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How do you bring out the Master? - 12/17/2007 12:01:56 PM

geniegirl

Posts: 4
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline

Dear Sirs and Mistresses,
I have a wonderful Master but I am new to this life. He had been a Master before but his last sub broke his heart and left him for a woman when he allowed her to explore her desires deeper. Now he is afraid to completely dominate me. He tells me how incredible my submission is and how much better I am than she was but he is still hesitant. I have talked to him and expressed my desires to fullfill all his wishes. Is there a way I can bring back his dominance without being disrespectful? To get him to play more, be open with his desires, and use me to my fullest potential?
Thank you.

_____________________________

"I refuse to be intimidated by reality. What is reality anyway? Nothing but a collective hunch."
-Jane Wagner

Post #: 1

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/17/2007 12:03:45 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: geniegirl

Dear Sirs and Mistresses,
I have a wonderful Master but I am new to this life. He had been a Master before but his last sub broke his heart and left him for a woman when he allowed her to explore her desires deeper. Now he is afraid to completely dominate me. He tells me how incredible my submission is and how much better I am than she was but he is still hesitant. I have talked to him and expressed my desires to fullfill all his wishes. Is there a way I can bring back his dominance without being disrespectful? To get him to play more, be open with his desires, and use me to my fullest potential?
Thank you.

It's either there, or it isn't there. You can't force him to be something he isn't.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to geniegirl)

Post #: 2

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/17/2007 12:04:21 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

He has to want it. You can help by creating an environment where it is likely, but it's his thing. He may need time. He may need to see how you behave over time.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to geniegirl)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/17/2007 12:19:53 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear geniegirl, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I am so sorry that you are currently struggling to find ways of helping a Master who is currently wounded and still in the stages of healing; while you are struggling to find what it is like to be 'owned' and noticed, appreciated and guided into the ways of serving your Master.

Time is not always kind to those who wait for another to 'catch up.'

Perhaps asking questions as to find out--what it is like for him to have a good slave in service.
How would you help him best find a way to help you at the same time.

Personally-- I have had slaves who had wounds and hurting emotionally and struggling, where there really wasn't closure. I had these slaves recognize me as a Master and having authority. I then apologized to that slave, for deeds that hurt them so badly as a Master, even though I wasn't the one who inflicted such pain on their emotions, spirit and or mind. This apology, was most sincere -- knowing that some Masters refuse to apologize for anything they do; some due to arrogance and being cruel, some due to ignorance and yet again, some due to them passing away leaving so much behind and no closures. I think, personally so--IF I was a slave, I would ask that Master if they recognize and acknowledge me as a slave. IF they do, I would then apologize 'as a slave' for the sufferings caused by another slave--even though it wasn't your doing but, as a slave and with the powers of being a slave--you apologize. Perhaps then, this Master may find the needed closure and a new door open onto this relationship in front of him.
In essence--you are apologizing for someone who cannot--regardless of why.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to geniegirl)

Post #: 4

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/17/2007 12:20:05 PM

takenbyjohnr07

Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Give him some time and some breathing space so he can get over being scared of losing someone again. If it's meant to be eventually the walls will come down and he will be able to give you 100 percent. Just let him know that you understand and that you don't mind if he takes his time. If that is how you truly feel. i bet he will start to relax.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 5

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/17/2007 12:21:55 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Time, trust, comfort and desire. Those are the elements you need to make this happen, if it is going to happen. He either has it in him or not. This type of thing cannot be forced.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/17/2007 12:46:14 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Until he 1) finishes mourning the other relationship and 2) stops comparing you to her, he won't be able to move much past where he is...and there's no rushing it. Patience and compassion are your best friends. You can't force him to heal.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to geniegirl)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/17/2007 2:38:15 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

In a nutshell:

Be there
Don't push
Be patient
Be Open to the possibilities when HE wants - not necessarily when you want
Accept
Don't walk away
Don't put your comparisons in his face. ("See? I'm not like her, Master." is NOT the way to go)
Be grateful each and every time you see him open up to you but don't draw it to his attention.
Care enough to NOT talk about it. There are times when baring all your feelings is NOT appropriate.
And recognize it could take a VERY long time for him to get to where you'd like to be.
Be a part of his journey - don't be the driver.

This isn't manipulation of a dominant. This is the care of someone who's hurting. This is acceptance of a person where he or she is.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 12/17/2007 2:53:46 PM >

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/17/2007 2:44:43 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: geniegirl

Dear Sirs and Mistresses,
I have a wonderful Master but I am new to this life. He had been a Master before but his last sub broke his heart and left him for a woman when he allowed her to explore her desires deeper. Now he is afraid to completely dominate me. He tells me how incredible my submission is and how much better I am than she was but he is still hesitant. I have talked to him and expressed my desires to fullfill all his wishes. Is there a way I can bring back his dominance without being disrespectful? To get him to play more, be open with his desires, and use me to my fullest potential?
Thank you.

I am not sure what the dynamics are of your relationship. I know you say he's your Master, but based on your thread I'm not sure. Nor am I sure if he came to you in hopes of a power exchange relationship with you and hope that the dynamics of M/s would fall into place.

I have always been dominant and I've been in power exchange relationships. After a break up of one there was a long time that I questioned if I could be a good Dominant and this is because I was so in touch with my failed relationship that I based everything going forward on that and I hoped that my ego was stroked by submissives and slaves that were in my life then and came into my life later. This did nothing for me or my relationships. It was only after I healed from a break up that I was able to really get into a power exchange relationship.

