We are looking for guidance.... (Full Version)

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seekinghelp -> We are looking for guidance.... (12/22/2007 6:27:03 PM)

We are a couple from PA who are seeking help more than anything from people with more experience within BDSM.

I am a male who loves to dress in pvc and latex, thigh boots and the like. I tend to enjoy more extreme things than my partner, and that is part of our problem. I guess I would have to say one of my fantasies I want to fulfill from time to time is dressing in pvc and latex in a public situation, as I think it would be exhilirating. I love latex hoods and masks as well, which my partner does not like. I am willing to let go of certain things that I like in order to make this work within our relationship.

My partner, who is my dominant, has some prior issues within a previous relationship in regards to bdsm. She played the part of submissive in a prior relationship, and it left her with bad feelings. She has always felt dominant, and is a very strong willed and determined woman! She is supportive of my dressing, and is willing to learn more, but also does not want to do some of the more extreme things I am willing to try or do.

My main question is where do we start? I really think it would be very valuble to us if we we're able to find someone or another couple to befriend, in hopes of learning more about making this part of our relationship successful and healthy while not having it be a source of stress in our lives. We both love each other and want to be a part of each others lives forever, we just need some guidance and suggestions.



desertdancer -> RE: We are looking for guidance.... (12/22/2007 6:49:29 PM)

Hiya seeking help.  I just peeked at your profile to see if I could learn more about you before posting.  Your profile is the same as your post..doesn't help much here.

I guess you'd start in your local community, go to the munches and the like.  Start talking to people on the boards here too, maybe you can make friends through here.  

I'd sit down with her and really talk about what your wanting and what she is wanting and what your not wanting.   Then I'd discuss what I am  willing to compromise on, and where I'd like to see us in our BDSM relationship in 6 months or a year or what have you.

By the way, I can understand her not liking the PVC hood, they scare the hell outta me.  If  Master came at me in one of those things, I think I'd shut down completely and cry like a baby, or try to beat the hell outta him...sometimes, I'm random.  Anyway, the result would not be good.

I'm sure you'll get lottsa good advise.
Good luck,
~dancer



seekinghelp -> RE: We are looking for guidance.... (12/22/2007 7:50:27 PM)

Thanks so much for the response.  I didn't really know what to put here so we just put our ad.  I figured it may make more sense to talk to people on the boards and not on the dating part of the site. 

I really like what you said, and I hope she does too :)

Mike



peppermint -> RE: We are looking for guidance.... (12/22/2007 7:56:14 PM)

To locate local munches and organizations near you....

Go to www.drkdesyre.com/
 
Click on HERE
Click on Meeting People
Click on Organizations
Then click on your state



FangsNfeet -> RE: We are looking for guidance.... (12/22/2007 9:42:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekinghelp

My main question is where do we start?



On the bed with a blind fold and pair of hand cuffs has always been a classic good start.

It's important to start where the two of you feel comfortable and then experiment more from there. Simple communication will tell both of you where to start.

Think bondage, teasing, dirty talk, commands, and duties. Expand that with spanking, paddling, and flogging. You can then think about wax play, ice play, nipple torture, knife play, and some anal fun. After the TENS unit and Bug Zapper comes into play, I'm sure the two of you will know exactly where to two of you will want to go after that.

Talk it out and learn to trust each other. The two of you will find what works best for your relationship.    



KiandPhoenix -> RE: We are looking for guidance.... (12/22/2007 9:47:58 PM)

I started with a BDSM checklist, and discussing what we both wanted to start with. Then I read everything I could on how to do things and still be safe. Then I read on being safe then on being safe some more. Then we tried things starting slow, and worked as we were comfortable. Don't do anything that BOTH of you are not comfortable doing. Keep reading and get involved in the local community so you have people to ask questions to, and to just sit and discuss things with.

Good Luck

~Ki



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