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ORIGINAL: petdave

If you were to examine your limits from an objective standpoint, would you see a pattern?

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Fear of having your body damaged beyond repair?

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Fear of pain too intense for you to enjoy?

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Fear of doing something that would force you to change the way you look at yourself?

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Fear of breaking the law?

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Fear of being alienated from your Top?

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And for those of you who have overcome limits, particularly those who have "learned to love things that you once thought were hard limits", which category did those fall under?

...dave

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ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

Life is simply too unpredictable to bother making a "List of Limits".  That is a waste of time and energy.  Plus, it's worth about as much as a restraining order, which is not the paper it's printed on.  Instead, i choose to spend my time and energy making and remaking a "List of Objectives and Goals" and i strive to REACH them, rather than striving to AVOID all the 'bad stuff' that can happen.  i prefer to live with the positive energy that comes from looking for and being open to the possibilities in life, rather than live with the negative energy that comes from fearing and dreading the potential catastrophes that can happen.
 
A wonderful, caring, 69 year old woman, went for a morning walk and ended up, raped, strangled to death and left half nude in a ditch on the side of the road for 3 days, until a passerby found her.  The woman was my mom and i guess her mistake was not having "a limit" on morning walks. 

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ORIGINAL: petdave

If you were to examine your limits from an objective standpoint, would you see a pattern?

i don't bother examining what limits i have.  i concentrate on examining where i have been, how i got there, and where i still want to go.

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Fear of having your body damaged beyond repair?

Already happened, when i was merely riding my bicycle on a Monday morning in my neighborhood and a drunk driver slammed into me, causing me to be thrown out of my shoes and end up in a bloody heap of twisted and broken bones in the middle of the road.

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Fear of pain too intense for you to enjoy?

Already happened, when a deep infection was brewing inside my crushed ankle and i ran out of Percocet and i realized exactly how it's possible that an animal can gnaw-off it's own foot, in order to escape a trap.  i wanted to do the same thing to myself. 

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Fear of doing something that would force you to change the way you look at yourself?

Already happened, when i woke up in the hospital to see a 3" gaping hole at the base of my right leg, a huge rectangular scab covering the front of my left thigh, where my skin had been surgically removed so that it could be used to cover the open wound on my right calf, which was left looking like it had been bitten by a shark, because of the skin and underlying tissue being ripped-off down to the muscle, and numerous other scars from my left collarbone down to my right foot.  And, finally, ending up with a dangling stump of what's left of my right leg, instead of a lower leg and foot. 
 
Not that my body was so amazingly beautiful before but, it was in pretty good shape and i was physically fit and unscarred and whole.  Suddenly and unexpectedly, i had to accept the fact that i was going to be seen as "damaged goods" by a lot of men and my amputated leg and prosthesis would be looked at as strange and/or pitiful by others.  i had to learn to look at myself from a whole new perspective and see what i have, rather than what i had lost.

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Fear of breaking the law?

Breaking the law is not the problem.  It's being arrested, charged, convicted, and incarcerated, or, at the very least, having "a record", that is the problem.  People break laws every day, without any problem.  If i were to fear "breaking the law", i wouldn't be able to cross the road, without walking an extra mile to get to a crosswalk.

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Fear of being alienated from your Top?

i have no fear of being alienated from my Master because He is in control of my actions.  The only way i could alienate Him would be to no longer want to be His slave and to stop obeying Him.  If i were to no longer want to be His slave, it wouldn't matter to me if i were alienated from Him. 

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And for those of you who have overcome limits, particularly those who have "learned to love things that you once thought were hard limits", which category did those fall under?

...dave

i haven't "overcome my limits", because i have no idea what my limits are.  i haven't discovered them, yet.  i haven't yet attained all of my objectives and goals, either but, i haven't ruled them out as possibilities.  i am still focused on striving to reach them, including but, not limited to, running the Marine Corps Marathon and hiking the length of the Appalachian Trail.
 
To me, it's all a matter of perspective.  i prefer to use a positive perspective of looking at my life as a learning experience and many of those lessons involve some unpleasant feelings and experiences.  It's not that i'm fearless or that i take unnecessary risks.  It's just that i don't let fear of unpleasantness or pain rule my life or limit what i want to do and try and feel and see. 
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

My limits have nothing to do with fear.  Why would I be afraid of something I can control as a limit?

