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Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid of? - 12/20/2007 9:54:00 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
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If you were to examine your limits from an objective standpoint, would you see a pattern?

Fear of having your body damaged beyond repair?

Fear of pain too intense for you to enjoy?

Fear of doing something that would force you to change the way you look at yourself?

Fear of breaking the law?

Fear of being alienated from your Top?

And for those of you who have overcome limits, particularly those who have "learned to love things that you once thought were hard limits", which category did those fall under?

...dave

Post #: 1

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/20/2007 10:27:29 PM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
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Fear of losing sight of who I am. Not fear of changing who I am, but losing sight of who I am at the core. There is such romanticism built around breaking down your boundaries, yet it is those boundaries that define who we are, and some should never be crossed or blurred. There are some things I would never do, if I ever lost sight of that because I was so caught up in what my Dom wanted from me, my soul would grieve. So I guess the real fear is that I will become so engrossed, so dependant on the desires of another, that I will forget what is important to me.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 2

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/20/2007 10:33:07 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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Really mostly fear of being damaged beyond what I accept as reasonable either physically or emotionally. I don't ever fear being alienated from my top from play.

Limits I had that are now gone are more newbie type things I really didn't know that much about and perceived were harmful. The ones that are left are fairly hardcore for me.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 3

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/20/2007 11:07:13 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings petdave,

as laurell said, limits that i had that are no longer limits were mostly just because i thought i'd hate them or i didn't know enough about them to know i really would enjoy them. there are a couple things that still squick me - electrical play is a big one, but it's more of a subconscious thing for me, kind of like a post-traumatic stress reaction (due to past experiences, not play-related, with electricity). even having a tens unit used in a "vanilla" setting seriously freaks me out. i used to have similar reactions to knives, though, and i love knife play now (when with my master at least because i am comfortable with him - i still get squicked sometimes in vanilla settings when there are knives around, although i've gotten better about it with my job - i work at a sandwich shop)...so who knows? there are also things that have scared me because they went against my morality or against social or legal convention, but i have worked through a lot of those issues for myself.

respectfully,
annabelle.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 12/20/2007 11:08:22 PM >

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 4

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/20/2007 11:21:31 PM

angelslave77

Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

The limits I had that are broken were more things I thought I " couldn't" do becuase of pain or percieved squickiness. There are a few that will always be limits for moral reasons, but what I have found is Sir and I seem to have a very similar set of core beliefs so we are going along exploring and venturing across barriers we both thought we had. And once we do, we always have a big chat after about how it felt, why we crossed it ect, then decide if it goes back to being a limit or becomes part of play

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 5

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/21/2007 12:03:06 AM

Willowmoon

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

Master and I tend to share similar limits and dont tend to run up against any problems.

When I really think about it however the limits that I do have come from a fear of losing who I am, of not having anything left for me, not having anything that is me.

Willow

(in reply to angelslave77)

Post #: 6

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/21/2007 4:50:52 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Fear of having your body damaged beyond repair?

No; almost done that...if broken bones count as severe damage.

quote:

Fear of pain too intense for you to enjoy?

Oh hell NO. Fuck, I wish is more like it.

quote:

Fear of doing something that would force you to change the way you look at yourself?

Been there, done that.

quote:

Fear of breaking the law?

Been there and done that too.

Life is indeed good.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 7

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/21/2007 5:13:45 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm not willing to do anything that is a moral boundary. I don't want to look back and realize I've done something I can't ever forgive myself for.

Beyond that, physical damage obviously. As I said on the face slapping thread, it sounds hot but I've got implants in both eyes and any trauma there creates a greater risk for me than someone else.

I'm not willing to do anything that would end the relationship, luckily neither is he, we will both forego a thrill in favor of being together. And emotional damage is a no go, I get panic attacks and deliberately provoking them is not a way to get me to trust.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 8

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/21/2007 5:26:27 AM

BBWnNC72

Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
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If you were to examine your limits from an objective standpoint, would you see a pattern?
since i am still learning, i dont see any patterns yet, except that i havent found anything i dont like.

