On-line Submissive

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

On-line Submissive

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> On-line Submissive

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 6:18:02 AM

sccrutchster1

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline

Hello Everyone -- I'm very new to this lifestyle, though have been a lurker for years. I would really like to commit to a real time session, but cannot find anyone that I am really comfortable with for the first time. Could someone explain "online" domination to me. I would also like to try this, but do not really know what to ask for. I guess what my question would be -- what is expected of an online submissive? I'm from Charleston, SC if anyone knows of anyone from the area. Thanks!

Post #: 1

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 6:28:39 AM

MsBearlee

Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline

Online submission, in my mind, is a lot like cyber-sex. Of course, that's just my opinion and many will disagree, but in my world written scenarios exchanged back and forth are nothing more than wank-material. ...and the thought of using a video cam just squicks me. I get that some people are more casual with their sexuality; more power to them.

And, I am not suggesting all submission IS sex...just that online submission, to me, is a lot like online-sex. Why not get out there and meet people? Go to a munch, join a club...play with real folks; it's way fun!!!

Yes, I have engaged in cyber, I have watched online porn...but to me the delight and joy of D/s is about reality, not some temporary cyber situation.

MsB

_____________________________

A must read for submissives! (click here)

This one, as well!

(in reply to sccrutchster1)

Post #: 2

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 6:46:13 AM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

I will be blunt- as a guy, expect a lot of the woman (or is it 'woman') on this site to demand money for 'web domination'. I never personally got into it as I don't much see the point of ordering someone around but not being able to do anything about it when they 'misbehave'. So, yes, go to local munches, focus of real time, see a ProDomme if you really feel the need to act on your urges (but go to a local respectable house, not all who say they are experinced Dommes really are...) and eductae yourself in general asmany diffrent ways you can...

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to MsBearlee)

Post #: 3

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 6:59:29 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

My suggestion would be to find a local prodomme through www.maxfisch.com or the like - this gives you the opportunity to experiment, try things, and see if the reality of engaging in BDSM activities lives up to some of your fantasies and expectations, without having to commit to spending time at munches, getting to know people and hoping to find someone for more of a relationship - which is really tough to do, and you seem very iffy if that's even what you want. You may or may not even be in a position to pursue a relationship with a lifestyle domme.

Online submission...to be fair, there are some people who enjoy it. But online is not going to do more than feed fantasies - it's not going to let you experience BDSM. It's like having an online girlfriend vs. a real life girlfriend. With a real life girlfriend, you can go places together, snuggle, hold hands, have sex, teach each other things about the world, introduce each other to friends and family, be a shoulder to cry on when needed. With an online girlfriend, you type back and forth on the computer about stuff you'll never do real time together. Bleah.

Additionally, if this is something you think you really may want in your life - why waste your time playing online games instead out getting out there and living your life?

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 12/26/2007 7:10:21 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to MsBearlee)

Post #: 4

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 9:55:46 AM

jovonna

Posts: 27
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

I am in complete agree with everyone. On-line dommination to me is only beinging a "wanna-be" like a game of being a sub without really serving as a submissive.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 5

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 1:48:12 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

Typing. Lots of typing.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to sccrutchster1)

Post #: 6

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 2:31:28 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

I have never done online, but I know plenty of addicts so it must be doing something for someone!

If you like the quick and dirty anonymity of phone sex, then online/webcam could be fun.

The attraction of the medium is that it is so constrained. The other person is not really a whole person, but a figure onto which you project your fantasies (and she does likewise). There's lots of hot type and no day to day hassles of a relationship

Funny thing is IME, most people who like online domination go to a munch/club one day, discover play in real life and never go back to cyber. Its like the day Mum and Dad took the training wheels off your bike for you. There's no way you want to go back.

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 7

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 2:34:42 PM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

Online submission is, like many activities, something where you get out what you put in.

My Mistress and I have had an online relationship for the past six months and, while both of us would dearly like it to be a real-world relationship, it can't be, for the time being at least: there's an ocean in the way. We spend a couple of hours or more each day chatting online and have spoken on the phone a couple of times and exchanged letters and postcards and a huge amount of E-mail. My Mistress has had and continues to have real-life submissives, though we play mainly with things that she's not done (much) in real life. Although we spend a lot of time online together, by no means all of that time is spent playing. We spend a lot of time just chatting, as friends, though everything is very fluid. Both of us find the relationship very satisfying; neither of us has any qualms about saying that we are in love. (Yes, I know, we've never met. It sounds crazy; maybe it is.) What we have makes us both very happy.

