Hurting a Dom

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trusting -> Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 10:52:10 AM)
i have spoken to this dom through CM for a while now, we seemed to have had an instant attraction between us... well, last night i told him that i was unable to take this any firther due to the great distance between us, he is in Hawaii and i am in Virginia. i told him that i desire him totally and that i wish things could be different, but they do not seem to be going in that direction. when i signed into CM this morning i went to respond to one of his messages and his profile has been deleted. i suppose i would like to know why someone would simply vanish like that? i am sure there are many different reasons... please share your thoughts.

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 10:56:43 AM)
i feel for you. That must of been so hard. Maybe he just needed a break. i'm sure that he probably has heard this before and maybe he just needed to get away from it for a while. Was he willing to relocate if things worked out? .

trusting -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 11:08:18 AM)
that is what makes it worse... he was willing to relocate in time. i guess i was in too big of a rush!

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 11:12:53 AM)
or maybe you became scared. Here's a man you desire who lives far away. That is a life changing experience and what ifit doesn't work out? It's a big deal and very over whelming. Look inside you and search your heart and maybe you will find other reason's why you let him go. We all fet scared. So don't be too hard on yourself.

Jeffff -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 11:18:34 AM)
Or maybe he is , what we used to call.........a baby. To me it feels like emotional manipulation. " see how bad you hurt me?" " I have to go away now because you broke me heart". It sounds like you were honest and up front about it. I don't see how this is your fault......or problem.......at all Jeff

lauren0221 -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 11:30:49 AM)
One of the traits I appreciate most in Dominants, is well, dominance (which for me includes strength, determination, and problem solving ability). There are people who have moved to US from all over the world to be with their one, and vice versa. All relationships have obstacles, it's how you handle them that shows your true colors?

ForcefuIHands -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 11:47:06 AM)
To quote the Mikado: there are lots of good fish in the sea... As much as I can talk about the lure of online romance, the fact is without a tangible basis for a relationship, this was probably for the best. The sheer logistics of a move of that size, across ocean, is staggering. Then you deal with the issues of things working out in practice as well as on paper. At least you found out now how he reacts to minor obstacles as opposed to the first short rent check. I half-agree with the baby verdict. If it wasn't that big a deal for him to move, it seems odd to abort an entire relationship when if it was worthwhile, he could have simply waited. I would add "patience" to the dominance list above in lauren's post. If there's one good place to test patience, it's online. Don't be too down on yourself. You have shown good judgment, and that kind of judgment in looking out for what's best for you will serve you well in whatever avenue of life you pursue from here. Best wishes. -R

KatyLied -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 12:27:26 PM)
Look at it on the bright side. Better he poofs than gets angry and decides to cyber stalk you. I know it is abstract when you talk to people and have an attraction and you've never met in real life. It is a challenge or sorts, especially when things are at a distance. But you can't get all caught up in it before you've met. What does that mean? The wonders of the internet.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 12:53:56 PM)
People "poof" for different reasons. I am sure he will be back under a new name. Don't take it personally. You did what you felt was the right thing and you were very honest with him.

DesFIP -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 12:59:37 PM)
He may have felt it was better to disable the profile than rant at you. Some people know themselves well enough to need to not have a way of making an ass of themselves. After all, you could have gone on vacation to Hawaii, met him, and still have a great time even if you weren't compatible. But even if you met someone in Virginia, that's no guarantee they could move to your city immediately or ever.

NakedGirlScout -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 1:13:50 PM)
I'm sorry that his actions hurt you. But I've found out that it's better to be a little hurt this way, than a lot more hurt by going much further with the person only to find out later, when you're far deeper into it, that he doesn't have the staying-power and perseverence to talk to you about important issues. It's hard to imagine someone who was really into you not being willing to at least try to discuss this and see if he could change your mind. The behavior seems over-reactive to me and being over-reactive isn't a good dom trait anyway.

FRSguy -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 2:08:19 PM)
You know, this one time at band camp I met a woman that lived in a far far away place... like over 3,000 miles from where I lived and we talked every day for like a year... now... its 12 years later... we have been living together for 11 years... married for the past 6... and she has worn my collar for the last 2... Now back then in band camp things looked mighty bleak and I was going through a really tough time and she was kind of a voice in the night.... things seemed so dark then like ther was no way out. Now as I sit here typing this.... I am now at what is probably the happiest most rewarding time of my life and we have an um as well. Long distance relationships are allways a toss of the coin and very few people end up on the good end of it but for most that are in long distance relationships its not like they have a whole lot to loose otherwise they wouldnt be in them in the first place. Ironicly, I had met a woman from Tx that had said she wouldnt talk to me because it was too far away... gee her life would have been so different if she hadnt said that but... I am glad she passed the gauntlet to a collarable angel that was patient enough to wait out the hardship... otherwise she never would have made it through the small hardships that followed at the begining .

