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RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/20/2007 7:15:55 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I think there is a risk that any person who is getting intimately involved with you could read your many postings and decide to manipulate you with what you have written here. They could decide to use it against you. Now that is a real risk, and I am not going tomitigate it by saying it isn't there, but what I am going to say is that it is just a little easier to get that information out of you, it does not change the fact that eventually they would get that info anyways. It does not change their character in being that way.

You have to do a cost benefit analysis, just like we all do in any relationship, and decide what information you want that that person to have, and when you want them to have it. This is true of all relationships, when do we truly let someone in and trust them? I suppose that is an individual choice. Some people feel they have nothing to hide here, they are more open books. Some require time to get to know a person.

Those that comment on the fact that these are all strangers that you are posting to, so what is the difference? Well the difference is that none of these people will likely ever have the opportunity to use what you post here against you in the real world... and that is a big big difference. I do not find that much of a risk, and I am an open book, but I can imagine some are not like me, and that is ok.



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to liminalRapture)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/20/2007 7:30:45 AM   
liminalRapture


Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		Julia--thank you for your thoughtful analysis.  You hit the nail 90%  on the head.
It isn't so much that I'm worried about being manipulated as that I'm just sucky at doing the reveal.  I don't want to hide things.  But my dad was a psychiatrist that sometimes tried to practice on me, and I tend to value my own privacy in an odd way with the people I'm closest to.  I need to be in control of how quickly I reveal and not feel like people are just pushing through without me having a say in the process.

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/20/2007 8:33:14 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I think my Master knew about them before we got toghether, but i am not sure if he read them.  Now he reads them if he knows i posted.  Even though we have been together close to 2 years he says reading my posts lets him get into my head more.  I don't care if he reads them (as i know he will read this one).  Anything impt to our relationship i will talk to him about not post on a public board.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to liminalRapture)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/20/2007 9:20:24 AM   
secretagentgirl


Posts: 70
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

You haven't misunderstood.  For some reason, I hate to reveal any vulnerabilities or weaknesses in person.  Eventually, I want someone to actually care enough to find out where they are, but I seem to be incapable of volunteering that information.

I totally get that.  I am not nearly as open in relationships as many of your people are... I like to have a place where I can discuss things with friends/online people and then use that info to better my real life relationships.
I have a group of women friends who I talk to daily online and there is NO WAY I'd want my sig other reading it.  It is often me just venting about little things, revealing weaknesses, etc that I'd like to present differently to my partner.  Or maybe they give me ideas about how best to frame something I bring up with him.  Or the tell me I'm over-reacting.

I really like having that support group to help me muddle through things and for me, I don't think it can all be worked out with my partner.  He is just not introspective and analytical enough.


(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/20/2007 9:50:51 AM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		i met my Owner here, He knew what i was doing and still do from the beginning almost. The only thing he requested was that i put in my (now deleted) profile that i was taken. Which i was happy to do. The men still contacted me constantly so i made a new one. A few men after only one or two E-mails to me. Told me to delete my profile and not go on the boards. i refused.

In my opinion a true Dominant should not be threatend by a message board. If he feels he can't trust you. Then he should move on. Also, unless it's a form of punishment. No one should take away what you enjoy.

You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you get a prince. WHen the right one comes along. Everything will fall into place for the both of you. That's how it happened for me.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to liminalRapture)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/20/2007 9:59:23 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Puleeeze...I wish more guys would read my posts on the forum before writing me. Most are not even aware of this thing called a forum. I would love it if they did because then it would weed out the morons who quake in their boots over my use of our lexicon.

If I had a penny for every guy who said, "geez sexyred1, why do use such big words" in reply to their monosyllabic emails, I would be able to put a down payment on my next Gucci bag.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/20/2007 2:39:38 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I still think that this site lacks a certain level of ......Intelligence or maybe better....Common sense.

Journals kept on an online site...Some people exposing their innermost thoughts and desires...For the viewing of the masses.  Nothing saved, nothing considered to be personal, or private or special.  An open book.

How boring. 

_____________________________



(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/20/2007 9:25:50 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I still think that this site lacks a certain level of ......Intelligence or maybe better....Common sense.

Journals kept on an online site...Some people exposing their innermost thoughts and desires...For the viewing of the masses.  Nothing saved, nothing considered to be personal, or private or special.  An open book.

How boring. 


People have been exposing their inner most feelings via the written word for 1000s of years, and whilst I can understand your boredom because there is nothing new under the sun to write about seemingly, it is a rathe cathartic release.

I write my feelings down for me, and if other people like what I write it may please me, but that is not my ultimate motivation for doing so..

And one can remain pretty anonymous over the internet... all it takes is a fake screen name, throw-a-way email addy, no pictures of oneself... and most people are not going to care enough to bother to find out what you are doing on some message board in the middle of the virtual universe.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/20/2007 9:41:42 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I still think that this site lacks a certain level of ......Intelligence or maybe better....Common sense.

Journals kept on an online site...Some people exposing their innermost thoughts and desires...For the viewing of the masses.  Nothing saved, nothing considered to be personal, or private or special.  An open book.

How boring. 


I don't journal, I don't feel the need.  I meant that anyone who would appreciate my humor might find the forum postings fun to read.

As for you not finding the site to be intelligent enough or having enough common sense? What the hell do you expect? The site is simply a microcosm of the general population, nothing more, nothing less and there will be a cross section of very smart people, fair to middling people and not so smart people.

One might ask why you are here or why you post if you find it so boring?

