Creative Memory Peev (Full Version)

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aphrodite5 -> Creative Memory Peev (12/17/2007 11:34:31 PM)

Now, I'm the first to admit that I suck with names. Or dates. Or, generally, anything in the realm of 'practical.' You can pretty much bet that if it wasn't written down, I don't remember. On the other hand, I have a pretty good memory for, say, the way a conversation went, the way something was phrased, or what happend on a night out.

And it annoys me to no end when someone I am trying to respect has a creative memory. Reminiscing about an event we shared, and it's more elaborate and outrageous every time it's told... My, I could just feel my eyes roll to the back of my skull. It really seems as though the person(s) in question believe it happened this way. And it's not just once or twice.

I don't know how to deal with it. Do I point out that I remember it differently? Do I ignore it? Do I take it as a sign of some instability, or chalk it up to different minds working different ways? I know it's not a case of purposeful exaggeration, considering its just the two of us, and I was there for the story being told.

I'm sure I'll end up re-explaining the question. These things never seem to come out right the first time. But I'd like some feedback.

Oh, and this is a friend who happens to be a dominant personality. Not someone I am involved with in a power sort of way. In case that changes your reaction.



hisannabelle -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/17/2007 11:45:18 PM)

greetings aphrodite,

when i was much younger, one of my family members was emotionally abusive towards me and also there were some legal issues with her dog attacking me and some other things going on. needless to say, she has a very creative memory where this is concerned - despite evidence and eyewitness accounts to the contrary. so i've been in your situation when it has actually really been extremely harmful - it warped my relationship with her and with my father, and now with my younger sisters, because of her anger towards us for our "lies" - despite the fact that all evidence regarding what happened was in accord with our memory of things, and despite the fact that she actually admitted to some things at the time.

for me, the only way to deal with it was to avoid talking about it with her. i wouldn't necessarily take it as a sign of instability; in my case, the person i'm discussing is certainly not particularly stable, but i know other people who have "creative memories" and it's not harmful or a problem as well, so i think it just happens that the mind works in different ways. i've studied recent ethnographies from some parts of india about the changes between the rule of kings under british colonialism and independence, and one of the things that kept coming up was the fact that the stories told did not always match each other, or the facts. but i think that the stories themselves, or what people remember, can be more valuable to know, because in the end, it's their memories that shape how they are living now (or in your case, your friend's memories that shape how he sees things now), regardless of whatever a tape recorder might have caught at the time. so in some ways memories can be a more "real" telling of how events have affected our lives - because it's not the events themselves that shape our experience, but how we personally experience and recall them.

in terms of things getting more elaborate and outrageous - there is always the possibility that the person is just attention-seeking or grandiose, in which case it could be a good idea to try and pull them back to and remind them of how things went. but since you mentioned that you don't think the exaggeration is purposeful, i would just deal with it as best you can and keep in mind that to them, the way they remember it shapes their life now and to them, it is real. so countering that is moving on shaky ground.

respectfully,
annabelle.



BitaTruble -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/18/2007 12:46:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aphrodite5


Oh, and this is a friend who happens to be a dominant personality. Not someone I am involved with in a power sort of way. In case that changes your reaction.


It doesn't. :)

What you have to remember is that events take place through our personal and particular viewpoint. Different things impact each of us differently which is why five people can be witness to a car accident and all of them will have a slightly different recollection of the event. It could be there are things which stand out more in your friends mind which may just not have meant all that much to you or vice-versa.

I remember a camping trip I took the family on..  no fish to be found so it was a solid week of stuff I had brought from home instead of the fresh fish I had anticipated (which resulted in a trip out of the mountain to go to the local, high priced store to stock extra supplies), the fire wouldn't stay lite, there was a torrential downpour for two of the days we were out, a family of raccoons that looked just a bit too hungry and got a bit too close for my taste, and all of us got eaten alive with the bugs for the first three days because Mom forgot to pack the bug spray. To hear my kids tell it, it was the greatest adventure of their lives and the week was perfection personified.

