Oh dear, it sounds like you messed up big time and jumped at an opportunity before knowing what to expect and travelled half way around the world to be a sub to someone you barely got to  know, I am not even sure what you are expecting coming to the message board as it seem you had to sneak online  and run off scared to avoid him catching you online,  you might have been better using that time to seeks your countries consulate  to help get you out of the mess you got yourself into that is  if you find you cannot speak reasonably with him and are finding yourself a prisoner to him instead and do not have the freedom to tell him this was not what you wanted or expected.  

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Who decides if I am a sub or a slave? him or me? - 12/17/2007 1:31:55 PM   
GabrielleSlave


Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline 		Hate to say it, but i just don't feel this... There is something amiss here...Just when is she ever going to have time to read the advice, if like she says, she has no time for herself?  The post is too "put together" for my liking but i hope to goodness this is fake because the reality of her situation speaks of kidnap, false imprisonment and domestic abuse.  All things totally abhorrent, totally illegal and totally against what any of us stand for no matter what our kink....

OP i am sorry if this is real, and if it is you need to get yourself out of there ASAP.  This is obviously not what you want and a responsible dom would have discussed this with you first... If this is not real then it is a sick joke that noone will find funny.

Gabrielle

_____________________________

Slave to Master Slayer

~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 20
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