RE: Do Some Doms like to learn the lifestyle on there own?

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RE: Do Some Doms like to learn the lifestyle on there own? - 8/19/2005 1:54:04 PM

fastlane

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I hate to read too (read at work too much), so I understand where he is coming from.
Although if you were to say to me, "I want to tell you a bedtime story about how one little boy, turned into a powerful Dom....Once upon a time..." You'd have my interest.
I'm heavy into the cliffnotes and the audio tapes, don't know if there available in the books you seek, but if they are...go for it!

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RE: Do Some Doms like to learn the lifestyle on there own? - 8/19/2005 6:54:28 PM

lovingmaster45

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quote:

Do Some Doms like to learn the lifestyle on there own?

Yes and they are a lot like people who learn grammar on their (sic) own.

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RE: Do Some Doms like to learn the lifestyle on there own? - 8/19/2005 7:17:59 PM

JohnWarren

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45

quote:

Do Some Doms like to learn the lifestyle on there own?

Yes and they are a lot like people who learn grammar on their (sic) own.

There is a long standing tradition in Usenet that anyone commenting on another's writing has to include at least on error on his or her own.

It's nice to see the tradition upheld.

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RE: Do Some Doms like to learn the lifestyle on there own? - 8/19/2005 7:33:11 PM

girl4you2

Posts: 1622
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45

quote:

Do Some Doms like to learn the lifestyle on there own?

Yes and they are a lot like people who learn grammar on their (sic) own.

There is a long standing tradition in Usenet that anyone commenting on another's writing has to include at least on error on his or her own.

It's nice to see the tradition upheld.

: ) yes, it is indeed.

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RE: Do Some Doms like to learn the lifestyle on there own? - 8/20/2005 3:20:32 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kiaban

If we are talking about D/s: I agree 100% everyone eventually finds thier own dynamic anyways.
If we are talking about rough sex : I agree again
If we are talking about using techniques and intruments that in other context would be concidered weapons there should be a word to the wise here.
I grew up in a "hunting and fishing' family. I learned early on about guns and the proper use of something that can be dangerous or simply a tool depending on how you use it. I took classes and learned from family all the important do's and don't...does that mean that someone who has never taken a class would mess up with a fire arm and shoot someone? or themselves?...not at all, but the potential for risk is much higher with that class of individual.
So you can grab canes, paddles, knives and whip and chains and start whopping away and perhaps if you are careful there would never be a problem. Then again there might.
The question then becomes is it wise to use things [that otherwise could be concidered weapons] if you are not very damn sure of what the outcome will be?
You can rebuild an engine and fuck it as often as you like and simply rebuild it again..can we say the same about nerve damage? internal bleeding?
So some say ok but she is there for feedback, cool , but in some cases that might be " um I need to go to the hospital" .

I guess I will finish this by saying again I am not talking about rough sex, or light play, or d/s .but if we are speaking of the "lifestyle" in general whips and floggers and rope and canes and such...why the hell would someone not want to learn about what effect things have and potential dangers before they start wielding them?

No, you're talking about physical techniques etc, which I've already addressed in my *first* contribution to this thread. Anyone can learn how to use whips or tie knots etc, including subs, so I don't rate actual technique as "learning the lifestyle" or how to dominate. The majority of actual dominating within my relationships happens without any toys, ropes or props in general - the focus is on the greater D/s dynamic.

Everyone has their priorities and objectives and mine, as a DIY Dom, puts the emphasis not on how or where I play but with whom I play with.... That means I do do the necessary research if I wanna try something new to me or both of us but I don't need anyone holding my hand in the process. So you'll just hafta take my word that I don't grab canes or knives etc and just "start whopping away" on my most treasured possession.... BDSM is true intimacy to me and my girl; it's PRIVATE!

Focus50.

