RE: My advice for novice male dominants

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Veav -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/20/2005 4:58:50 PM)
quote: Most of wiitwd is psychological and subjective. Point taken, not everything is going to cross over... I was thinking in terms of safety and tolerance. Ask a mother if she feeds her infant that bottle of milk before checking its temperature on her own arm. }:D

CitizenCane -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/20/2005 5:14:40 PM)
Safety yes, tolerance no. Tolerance is a very subjective thing. Cane

OscarHargraves -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/20/2005 5:14:41 PM)
Nice write Bobbi. And some good ideas. I, for one, appreciate the advice. This list may not apply to everyone but if everyone starts thinking about these items then I'm sure that it will at least help.

JohnWarren -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/20/2005 7:40:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl 6) Read everything you can on this lifestyle. There are some great books: "The Loving Dominant" "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" "Different Loving". The websites Castlerealm and Steeldoor are good resources as well. I thank you; my publisher thanks you; my creditors thank you. [grin]

KittenWithaTwist -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/20/2005 8:58:46 PM)
I don't feel that it's necessary to be submissive in order to be dominant, nor vice versa. While it's definitely cool if you're a switch, like me, to know both sides...if you're only dominant, you'll never know what it is like to be submissive (mentally and emotionally), and vice versa for submissives who are only submissive attempting to be dominant. You can wield the whip or submit to service, but if it isn't part of your heart, I think you'll be suffering and struggling more than experiencing and being enlightened. Just my opinion. YMMV.

KittenWithaTwist -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/20/2005 9:02:30 PM)
But trying out a flogger isn't what submission is about. S&M bottoming isn't submission. A monopolar dominant can never experience the same feelings that his/her submissive can in the same scenario. Of course, this is true of any person. We all experience life differently. Like Cane said, wiitwd is psychological and emotional, not physical. While being hit with a flogger can perhaps shed light on what it might feel like to be on the bottom, it certainly won't give you any help in figuring out what the submissive feels like mentally and emotionally when in that flogging scenario.

EvO -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/21/2005 12:32:14 AM)
Excellent list. This list may seem very basic to anyone that has any experience, but to a newbie these are very direct guidelines to help them move along. Even if you're a Dominant with experience it can not hurt to use a set of guidelines like this as a basic set up. The most important thing in the list though, and one that novice, intermediate, and experienced players should always remember, learn, learn, learn, learn. You never know it all, and if you open your mind to others experiences it can only help you grow.

dominmd -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/21/2005 6:16:17 PM)
I would take the OP as more suggestions than rules. Are some of the suggestions good? Yes. And yes, I do disagree with some points. So, as we have figured out before, everyone is different. And each Dominant be they male or female will feel comfortable learning one way or another. My personal way of learning is by becoming the sub and learning through experiences. Right now I am searching for this person, be they male or female. Besides, lists only make people talk about what is in them. Alone a list does very little harm. And, as with all things on the net, they must be taken with a grain of salt and for the intelligent person to do more research on their own. True a novice could read the OP and feel it is BDSM law and scripture, however I feel that those of us on these boards are more intelligent than the non-participating members. Even lurkers contribute and can be considered intelligent people. Those that do not partake of the forums, I really do wonder about. So this is me and my opinion. I am headed back to bed now.

GentleLady -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/21/2005 8:32:01 PM)
quote: I feel like it's - not necessarily a rule, but at least a very good idea to feel what the flogger's like before using it on someone else... what have people experienced along these lines? I prefer to try any toys or techniques out on Myself first so I can have an idea of what they feel like. With something like a flogger I need someone else to use it on Me of course to get a better effect. Some things like wax, do nothing for Me but at least I can learn the temperature differences when dripping from different heights. I have a high pain threshold so I know that what feels good to Me can be very intense for someone else but I can still learn things like it hurts more when the clamp is removed then it does while it is on. What I cannot learn is what it feels like to be a submissive. I can get an idea of this though by asking questions and listening intently to the answers. Gentle Lady

OsideGirl -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/22/2005 7:57:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dominmd I would take the OP as more suggestions than rules. And, as with all things on the net, they must be taken with a grain of salt and for the intelligent person to do more research on their own. Thank you. This list is made up of my opinions and things I believe. They are by no means the rules. What works for me, will not work for everyone. Everyone will find their own path. I think learning and continuing to learn is the key. I put this list out there to provide some thought provocation, hoping that those experienced in the BDSM D/s lifestyle would add their observations.

