why do we serve? (Full Version)

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chellekitty -> why do we serve? (12/18/2007 7:07:44 AM)

i know this has been discussed before, but it hasn't been discussed in a long time...and rather than hijack another thread, i wanted to bring up the topic

we often ask about how do we serve, what can i do to serve better...but i think if we look at why we serve, that it is a lot easier to answer those questions for ourselves, though it is not bad to get a jump start from others when we are stuck...

this is not exclusive to s-types in general, because D-types most definately serve...but generally when people thing of services in a D/s or M/s relationship, i believe, they think of an s-type serving a D-type...and typically i have seen 3 reasons for serving...and there may be more, feel free to contribute your own reason, if i didn't cover yours....

1) there is a need that needs to be filled, something that needs to be done - that is it, nothing more

2) there is a reward for filling that need...

3) there is a punishment for not filling that need....

i have my own feelings about how each of these reasons would work for me...but i am not everyone...so....how would these reasons work for you? how do these reasons work for you? D-types, please feel free to jump in here....

chelle

edited to add: after reading some of the responses, by reward i mean something external, whether it is tangible or non-tangible, anything from a "good girl" to a hug to a spanking....not included in reward are internal feel good feelings that we create after having done something fulfilling...



DesFIP -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 7:13:35 AM)

Caveat, I am not service wired. But I do stuff for him because I love him and want him to be happy. However I do expect appreciation, minor everyday stuff like a smile, a kiss, thanks honey. If I don't get any appreciation I feel used in a bad way, taken for granted, unloved. And that's not the way to encourage me to love more.



mhawk -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 7:19:12 AM)





the reward in serving for me is seeing the look on my Lord and my Miistress's faces when they come home and see all that i have done and hearing it in their voices how pleased they are and how surprised they are in all that i do for them.

the punishment,well haven't been any just yet and hoping there would not be any but i know it would be that neither my Lord or Mistress would be inclined to spend that much oh so needed time together.

the need for serving is rooted so deeply that i feel lost when i cannot serve wether it be domestically or sexually.

in the end we all (my Lord,my Mistress and myself) never take forgranted all that each of us does to mkae this work no matter how little or how much we do.





RCdc -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 7:19:38 AM)

I don't serve because I submit.  I serve because it's something I can do.
 
the.dark.



IrishMist -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 7:20:24 AM)

I can quite honestly say that I have never felt a need to serve anyone. First and foremost, I am a masochist who craves pain in LARGE amounts. Nothing very 'I need to serve' about that.



Mercnbeth -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 7:39:29 AM)

we both serve our relationship.  why?  because it fulfills us and brings us pleasure.



peppermint -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 7:40:04 AM)

When my husband passed away what i missed most of all was being able to do something for someone else.  So much of my life had centered around getting him a drink, taking him to an appointment, getting up at night to put wood on the fire so he would be warm, even sleeping on the couch so i could be near him while he slept in his recliner in case he needed something during the night. 

Now i am Gary's collared submissive.  I'm his companion, we laugh together, i cook, clean...i have a purpose.  That purpose satisfies a deep need i have.  The services i do make me feel good...and make him feel good.  My reward is in satisfying my need to be needed. 






Dnomyar -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 7:54:40 AM)

Great reply peppermint. I like your last line. "My reward is in satisfying my need to be needed."  Mine might be " My reward is in satisfying  your need to be needed."  



toservez -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 8:25:02 AM)

For me when measuring a relationship in years my service comes mostly into play with one and three.

When in a relationship I tend to be more driven to need and search out things that have to be done and try to take care of them. It is just in my DNA. Generally most service aspects of life are very routine oriented and never ending and are in the mundane venue. I do them out of them needing to get done, wanting to make life easier and more pleasurable for my Master and as a show of my commitment to the relationship. Certainly there can be pleasure in this and direct rewards at times but when measured in years I am not sure a main motivation of being rewarded could last.

So I serve because these things are part of life and I have agreed they are mine for the doing. No reward or appreciation is necessary. My reward is the bigger picture. My taking care of these things drama and attitude free helps my Master enjoy himself and be true to himself more which helps him indulge himself in pleasures that most definitely make my heart go pitter patter. His love, enjoyment and use of me gets shown/proven in all other things in the relationship.