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/20/2007 10:10:23 PM   
MasterofScyn


Posts: 141
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		Master and I were both told about this sight at the same time. I post far more than he does, at the same time he reads most of what I posts. Sometimes it's easier for me to say how I feel in written words rather than verbal, if he feels he has to question it he will and then I can kind of talk about it. Though I find it alot easier to talk to him than I have any of my other ex's so that has got to say something there. I also don't keep journals, to be honest I don't post anything extremly personal either. But that is me on a personal note. I've had bad experience with journals, almost cost me my dad *extremly long story* ... Since then, I have never written anything down that was very personal.. If I do.. I write in handwriting just to get it out then I will burn the paper it's on. On some level it releases the tension of whatever was written down.
 
In your case though... well.. Think of it this way.. Depending how close things get between you.. He'll find out sooner or later anyway. If later he might ask why you didn't mention it earlier, he may or may not get upset. Only you can really be the judge of that. It's all really up to you and if you don't ever want to mention it, and he finds out.. he might see it has hiding behind his back. It's hard to tell how he would react. Then again... He might find everything interesting and would be willing to work with you on your fears and such. Only one way to find out...
 
Scyn ~

_____________________________

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind always be at your back
May the sun always shine against your face
May the rain fall softly upon your fields
Until we meet again
May the spirits hold you in the palm of their hands

(in reply to liminalRapture)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/20/2007 10:32:20 PM   
Dolce


Posts: 34
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		::shrugs:: I introduced my former dom to these boards...only to have him use it to cheat on me (propositioned 5 other subs, even after I'd made it totally clear that our relationship was monagmous), and then break up with me a few weeks later. The glorious thing was that he was using my personal computer to do part of the cheating...which means the only time he would have gotten my computer without my seeing is when he would leave me tied up in another room. The guy had balls...but certainly not the brains to back it up.

Good riddance to him...even though he's back on the boards again with a new screen name and profile :-p Girl's gotta love Facebook for picture comparison.

I'm not saying that every Dom is an undeserving putz (mine was!), but make sure you trust the guy with the knowledge.


_____________________________

The presence of a noble nature...changes the lights for us: we begin to see things again in their larger, quieter masses, and to believe that we too can be seen and judged in the wholeness of our character. ~George Eliot

(in reply to MasterofScyn)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/21/2007 6:08:40 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Good riddance to him...even though he's back on the boards again with a new screen name and profile :-p Girl's gotta love Facebook for picture comparison.

I'm not saying that every Dom is an undeserving putz (mine was!), but make sure you trust the guy with the knowledge.


It sounds as though introducing him to collarme helped you discover what a loser he was before you went any further with him... lucky you.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Dolce)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/21/2007 6:15:56 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I do not journal here.  I do journal to myself.  But I keep it almost entirely private as it's my place in the world to reflect and process.  I do agree domi, it's not fun to see everything immediately.  Surprise me, reveal to me.  But the message boards are a good place to see how people operate and it can be eye opening.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/21/2007 7:06:36 AM   
BiteGirl


Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
But then again, I'm only 16 and a half...What in the fuck is your excuse?...Old people are so lame.


HAHA.
That made me laugh so hard. Serious. I joined this site when I was 16 (am 18 now) and I still can't get over how lame people on here can be, espeshally with the "I am dom. You will serve me. NOW. Call me "master", show respect you measly slave" and the subs "I want you to tell me what to do, right now." it's like, dude, get a fucking life, I'm a switch, and I do this for fun, not because it's my life's quest to be the biggest fucking wanker and pretend i belong to people I don't know or own people I don't know.

Now, back to the topic at hand: I think you should speak to your so when you feel comfortable, explain that it is your space and you will slap him out if he reads it, but you thought he should know beacuse you want to be open and honest in this relationship as you want to receive the same respect back.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/21/2007 7:09:06 AM   
BiteGirl


Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I still think that this site lacks a certain level of ......Intelligence or maybe better....Common sense.

Journals kept on an online site...Some people exposing their innermost thoughts and desires...For the viewing of the masses.  Nothing saved, nothing considered to be personal, or private or special.  An open book.

How boring. 


And to add to that: If being an open book is what you are after with ALL THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, including your boss, your co-workers, your mother, your great aunt, then fine. Talk. Write. Blog. But when it comes back and bites you in the ass, you did post it on line, and were awair of the consequences when you did it.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/21/2007 1:54:01 PM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		There is something that is a fundamental right to all humans!! That is Freedom of speech!! That has to be displayed somewhere so people from all walks of life can read and learn about others!! That is called  "open minded". This board and all of peoples messages should be on display for all to be read if they wish to do so!! Others may wish to turn there heads and disregard but there are others like me and i'm sure i am not alone who wish to know more of what goes on in the lifestyle practice and the only place i can trust is through the comments of the genuine people of this group who have nothing to fear of no one!! until i visited these boards my perception to BDSM has changed and i learned to trust people and so to become more acceptable in my community. i thank again the people that do take time and post there thoughts and answers and share there knowledge with the rest of us.. It is the only place that there is some serious talking going on!!

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to BiteGirl)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/23/2007 3:35:07 PM   
flowspen


Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I dont know..maybe I am just lazy, but I tell any potential Dominant that I post on the message boards..it gives them a better insight into who I am and what I feel about certain issues..it shows the good and the bad..and certainly saves me a whole lot of typing..and frankly, it helps open up a lot of discussion opportunities....Tempting


I agree tempting... Mistress today went and read some of the things I have posted on here and i was shocked because I dont remember all of them, but I know they are the real me and She is entitled to see all of it.  I welcomed it and even enjoyed it.  It does help Her gain a better understanding of me and if anyone was to really and truly get me, then i would want it to be her.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: When do you tell a potential D about the boards? - 12/23/2007 4:34:39 PM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		Hey folks!! You could also come up with an excuse that you had a change of heart after you posted them and beg humbly for forgivness......

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to flowspen)
Profile   Post #: 38
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