Fear of having your body damaged beyond repair?
oh yes, i wouldnt want lasting scars or internal damage. but i dont have to worry about that with my trainer

Fear of pain too intense for you to enjoy?
can not say that i have felt pain that intense yet. and my nips stay painfull and hard for a few days after playing

Fear of doing something that would force you to change the way you look at yourself?
i am, but i will still try once. never know unless you try. like now, i dont consider myself bi, but i am willing to try another girl to please my trainer. who know, i may like it

Fear of breaking the law?
yes, i do have kids and i wouldnt want to do something to take them away from me or me from them

Fear of being alienated from your Top?
i dont have that fear, i fallow His directions and we have great communication

And for those of you who have overcome limits, particularly those who have "learned to love things that you once thought were hard limits", which category did those fall under?
if i am reading this right, i was afraid of edge play, the danger. ie: knifes, breath play, forced fantasy. i find all very enjoyable now and i want more more more, LOL

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 9

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/21/2007 8:08:58 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

this slave doesn't limit Master---for us, it is the other way around---He sets limits for her as to what He desires for her to participate in, according to His personal limits for Himself and anyone He owns.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 10

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/21/2007 8:44:22 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

The only fear is fear itself.
The rest is all pretty subjective and relative to the situation.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 11

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/21/2007 9:13:32 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I am not afraid of anything relating to my feelings, I can deal with any emotional problem, I am strong and have proven to myself that I can survive emotional issues.

However, I am afraid of physical damage, simply because one time I did end up in the hospital as a result of something that happened during play. It was pretty scary to be told if you arrived at the doctor an hour later you would be dead.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 12

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/21/2007 12:10:53 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Pretty much what beth said, I do not limit my Master. He decides what our limits are.

When I first came to him, I was filled with fear; now I am pretty much fearless.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 13

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/21/2007 3:25:55 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

About the only thing (so far) that I can say I'm horribly afraid of is needles. No, I'm not afraid of losing myself. No, I'm not afraid of legalities or moralities or all the rest of the things you said.

I'm afraid of NEEDLES. Always have been, whether they've been shots, IVs or play. I'm afraid of NEEDLES.

Maybe some day I won't be... or I'll be willing to face that fear head on. However, right now...that's not the case. With a myriad of things to try, I'm not feeling the driving need to overcome that fear.

In short, what am I afaid of? the poke of course.

juliet

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 14

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/21/2007 3:39:45 PM

Gardenista

Posts: 146
Joined: 12/6/2007
Status: offline

Well, to me, there are several kinds of limits. Some limits are just things that turn me off to such a degree that we don't even consider exploring them right now. Other limits are the "common sense" variety... breaking the law, keeping the kids apart from it all, etc. If we're just talking fear here... there is only one hard limit for me, and that's any kind of mummification or total body bondage. That would send me spiraling into a full-blown anxiety attack for sure.

I'm not very concerned with major physical damage mostly because we just don't play that hard. Sure, accidents happen, but accidents can occur anytime, anyplace. Intense pain, alienation, change in myself.. those aren't fears for me. That sounds rather cavalier, but my husband and I try to be prepared for anything that comes along.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 15

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/21/2007 4:30:55 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

juliet, I've been terrified of needles my whole life until I had to have a tetanus shot and MMR for school. It wasn't bad at ~all~. I didn't feel the tetanus and the MMR was a darn sight less painful (and much quicker) than my tattoos.

dave, to answer your questions, the thing I fear is looking like a fool in front of my colleagues if play goes public. I live in a semi-metro area but this is still the south and tongues wag. I am also terrified of abandonment once I open up enough to trust my Dom. I was also scared of knife play.

What got me over my fears was implicit trust in my Dom, which was a long time in coming. What I mean is that it wasn't immediate or magic - he worked with me over time to get me comfortable with him, built up to the activities and didn't just fling me into them all at once, and made me feel secure in myself and in him.

