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RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/25/2007 12:33:58 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Displacing feelings against a male parent figure on to you, and then rebelling against you doesn't make her a brat. It makes her someone who may or may not have been displacing feelings. Since it wasn't her therapist who said this, and the therapist who did speculate on this hadn't met her, it is entirely conjecture and bad psychology.

All you can say from this is that you have learned that a 24/7 is not as easy to carry on as is weekending. Anybody can come over for a weekend and be Suzy Homemaker. The one who would cook and clean may have been sharing an apartment with friends, or living with her parents and had no place of her own to do to as she liked. If she had offspring and cooked and cleaned all the time, she wouldn't get a kick out of doing it on her off time.

As far as brats go, some dom/mes like a takedown scene occasionally and a brat will oblige them with that. Little Miss Obedient won't and therefore would leave someone who enjoyed a fight scene unhappy. The Man enjoys me inciting his play needs occasionally. If I don't ever get his energy levels up, then play occurs only when he feels like it. If I incite it, it happens more and he enjoys that.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/25/2007 12:38:44 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I'd like to hear about your expectations from your relationships, and how much of this was discussed/arranged, versus "organic".


I could say that the way we act is "organic" but that would not be true. On my side it would be true, it is mostly organic in my responses to his dominance. I have found out through our time together that he is always thinking two or three steps ahead in how he deals with me, what he says to me, how he says it. It is part of the power exchange dynamic for us. He thinks ahead, I follow his lead, so in some ways I have the easier time of it, except when I found it hard to follow his lead.. perhaps the timing was off, or the rythm was off, or perhaps I tripped over my own shoes....

We do have a casual way of interacting... no formal "master", and I do not always call him "Daddy". He tells me what to do and then I do it. If I have trouble doing it I am to tell him. He is not usually interested in the reasons I have for not doing it, but he is not unyielding either.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Nightlander)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/25/2007 1:05:00 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nightlander

So- the question. I know some girls like to explore, some girls live to serve, and some girls need to rebel, to fight, to be brats, to challenge. Which are you, and why? I am curious how many girls lean which way. And if you rebel, what do you get out of it? I look forward to reading anything you've got to share.

N.


Hmm....people are complex creatures and I think many of us are many things.  When I was younger I was a SAM but that was because I was in a relationship that didn't work, the communication was bad and SAM was my only way of being heard.  Now I've come to realize that there are several things I am.  Brat, no... that connotates something child ISH.  I am more child LIKE.  I like to be silly and playful and dance around and laugh.  So, I need a dom who sees the joy and ironies of life and doesn't take things too seriously. 

But I occasionally try to switch the power dynamic in the beginning of a relationship.  I want to submit to somebody who can handle my strength.  So I will sometimes push my own will to see if he is strong enough for me - this can be in completely non-kink ways.  I want to know that, when the sh*t hits the fan, he will be able to handle me.  This is usually during the exploratory phase of a relationship.  I know he's the right person if he can respond to me with a simple arching of his brows and that stops me in my tracks.  (my own crazy yardstick) 

I'm also a person wtih a lot of life experience and need a really equitable relationship.  I need a man who can keep me engaged intellectually and be fun .  But when a dom that I'm involved with says, "because I said so," I know that we have entered a D/s space.  He has heard me and I relinquish control.  But on the other hand, I need to be cared for, too.  I need the Daddy kind of thing too with someone who will understand that I don't have all the answers and sometimes I need support. 

The bottom line is I am submissive because I feel safe enough to be who I am and there is genuine love or affection for someone.  It comes naturally. 

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Nightlander)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/25/2007 1:18:51 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline 		I try to be good. When I am disobedient, it is through minor things- moving when I have to stay still or emailing when i am not allowed.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/25/2007 5:31:42 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

well, i have to get this out of the way....i hate it when rude, disrespectful, and disobedient people use the word "brat" in any form to excuse their behavior....its inexcusable... that is being childish and i have no problem with kicking those people to the curb myself, here let me pack their bags for them....

when i am a brat i am child-like...which is a whole lot different...i am actually cute and playful, and it is the right time and the right place...and with the right person...sometimes it is never appropriate with certain people...and being a brat is not mutually excusive of being obedient...you just have to, as rubber pet mentioned, know when it is time to resume your duty as an obedient pet/submissive/slave/insert s-type here...and when its time to be the playful, smart assed brat...if you can't tell the difference, you probably have more serious issues than we can help you with on these boards...

chelle



i agree, chelle.  i get silly and playful with Daddy, and he gets silly and playful with me, too.  those are times when we tell jokes and try to make the other laugh, or make faces at one another....then serious time comes and i immediately settle down into doing as i am told.  being silly and funny doesnt negate the intensity of the other things we do together, it puts an exclaimation point to the differences.

