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Running from empathy - 12/26/2007 8:21:43 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have a weird personality quirk.  When I feel close to someone I want to be there for them, to help or become the sacrifice for their salvation.  I was one of those kids who fought for the weak, or helped them learn to stand on their own.  I was someone who would have pushed someone out of the way of a car, or stand between them and a bullet (that one actually happened).  There is something in my mentality that is willing to go beyond my good, to help someone in need.
I remember once seeing an old star trek episode about an empath who took on others pain so that they might heal.  It scared her, but she was drawn to it anyway.
I sometimes wonder if this is a twisted religious bent, or if star trek effected me more than it should have.
I view this as a negative trait but one that is part of the fabric of who I am.  I try to keep a cap on it so that my life is not drawn into constant drama of which I have no control.  Most times I am able to keep myself detached from drama. 
This sacrificial mentality is my worst, and most empathic trait.  I am constantly looking for a balance.
If there is a trait (of yours) you could run from, what would it be?  If there is a trait you value most, what is it?  I know there is a balance somewhere, I just don't know where to look.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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RE: Running from empathy - 12/26/2007 8:36:05 PM   
summerblossom


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline 		Well for me, all my life I have been different from other people. Not the same kind of different as in just having different interests but the way I think about things, the way I feel about things and the way I interpret the things, people, and events around me have all been very different from other people. I grew up set apart from others and also have had a strong empathetic side where people I knew, though they didin't stay friends with me, would always come to me for advice and help. Some how I drew others to me that needed help and I always used to help them, even the really needy I would stay on the phone for hours with someone, gave up what I was doing, took people into my home and life, and even went to visit strangers. I don't do this anymore of course....But I still tend to feel out peoples emotions and can empathize. I am sensitive and I suppose my whole personality is my 'quirk' because while I am sensitive I stand by my values and beliefs which most others find unnaceptable as they are not the  norm. I have always been set apart from others, and I knew this from the age of about 7 years old onward. I have learned though that you cannot always put yourself out there to help just anyone, because people can, and will stab you in the back and use you until there is nothing left but a shell. In other words, don't just give yourself away to anyone and trust people until they have given you a reason to.

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RE: Running from empathy - 12/26/2007 8:52:57 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I balance an extreme empathic ability with a cold reptilian calculation. It's probably why I am a Sadist.

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RE: Running from empathy - 12/26/2007 8:53:41 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I am highly empathetic to those I love...

I recently found out my mom has kidney problems, so I bloated like she does..

When I am around my Daddy my hand starts hurting because I know his does... and these are just two recent examples.

If someone I love is feeling badly it messes up my mojo, I get out of sorts and cranky. I will start to get emotional and cry easy if it is someone I feel particularly close to and they are going through a bad time... My Daddy has pain most of the time, and I have felt very out of sorts in relation to his moods... it is just who I am


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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Running from empathy - 12/26/2007 9:20:19 PM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings kyst,

I remember the empath episode of star trek.  It had a profound affect upon me as well.  There was something so beautiful about how she suffered anothers pain.  Even thinking about it now, it twinges inside. 

Yes, I have had the chronic problem of helping beyond what was healthy for me.  When SJ sat me down to have a serious conversation about the two of us becoming M/s, one of his first stipulations was that I cease picking up strays.  It was the first time anyone had actually talked to me about this habit.  Now the energy is reserved for him.  Its been one of the most freeing directives for me.

While the empathetic feelings remain, I am no longer driven to act in ways that will sap my energy and strength or strain my already stressed resources. 

Great thread - thanks for posting it!

well wishes ~ fairer than she


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RE: Running from empathy - 12/26/2007 10:14:43 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Go check out the Martyr archetype and see if you think it's working in the shadow in your life. Also check out the Rescuer and Knight. These are just little snippets about them...you'll have to do some reading about archetypes in general if you really want to get the full range of knowledge about how they work in our lives.

http://myss.com/library/contracts/three_archs.asp

Master Fire




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RE: Running from empathy - 12/27/2007 1:37:56 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings missokyst,

i understand where you are coming from with your post...i have similar feelings/personality. one of the buddhist religious practices that relates to this is called tonglen - you do not have to be a buddhist to do it, though. it can be a good way to constructively deal with that headspace, i think, and do it in such a way that you are doing something good for your mind rather than getting involved in drama. i don't think that being empathic is a negative trait...but i think most of us do at some time or another not know when to set our boundaries with it.

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/tonglen1.php
http://www.spcare.org/practices/tonglen-practices.html#atmosphere
http://www.khandro.net/practice_send_receive.htm

my pm box is always open if you need/want to chat about this! hope you are well.

respectfully,
annabelle.


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RE: Running from empathy - 12/27/2007 4:05:55 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		a trait i would run from first? people pleasing...because it is not about them, it is about getting what i want by doing what they want...sometimes it is just a feeling of acceptance, and what i give away is more than i have to give...and then when it is al said and done they didn't really accept me...they accepted my actions, and the body that was doing them, and when the actions are done, the body can leave....

the trait i love the most...my empathy...the ability to feel what others are going through, without the need to take it on for myself (sorry, but if i did that i would classify that as martyring myself)...it allows me to feel the joy and love of others along with the pain and sorrow, so that perhaps i can offer them some comfort, even if it is just listening to them get whatever is weighing them down off their chest....and a lot of the time i can offer some sort of advice, either based on my experience or a phone number of someone or somewhere that can help them more...and i am drawn to people, on the street, in the park, in the store, in the parking lot...i have even been drawn out of my house for someone that needed to talk, to take my mom's dog on a walk, because that was how we would start talking...we talked for an hour and a half, not half a block from my house...oh and i too feel the illnesses of the ones i love...the hard ones are the heart attacks that i don't know where they are coming from...there was one about a month ago....still don't know who it was, i am guessing someone i lost touch with...

anywho...one to beam...
chelle


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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Running from empathy - 12/27/2007 9:24:29 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		yep.. that is the line I try not to cross.
Empathy is one thing.. martyrdom is too far.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty
...my empathy...the ability to feel what others are going through, without the need to take it on for myself (sorry, but if i did that i would classify that as martyring myself


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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