In my opinion based on what you say above, you just have to let him act like REO Speedwagon and ride the storm out, whatever that storm may be. However, I'd still like to know if you got together based on power exchange and if so, did he share what his mind frame was at the time? What we're both of your expectations?

Thanks,
Z-

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to geniegirl)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/17/2007 3:55:08 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Reading the responses I found myself staring at Julietsierra's "be there."

Don't just be there. Be his. Most people here will agree that domination is the counterpoint to submission. Both at once or none at all. To "increase" his dominance you can try increasing your submission. Yes, it will take time for him to "come around" to you, but in the meantime, you can put yourself where you want to be. (As opposed to him putting you where you want to be.)

When My Pet and I started, I was completely new to owning a pet. When I would falter in my disciplines and punishments, she would help. She would take some initiative of her submission. It made the relationship work.

In short, I'm suggesting you be harder on yourself. Make the desire to submit into your own dominant. In time, he will wake up and see you there, sleeping in your catbed, purring, and wake up* himself.

*if he doesn't wake up, bump this post in a bit. >.O

Edit: I realize the danger of this post. It can potentially lead you to beating yourself up hoping for a pipedream. This advice is hinged on your ability to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em. Please be careful... I hate the sight of a loving submissive little thing wanting, begging, trying so hard to a cold "master" who doesn't realize the gem he has.

< Message edited by HeavansKeeper -- 12/17/2007 3:57:20 PM >

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/17/2007 6:33:35 PM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

When My Pet and I started, I was completely new to owning a pet. When I would falter in my disciplines and punishments, she would help. She would take some initiative of her submission. It made the relationship work.

I want to applaud your attitude. My Owner/pet relationship is still forming, and is new for us both (I am the pet) and I try and help us grow as a couple and as a dominant/submissive. It's all to common for D-types to label this as topping from the bottom, it is refreshing to see a dominant who recognizes the positive this can bring to a relationship, rather than dismiss it as subversive.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/17/2007 8:46:34 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear geniegirl, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I am so sorry that you are currently struggling to find ways of helping a Master who is currently wounded and still in the stages of healing; while you are struggling to find what it is like to be 'owned' and noticed, appreciated and guided into the ways of serving your Master.

Time is not always kind to those who wait for another to 'catch up.'

Perhaps asking questions as to find out--what it is like for him to have a good slave in service.
How would you help him best find a way to help you at the same time.

Personally-- I have had slaves who had wounds and hurting emotionally and struggling, where there really wasn't closure. I had these slaves recognize me as a Master and having authority. I then apologized to that slave, for deeds that hurt them so badly as a Master, even though I wasn't the one who inflicted such pain on their emotions, spirit and or mind. This apology, was most sincere -- knowing that some Masters refuse to apologize for anything they do; some due to arrogance and being cruel, some due to ignorance and yet again, some due to them passing away leaving so much behind and no closures. I think, personally so--IF I was a slave, I would ask that Master if they recognize and acknowledge me as a slave. IF they do, I would then apologize 'as a slave' for the sufferings caused by another slave--even though it wasn't your doing but, as a slave and with the powers of being a slave--you apologize. Perhaps then, this Master may find the needed closure and a new door open onto this relationship in front of him.
In essence--you are apologizing for someone who cannot--regardless of why.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

A very nice answer Lady Hugs..and a good way to start!..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/19/2007 5:32:17 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

He dips His lid;

Encourage Him to seek professional counselling regarding His past relationship to settle His baggage. Support and encouragement are admirable but attempting to 'fix all' by believing your actions will become the catalysts for improvement is prone to personal emptiness.

Just my thoughts without trying to sound negative.

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 13

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/19/2007 5:57:20 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

You know, every time someone comes on here and asks how they can make their significant other do something they're not ready, willing or able to do, they all see the same result. The end of the relationship. Shut up, sit back and submit to the man. When he is ready to take the reins fully, he will. If you feel you can't wait then find a weaker man to manipulate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: geniegirl

Dear Sirs and Mistresses,
I have a wonderful Master but I am new to this life. He had been a Master before but his last sub broke his heart and left him for a woman when he allowed her to explore her desires deeper. Now he is afraid to completely dominate me. He tells me how incredible my submission is and how much better I am than she was but he is still hesitant. I have talked to him and expressed my desires to fullfill all his wishes. Is there a way I can bring back his dominance without being disrespectful? To get him to play more, be open with his desires, and use me to my fullest potential?
Thank you.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to geniegirl)

Post #: 14

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/19/2007 3:21:51 PM

Solinear

Posts: 283
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline

Make your submission apparent in everything you do. Ask his advice, then thank him for it. Ask him if he needs anything when he sits down. Ask him what he wants for dinner, then make it and tell him that it was an excellent choice. Don't get rediculous, but make it clear that he is the one in charge and without his help, you can't make a decision with any certainty. That's what would work for me.

The only caveat to that is that it's really dependent upon how long ago his last relationship was.

Be there for him? OMG, are we on a tree-hugging psycho babble site? I can't think of anything that would make me go soft (mentally, emotionally and physically) faster than coddling.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 15

RE: How do you bring out the Master? - 12/25/2007 1:39:29 PM

ligar59

Posts: 55
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

I really don't think it is about his dominance or your submissiveness or the desire to expand those areas. I believe he has a trust issue. He may associate with the lifestyle activities, but it still just boils down to trust and the only thing that will change that is time, try to be understanding. Wounds to the heart take the longest to heal.

(in reply to geniegirl)

Post #: 16

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