10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (Full Version)

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Mercnbeth -> 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/17/2007 10:38:04 AM)

*Number 10*
Life is sexually transmitted.

*Number 9*
*Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

*Number 8*
*Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

*Number 7*
*Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the INTERNET and
they won't bother you for weeks.

*Number 6*
Some people are like a Slinky ...Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile
when you shove them down the stairs.

*Number 5*
*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

*Number 4*
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to Criticism.

*Number 3*
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

*Number 2*
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
 
*And The Number 1 Thought For 2008*
 
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration .
 
!~HAPPY NEW YEAR~!
[sm=shake.gif][sm=whip.gif]
beth & Merc



chellekitty -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/17/2007 12:04:19 PM)

quote:

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration .


i read this to my mom, and she said and i quote... "can't you just see millions of immigrants wondering around with tags in their ears?"



Saratov -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/17/2007 4:46:11 PM)

What's wrong with that idea?



Sirandlil1 -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/17/2007 4:48:12 PM)

10 smiles is a great way to start the New Year....thank you



girlygurl -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/17/2007 6:19:24 PM)

Thank you that was funny.

 girly



SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/17/2007 6:26:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

 
*Number 8*
*Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.   years ago a dear friend told me the secret to men......full belly and empty balls makes a happy man....and in so many ways, it is that simple........course in so many ways it aint some days too-lol

 
*Number 2*
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.  i have the type of migraine that causes you to see these gorgeous flashing prisms of light.....takes about an hour to go all the way across my field of vision.  when i had the first one, well, saying it freaked me out would be putting it mildly.  after it happening a couple more times, i went to dr's and ended with a neurologist that i bet is an old hippie.  after he assured me it wasnt dangerous and at least wasnt the painful one, i told him  the circle of life is amazing.  20 years ago i spent money to see such pretty colors and now im spending money to make them go away...
 
*And The Number 1 Thought For 2008*
 
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration .  amen
 
!~HAPPY NEW YEAR~!
[sm=shake.gif][sm=whip.gif]
beth & Merc



but i loved them all-those just made me laugh the hardest... some laughter with genuine amusement, and in the case of #1, irony i think



SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/17/2007 6:28:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration .


i read this to my mom, and she said and i quote... "can't you just see millions of immigrants wondering around with tags in their ears?"



i reckon to reply to that with"maybe thats what the dots in the middle of their foreheads are for" would be kinda non pc huh?

edited to add i think id like your mom-lol



laurell3 -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/17/2007 9:06:27 PM)

That's great, thanks and happy new year!



rukna -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/17/2007 10:41:49 PM)

love them    



vampchick88 -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/18/2007 2:10:54 PM)

 #8 was my fav...but what if the guy is asks for a sandwich and has a hard on? Do you feed or fuck him first?



Mercnbeth -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/18/2007 3:29:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: vampchick88

#8 was my fav...but what if the guy is asks for a sandwich and has a hard on? Do you feed or fuck him first?


Well, since you asked; I think the answer is obvious...
[sm=banana.gif]
You make the sandwich hand it to him along with a beer and let him use your head as a coaster while you give him a BJ. [;)] 



chellekitty -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/19/2007 7:00:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

i reckon to reply to that with"maybe thats what the dots in the middle of their foreheads are for" would be kinda non pc huh?



not non-pc, just ignorant...the only people with the dots in the middle of their foreheads are Hindi's....and they are the least of our problems...i believe it is the Arabic and illigal Mexicans/Cubans/fill-in-your-favorite-love-to-hate-hispanic-ethnicity that people have problems with



Griswold -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/25/2007 6:29:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

ORIGINAL: vampchick88

#8 was my fav...but what if the guy is asks for a sandwich and has a hard on? Do you feed or fuck him first?


Well, since you asked; I think the answer is obvious...
[sm=banana.gif]
You make the sandwich hand it to him along with a beer and let him use your head as a coaster while you give him a BJ. [;)] 


Now THAT is a thinking man!



rubberpet -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/25/2007 10:32:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Griswold

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

ORIGINAL: vampchick88

#8 was my fav...but what if the guy is asks for a sandwich and has a hard on? Do you feed or fuck him first?


Well, since you asked; I think the answer is obvious...
[sm=banana.gif]
You make the sandwich hand it to him along with a beer and let him use your head as a coaster while you give him a BJ. [;)] 


Now THAT is a thinking man!


That may be a thinking man, but he would surely be a dead one if he tried that with Vampchick88!  LOL  She isn't any ordinary Domme, boys.  That girl would take the plate the sandwich is resting on and crack you upside the head with it, take that beer can and shove it up your ass with a steeltoe boot, and watch you writhe in pain as She ate the sandwich, laughing at you! [:D]

Ahhh, gotta love Her!  She's psycho, but cute...so it all balances out!



BiteGirl -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/26/2007 12:51:30 AM)

I loved this one:
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.



HypnoticDan -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (12/27/2007 4:56:47 PM)

if he has a hardon and is asking for a sandwhich you make it with a bagel because he's planning to fuck it.



Hanable -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (1/5/2008 5:26:55 PM)

lol all very true... and chelle.. i agree with ur mom.. that would make them easer to find as well.

H >:)



tsatske -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (1/7/2008 11:55:47 PM)

*Number 8*
*Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Good Lord, if I followed this advice, Master would die of starvation, and then where would I be?



Mercnbeth -> RE: 10 Things to ponder going into 2008... (1/8/2008 12:38:42 PM)

  ~ Add these 8 simple solutions to every day problems ~
 1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.  3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.  8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.



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