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first christmas together - 12/21/2007 6:09:02 AM

mhawk

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as my Lord and His Mistresss know this is the first christmas i have celebrated in about 4 years,haven't had reason much to untill now. got through the shopping with the lovely aid of the occasional run outside and grab a smoke while at the dreaded mall.

but here is where things are comign up for me.being that i am still a fairly new addition to Their household very few(ourselves) know about the depth of what's really going on here.so while They go to see Their families out of state i will be here at the house doing my normal routines.not to sound grim but because of the nature of what's going on here,all of us felt it best not to rush into my joining Them for the mandatory family visits this year.we don't feel it to be right yet,that's next years step.

but here's where i am am wodering things.howmany others have gone through holidays where they have stayed at home for various reason while their Owners are away and how did you find the best way to go about things when you know deep down(maybe like me) that you will be missing them very much and don't know what to say or do about that?

< Message edited by mhawk -- 12/21/2007 6:10:39 AM >

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RE: first christmas together - 12/21/2007 9:32:35 AM

Dnomyar

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In my opinion they should have taken you along. It they trust you enough to stay at home alone then they should have taken you. Take the time to visit what friends you may have met during the relationship. Is there things that you need personal time to take care of . Do them now. Happy Holidays.

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RE: first christmas together - 12/21/2007 9:36:05 AM

Kaiynasha

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I have to say I agree with Dnomyar here. If you are family they should treat you as such. Why not take you- this is your first holiday in a new family and probably a bit anxious about being with them and now suddenly alone. It will give you much to reflect upon while being alone...anyway...that is my opinion about it.

Happy Holidays

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RE: first christmas together - 12/21/2007 9:37:54 AM

sexyred1

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I liken it to people who are involved with married people. You only get to see them when they are not fulfilling family obligations and that usually means holidays. If you are content to not be included in their family situations, then you just have to deal with it.

For me, I would not choose to be involved in an intimate way with people I could not share special times with, but that is me. I would recommend to stay busy and find whatever it is you need to enjoy the holidays without them.

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RE: first christmas together - 12/21/2007 2:01:36 PM

slavegirljoy

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First, i feel very sad that you haven't been able to celebrate Christmas in 4 years.

Second, i hope that you will find a way to celebrate Christmas this year, even if it's on your own.

Third, i am a part of my Master's family. He added me and my offspring to His home and His life. Since the first day that i was with Him, He has included me in His activities, even when they involve His family and friends. He has never excluded me from any part of His life.

Finally, as to your situation, the way i see it is that it depends on whether you were added to their household as a servant or a member of their family. Servants aren't usually invited to celebrations but, family members should always be included or, at least, invited.

Best wishes to you.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

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RE: first christmas together - 12/21/2007 3:37:48 PM

RCdc

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Hello mhawk

I totally understand why you and your owners are taking things slowly. Darcy and I happen to be in a similar position and it was decided that this christmas will not be spent 'together'. It just wasn't an easy option and it was a hard decision and realisation. However we will be spending the New Year together - the compromise. It's very easy for people on the outside to wonder why you cannot all be together, but not everyone has just themselves to consider - and you seem to be handling it very well.

I will be cooking and baking and playing 'KillerBunnies' when the time allows it. Dealing as I can with the distance and looking forward to being together again a few days after christmas day. Darcy would be disappointed if I was not honest with him, so I do keep him informed on how much I miss him and love him - I do not hold anything back. If I did hold back - he wouldn't be able to control the situation. So keeping your owners fully informed of your emotions is really important I would suggest.

the.dark.

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RE: first christmas together - 12/21/2007 3:51:40 PM

tricia

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You may also want to set aside the day before or a day soon after to have your own 'celebration' with your owners. My Master and I do not spend the actual holiday together - for no other reason than we both come from huge Italian families and with traditions of our own. But we still celebrate Christmas together. Just not on Christmas.

< Message edited by tricia -- 12/21/2007 3:52:17 PM >

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RE: first christmas together - 12/21/2007 5:38:23 PM

CelticPrince

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mhawk,

If your part of the family, your part of the family for all times, holidays and all. I regret your Sir did not see it that way.

CP

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RE: first christmas together - 12/21/2007 7:22:27 PM

mhawk

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likely i should have included this earlier but forgot to a mistake on my part.part of the reasonis because it is a mass gathering that They are going to an d They know it is not easy for me to handle big situations like that all at once.

also we will be having our own holiday this sunday.just the three of us and have new years together.Their decision was also based on how the families would react as well. but that's allright. after They return we have a little over 2 weeks all together uninterrupted since They both have winter vacation time.

i do admit though i will be missing them both greatly while They are away,it is the first time since i got here that this is happening and that i will have the house to myself for a couple of days.

it's the separation that's going to be the worst i think.they already know that one of the things i will be doing is sleeping downstairs instead of up in my 3rd floor room.

i was added as both part of Their family and as a servant,they just come from families that only understnad the "standard" couples.in time i will be getting to know both their families.

the main reaosn i have not celebrated in so long is because i did not really have the means to but also because i was not around anyone i really cared enough about to celebrate with but slowly the holiday spirit is coming back out in me.i helped choose and set up the tree,shopping for gifts for my Lord and Mistress, and even cooked my jelly rolls and tommorow night i will be showing them the tradtions of the Winter Solstice.

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RE: first christmas together - 12/21/2007 7:31:02 PM

Muttling

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia

You may also want to set aside the day before or a day soon after to have your own 'celebration' with your owners. My Master and I do not spend the actual holiday together - for no other reason than we both come from huge Italian families and with traditions of our own. But we still celebrate Christmas together. Just not on Christmas.

