Simple query asking for insight.

Simple query asking for insight. (Full Version)

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ViviDreamz -> Simple query asking for insight. (12/25/2007 8:51:26 PM)
Hello everyone. I am unsure how to phrase this query but I will do my best. I am new to this rabbit hole and what little knowledge I do have has been gleaned from message boards, chat friendship scenarios, and recently a book or two. I feel it is also important to mention that most of this discovery has also come on the heels of the end of my (extremely) vanilla marriage (we are in the current process of divorce but we still remain good friends- I add this information for perspective alone). However, I feel I am digressing. Please forgive my imagery if it doesn’t make things clear; however, during this period as I have begun to read and learn more and more I feel like something physical and almost tangible is stirring with me. There is a loss of reserve in moments like some sort of creature is waking up from a long nap. A nap I didn’t know was happening and it is a creature I have not truly met before. To give it a feline image for a moment: it is like a cat lifting and stretching, extending its limbs until its claws show and the limbs tremble. Then it paces. The more I learn, the more I want and the more impatient this pacing becomes. It is like I want something to happen, something explosive, something just as physical and feral as the frustrating almost agitated stirrings inside my skin scream to be. It is a hunger, a feral primal thing. I want to go meet someone and try putting some of these things in to practice but I find myself in a place where I wouldn’t know what to say even if I did go somewhere. I never played the flirting game in school; I was too much of a tomboy so I don’t have that skill in my repertoire. There are still so many things I do not know and it leaves me stranded. I feel frustrated which just makes that feral agitation that much worse. It is maddening and tangible like some warm taffy existence just under the skin which will stir and shift when I let my imagination have even the slightest bit of room to take off. All these illusionary explanations and no actual question, I am sorry. My query is this, is this sensation familiar to my state of knowledge (aka my beginning steps down the rabbit hole) or is this sensation unique to me alone? If it is familiar, is jumping into things with both feet the only cure? I am looking for whatever insights you may give me. Although I have posted this on the submissive forum with them uniquely in mind, I would be more than happy for Dominant views as well. Thank you all for your time and consideration of this simple query.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/25/2007 9:00:33 PM)
Research the term "frenzy" The worst thing you could do right now is to get involved in any sort of commitment.

ViviDreamz -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/25/2007 9:06:28 PM)
Thank you for this comment LA, I will research the word "frenzy." But if it is not too much and if you would preferrably not wish to do so in thread, would you pm me more of your personal thoughts on the subject? Thank you.

ViviDreamz -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/25/2007 9:20:56 PM)
Again, thank you LA. The first link I hit while researching was like a blow between the eyes. http://www.leathernroses.com/submission/steelefrenzies.htm This sums up how I feel rather adequately and makes me feel alot better that it actually has a technical term (meaning I am not alone in it). It also makes me feel better about the fact, I had already decided not to seek a relationship until I had a great deal more knowledge and met quite a few more people and possibly make friends for a lifetime. My thanks again on this holiday night.

mistressaries -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/25/2007 9:36:59 PM)
Hi Dreamz...I am certain that some will have something so say about my response but my personal opinion is that you need to take your time. Don't jump in with both feet as you put it. Take your time, get to know your own needs and desires before you expect someone else to try to fulfill them. Personally, I don't have the opportumity in the area where I live to do it but go to munches or clubs in your area to meet people and get to know some people in your local community. You don't have to flirt at such things...just ask questions, listen and learn. In the vanilla world you have to get to know and trust a person before you give them a special gift and, for me at least, submission is a HUGELY special gift so don't give it to just anyone. I'm sure that you will make many friends on this site and any others you are on and at any events you can go to. Learn all you can, take your time and be careful. Share only what you wish to share and only with the people you wish to share it with. I wish you all the best luck.

girlivy -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/25/2007 9:53:44 PM)
may i add please, rescarch the word rebound as well, give yourselff time, this slave has learned tnat in silence, come the loudest answers!..... ay! for you who "thinks" and more Yays for you who takes action! ivy holy crap! need to clean this keyboard!

sblady -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/25/2007 9:57:13 PM)
Hello, I experienced the same "stirring" when I found out about this lifestyle. The cravings or as LA stated "frenzy" may cause you to want to jump in feet first, but please take your time. I went through a phase where I craved real-time (I'd done the online/phone" thing for a couple months). This caused me to make quite a few errors in judgment (thank goodness a Dom stepped in put a stop to my dangerous behavior). These forums are great for learning more about D/s M/s lifestyles and although I haven't yet attended any munches, they seem to be highly recommended by most posters. Take care and be safe...sblady

ksub4u -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/25/2007 10:54:21 PM)
quote: This sums up how I feel rather adequately and makes me feel alot better that it actually has a technical term (meaning I am not alone in it). It also makes me feel better about the fact, I had already decided not to seek a relationship until I had a great deal more knowledge and met quite a few more people and possibly make friends for a lifetime. My thanks again on this holiday night. Hi there, Kitten. No, as you've discovered, you're not alone! I'd suggest baby steps. I'm relatively new to my awakening to D/s - I only started researching last year and had two short-term relationships this year, discovering myself and my needs and desires. Of course, one of the most difficult things within this lifestyle is finding a Dominant who is your match. You may need to do a lot more reading, discovery and soul searching before you know what qualities you need in your Dominant. The better you know what you need, the more likely it is you'll be able to find it. It's an exciting time - it's fun, it's exhausting and it's scary at times. I'd suggest taking your time especially as you're just getting out of your marriage.

