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can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/20/2007 5:24:27 PM

KnOcala

Posts: 260
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

I am interested as a switch. My only hesitation as dominant is my lack of experience. Is it possible to learn from a sub or would the sub grow frustrated and not satisified because they are aiding in leading the situation? I have limited experience with spanking, a flogger, light bondage. Last experience I was returning from town and gave her instructions that before I arrived I wanted her naked on her hands and knees facing away from me with her favorite toy near the foot of the bed. It started out well, I blindfolded her and put restraints on her and started with spanking and my flogger but after I strapped her down I felt a little unsure of myself but continued. She was very satisfied but I felt like I needed to do more. How do you learn except through trial and error and from your own experiences on the other end?

< Message edited by KnOcala -- 12/20/2007 5:26:01 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/20/2007 6:27:13 PM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

As long as you are willing to listen and integrate suggestions, then yes it is possible to learn from your sub. As to whether or not they will get frustrated, that's a matter of individuality. I wouldn't, but your sub may... that's not to say I am more patient than your sub, just that we may be after different things. I am in a committed, loving relationship, moving on and finding the next Dom to get my itch scratched isn't something I would consider.

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 2

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/20/2007 6:29:24 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Yes, I know first hand that you can learn to be a Dom from a sub. I taught my ex all about it and created Frankenstein's MonsterDom.

He took to it all too well and actually ended up teaching me a thing or two or three...

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 3

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/20/2007 6:34:14 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

short answer yes if both are willing

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(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 4

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/20/2007 6:36:18 PM

LadyChef

Posts: 105
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

Let the learning begin! Free your mind and the rest will follow!

_____________________________

You reap what you sow

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 5

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/20/2007 6:48:05 PM

KnOcala

Posts: 260
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

thanks for the quick responses. My concern with exploring my dominant side has been not living up to a subs expectations. I feel much better now.

(in reply to LadyChef)

Post #: 6

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/21/2007 4:41:20 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

I think it is certainly possible. Everyone has to start learning from somewhere. I'm much more experienced than my Mistress, but She has told me that She's more than willing to learn some things from me. I know I won't get frustrated with Her for not knowing some things. We have a lifetime together to learn.

Besides, as much fun as it is to lose oneself in a serious play session, it is just as fun to have non-harmful bloopers and gigglefests to add a touch of diversity while trying out something new.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 7

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/21/2007 4:55:48 AM

mhawk

Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
Status: offline

well for my Mistress,this is really Her first time ever being dominate.i must also say that as my Lord's slave and Hers as well that we, my Mistress and i are both learning as we go along.i have had some D/s relations but none as intensive as this.

it's all a learning experience for both.as we go along we are finding what we both enjoy and what we don't enjoy,what helps us the most is open and honest communication.

my Mistress asks me occasionally if She is doing things right but we always remind eachother of things along the way

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 8

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/21/2007 5:09:16 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It doesn't matter how much experience either of you have, you are both new to each other. You need to learn how each other responds.

In terms of what to do; blindfolds help cover that moment when you just stand there wondering now what, you could also write down on an index card ideas and refer to it while she's blindfolded, lay out toys in order of planned use. You might want to get The New Topping Book and look for ideas, write down ideas when you see stuff online, look for inexpensive pervertables in the dollar store, etc.

_____________________________

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(in reply to rubberpet)

Post #: 9

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/21/2007 12:14:01 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnOcala

I am interested as a switch. My only hesitation as dominant is my lack of experience. Is it possible to learn from a sub or would the sub grow frustrated and not satisified because they are aiding in leading the situation? I have limited experience with spanking, a flogger, light bondage. Last experience I was returning from town and gave her instructions that before I arrived I wanted her naked on her hands and knees facing away from me with her favorite toy near the foot of the bed. It started out well, I blindfolded her and put restraints on her and started with spanking and my flogger but after I strapped her down I felt a little unsure of myself but continued. She was very satisfied but I felt like I needed to do more. How do you learn except through trial and error and from your own experiences on the other end?

Though I'm beginning to loathe the term, I'm an #experienced# Dom who learns from submissives all the time, including the inexperienced ones. Techniques etc that have worked with one sub (or more) may not necessarily work with the next - so I take the time to actually get to know the individual her.

So you need two things happening.... One is to be honest that you're in an early learning stage so your sub can make informed choices about whether she wants to be part of it. The other is to have a safe and healthy "work ethic", which would also include being honest with yourself if you think you're stretching your capabilities.

With any new experience or partner, I move at my own excrutiatingly slow pace in order to see how anything is affecting her. Feedback from someone new is rarely helpful while they're trussed up like a turkey and deep in subspace! So I push the envelope gradually (over days and weeks) in order to process how whatever we've done has manifested in her physically and emotionally. And it doesn't phase me when I get the occasional criticism about how she could've gone further on a particular scene that I terminated relatively early - the responsibility buck stops with me, NOT the submissive, so it's always at my pace.