I don't think it's so much creative memory as it is selective memory. Wanting to remember the good and discard the bad. Don't get me wrong.. I also remember walking through the woods and seeing the amazing fall colors on the trees, once it stopped raining, a sky so clear you could spend your life counting all the visible stars, the deer that came down to the river to drink and didn't run when we went down there quietly to watch them. I remember it all .. they only remember the good stuff and that's all good. They have a wonderful memory of the camping trip and I have the knowledge that they have a wonderful memory of the camping trip. :)

Celeste



CuriousLord -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/18/2007 1:02:17 AM)

Ah, my dear aphrodite5!  It's good to see you again.

Do you remember when you messaged me a little while back, and I sent you back that reply?  How how and sentual it was?  Oh, it was a grand correspondance!  You were so wet, and we made such passionate yet subtle hints in a symphony of poetic delight that the angels themselves through a lustful orgy in the courts of the most high God!

But, no, no... that's not the subject for now.  To get on topic, yes, I can see how people exagerrating past experiences would certainly be annoying.  Personally, I'd probably correct them; then again, I'm Dominant, so such is my attitude.  Honestly, while I appreciate submissives, I never do know how you guys get by in the world.. so I'm not sure what the submissive manner of dealing with this would be outside of a subtle hint or earnest discussion at an appropriate time about the disenchanting nature of exagerration.



MissMagnolia -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/18/2007 1:06:24 AM)

One of my sisters is exactly the same. She will argue till the cows come home that something or other did or didn't happen. This is in the face of the entire family who remember it exactly the opposite way!! lol.

Don't bother arguing, they just get narky and it turns into a fight. Is it worth the hassle?



spanklette -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/18/2007 2:19:50 AM)

Daddy has this "problem" but it's in a specific situation...movies. If He has watched a movie, He'll say, "We've already seen that one." But, no...He's seen it, I haven't. We'll go round and round about it. I know it seems stupid, but if that's all I've got to complain about...life is good!
 
In the end, usually neither of us has watched it because movies make Him sleepy...
 
And, Bita...from the POV of the one of the kids...my mom remembers the camping trips that we took when I was a kid as miserable. My siblings and I have wonderful memories...she says that she couldn't be paid to go another camping trip with us! [:D] But, for me, they're wonderful and even my mom will admit that there were some highlights.
 
PS, Bita...that's a fancy schmancy sig line you have there!



DesFIP -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/18/2007 7:11:12 AM)

I remember reading a report of a psych experiment done in a first year psych class. Someone came running into the room yelling, another person came in following waving a starter pistol, the pistol went off hurting nobody and then the two people left.

At which point the prof announced it was a test and everybody was to write down the details of what happened. The different reports varied by the number of people running in and out, whether they were male or female, hair color, whether or not the pistol was fired. Every single person who wrote a report was there and yet not five minutes later they had wildly differing recollections.

So who is to say that what you remember is exact in every detail? I'm betting if ten of you got together and wrote down the reports, it would appear as though you were all talking about totally different scenes.



Dnomyar -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/18/2007 8:30:52 AM)

Everyone is different when it comes to memory. It comes natural to some and very hard to others. Im a walking trivia nut. I dont mean to be but it seems that I absorb everything happening around me. I have no need for a GPS. When im walking out in the woods I always find my way back easy. I think that memory has to do a lot with paying more attention to your surroundings. Most people have short attention spans because they dont care what is happening around them. People get to self asorbed in themselves.  



CalifChick -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/18/2007 9:49:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aphrodite5

I know it's not a case of purposeful exaggeration, considering its just the two of us, and I was there for the story being told.



I disagree that it may not be a case of exaggeration.  It just might. People who make it a habit to be boastful and braggartly (is that even a word??) may be unable to shut it off. 

My former brother-in-law is this way.  My fave example is the story of his first airplane trip (in his late 20's).  First go-round it's "mild turbulence", second go-round it's "bad turbulence", about the fifth time I heard it, he said (I swear he did), "the captain told us to assume the crash position".  I finally couldn't stand it anymore and told him that he was a freakin' loon if he expected us to not only believe that anything close to that happened since the first incarnation was 'mild turbulence', but also because an airline pilot would NEVER tell the passengers to 'assume the crash position', and what was next, them foaming the runway??? (yeah, I was on a roll).