A lot of it is based on trust and, I suppose, trust in the opposite direction to the usual D/s relationship. Why my Mistress tells me to do something (and, especially, when she tells me not to do something), to a large extent, she only has my word that I have obeyed her. For example, right now, I'm being kept in chastity but I have the key. There's nothing physically stopping me from unlocking myself and having my wicked way with myself but that would negate the whole point of our relationship. I would feel unhappy about going behind my Mistress's back and, when she found out, she might be forgiving of a first offence from a temporary loss of self-control, but would soon lose interest if I made a habit of it. We both want our relationship to work so I don't cheat. (FTR, the other night, I did take it off but I was feeling very ill and we'd both agreed that I could take it off if I felt I needed to. I'm feeling much better, now.)

On the other hand, my Mistress is thousands of miles away so she can't, in general, physically harm me, except by encouraging me to do harmful things. I trust her not to do that deliberately and we both trust each other to be responsible and clueful enough that it won't happen accidentally. She could hurt me psychologically and, when we play, I often feel very vulnerable. I trust her not to hurt me deliberately and, on the couple of occasions where it's happened accidentally (and not to any great extent), we've discussed things afterwards and sorted things out. So the trust does run both ways.

I'm not sure that answers any of the OP's questions but I do hope it shows that online D/s isn't always frivolous and shallow. Or maybe it just shows everyone that we're crazy. But, hey, maybe that would stop my Mistress getting quite so many annoying one-liners in her inbox.

(in reply to jovonna)

Post #: 8

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 4:52:56 PM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

Hello sccrutchster1,
It's al about finding someone to talk too,
someone whom you feel comfertable with,
someone whom you feel respected by.
That certain someone will help you explaning
what it is She/He would like of you, because not everyone
wants the same in Bdsm. And yes there are online relationships, and it's a great way to inform yourself, and to read about it, and to learn about it, before you decide you want to go to a munch.
To go to a pro hasn't got to do with online.
It's safer to learn more about it, before you go there, is My idea.
you're welcome anytime, to talk about things, if you would like, so drop Me a line.

I wish you enough.

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to sccrutchster1)

Post #: 9

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 4:54:38 PM

MrTieMrsTease

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/24/2007
Status: offline

May I take the time to answer this, for the online submissive. Online submissiveness takes time and patience, on both parts, it will involve you being given tasks either by E Mails or I M messages using a messanger. Forget what people are suggesting, if this is what you want look for someone that will offer this form of training, because I know I would, I do not care if what I have said upsets any Domme what I have said it capable of doing so, and it is what you want not what they want, your feelings have to be taken into account.

(in reply to beeble)

Post #: 10

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 5:50:38 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

If you like typing, run with it.

As Beeble says, it takes time to get anything out of it. Do you have hours a day to devote to typing? More importantly, are you willing to risk getting into an emotional attachment that may never turn into anything physical? Romances based on correspondence are not new to the internet. We can develop strong feelings for our internet friends, and knowing that those feelings can never turn into anything concrete can add to frustration, rather than decrease it.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MrTieMrsTease)

Post #: 11

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 7:26:00 PM

EvilGenie

Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline

I have never Dominated online though I have mentored too many to count both Dominants and submissives. The only task I have ever used is to request he/she keep a journal. For me, online mentoring involves assisting someone in taking a deeper look at him or her self, answering questions from my own perspective after 24 years actively involved in real time. I seek, when I agree to do this and that isn't often, to help someone else to gain knowledge, evolve and have solid footing from which to begin to actively seek real time. For if we do not at least have a grasp in regarding who we are and what we need, IMO, we can be unsafe to seek.

Nearly everyone knows, or knew at one time, what vanilla relationships basically entail as that is what we see modelled growing up. Though when venturing into this for the first time, seeking a deeper understanding of self can benefit from some mentoring help. As to sessioning online it can be extremely cumbersome I find and has little point as the real point is who we are and what we need first, then what we do.

Just my 2dhs worth

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 12

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 9:00:40 PM

sccrutchster1

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline

Thanks so much to everyone who spent the time to reply! You all have helped alot. Believe me I have a lot of questions about myself that I'm trying to figure out and this helps -- Thanks again!