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RE: Do Some Doms like to learn the lifestyle on there own? - 8/21/2005 7:29:39 AM

OscarHargraves

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I had to learn most of this on my own. Where I live there aren't any clubs or munches so it's been a matter of reading a lot, learning from my Subs and of course now reading and learning from the people here.

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RE: Do Some Doms like to learn the lifestyle on there own? - 8/21/2005 3:58:39 PM

pangaia

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I have studied and read about the "lifestyle" as much as i can ever since i was 13/14 years old. By the time i moved to New York to live on my own when i was 17 (where, no joke, I was taken in and raised by a group of radical feminist lesbians) I always tried to meet as many Professional and lifestyle Doms/Dommes as I could, to learn more.

I always supplemented this realtime study and learning in various "scenes" in and around the New York area (primarily at the time, a club called the "Vault" and another called "Trapeze") with study from whatever fiction or non fiction I could find. Around 1992 I began my first REAL Dom/Sub relationship and married my sub.

At that time I was primarily practicing according to the methodologies that I had studied or been exposed to. Yet, something was missing, it did not exactly fit into my beliefs or my style. Around 2000 I separated from my Sub (she was never collared by me, even though we were married) and left the country to spend another 4 years studying and learning and exploring who I was.

Now I am 32 and have a new Sub for life, and a 7 month old son. I have a clear idea of what my "style is and what type of Dom i am. But my Sub is just that.. a Sub. I seek a 24/7 TPE Slave. And yet, many of the ideas of the dynamic between master and slave, between sub and Dom that I see discussed really do not fit my own philosophy.

SO I am in the strange position of having to somewhat forget all have learned and start from scratch. I must admit that, like Bruce Lee, i feel that the existing orders and "styles" of BDSM are stifling and in some ways need to be overhauled.

I suggest any new Dom to follow their own path and get advise about safety and health from traditional sources like www.sexuality.org and leave the philosophy and technique (not counting extreme whipping, etc) to the agreements between him and his sub.

Just my two cents and i don't know how much sense it makes.

I am hoping to one day write my own books and make my own movies that explain my concepts of BDSM lifestyle. I think it is time for new ideas. New ways to internalize and express these concepts between one another.

(Typos rule.. but not nearly as much fun as rambling on about how great small smart dumb happy or sad you may think you are.. how accomplished.. abysmal you thinkyour life may be.. then reading it later and laughing hysterically at it)

My point.. finding one's own way can be cool.. learning from the mistakes of others (or yourself) is even cooler.

< Message edited by pangaia -- 8/23/2005 4:25:29 PM >

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RE: Do Some Doms like to learn the lifestyle on there own? - 8/22/2005 8:36:26 AM

Fawne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45

What is this DIY dom going to do when he gets in over his head? And how many times is he going to fuck it up beyond repair?
i would not touch him with a ten foot pole.

I wouldn't either! TY Jerry, the car illustration was perfect.

One could say Dominants ARE DIY'ers by nature; the ones I know are and I so admire them for it.
The Doms posting on this thread that say they have learned all alone... ironically are here, sharing experience, teaching, maybe learning something. C'mon.. it is still on your own, but you aren't so arrogant that you can't open a web page. I mean this in a good way...

How interested in this is he BTW? sorry, no offense... but he won't even pick up a book(even Cliff notes.. LOL) on technique?

take care, fawne

< Message edited by Fawne -- 8/22/2005 8:58:52 AM >

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RE: Do Some Doms like to learn the lifestyle on there own? - 8/26/2005 8:08:12 PM

Zenar

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On one hand I too can be hard headed, I think it is a prerequasite for being domminant but in this day and age of free information, he is looking a gift horse in the mouth. When I was first starting out there was no internet, there were no bookstores that would carry such things with out getting burned down, and there was not a public BDSM community to learn from. I simply did not have that as a choice. How ever that being said, the biggest thing I needed to learn is that this lifetyle realy does exist and it is not just made up fantasy. So I hope at least he has gotten to learn that much.

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