pinkpleasures -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/22/2005 8:55:00 AM)
quote: I think that writing lists like this actually cause more harm than good. These are your ideas, as you stated, but I will be happier when people keep these lists to themselves and their own personal choices and feel able to respond to specific questions set and asked by new dominants and submissive/slaves. For one thing, it is sexist. Morality is personal. Castlerealm is more inline with fantasy than your comment on cinderella types. Number twelve is personal choice. Number thirteen is extremely dangerous advice. Number Sixteen is again, personal choice. There are some dominants who are white knights and princes and some cinderella submissives.Its just wrong to judge people like that for their kinks. If taking BDSM or what they are seriously, makes a person happy - who is anyone to say otherwise? I dont mean to pick apart your thread, and its nothing personal - I just dislike the whole concept of list suggestions. It can fuel the failacy of 'true and real' and at the same time, make others feel like they are not even close to a 'standard'. dark-angel i have male Dominants in their 20's as friends. It is far-fetched to believe that because of Their age, They are "novices". They are as reliable, confident, and masterful as my Dom friends of other ages. What you assume is called "age-ism". It is a form of bigotry and it offends people like me. pinkpleasures

FangsNfeet -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/22/2005 9:08:43 AM)
quote: 1) Get yourself a Male Dom Mentor. This is the person that will teach you etiquette, technique, protocol and safety. What's that? There is no ONE etiquette, technique and protocol. But safety and atleast first aide knowledge is important. The thought of there just being ONE RIGHT WAY just dosen't seem applicable for this lifestyle. Whatever works for one couple dosen't work for another. For once and for all, there is no Parlamentry Procedure Protocol for BDSM. I myself would like to know where this French talk of W/we comes from. Just because one couple did it dosen't mean that we all have to do it. I'm not here to be a follower but to be me. If that makes anyone think that I'm a fake, I invite them to my humble abold to show them who the real phonies are.

OsideGirl -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/22/2005 12:03:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet quote: 1) Get yourself a Male Dom Mentor. This is the person that will teach you etiquette, technique, protocol and safety. What's that? There is no ONE etiquette, technique and protocol. But safety and atleast first aide knowledge is important. The thought of there just being ONE RIGHT WAY just dosen't seem applicable for this lifestyle. Whatever works for one couple dosen't work for another. For once and for all, there is no Parlamentry Procedure Protocol for BDSM. I myself would like to know where this French talk of W/we comes from. Just because one couple did it dosen't mean that we all have to do it. I'm not here to be a follower but to be me. If that makes anyone think that I'm a fake, I invite them to my humble abold to show them who the real phonies are. You are absolutely correct, there is no one protocol in this realm. However, I like to think that having a guide will help you navigate the realm. The other point is that sometimes it's good to learn something that you won't use. It gives you a basis on which to make decisions. Personally I hate the W/we thing and firmly believe that whether you capatilise your name or not has nothing to do with submissive or Dominant status. To each their own.

OsideGirl -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/22/2005 12:07:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures i have male Dominants in their 20's as friends. It is far-fetched to believe that because of Their age, They are "novices". They are as reliable, confident, and masterful as my Dom friends of other ages. What you assume is called "age-ism". It is a form of bigotry and it offends people like me. pinkpleasures I never mentioned an age in my post. You assumed that I meant age in my post, which I didn't. So, you've managed offend yourself.

Nuke718 -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/22/2005 1:47:55 PM)
Bobbi I applaude your intent to help out, and accept your list in the spirit you wrote it. Some of the things I agreed with, some I didn't. But I like your willingness to take part. I do have a problem with lists tho, because no list is absolute. They may work for one person, but because of personality and choice cannot work for every person. And unfortunately some very inexperienced people will latch onto a list, and once they feel that they have done everything on it they are now experienced! Most of us who have been around a bit know better, and even some total novices (I didn't say young people) have enough common sense to not fall into that trap but it happens. I'd prefer we encourage an environment where people can ask a question and get answers (sometimes many answers and sometimes differing answers). I think that is what I normally see on these forums., and hope it continues. Nuke }:- - The list of things I have tried will not be finished until I am burried

MisterReb -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/24/2005 7:30:13 AM)
Thanks for the list and the discussion it generated. What stood out for me is that one should first" do no harm".[:)]

tedibare -> RE: My advice for novice male dominants (8/24/2005 8:14:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist quote: 5) Do not approach, talk to, or touch a submissive that is owned or collared by another Dominant unless you have permission from that Dominant. This is akin to someone else touching and sitting in your car. I'd say it is more akin to admiring someone's car, not sitting in it. Frankly, I have no problems being approached by other dominants (it's ever so nice to talk to people), nor do I have problems with my own submissive being approached. If all they are doing is talking or hanging out or being friendly, then I have no issue with that. Now if they wanted to fuck her, or if someone wished to fuck me, she and I would need permission. ummm actually ive seen quite a few Dom/mes(usually Doms) who go to a munch or party and think any girl (and sometimes guy) who doesnt currently have a hand on them or otherwise is OBVIOUSLY owned(no a collar just wont do in that instance) is fair game... i have been approached(fine) propositioned(not so good) and at one time hand laid on me WHILE i was with my former Dom and at a party with Him... this is actually good advice for all people at BDSM functions... there are some who DO get offended by having others approaching their property and others who have no problem with people having sex with their girl or boy... tedi

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