erebus -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 3:36:52 PM)
I wouldn't take this seriously. If a guy disappeared just because of this he's either (a) young and immature, or (b) not very serious and, yes, immature. Perhaps he's a wannabe as well. Forget about it.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 6:35:35 PM)
Maybe his wife found his profile... gosh that sounds harsh... but it could be true. You know, if he really wants you, he'll come back after a cooling down period. Remember wooing? That still applies in relationships, but we seem to have forgotten about it. But I totally understand... And if you want, you can come visit me in Korea - NOBODY wants to relocate here for me... Smiles and hugs... hang in there. peace

RedMagic1 -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 7:46:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Maybe his wife found his profile... gosh that sounds harsh... but it could be true. You know, if he really wants you, he'll come back after a cooling down period. Remember wooing? That still applies in relationships, but we seem to have forgotten about it. But I totally understand... And if you want, you can come visit me in Korea - NOBODY wants to relocate here for me... Smiles and hugs... hang in there. peace Dang. I can read Hangul. Does that count?

CelticPrince -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 7:47:26 PM)
trusting, How long is awhile? While in my view a Dominant must be sufficiently mature that doing a poff is out of the question. Did you spring it out of the blue? It just seems strange that you would pull the plug like that? CP

desertdancer -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/20/2007 7:55:48 PM)
Wow, there have been some harsh judgements here. We have not heard this man's side, we do not know how he is feeling. Calling him a baby, saying he has a wife and or that maybe he was just young isn't very kind. It could be his heart is breaking, maybe he feels broken a little. Maybe just one more email from the Op would hurt him way to much right now. Maybe he thinks she is looking for him to beg her not to break this off and maybe he is feeling so low he doesn't have that in him right now. The feeling I got from the Op was that she isn't sure she wants it over. Kinda felt like she wanted a lotta reassurance from him that things could work out. The line of communication was still open by her, so it looks to me like she was still wanting more. Mayby he is to hurt to give it right now. I know these feelings, because I've lived them. Many of you know that I'm from the States and have come to Australia to be with my Master. Long distance relationships are often soulful and searing, emotional and gritty. Sometimes they are on a much deeper level because the actual physical side can not be pressent, you only have the emotions to work with. There were a couple of times in our journey that I was lost, felt overwhelmed by the distance and the time and the longing. Once or twice I got scared and thought I couldn't do it. I needed to hear him affirm that we could do it, needed to do it, was no way we could not do it. Spending three + years typng on a cold keyboard night after night when all you want to do is hold someone in your arms, whisper in their ear, feel thim filling you up and fucking you deeply can be a very painful yet truthful experiance. Long distance sucks, it's messy and painful yet beautiful. It can be worth the work, the tears and moments of longing. I have never been so happy as I am now. Three years of spening my days and nights pinning whistfully has paid off. I am living what for a while was only a beautiful dream. Op, I am sorry that you are going through this. I hope you have other ways of contacting him other then CM. I hope if you are still wanting him that you can find him again. If your not wanting him, please consider that he may be wanting you and it couldbe painful for you to keep the lines of communication going. Best wishes

SirDominic -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/21/2007 10:28:06 AM)
quote: i suppose i would like to know why someone would simply vanish like that? Quite likely you will never really know, trusting. And not knowing is always hardest. Online relationships are inherently not trustworthy though. No matter how well you get along over the net, that is no real indication of how you will get along face to face. Long distance relationships are a gamble. It is hard to find that One who you just naturally connect with, so it is so tempting to latch on when you seem to find someone. Try to resist the urge, unless it is someone close enough that you can meet on at least a semi-regular basis. My slave and I live 6 1/2 hours apart, which is waaaaaay further than I wanted, but close enough that we can see each other for a long weekend at least once a month.

Focus50 -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/21/2007 11:49:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: trusting i have spoken to this dom through CM for a while now, we seemed to have had an instant attraction between us... well, last night i told him that i was unable to take this any firther due to the great distance between us, he is in Hawaii and i am in Virginia. i told him that i desire him totally and that i wish things could be different, but they do not seem to be going in that direction. when i signed into CM this morning i went to respond to one of his messages and his profile has been deleted. i suppose i would like to know why someone would simply vanish like that? i am sure there are many different reasons... please share your thoughts. Personally, I suspect distance is a major attraction for this fella's D/s relationships - the unlikely prospect of it ever moving to r/l.... I tend to believe that all things, esp including relationships, are either growing/flourishing or stagnating/dying. And it sounds like you hit that very impasse; that you needed to move beyond just emails etc. I'm sorry but either this bloke is just plain immature in closing down through what he perceived as rejection or he only ever wanted a virtual partner to get his jollies off with. Either way, I think your actions were what was right for you (and would be for me, too) and that you've probably dodged a bullet here.... Focus.

Thalamus -> RE: Hurting a Dom (12/21/2007 1:14:37 PM)
The problem with his actions is that anything we say is pure speculation and so unfortunately is not comforting. If I were in your shoes I’d be asking myself just how strong this connection was for us both bearing in mind what he has done. If he contacts you again I’d listen to his reasoning but trusting someone whom has displayed such a total lack of communication and disregard to your feelings is another thing entirely. Warning signs if you ask me. My thoughts are with you.

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