Learning Curve: Public Play (Full Version)

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BitaTruble -> Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 12:46:50 PM)

Karada harness aka rope dress: in which diamond patterns are made via strategic rope placement over the torso of the body. I first saw the rope dress at HOD (House of Differences located in San Francisco, CA) when the talented Master Tim flew in from Atlanta and wowed most of the people there with the technique (I wasn't the only one who had never seen it before!) HOD was a private residence which made space/equipment available for a nominal fee. It was along the lines of a Bed & Breakfast (without the breakfast.. hehe) with a few different theme rooms you could rent for the evening (for a not-so-nominal fee) or you could partake of the (way to small) basement area which was stocked with various pieces of equipment including a Catherines wheel, web, punishment cage etc. The main rule of the House .. never feed the dog. ;)

I bring this up because, had I never ventured into public spaces, I might never have learned of the karada harness. Playing in public spaces, enjoying various events (Yeah Folsom Street!), being a member (or in some cases a founder) of APEX, Janus, UPEX and CK at various times have all contributed to my own learning curve as far as being exposed to ideas, talents, equipment etc which I otherwise might never have had the opportunity to experience. Would I have ever seen a fire flogging if I hadn't attended Burning Man? Would I have been able to witness the most incredible ritual branding had I not ventured to APEX? I know for sure that I never would have met many of the amazing people with whom I've crossed paths over the last 20 odd years and that, alone, is well worth my 'risk of exposure' that being in public venues can bring about.

For me, I have nothing to lose, so being out is a non-issue. I do understand that there are many people who can't afford to be seen in public (or even at private parties with a restricted guest list) and I would invite them to make a thread, if they so choose, on the pros/cons of staying out of the public eye. This thread, though, is for those of us who do go out in public, attend events and gain (or do 'not' gain) something from the experiences they've had. I'd love to hear the good, the bad, the ugly, but especially what you feel you have learned from being out in the 'public' eye that you might not have learned otherwise.

Celeste



DesFIP -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 12:53:59 PM)

http://tacit.livejournal.com/201215.html?thread=1519615

Karada part II, link to part I at bottom of page. Part I doesn't have link to part II.

Since we don't play publicly, this is my only contribution.



LadyHugs -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 1:01:04 PM)

Dear BitaTruble, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
When I was strictly private, I will admit that there was a more civil and safe feeling of an exclusive enviorment. There were few who would 'play to the audience' and or 'show off.' 
 
I found myself more relaxed as fewer people around to interfere with scenes and or conversations and it was more 'family'  and 'friends' like. 
 
In addition, with an undivided attention with teacher and or student, I felt things progressed more smartly, fully grasping something before moving onto another area.  Things were not rushed and tailored to individuals.  I didn't get the feeling that I was in a public school and more of a private school where lessons were more substantial.  This is why I am sad that the only way of teaching in most public venues, such as support and education groups--I am giving a presentation, lecture and or demonstration; rather than having a hand full of students to work with 'hands on' and more quality of the information/knowledge/techniques I wanted to pass on to others.
 
Where the wheel is improved upon per se, is when the venue is expanded to where people who have improved on something are able to reach many more individuals in public--and not confined to an exclusive group, such as private.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs



azropedntied -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 1:19:08 PM)

I agree , i would not be  where i am today with out places like APEX , Desert Dominion , Janus ,Some great  places and people in NYC , National events like Thunder , SWLC , i could go on and on  with the list of presentors , org's ,people , places , and events .What i found hard was not  going , not being out , not going to  dungeon parties , but sharing and teaching  to those who wanted to hear what i had to share .The first few times  wow i thought  .Now i am no Fakir ,Fifth Angel , Midori ,but just sharing in front of your community is amazing and  very honored to do so .
Yes by all means get out and support  the people that share and teach and the places that hold them .Now i wanna go to paddles ,or or  ok  not listing all the fun places either LOL  i can not go  right now .



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 1:23:19 PM)

These events CHANGED MY LIFE, literally. Because of these events, I have found my calling.
TiL (which, sadly, no longer occurs)
SWLC
SPLF
Ms Conference
Butchmanns

These groups set me on my path:
MAsT
FAD (which I co-founded)

I would not be who I am had I not ventured forth. I'm still friends with many of the people I met on the first day.

Master Fire



spanklette -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 1:37:08 PM)

My answer to this question would have been different as recently as last year, but really my learning curve involves the different people that are out there rather than what they can teach me technically. While I appreciate everything I've learned and am still learning as  far as "how-to", it's really the personalities I treasure. My mind was opened to different dynamics, as well as different techniques. For instance, I was always kind of squicked by blood play until I saw an amazingly erotic vampire demo. It's not something that I wanted to run home and try, but it was hot, hot, hot.
 