(in reply to Gardenista)

Post #: 16

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/22/2007 1:45:41 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
Really mostly fear of being damaged beyond what I accept as reasonable either physically or emotionally.

this covers the only limits i have...i have a short list...and it is due to a healthy fear of being either physically or emotionally harmed beyond repair...mostly the emotional part....i would like to think that i would not be with a D-type that could not cover the physical part...but i am a trigger minefield still...i just realized that blow jobs in a certain postion are a ptsd trigger - thanks to a rapist (i hadn't recalled the particulars of this one until recently...4 rapes, 4 different rapists in under a year...there is some shit to deal with)

anyway....like juliet, i was afraid of needles...shots are always painful no matter how much they say "little stick," i have horrible veins that unless i remember to request a supervisor draw, the underling vampires never get my blood, i am diabetic and have had my fingertips bruised for months from lancets and looked like a fucking leopard because my stomach was covered in bruises from insulin shots...i hated needles...two weeks ago, i decided it was time to get over it....i was at a party, i needed pain, i asked who was good at needles, they said this guy was particularly evil and this skin weaving technique, i said that sounded great....negotiated a scene and left out the small detail that i had never taken needles before...then i was laying down going....what the fuck am i doing, what is it going to feel like, am i going to freak out, is it going to hurt, what the hell is he doing, why is it taking so long, why isn't he doing anything.....and he had put 3 needles in already.....needles don't fucking hurt....at least not the technique he used...weaving them in and out of the top layers of the skin...what he did to them afterwards, that hurt....scratching and hitting them....that hurt good....don't know why everyone left "because it was too much"....it wasn't even a full on scene for me....ah well...i'm thinking flesh hooks are my next venture...

chelle

edited to add: no, i don't know why tattoo and piercing needles don't count as real needles, because obviously i don't have a problem with them....

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 12/22/2007 1:46:44 AM >

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 17

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/22/2007 3:56:44 AM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

What freaks me out is!!..... If i get found to be submissive form my close family circle!!! That would be the biggest nightmare of my life!!

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 18

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/22/2007 5:44:02 AM

wisteriaV

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

After dealing with the medical issues that have been thrown at Master and I about my health , I can honestly say after facing death in the eye, I have no fear.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 19

RE: Limits, philosophically- what are you REALLY afraid... - 12/22/2007 5:55:57 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
Really mostly fear of being damaged beyond what I accept as reasonable either physically or emotionally.

this covers the only limits i have...i have a short list...and it is due to a healthy fear of being either physically or emotionally harmed beyond repair...mostly the emotional part....i would like to think that i would not be with a D-type that could not cover the physical part...but i am a trigger minefield still...i just realized that blow jobs in a certain postion are a ptsd trigger - thanks to a rapist (i hadn't recalled the particulars of this one until recently...4 rapes, 4 different rapists in under a year...there is some shit to deal with)

anyway....like juliet, i was afraid of needles...shots are always painful no matter how much they say "little stick," i have horrible veins that unless i remember to request a supervisor draw, the underling vampires never get my blood, i am diabetic and have had my fingertips bruised for months from lancets and looked like a fucking leopard because my stomach was covered in bruises from insulin shots...i hated needles...two weeks ago, i decided it was time to get over it....i was at a party, i needed pain, i asked who was good at needles, they said this guy was particularly evil and this skin weaving technique, i said that sounded great....negotiated a scene and left out the small detail that i had never taken needles before...then i was laying down going....what the fuck am i doing, what is it going to feel like, am i going to freak out, is it going to hurt, what the hell is he doing, why is it taking so long, why isn't he doing anything.....and he had put 3 needles in already.....needles don't fucking hurt....at least not the technique he used...weaving them in and out of the top layers of the skin...what he did to them afterwards, that hurt....scratching and hitting them....that hurt good....don't know why everyone left "because it was too much"....it wasn't even a full on scene for me....ah well...i'm thinking flesh hooks are my next venture...

chelle

edited to add: no, i don't know why tattoo and piercing needles don't count as real needles, because obviously i don't have a problem with them....

chelle, I once threw a pitcher full of water at one of the professional vampires in my life when she was bringing in my breakfast the next morning. They'd spend over 45 minutes of digging and gouging trying to find a vein the night before and by the time they finally decided to just call in an anestheologist I was hysterical. I can honestly say that that pitcher flying through the air counts still on the list of the world's greatest feelings to me.

But beyong that, growing up, I had a dentist who believed that the best way to deal with cavities in baby teeth was to just pull them. I have a terrible aversion to dentists now that takes a LOT for me to overcome, and I have an even worse aversion to needles.

But DAMN YOU ANYWAY!!! (lol)... now you have me wondering....

juliet

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 20

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