Focus.

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 10

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/21/2007 2:07:26 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

i think every one has something new to learn everyday.. People very and have different needs... Not everyones the same... Yes!

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(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 11

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/21/2007 3:21:48 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

I think we kinky folks learn from each other, submissive or Dominant. You may need to learn from experienced people in some levels of play (like signal whips etc) but much can be learned through each other as your relationship grows.

Z-

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(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 12

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/21/2007 3:48:27 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Absolutely!

I have learned far far more from submissives/slaves than anyone else.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 13

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/21/2007 4:31:11 PM

KnOcala

Posts: 260
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

The reason I had asked was that I have a dominant personality but have a submissive side that I wanted to explore (and still do). I went to a munch listing myself as a switch. I was invited to a party afterwards and was enjoying it and met a woman that was dominant that was interested in me. She was bi and had a female sub with her and i observed her work on her quite a bit and was very excited about the prospects. Then I held some of her floggers/whips/etc and really liked the way they felt in my hand and the control I felt playing with them. They were quality tools not like most of what you see in a novelty shop.
I did explore my dominant side with a couple of different woman mildly and with great apprehension as I was unsure of myself. The last time in my mind I had thought it out, surprised her with and and it started out great, but I hadn't thought far enough nor knew what to do and she was defineatly not experienced in it, so the bdsm part just kind of ended after a lttile bit and it just became sex. I felt wanting to go further but not sure how to go about it, I did question her about it afterwards and she really enjoyed what we had done and thats where it ended.
I thought maybe it would be easier to start as a sub and learning from ones own experiences would be the best way. Afterall I do have a submissive side. Until I went to the party after the munch I would have never learned as much as I had and would have not had a clue as to use a flogger other then to haul off and whip someone's ass and not use the wrist motion to bring pleasure as well as pain.
So I guess it would be experience and a willingness to learn more then what end of the whip you are on.
thank you for all your advice.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 14

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/21/2007 6:08:11 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

I feel i can learn from everyone , as everyone has something to learn from .Be it life experiance , lessons , or a new twist ,maybe finding a meaning somewhere where you never thought one was there ..Its also true both parties have to be open to the exchange , you have to be open to share what ou know and open enough to recieve those lessons or knowlage .
Kinda like telling a child dont do that you will get hurt yet they do it anyway and find out on there own .I prefer to learn rather than experiance the bad hurt but even i dont listen all the time .
The universe will thump lessons on your head til you get the message .

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 15

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/22/2007 4:15:56 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

It is totally possible - absolutely.
Trial and error - learn and grow. And good communication rocks.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 16

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/22/2007 5:37:41 AM

wisteriaV

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

I would hope that no matter the role or roles we take in life that as humans we are open for growth on a daily basis. I find it poor logic to think because we take on a title that it exempts us from learning from others and our enviroments.

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Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 17

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/22/2007 10:01:08 AM

ebonypleasurepet

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline

I totally believe you have to learn from somewhere. Why not learn together, it makes it more fun. Theres always books, online sites and discussion forums like this one. We're all here to help if we can...good luck and good fun!

pet

(in reply to wisteriaV)

Post #: 18

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/22/2007 10:05:38 AM

LoveAndDS

Posts: 39
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnOcala

I am interested as a switch. My only hesitation as dominant is my lack of experience. Is it possible to learn from a sub or would the sub grow frustrated and not satisified because they are aiding in leading the situation? I have limited experience with spanking, a flogger, light bondage. Last experience I was returning from town and gave her instructions that before I arrived I wanted her naked on her hands and knees facing away from me with her favorite toy near the foot of the bed. It started out well, I blindfolded her and put restraints on her and started with spanking and my flogger but after I strapped her down I felt a little unsure of myself but continued. She was very satisfied but I felt like I needed to do more. How do you learn except through trial and error and from your own experiences on the other end?

Going with your natural feelings is always better than using what you've seen done by other people. Than your actions, feelings, and words will have a much more familiar and easy going way about them.

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 19

RE: can an inexperienced dom learn from a sub - 12/22/2007 1:26:35 PM

ksub4u

Posts: 124
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

Communication is going to be key here. Also, it depends on the personalities of those two people (of course!) I personally seek Doms with experience from whom I can learn and I lean on their expertise. I wouldn't be capable of or enjoy teaching, I don't think, but that's also probably because I don't have a ton of real life experience. I would think if the sub has a lot of experience and a deep understanding of both the lifestyle and herself and her needs, it would work.

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 20

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