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My limits have to do with things I feel are necessary to maintain a level of trueness to myself and standard of living to which I prefer.

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ORIGINAL: trusting

limits to me are not about fear... they are simply something i stand strongly behind.

my limits include... no children, scat or medical play.

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ORIGINAL: petdave

If you were to examine your limits from an objective standpoint, would you see a pattern?
I have 2 kinds of limits:  hard and soft are what I call them.  The hard ones are pretty standard...kids, animals, poop and death.  Two are illegal anyway, poop is just not even on my ick-factor scale, and death would kinda ruin a scene.  My soft limits are more boundaries that I had set through ignorance and inexperience and aimed to overcome...watersports (pee play), knives, breath control, sharing or whoring, bisexuality.  In choosing a play partner or Dom, there would have to be the trust level involved with which to overcome these boundaries.  If I didn't trust him even to tie me up, no way in hell would I consent to knife play.  Even still, I will not do some forms of play with just anyone.  I consider that to be safe, sane and consensual...not limiting.

Fear of having your body damaged beyond repair?
In regards to scening or being within a D/s, again I wouldn't be with someone where I would have that kind of fear.  At a casual play party yes there are some trolls that are uncontrollable, even with a DM there.  But you get to know them and I just don't play.  If it is with someone I thought I could trust and he betrays me within play, heaven help him when he unties me!  But there is no fear there of it happening.  If it happens, I'll deal with it.  
In regards to a normal vanilla unforeseen situation like being hit by a bus:  meh, the odds are against it.  I try real hard to be safe but if it happens I will deal with it then.  I don't fear it in advance.

Fear of pain too intense for you to enjoy?
Nope.  Again, I would hopefully have picked a partner that I can trust BEFORE I let him tie me up.  If the pain gets too intense, I'll call safeword and he will stop.  If he doesn't....see above in the "heaven help him" section.  But I don't fear it in advance because that would only intensify what comes and totally ruin my headspace for enjoyment.  Hell, I didn't cry or scream during childbirth, there's not much in the way of pain that makes me nervous.

Fear of doing something that would force you to change the way you look at yourself?
There is really nothing that could force me to change the way I look at myself.  Either I wish it or I don't.  I have choice and free will, submission or slavery can't take that away, so any changes I make in regards to my identity or self or the way I think are changes I've made consciously.  I don't have any fears that someone would try and force it simply because I already know I won't let them force it.

Fear of breaking the law?
Moot point.  Already been there, done that.  No fears there!  lol   Also, no fear of getting caught at it.  If it happens (ie, public play gone awry) I'll deal with it then.  Oooh, handcuffs....strip search....big burly men in blue....mmmmm.

Fear of being alienated from your Top?
Alienated how?  If my Top/Dom/Master withdraws from me, there is a reason that we should have been able to discuss.  Alienation is usually the result of something gone wrong and not caught and dealt with.  If it is intentional alienation like a form of punishment, again nope.  It is just that, a form of punishment that had already been integrated into the relationship and therefore would be expected.  No reason to fear it.

And for those of you who have overcome limits, particularly those who have "learned to love things that you once thought were hard limits", which category did those fall under?
See para 1 above.  My soft limits or boundaries were never hard limits.  Hard limits are set in concrete better than Mafia shoes and I wouldn't be with someone who even considers crossing them.  Compatibility is the key.  Ya meet people, ya talk, ya find out this stuff before they become issues.  It may take some time and some may call it nitpicking the relationship to death before it starts....but at least I don't have to start a thread complaining of something that happened that should have been discussed beforehand.  I can spend my time with my chosen One, happily playing along, pushing each other's limits and building the relationship.

...dave

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ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy
That's a healthy way of looking at it and, it seems to me, to be a much more realistic outlook than someone believing that they are safe (or safer) from harm, simply because they tell someone else that they have limits against various things and the other person says okay.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David 

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

For me, the moment you put limits dependent on anything external to you, you're just begging life to come and smack you on the head with it.  Either make sure you are in control of your limits, or the one you accept limits from is in control of them.

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I really am a control freak, and that means being keenly and constantly aware of what I am and am not actually in control of. 

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It's also why Ms as a relationship is so very little about control for me, because there's so very little any of us can control about anything in the world.

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Authority is the key :)