(in reply to sccrutchster1)

Post #: 13

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/26/2007 9:38:54 PM

LadyThornrose

Posts: 23
Joined: 4/16/2005
Status: offline

As a Domme who has been involved in several online D/s relationships, I would like to add my two bits. :)

I am not a Pro Domme and although I enjoy all aspects of BDSM, the D/s aspect is most appealing to me. For that reason, I rarely participate in sexchat, playing on webcams, etc.

I agree with just about everything that has been mentioned here, but I want to make it clear that I think online D/s is a very important and satisfying thing when "real time" BDSM is not an option.

I don't enjoy casual physical play. It doesn't work for me. For that reason, developing an intellectual and emotional bond online is very satisfying for me. It also helps me recognize whether or not our interests are compatible. I think online D/s is something that requires a great deal of patience and adaptability, but for some people it can be a great thing.

I was hoping to find more ideas about online D/s on this thread. I think I might start focusing on it more on my blog. I would love to hear from other people actively involved or interested in Online D/s. If you're aware of any resources on this topic, please let me know.

Good luck to everyone!

Lady Thornrose

(in reply to sccrutchster1)

Post #: 14

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/27/2007 12:56:04 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

Typing. Lots of typing.

Some days, I wear a finger brace over my right index finger.

My Pet and I are in a long distance D/s relationship. It takes amazing creativity, a natural desire for our positions of power, and occasionally some good old gold to ensure it works. I can see most people failing at it.

I go to great lengths to ensure she feels sufficiently dominated, used, protected, taught, disciplined, and loved. Luckily, by this time tomorrow, we'll be fucking. I mean... together.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 15

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/27/2007 11:36:17 PM

FourInchHeels

Posts: 32
Joined: 7/6/2006
Status: offline

I started online as a Domme, and over the years have developed several very intense D/s relationships with a deep bond of trust between us. When we play, I'm not spinning phoney sessions, like "now I've tied you to the bed". What I'm telling them to do for Me, they're doing r/l...while I watch.

A few of My former boys have moved on to find a Domme r/l, but more have decided, for one reason or another, that serving online fits them best.

To the OP I would advise the same things I'd suggest any newbie do - take some time to figure out what you want from a D/s relationship, the traits you'd like in a Domme, what kinks you'd like to explore, and what your limits are, both hard and soft.

What's expected of you as a sub...either r/l or online, would be something to discuss with whomever you plan to give yourself to, as each Domme requires different behavior.

Good luck!

_____________________________

Do you like that, baby?

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 16

RE: On-line Submissive - 12/28/2007 1:54:04 AM

AnnabelHell

Posts: 36
Joined: 10/14/2007
From: Columbus, Ohio
Status: offline

The same as in person, there is a difference in online Domination and Professional Online Domination for pay. You need to decide if you want a Professional arrangement, or something more like a relationship, or possibly both. It really depends on your circumstances and what you are looking for.

I, personally, don't see anything wrong with experiencing it online, so long as you are careful and use common sense. I think a fairly large number of people experience this stuff for the first time on the net these days. It can be intimidating to do in person for the first time, and some people have valid reasons they can't or aren't ready. There's no reason, if you are sincere, that you can't find someone online who wants the same things as you do.

Professionally there are a lot of people willing to take your money, online, and off. Be wary of scams and simply giving your money away for nothing. (Unless it happens to be your particular fetish to give money away for nothing, in which case you may disregard that last.)

Someone else mentioned www.maxfisch.com, Max is an excellent resource for Professional Dominant women, for training on and offline. Traditionally Max only listed in person type Domination, but there are now a fair number of listings for distance and online training as well.

If all you want is occassional Text or Phone Domination there's a lot of that around and it won't be hard to find. Finding someone real and worth your time might be a little difficult and you might spend a few bucks and learn a few lessons before you find her. Keep in mind there's a big difference in online Domination and online porn made to look like Domination. You can decide which you want and then spend some time exploring what is out there and deciding if you think it is worth it or not.

Lifestyle wise there are people out there, just like you looking for various things online. Just be as honest as you can about yourself and what you are looking for in your online profiles and when you write people. Then if they respond to you or your profile you know they are actually interested in you and the same things you are.

Even if you don't know about meeting people in person I encourage you to join some discussion lists for lifestyle groups. They are great places to educate yourself, and to meet people who might share some of your interests.

(in reply to FourInchHeels)

Post #: 17

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> On-line Submissive

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094