The overall example I use is I do not do these things so he will then buy me flowers and take me out to dinner because he appreciates I do them. I want him to take me out to dinner or buy me flowers just because he wanted to.



peppermint -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 8:56:03 AM)

quote:

My reward is in satisfying  your need to be needed."  


Whichever way it works, we are all happy the way our relationships work and that is what is important. 



RCdc -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 8:56:13 AM)

Whether you call it a reward, or an end result, you still get something out of serving.
I don't think it is particularly good, not easy to define or generalise serving only as a submissive action or thing to do or confine the question to one group of people.  After all, even if you take your s-type out to dinner, you are providing a service of some kind.
 
the.dark.



velvetslave -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 9:55:25 AM)

For me it is simply that i love doing things for Him to make His life easier.  Even something as simple as having His coffee ready in the morning, He knows that it will be there so it is one less thing that He has to think or worry about.





BeingChewsie -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 10:22:04 AM)

I'm not the least bit service oriented. I'm in this to be owned, managed, and kept by R. Service is something required of me in this dynamic so I do it. He knows I don't care for serving but expects me to not treat it like I was going in for root canal. It gives me a chance to express my gratitude to him for keeping me.



MRandme -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 10:28:52 AM)

i serve all the time. i am the only parent to a teen and a pre-teen, which means that while i am 'in charge', there are many demands made on me and my time. i do admit i get the occasional hug from my kids but as every parent knows,  the things you do go largely unappreciated.

i also work hard, forty hours a week. i have a good boss, but i am the low man on the totem pole, so i get the unskilled, dirty jobs.  As you can expect, the attaboys are few and far between in these roles. i've gotten a few rewards for my work, but the nitty gritty of it is that how hard i work is just expected and not even commented on.

my service to M.Rick is the only part of my life --ever --  where service is rewarded on a regular basis: with a 'good girl', or a kiss, or an orgasm. Even just a 'thank you' is a really nice treat. He always appreciates my time and effort, the desire that i have to please Him in whatever way.

i also have a need to be needed. And with my kids as old as they are, they are needing me less and less. i feel useless almost, without direction, if i am not serving in some way. So the emotional rewards i get from it are powerful.

So in answer to the OP,  it is some of number one, a great deal of number two and very little of number three.



wisteriaV -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 10:37:21 AM)

I do it because I love him.



juliaoceania -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 10:39:09 AM)

We serve each other in different ways, the only difference is that he decides what shape my service to him will take, and sometimes I can best serve him by giving him the control to decide when he wants to serve me.

Service is a human thing, not a D/s one in my mind



goodgirl08 -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 10:55:53 AM)

Life experience and my own outlook sez that life is about the relationships we have with other people. I think I kind of fetishize this concept by wanting my relationship to be so extremely defined. By serving, I can show all the time how much I value that person.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 11:35:19 AM)

I serve to fulfill that need to serve and the inner fulfillment it gives to to serve. When I serve I don't expects rewards for what I am expected to do, however, Master comes from the school if I do well and serve well then he does give rewards.

I serve also because I need that structure and control, not for punishment but for the control only serving someone gives me.



Tigrita -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 12:51:07 PM)

I am another who is not service oriented.  Our dynamic doesn't include much in the way of service structure, especially because he has a slave who is very into service, so there isn't much expectation on me there. 

When I am asked to do service type things, I suppose my motivation is that I'm simply acknowledging the authority he has over me, I guess that fits closest to category 1.  It can be a little thing, like 'get me a drink', or it may be something more symbolic, like 'crawl to the bathroom and draw my bath', in which case it is more an act of submission than an act of service and doesn't really fit in the categories. 

I often like to do little things out of love and consideration without being asked, but I don't really think of that as service, and I don't have that 'need to be needed' mentality that others are speaking of.  I think I'm more attentive to things like this with him than in vanilla relationships for reasons similar to what Chewsie said, that  I do it to show my gratitude for him keeping me, and I'll add, to acknowledge my place with him, that I want to put him first, and make myself useful and valuable to him, even though I don't specifically get my jollies from service. 



batshalom -> RE: why do we serve? (12/18/2007 12:55:36 PM)

I'm a caregiver (and service sub). I'm like this with everyone. Apparently it's just something I do, can't keep from doing, and don't really pay attention to doing it.



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