Really, though, this answer is fluid. I find that I don't have the commitment to stick with learning the techniques, so I really enjoy learning the personalities of presenters and some of the cool gear that we don't have room for. Daddy has more of a vested interest in the techniques and I'm always paying attention to the safety details, but I zone out fairly quickly when the bondage starts to get technical...I'm an end result sort of person.

We don't get out so much anymore because of our schedules, and the people are who I miss the most and who I can't wait to get back to. I'm sure Daddy's answer would be more technique saavy...but, I've always been a people watcher.
 
Oh...the art...some of the stuff I have collected is just amazing.



domiguy -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 2:26:56 PM)

Let me chime in from the other side of the fence....This lifestyle does not begin to define me.

Although it is possible that by venturing "out" I'm fairly confident I would stumble upon some techniques as well as ideas that I probably would not come up with on my own.

It is not worth the invasion of my privacy.  Between the trekkies, vampires and those who view this thang as one of the performing arts...I feel that, on the "hole," I have little in common with many that frequent this site.

I think there are many who find this to be extremely private. Only to be shared by the very few that you choose to interact with. I don't need someone to share with me the vision of how I should live my life. 

Paint by numbers bdsm. I could care less.




BitaTruble -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 5:02:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

http://tacit.livejournal.com/201215.html?thread=1519615

Karada part II, link to part I at bottom of page. Part I doesn't have link to part II.

Since we don't play publicly, this is my only contribution.


Thank you so much for sharing the link, Celeste! A wonderful contribution. :)

The other Celeste



BitaTruble -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 5:05:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear BitaTruble, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
When I was strictly private, I will admit that there was a more civil and safe feeling of an exclusive enviorment. There were few who would 'play to the audience' and or 'show off.' 
 
I found myself more relaxed as fewer people around to interfere with scenes and or conversations and it was more 'family'  and 'friends' like. 
 
In addition, with an undivided attention with teacher and or student, I felt things progressed more smartly, fully grasping something before moving onto another area.  Things were not rushed and tailored to individuals.  I didn't get the feeling that I was in a public school and more of a private school where lessons were more substantial.  This is why I am sad that the only way of teaching in most public venues, such as support and education groups--I am giving a presentation, lecture and or demonstration; rather than having a hand full of students to work with 'hands on' and more quality of the information/knowledge/techniques I wanted to pass on to others.
 
Where the wheel is improved upon per se, is when the venue is expanded to where people who have improved on something are able to reach many more individuals in public--and not confined to an exclusive group, such as private.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs


There are 'cons' to being out and about at public BDSM venues, not the least of which is the distraction which can come about from scenes taking place around you. I've found that when Himself and I are in the zone, so to speak, that all just seems to fade away though and we are able to both focus and enjoy our scenes together as well as get the chance to meet & greet fellow kinksters and learn not only the techniques but, as Spanklette pointed out, relationship dynamics which are not like our own.

Thank you for sharing, Lady Hugs.

Celeste



BitaTruble -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 5:08:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

I agree , i would not be  where i am today with out places like APEX , Desert Dominion , Janus ,Some great  places and people in NYC , National events like Thunder , SWLC , i could go on and on  with the list of presentors , org's ,people , places , and events .What i found hard was not  going , not being out , not going to  dungeon parties , but sharing and teaching  to those who wanted to hear what i had to share .The first few times  wow i thought  .Now i am no Fakir ,Fifth Angel , Midori ,but just sharing in front of your community is amazing and  very honored to do so .
Yes by all means get out and support  the people that share and teach and the places that hold them .Now i wanna go to paddles ,or or  ok  not listing all the fun places either LOL  i can not go  right now .



hehe.. I have a very special fondness for APEX, haven't been to Paddles, but I've heard a lot about it and if I ever get the chance to hit that scene, I'll certainly take advantage of the opportunity to do so! I have to agree about lecturing or demos to peer groups .. there is something to be learned whether teaching or being taught in that sort of venue which gives me the warm fuzzies as well. :)

Thanks for the laughter and sharing. :)

Celeste



BitaTruble -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 5:10:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

These events CHANGED MY LIFE, literally. Because of these events, I have found my calling.
TiL (which, sadly, no longer occurs)
SWLC
SPLF
Ms Conference
Butchmanns

These groups set me on my path:
MAsT
FAD (which I co-founded)

I would not be who I am had I not ventured forth. I'm still friends with many of the people I met on the first day.

