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A man's got to keep a little mystery about him, after all.

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

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A man's got to keep a little mystery about him, after all.

And a man who wants to entertain even the hope of pursuing a relationship with me is going to have to hand over some stuff at the emotional/mental level.  Otherwise I'm not interested.  The superficial doesn't appeal to me.

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Well I sometimes wonder if anyone thinks like I do.  I really like to know someone deeply.  That is my ultimate hope.  I want the intimacy that comes along with that sort of revelation.

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AND ...Hot Weasle Sex

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Well I sometimes wonder if anyone thinks like I do.  I really like to know someone deeply.  That is my ultimate hope.  I want the intimacy that comes along with that sort of revelation.

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But that's not what you're about-

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ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

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Well I sometimes wonder if anyone thinks like I do.  I really like to know someone deeply.  That is my ultimate hope.  I want the intimacy that comes along with that sort of revelation.

If you value that kind of intimacy, then watch what we men do.  And then do your homework.  He's watching football games?  Learn his team, even if you don't give a shit.  Learn who got traded in the off season.  He goes out back and works on a cabinet?  Learn about pine vs. hardwood, and get a chisel catalog and ask questions.  Start building your own, or decorate his.  Best example: He works 10 hours a day and comes home exhausted?  Learn about his job, his company, etc., through press releases and career guides or whatever resources you can find.  And then find ways to show that you value his effort at work.

But that's not what you're about--you want to know why he feels like he wants to 'run and hide' and swing a hammer or watch TV instead of talking to you.  The problem is, you don't care about 'communication', you care about validation.  You want to see how the deeper meanings of his actions correspond to your own, and validate your choices in life.  But guess what?  That doesn't validate him.  That same, "Aha!" moment you have... he doesn't. 

What if he already knows that you eat, sleep, and breath for the same reasons he does?  That you (and he) are worth caring about, and prefers it spoken through deed?  Sometimes, it seems, people (not women or subs--but people in general) seem to substitute profound revelations for profound actions.  Such as figuring out whether birch is better than cherry for a certain look and feel of a cabinet, and surprising your hammer-swinging taciturn man with it.  That shows you care, not tooth-pulling.

Often, there's no better feeling than working together or playing together and enjoying small talk.  And by together, I include simply sitting silently by the car and handing him tools, or shoving food under the door while he's writing and then proofing the pages while he's asleep. 

Me, I can talk a blue streak.  But you find a good man who does have a problem talking, or even one who does ok normally, and you may very well lose him--or have a much less rewarding relationship than you could have, by focusing on your need to pull his teeth. 

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ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

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Well I sometimes wonder if anyone thinks like I do.  I really like to know someone deeply.  That is my ultimate hope.  I want the intimacy that comes along with that sort of revelation.

If you value that kind of intimacy, then watch what we men do.  And then do your homework.  He's watching football games?  Learn his team, even if you don't give a shit.  Learn who got traded in the off season.  He goes out back and works on a cabinet?  Learn about pine vs. hardwood, and get a chisel catalog and ask questions.  Start building your own, or decorate his.  Best example: He works 10 hours a day and comes home exhausted?  Learn about his job, his company, etc., through press releases and career guides or whatever resources you can find.  And then find ways to show that you value his effort at work.

But that's not what you're about--you want to know why he feels like he wants to 'run and hide' and swing a hammer or watch TV instead of talking to you.  The problem is, you don't care about 'communication', you care about validation.  You want to see how the deeper meanings of his actions correspond to your own, and validate your choices in life.  But guess what?  That doesn't validate him.  That same, "Aha!" moment you have... he doesn't. 

What if he already knows that you eat, sleep, and breath for the same reasons he does?  That you (and he) are worth caring about, and prefers it spoken through deed?  Sometimes, it seems, people (not women or subs--but people in general) seem to substitute profound revelations for profound actions.  Such as figuring out whether birch is better than cherry for a certain look and feel of a cabinet, and surprising your hammer-swinging taciturn man with it.  That shows you care, not tooth-pulling.

Often, there's no better feeling than working together or playing together and enjoying small talk.  And by together, I include simply sitting silently by the car and handing him tools, or shoving food under the door while he's writing and then proofing the pages while he's asleep. 

Me, I can talk a blue streak.  But you find a good man who does have a problem talking, or even one who does ok normally, and you may very well lose him--or have a much less rewarding relationship than you could have, by focusing on your need to pull his teeth. 

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

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ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

It's pretty straightforward, in M/s, to just tell your slave to be quiet, change subject, or anything else.

Problem solved.

Solves the problem of you having to talk to someone by not having anyone there anymore who needs to talk with you.

Overkill in my book though.

My biggest pet peeve is men don't look at you when they talk. They talk easier if you're sitting next to them on a bar stool staring straight ahead, sitting next to them in a car staring straight ahead. But no eye contact and no physical contact. And that doesn't work for me.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP.

My biggest pet peeve is men don't look at you when they talk. They talk easier if you're sitting next to them on a bar stool staring straight ahead, sitting next to them in a car staring straight ahead. But no eye contact and no physical contact. And that doesn't work for me.

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Well I sometimes wonder if anyone thinks like I do.  I really like to know someone deeply.  That is my ultimate hope.  I want the intimacy that comes along with that sort of revelation.

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1

You assume wrongly that women should not have preferences in communication style.

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That in order to know someone, instead of communicating verbally, we should all get out and swing hammers or hit golf clubs.

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(as if that might ever happen with my nails, yawn).

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Your analogies are so simplistic and actually, sexist. Hand him tools while sitting quietly near by?

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ORIGINAL: Aswad

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1

You assume wrongly that women should not have preferences in communication style.

For all I care, people can talk Greek... backwards. But it will not get their point across to me. In short, it will be a preference about expression, rather a preference about communication. The latter requires not only that something be expressed, but also that it be perceived. Which, in turn, ideally means meeting halfway. The sender will adapt the message to the receiver, who will try to learn to read the sender better.  (right, like perception in what a poster is trying to say, which is as equally difficult to discern as it would be if someone was not communicating clearly with someone in person).

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That in order to know someone, instead of communicating verbally, we should all get out and swing hammers or hit golf clubs.

Different people are easier to get to know in different ways.
Would you rather dump him than swing a hammer, after you've hooked up? (depends, I am more of a cultural arts girl myself, and I never had to dump anyone because of sports addiction or tool addiction.)

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(as if that might ever happen with my nails, yawn).

As if I'd actually care to look at clothes or jewelry, yawn... oh, wait... I care.
Not about the fashion crap, but about the other person.(some people do care for fashion and do not consider it crap, even some men care about how their women look and vice versa. Plus, I was being somewhat facetious relative to the tools vs. nails quote, but whatever again..)

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Your analogies are so simplistic and actually, sexist. Hand him tools while sitting quietly near by?

What on Earth is sexist about that? (it was sexist to assume women needed validation from men via verbal communication but you forgot to quote that part)
Is it sexist if the roles are reversed, then? (yes, if the man sought validation from a woman via the same logic, yes)

For that matter, is it sexist when I sit quietly brushing my girl's hair for the intimacy of it? (no, we like having our  hair brushed)  Dammit, when did feminism come to mean that men give and women take, instead of a relationship consisting of a bit of give and take for both? (feminism does not mean that, you interpreted it to mean that)  No two people are so fully compatible that there will not be some need for lubrication in the relationship, whether that is her putting up with the football, or him putting up with the fashion, or whatever. (agreed)

Health,
al-Aswad.