No one had ever confronted him, but after that, our family made a habit of saying something like, "funny, I was there, and I don't remember ANY of that" if that was appropriate, and it really did cut down on his bragging and boasting.

Cali



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/18/2007 10:11:34 AM)

My moms like that, always has been according to my dad, she'll turn anything into something bigger and worse'er than it was. Like a common cold, turns into a very bad cold, when she tells others of having been sick. Or her back hurts so bad she fell down just trying to walk, which it's true her back hurts, but she didn't almost near fall down.

Or she'll tell dad she told some asshole to go to hell and where do you get off being an asshole, while in the grocery store, when in reality she never said any of the such. One time we were at the health club and the guy manning the desk wouldn't tell me about any of the equipment, and later mom says I said to him what good are you dor do you get paid to sit around and play with your dick. Now I know for a fact, being there, it wasn't said at all.

She just embellishes stories with out even thinking about it. You just take what ever like that that's said with a grain of salt, and know they don't normally do it on purpose.
quote:

ORIGINAL: aphrodite5

And it annoys me to no end when someone I am trying to respect has a creative memory. Reminiscing about an event we shared, and it's more elaborate and outrageous every time it's told... My, I could just feel my eyes roll to the back of my skull. It really seems as though the person(s) in question believe it happened this way. And it's not just once or twice.

I don't know how to deal with it. Do I point out that I remember it differently? Do I ignore it? Do I take it as a sign of some instability, or chalk it up to different minds working different ways?



aphrodite5 -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/19/2007 11:36:16 AM)

Thanks folks. I love all the differing views on this. I do feel a bit more settled about it. He's not harming anything, it's just annoying.



daddyncherry -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/19/2007 11:53:56 AM)

i was married to one of those exaggerating types. He would always have to make everything more intense, more crazy, more funny more more more. Sometimes this was good...other times i found myself totally doing the eye roll.

The great thing, or silver lining with him was....if we had a so-so time...he would make me think that we'd had a tremendously awesome time..i'd totally buy into it.

i realized though that he was making things MORE because he felt LESS and so he had to embellish all the time. It kinda made me feel a bit bad for him. That reality just wasn't good enough



ctsub2003 -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/19/2007 12:14:11 PM)

This is an interesting topic, one that irks me to no end as well. Some people are prone to exageration- slight exageration is tolerable, the problem is when it crosses the line into outright fabrication. I have this issue with a relative of mine. There is a difference between bullshit and outright lying. Bullshit is when you claim to have benched 300 lbs, when in fact you put up 280 lbs- a harmless exaggeration. When people start adding outright lies, claiming to have done or said something they did not, or worse actually believing their own lies, that's when it is pathological. Not to be sexist, but I work in a female dominated profession, and I do find women have a greater propensity for exageration/fabrication- a slight stumble, becomes "I broke my ankle", innocuous comments are blown way out of proportion, if someone accidentally spilled a drop of coffee on themm, they suffered 3rd degree burns and have to take 3 days off b/c the pain is intolerable. Nevertheless, whoever does it, male or femalle, it is exxtremely irritating, especially as we get older, and you come to question their grasp on reality.



MystressDream -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/19/2007 4:53:50 PM)

Does the "I only weigh 120 lbs" or "I have a 12 inch cock" fall into these catagories?   <chuckle>   Or are those only reserved for online??



Griswold -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/19/2007 4:56:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

Does the "I only weigh 120 lbs" or "I have a 12 inch cock" fall into these catagories?  


I too have wondered...do I mention my rather long Norwegian appendage before, or after the Sorbet?



Lumus -> RE: Creative Memory Peev (12/19/2007 5:00:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

Does the "I only weigh 120 lbs" or "I have a 12 inch cock" fall into these catagories?   <chuckle>   Or are those only reserved for online??



Well, they're feasible.  Now, if you said your twelve-inch penis weighed 120 pounds...

Creative memory is one thing, exaggeration for amusement another.  I've been guilty of that on occasion, mainly for the entertainment of the person I am regaling.

If people remember something differently, I chalk it up to perceptual distortion.  Arguing something a person believes is foolish.  If you want a great example of that, start a religious topic with an opinionated post.




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