Master Fire



Thank you for the post, Master Fire. I'm a huge advocate of educational groups and conferences and you have listed just a few of the many worthwhile ones out there. For those who are able, hopefully they will be able to attend events in their local areas if not national events and gain similar strides in their journey's.

:)

Celeste




MidMichCowboy -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 5:12:29 PM)

I'm too shy. So I keep it all private. [8|]



BitaTruble -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 5:13:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

My answer to this question would have been different as recently as last year, but really my learning curve involves the different people that are out there rather than what they can teach me technically.

 
Oh, I so agree with you, Spanklette! The people are the core and the reason that I like the public venues as much as I do. Very good point!
 
quote:

While I appreciate everything I've learned and am still learning as  far as "how-to", it's really the personalities I treasure. My mind was opened to different dynamics, as well as different techniques. For instance, I was always kind of squicked by blood play until I saw an amazingly erotic vampire demo. It's not something that I wanted to run home and try, but it was hot, hot, hot.
 
As a long time fan of blood play, it sounds hot, hot, hot to me too! ::laughs::

 
quote:

Really, though, this answer is fluid. I find that I don't have the commitment to stick with learning the techniques, so I really enjoy learning the personalities of presenters and some of the cool gear that we don't have room for. Daddy has more of a vested interest in the techniques and I'm always paying attention to the safety details, but I zone out fairly quickly when the bondage starts to get technical...I'm an end result sort of person.

We don't get out so much anymore because of our schedules, and the people are who I miss the most and who I can't wait to get back to. I'm sure Daddy's answer would be more technique saavy...but, I've always been a people watcher.
 
Oh...the art...some of the stuff I have collected is just amazing.


Hopefully, your Daddy will be able to contribute another perspective. I'd love to hear more about the technical side of the learning curve and whether or not people believe that such has been possible 'for them' because of being able to attend public venues.

Thanks so much for the wonderful post. :)

Celeste



BitaTruble -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 5:15:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

I'm too shy. So I keep it all private. [8|]


hehe.. it's all good, MidMichCowboy. Privacy certainly has a lot going for it as well. Himself and I tend to be able to get much more intense with our S/m because there aren't any DM's around to call foul on our activities. All good. :)

Celeste



MystressDream -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 5:38:33 PM)

I have always been very active in our local scene and clubs.  I have learned more things than I could even begin to list.... from techniques to relationships.  I have made some wonderful friends here in Denver and never stop learning.
 
Even when I am doing a presentation or demo I always learn new things.  I always make mine interactive and solicit comments.  That way we all have a chance to learn something new.
 
Thunder in the Mountains here in Denver is something I look forward to every year.  We had over 1000 people in attendance this last July.  The nationally known presenters are always the top of the line.  Four dungeons.... scenes that can bring on sensory overload easily.  <chuckle> 
 
I, for one, don't play at large events.  I just enjoy watching what is going on, taking in the seminars, and... mmmm... the vendor's fair.
 
As far as the week to week, I love going to the Enclave here in Denver.  Unfortunately, it may not be open much longer if the legal battle continues.  If any wish to know about that fight, please read the thread I started called "BDSM Crisis in Denver".
 
I am grateful for the people I have met at the public events, and for the wonderful playspace available for my use.  There are so many times that the energy in the room lends itself to creating a scene and energy flow that is mind blowing.
 
I encourage anyone I know to get out to the public clubs on occasion.  Just the opportunity to learn is justification for the door fee.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 9:11:09 PM)

I'll just share my first Black Rose experience- my first convention.  Seeing hundreds of people in kink based garb just walking around like it was nothing at all.  FEELING the relief at every corner, not the "Oh we are SO cool" but the "Ah this is SO good" from everyone to just relax and BE.  Costuming was involved, but in the same way that spanking was a pleasure to be tasted as if it were nothing at all- it was special because of what it was, not because of the dark corner it took place in.

That weekend experience of simple IMMERSION- it's kinda like how most people experience their first munch.  They KNOW that these aren't aliens sitting in leather at the local TGIFs, but you have to really GO there to understand and breath that sigh of relief.  Black Rose magnified it by a few thousand for me.

Then I experienced the anger on going home and no longer being able to talk about my master freely, or wear my costumes.  I just wanted to scream "I'm kinky, WHO CARES?"  Then I learned about event drop :)

Sadly I think overall I've learned too much of the bad side- I peeked behind the curtain too much and got too involved in the politics.  I wanted to be part of the infrastructure which gave to me and I'm really good at organization and stuff.  Then I learned most of the infrastructure in insecure people who aren't skilled enough to do productive stuff with their lives so they go for the kink groups to gain a sense of pride and freak out at the slightest shadow they perceive as a threat to their status.  I've seen too many back stabs and coups, too many secret meetings and betrayals.