HizBabyGirl -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/26/2007 4:20:12 AM)
[sm=rolleyes.gif][sm=ugh.gif]Much as i can empathize with your feelings, I urge you to not act on them hastily. I have heard from submissives who rushed into things too hastily with sad and even tragic results. I have heard from submissives who, once they were unable to object, were used in total violation of the trust they had given to the one they were with. To find yourself being tortured while imbolized and your pleas for the torture to stop ignored would be dreadful. If that scenarios is not only possible but a fact, think then of those who never lived to tell about it. I'm not wanting to frighten you needlessly but it is a fact that the stakes can be very high indeed. To rush in head first or to jump in as you have said could cause you much regret and harm. Please do be careful. Don't let your desire to make up for lost time cause you anything negative. One must learn to follow the tried and true steps of being cautious before giving up your trust.[sm=ofcourse.gif] I live in Kansas City, and there is one incident that happened here that embodies what I am trying to convey. John Robinson, since dubbed the internet sex predator, did undertake over many years a practice of acquiring submissives who later disappeared (three of which were found in barrels on his farm). Some of the women were never found. Some of his victims were mature and well-educated, some were younger and very naive but the lesson is they all paid a high price. Of course every misjudgment does not result in something this drastic but do keep it in mind. A cautionary tale for your safety files.[sm=ugh.gif]

xxblushesxx -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/26/2007 4:29:57 AM)
Everyone here has given you great advice, but, I can tell by your answers that you'd already decided to listen to them. I applaud your ...erm...inaction...so to speak. lol Just give it time. After a certain amount of time has passed, you won't want to wait any longer, and, hopefully by then you will have been able to make some friends, and learned to sort out the chaff from the wheat, so to speak. Welcome to CM.

pixelslave -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/26/2007 11:04:44 AM)
ViviDreamz, As others have noted, like any vanilla relationship, in my opinion it's important to establish a friendship and relationship of some kind based on more than just on your desires to explore and release your submissive yearnings. Take your time and proceed slowly as you enter those relationships. It will be well worth the wait and any dominant worth serving will be understanding and patient with you in that regard. Allow yourself time to build trust between yourself any a prospective partner. That's extermely important for your safety. Above all, just be yourself and be honest with those you meet. [:)] I would strongly encourage you to write or journal about the feelings you're discovering exist within you to help you understand them and determine what they mean to you. You'll find there are many aspects to them and avenues you'll want to explore on your journey into this lifestyle. Some may have an appeal right now, but once you experience them, they may not match the fantasy you have of them in your mind. Real life submission and D/s relationships rarely come close to matching the stereotypes often portrayed in the media. Becoming involved in your local community will help you see that. [&:] Best wishes to you in your journey of self discovery. [:D] - pixel

ViviDreamz -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/26/2007 6:01:47 PM)
Thank you all for your advice. I think most importantly first and foremost it is a relief to know that I am not solely afflicted with this and to be able to finally thumbtack a name on my level of derangement. That thread alone answered a lot of questions. To address a few of the concerns, I had not planned in attempting to step into a relationship so soon. In fact, my intentions were just the opposite. I want to get to know friends and the local scene better (and I’ve always been the type that tends to over think rather than be impulsive), yet that is where I seemed to have the hang up. In the past month or two of this mental exploration, I have been told time and time again that I need to just do, do, do. The only way to learn is to do- and I understand that the “doing” must come eventually, but I myself do not feel ready yet. I do not feel like I know enough and then at the same time I do feel this frenzy which would only seem to be worse when I am constantly hearing that I am doing myself wrong to wait even if I had a nagging little voice continuously telling me “hey, not yet.” So for the past month or longer, I have felt near insane because for all intents and purposes I’ve been in ground zero of a mental war of self doubt, frustration, and everything that all but defined the frenzy to begin with. So, once again, I owe everyone a big thank you, so please understand all that is said is taken to heart and has been reassuring more ways than I can describe. I also pray, if anyone else has experienced similar or are in the midst of similar that they have gotten as much insight out of this thread as I have.

ksub4u -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/26/2007 6:24:57 PM)
I've found in many areas of my life that listening to that little 'nagging voice' inside is a very smart thing to do, though not always easy at all! I wish you well in your journey. I think you're well on your way because you're questioning, thinking and discovering yourself - which I think is the basis of understanding where it is you wish to go.