Daddy leads, i follow.  i know when its time for fun and play, when its time to take my place at his side as his lady, and when i am to hush my mouth and do exactly as i am told.  and i love all of those times.

kitten

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/25/2007 6:56:15 PM   
goodgirl08


Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline 		I am a service slut. For the one I serve, it is my default state to be ridiculously obedient...although I try to factor in common sense too . I would rebel if I was asked to do something that I deeply disagreed with morally. It is funny, because as a teenager I was notoriously rebellious, and I still have a strong subversive streak in me. But, it is directed to things and people that are truly disagreeable to me, meaning I don't rebel just for the sake of it. On the other side, I am deeply devoted to people and causes that matter to me.

For me the thrill of conflict comes from being exposed to pain, humiliation, and degradation, and knowing that in my devotion I am subject to whichever of those he wishes to inflict on me. Accepting that challenge gives me a similar thrill to that a SAM might get from being intentionally bratty.

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/25/2007 8:26:09 PM   
TethersEnd


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		Organic.... perfect word!! 

Speaking only for myself I believe that my reactions/behavior reguardless when good or when bad are organic. 
What I mean by this is my reaction to whom I've chosen to spend my time with is created by the chemistry we share. 


(in reply to goodgirl08)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/25/2007 10:04:43 PM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		i find that while with the presence of Authority i am more then obedient, when i am alone i can reach the point of breaking even the relationship..

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to Nightlander)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/25/2007 10:33:39 PM   
ksub4u


Posts: 124
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The key for me is to be a POSITIVE and productive challenge in their lives.

When you learn the balance between wit and grace, being BOTH spirited and obedient, being BOTH enjoyed and submissive- then you've got it made.

Too many try and say you can't have both- you either have to be spunky OR a doormat.  You have to be witty OR dull.

Learning to be witty with grace, that's what it's about for me.


LA - thanks so much for the above words.  I'm very obedient and yet my personality comes through, though I wouldn't have known how to put this into words as you did above.

I've enjoyed this thread.  To be honest, I just don't understand 'brats' or being 'bratty'.  It's so far outside of my own *personal* definition of submission (for myself, let me be clear - no judgments here!), and I've found the responses to be enlightening.  Of course, the trick is to find the correct partner who appreciates and balances out whatever your own personal definition of submission is and your needs.



(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/26/2007 5:17:36 AM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		I'm in love with my dominant and he is with me. He owns me completely and I'm his little girl/slave. I am very domestic and love to cook and clean for him. He likes that I'm opinionated and that I know how to submit with grace. I don't do things to get punished. He likes to beat me and punishment isn't our way of accomplishing the kink we both enjoy.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/26/2007 5:54:25 AM   
weneedyourhelp


Posts: 118
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline 		Speaking as a new Dom, and having my wife/sub in my life for the last 12 years, I have to say, that it's at those times when she is being a little bratty, that I find her to be most sexy. I love to see the fire in her eyes that seems to actually grow when I reassert my Dominance and retake control. Where is the fun in rolling over and "playing dead"?

(in reply to Littlepita)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/26/2007 6:02:44 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i lean both ways - i'm obedient to Daddy at all times however there are times when i can "act" like a brat especially if we're having a heated discussion. my bratty side does get me into trouble and Daddy will use the appropriate punishment to correct my behavior. 

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Nightlander)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/26/2007 1:36:53 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl08

I am a service slut. For the one I serve, it is my default state to be ridiculously obedient...although I try to factor in common sense too . I would rebel if I was asked to do something that I deeply disagreed with morally. It is funny, because as a teenager I was notoriously rebellious, and I still have a strong subversive streak in me. But, it is directed to things and people that are truly disagreeable to me, meaning I don't rebel just for the sake of it. On the other side, I am deeply devoted to people and causes that matter to me.

For me the thrill of conflict comes from being exposed to pain, humiliation, and degradation, and knowing that in my devotion I am subject to whichever of those he wishes to inflict on me. Accepting that challenge gives me a similar thrill to that a SAM might get from being intentionally bratty.


Oh, I so love the way you put this! I am soooo with you- down to the rebellious teen thing and still abhoring arbitrary rules and beaurocracy. (sp?). For Master, I would do anything* He asks and I always try to anticipate His needs.
 
*(Please don't flame me for "anything He asks". We are long- term, committed and I know Him and His limits extremely well. His 'anything' could never be any of those extreme examples people love to come up with here- like cutting off limbs and such. So, don't go off, please.) Disclaimer complete.

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
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"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to goodgirl08)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/26/2007 3:01:45 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think i am a brat (well if i am not often).  Master knows i like to tease  not that i would ever disobay an order i don't do things like that.  Master just has to give me the tone of voice when my teasing is going to far.  I stop right away.  Amazing what a tone of voice can do.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Obedient Vs. Brat - 12/26/2007 6:05:00 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl08
I am a service slut. For the one I serve, it is my default state to be ridiculously obedient...although I try to factor in common sense too . morally. It is funny, because as a teenager I was notoriously rebellious, and I still have a strong subversive streak in me.


I think you've hit upon something here. As a teen I was the classic good girl, never did anything wrong, never acted up or acted out. In this relationship, where I do receive unconditional love and support it is safe for me to be rebellious and act out without being threatened with abandonment as a result.

In many ways wiitwd is psychodrama.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to goodgirl08)
Profile   Post #: 35
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