But it all helped me realize- this is just reality.  That's what makes it so awesome.



KindLadyGrey -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/17/2007 11:27:30 PM)

You know, it's strange. . .I'm fairly well socially networked in my local kink community. I know a lot people and they know me, or if they don't we're just one degree of separation apart and it's only a matter of time before we meet. The point being that I am not even remotely private about my kink.

But I don't do a lot of public playing at all. I've been to a few munches, I go to lots of social events with my kinky friends, and I do occasionally play a little bit at these events.

But I've never spent much time at the clubs, or been on a retreat, or gone to a convention. I've always wanted to do more of these things, they were just never a priority.

Most of my learning has been done in private with different kinky partners into different kinky stuff. I've just started seeing a boy who is into sensory deprivation. I can't wait to explore it, because it's not something in my usual repertoire. Whatever happens with said boy, I'll have learned something new from him.

Would attending a workshop on the topic be cool? Absolutely. Is it the best way for me to learn? Not really. I'm a one on one learner; that applies across the board, not just to BDSM.

But this thread really makes me want to get out and strut my stuff in public more. I've got some cute boys to show off. . . ;)



Jayxkes -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/18/2007 7:27:02 AM)

I owe public play alot!
My girlfriend, (later my wife), wasn't interested in BDSM at all and was cool with me playing elsewhere as long as it didn't harm 'us'.  Then along came an event I wanted to attend that was couples only and the sub I was with couldn't make it.  Kes agreed to come along so that I could go,  'as long as she didn't have to do anything'.  The event included chatting, some demos and a chnace to try things out.
To cut a long story short,  she discovered how good and fun BDSM could be and very soon after became my sub too.  13 years on and we're doing great.

I've learned an incredible amount from being at fet clubs etc.,  met some fantastic friends and we've had an immense amount of pleasure that we wouldn't have had if we'd stayed private.  As we became known, we were able to try the things that do not work for the other.  We have a good circle of friends who help us and whom we help.  In just one evening I taught someone how to use floggers from sensual up, (rather than just hard), and learned how to use a single tail.

Perhaps more importantly,  I've seen new things or techniques that I've found interesting, but which I'd never have thought about otherwise.

In fairness, it does look like we are very lucky in the quality of clubs we attend.  At least going by what has been written in other threads.





BitaTruble -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/18/2007 7:44:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream


 
I am grateful for the people I have met at the public events, and for the wonderful playspace available for my use.  There are so many times that the energy in the room lends itself to creating a scene and energy flow that is mind blowing.
 


This is a really good point, MystressDreams. There is a very different sort of energy, not better or worse, just different, when there is a larger group engaging or watching a given activity. The ritual branding I witnessed was a good example. In private, I don't think the atmosphere would have been as charged and the lady branded was just absorbing it all then letting it bounce right out to the rest of us. It just makes me get giddy. Thank you for the great post. :)

Celeste



BitaTruble -> RE: Learning Curve: Public Play (12/18/2007 7:50:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'll just share my first Black Rose experience- my first convention.  Seeing hundreds of people in kink based garb just walking around like it was nothing at all.  FEELING the relief at every corner, not the "Oh we are SO cool" but the "Ah this is SO good" from everyone to just relax and BE.  Costuming was involved, but in the same way that spanking was a pleasure to be tasted as if it were nothing at all- it was special because of what it was, not because of the dark corner it took place in.


I've found that a lot of folks who attend their first munch or event are somewhat surprised at how 'normal' it all is .. just a bunch of people, happy, doing something they like to do and rarely is a live chicken being sacrificed to the Gods. ::chuckles::


quote:

Sadly I think overall I've learned too much of the bad side- I peeked behind the curtain too much and got too involved in the politics.  I wanted to be part of the infrastructure which gave to me and I'm really good at organization and stuff.  Then I learned most of the infrastructure in insecure people who aren't skilled enough to do productive stuff with their lives so they go for the kink groups to gain a sense of pride and freak out at the slightest shadow they perceive as a threat to their status.  I've seen too many back stabs and coups, too many secret meetings and betrayals.


Unfortunate but true. If Survivor is any indication, it would probably make for good reality TV.

quote:

But it all helped me realize- this is just reality.  That's what makes it so awesome.


Great post, LA. What else is new. :)

Celeste



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