mefisto69 -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/27/2007 4:02:18 AM)
ViviD....... I think the best thing you can do for yourself is talk to other submissives. Yes - strike up a few friendships. When you feel more comfortable, go with one or more of them to a few munches so you can meet real people and chat with them in person. As you gain more knowledge from friends and continued research - develop your own checklist of torments and erotic pleasures that you would want to explore with a partner. Be sure to puruse many sites online and view pics and vids of bondage and restraints- this way you'll know or at least have a better idea from mild to Very extreme - the activities that are played out with couples. You can then decide if you want to scene publicly or begin to develop a relationship with an individual. Trust is the Key issue- trust that the person will listen carefully and understand your needs/wants and limits. Trust that you will not be abused, tortured beyond your desires or treated as a piece of meat ( unless that's your hearts' desire) Be sure to talk long and hard about your expectations and trepidations before you allow anyone to cuff/ bind or blindfold you.

batshalom -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/27/2007 12:31:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ViviDreamz is jumping into things with both feet the only cure? I am looking for whatever insights you may give me. Not only is this not advisable, it also might create more problems. Look at it this way, if medicine interested you, would you take some time to learn what you were doing or would you jump right in? It's a big leap from D/s to medical school, sure, but an effective illustration. Take your time, get to know what's going on, get out in the public scene by going to munches and networking with like-minded people, and set your drama and b.s. filters on extra high. Good luck.

MistressNoName -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/27/2007 12:51:11 PM)
Well, first off, ViviDreamz, your simple query is not so simple. Mainly because you are not so simple and this lifestyle is not so simple. And to me, that's a good thing. And yes, many people have reported having similar experiences as you, I am one of them, but your experience is unique in that it is your own. No one else can claim to be inside your skin. And it's difficult at best to try to advise someone when you really don't know them or fully understand their circumstance. But, from my viewpoint, it seems like you are going about things in a smart way, educating yourself, asking questions, paying attention to your feelings, figuring out who you are as a person and submissive. That's all a vital part of the process. I think it also a great idea to go out and do some things, in your own time. Like attending group meetings, munches, demos, workshops. Someone else suggested talking to other submissives...another great idea. When I began to discover myself, I did all of those things. Plus I kept an eye out for any possible play and/or M/s situations. Subsequently, I got involved in an M/s situation, when I was I was subbing, that turned out to be less than palatable. And perhaps it was too early on. But the good part was that I had a strong enough sense of self that I knew when to walk away from that situation and knew the difference between one saying he was dominant and one actually being dominant. And I also just knew that I wanted more from M/s than he was able to give. Best to you and enjoy this exciting process. MNN

NaiveTempest -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/27/2007 5:07:00 PM)
Hi Dreamz. I felt the same way not to long ago. Your discription is spot on. I felt the I had to act on those urges immediately. I joined groups, boards, and sites; I met people more then willing to "help". Then I stumbled upon CM and joined. I read some posted, posted my own, and learned....A LOT! Thanks to people like LA and LotusSong, I learned what "sub frenzy" was and I put the brakes on before I did something stupid and got hurt. I still get the urge, but I recognize it for what it is now and will keep it under wraps till I find the Dom to share myself with......(hint hint to a certain someone, lol).[;)] Just be patient, it'll happen when it does, just as all things in life do.

ViviDreamz -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/27/2007 6:40:07 PM)
Again, I can't thank everyone enough for their insightful answers. Actually, reading these things have done a great deal to help mellow me out (and once again prove I am not completely crazy ;) ). kitten

ddragon64 -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/27/2007 7:09:20 PM)
Thanks for posting this thread. I am also very new to D/s and am having way too much anxiety and overthinking everything.The article on "sub frenzy" at http://www.leathernroses.com/submission/steelefrenzies.htm was very helpful, and made me realize I am not actually completely insane. That was a pleasant epiphany. I also could relate to everything ViviDreamz was saying, and appreciated the imput from all. I am not in a place where munchies and groups are available to me, but I am grateful I found this site to gain some insight. I hope to make some friends here. From what I have read, you seem to support each other well. Peace and Pleasure to all

wolfsprincess -> RE: Simple query asking for insight. (12/28/2007 3:41:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ViviDreamz My query is this, is this sensation familiar to my state of knowledge (aka my beginning steps down the rabbit hole) or is this sensation unique to me alone? If it is familiar, is jumping into things with both feet the only cure? I am looking for whatever insights you may give me. sub-frenzy ... been there, done that, made a multitude of mistakes, bad decisions and rode the emotional rollercoaster until a slave came along, befriended me, and gave me MANY tips and necessary tools i needed before i got into something deeper than i could handle. i spoke (mostly online) with several Dominants, but my best learning came from slaves and submissives who understood what i was experiencing. Someone mentioned journaling - something that i found extremely helpful. Relative discussion groups and message boards such as this were (and still are) very helpful. Read. Listen. Learn. Know your landing platform inside and out before jumping! you never know where the rocks are lying under the surface.

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