I'm with tricia. This really isn't that uncommon and it really depends on whether or not they are ready to be "out" to their family. Homosexuals, mix race couples, and many other types of couples deal with this same issue.

Find ways to celebrate with each other.

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RE: first christmas together - 12/21/2007 7:36:16 PM

porkchop

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No relationship judgement; what back story provided by the OP makes sense to me.

This will be my second Xmas in Sir's family... which means the second I won't spend with my bio-family. So I get to deal with missing *them* instead (but thrilled to miss the holiday travel routine).

I'm usually the one who [business] travels and am rarely home alone without one or both of them. In two years, I've been home alone for about 4 days total. I'm either lazy and catch up on a bunch of indie flicks (I'm the only one who indulges)... or productive and get manic housework accomplished. I may pamper myself...

No matter what I do, I miss them when they're not here. And that's okay! They're gauranteed a warm, welcome home when they return from the road.

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RE: first christmas together - 12/21/2007 11:29:48 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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No matter what, I've always had my family. It's always been important for us to get together at least one day during the season.

And the internet, that's always on, and cable.

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RE: first christmas together - 12/22/2007 12:12:33 AM

Stephann

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I've had a few christmases where my only company were Jack, Johnny, and Bud. Even worse were the New Year's.

Remembering to be grateful for the things you have is what gets you through it. It cuts you right down to the bone and soul; but you heal from it and it makes you stronger. Think of it this way; without the people you now care about, this year would have been just like last year (and the year before and the year before and the year before.) Be grateful that you have something this year to grow for, to fight for, and to feel love.

It isn't the day of christmas that matters; it's the spirit of bringing your family together. Suggest that you three agree, as a family, to treat January 26th (a Saturday) as your Christmas; tree, lights, the works, and you might find yourself feeling a world better. And loved.

Till then, Happy Holidays.

Stephan

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RE: first christmas together - 12/22/2007 4:26:18 AM

LittleWench

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My husband works retail, so xmas for us means longer trading hours, more stress on the family as a whole, less time with him at home, putting the kids to bed each night and having to explain where daddy is. Having said that, I understand that it means a lot to other people and we celebrate with our family and friends on boxing day. It's our way of celebrating the end of Xmas and the time when we can enjoy the time together. Heh I hear that submissives are not as subly as slaves, and I think about all those years I worked retail also, talk about giving service and having no rights! Mini rant over :)

December 25th is just a day, like any other. Do what you would normally do to keep busy. Keep in phone text contact with them if it is possible, ask them if they can set you little 'seasonal' tasks. Clean the house with baubles hanging from your nipples, or with your wrists tied with tinsel.

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RE: first christmas together - 12/23/2007 6:20:13 AM

MaamJay

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I can see why the OPs new family are not sweeping her up into the whole big family thing right away and that it's as much for her sake as for the extended family. Such gatherings can be incredibly daunting and you can feel more "alone" in a crowd of people who all know each other but don't know you, than you might being home alone. I think they would be better off to have her gradually meet some family members in small doses over the next year and letting them all get used to the idea that they have someone living with them who is "like family" and who has been with them for a while.

Master and I will be sharing Our first Christmas together this year, even though We have been together 24/7 for over 3 years. Previously He has journeyed back to Qld to share time with His family while I have spent time with Mine. Now We live in Qld, I have just returned from an exhausting pre-Christmas visit to Perth to catch up with My family and friends. It was great, but I am so glad to be home with Him. Some of His folks are heading to another city to celebrate with an aunt, but We will share Christmas Day with His Dad which will be great fun.

I agree that the best way is to set aside a celebration time for yourselves ... and Master and I have always been back together for New Year when We've been apart at Christmas. When they are away, take some personal time, enjoy the space ... and remember you are serving them well by holding the fort for them. That's a big worry off their minds while away! Try to take this as a positive sign of their trust in you, and their understanding of you, I'm sure it is meant that way. Happy holidays!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: first christmas together - 12/23/2007 8:27:48 AM

Maya2001

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In blended families whether bdsm or vanillia especially when new , it is not uncommon to have to go to seperate family gatherings as there can be conflicts with dates and times when each is held. I am single I throw one Christmas gathering for my son his girlfriend and grandkids , I also have 2 family gatherings to attend, that have been held of the same day for some 30 years add in any partner that is in the same situation and chances are times and dates are not going to work out and when steeped in long standing tradition picking one families christmas over another can result in hurt feelings, so sometimes though you may not want to spend seperately it just produces less conflicts/tensions and can be more enjoyable picking your own day together to celebrate

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RE: first christmas together - 12/23/2007 12:25:04 PM

KiandPhoenix

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My mothers side of the family has a Christmas every year (yesterday) that has all nine brothers and sisters, all there 30+ children, and something like another 60+ grandchildren. I don't remember a single family event where someone not related was not there. More than two years ago I split up with my ex, and she still goes to it. She took my car this year to get there, because I have decided that until the 4 year mark goes by with my current girlfriend partner, I am not going to take her. Not because I am not proud, they have all met her, they know what she does for a living and they know a little about our relationship, but because I didn't get rid of the last one, and if I keep taking my ladies, they will eventually take over. This is not to say I don't think Phoenix will work out, but we are poly, so I will probably still have ex's. So for this and other reasons, I skipped my big family Christmas this year, and instead am settling for a small quiet Yule with my partner.

That probably does not help, but it it is the way I handle it. I would not dream of leaving my lady here while I head off to a huge gathering. When I do bring her, I know she will be accepted, and will probably even have more Christmas gifts than I have, even if I don't tell anyone until the night before. Even if my family did not accept her, I would still act the same. They will either accept me for all of who I am, or they wont. My poly and BDSM life is part of who I am, and my partner is part of me. They can deal with it.

~Ki

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