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Yet Another Sub Question - 8/21/2005 6:04:16 AM

fourpeas

Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
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slash random rant...

As some of you know I lost a family member a month ago and my life has been pretty crazy since then...

So since then I have been having these really weird, random dreams... And in the past week they've gotten particularly intense. Last night I had a dream about the ex-boyfriend who awakened a lot of these desires in me. He wasn't consciously dominant, but at any rate...

... We had a stormy relationship (he being Scorpio and I being Pisces) and never really "broke up," rather, he just fell off the face of the earth. But it was one of those relationships, one of the rare ones, in which he told me that he loved me first, and it was completely unexpected, etc.

Edited To Add: (THE POINT)

The thing about our relationship that eventually killed it is that he was very negative, everything was always wrong, he was always sad, his parents didn't love him, yada yada yada, and I was surprised to hear myself taking on those traits. I am not like that... I am generally not one to throw pity parties for anyone, and I was surprised to hear myself being incredibly melodramatic and playing into the "tragic love story" theme that he wanted.

I was just thinking about how much I, as a sub, take on the characteristics of my partner and I just wonder really WHY that is. Not, "Why am I submissive?" but the question is "Why do I take on so much that belongs to my partner EVERY TIME I GET INVOLVED WITH ANYONE?" Sometimes I just feel like I'm a human mirror and I don't even really know what's behind the other side!!!

AHHHHHH!

Rant finished:

question is:

Other subs/slaves, do you physically and emotionally take on characteristics of your dominant? I don't know if I feel like that's a sub trait or a trait more common in certain tropical lizards as a survival mechanism, a.k.a. chameleons.... LMAO... I feel like I know from reading people's posts which subs are like this and which ones are not. Just curious to hear thoughts and trying to dust off my rusty posting skills on the board. Ha ha ha.

< Message edited by fourpeas -- 8/21/2005 6:07:20 AM >

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RE: Yet Another Sub Question - 8/21/2005 6:17:23 AM

Isolde

Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
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I feel it's less a submissive trait and more just a people trait. In my experience, someone with a high level of empathy is going to find themselves doing this at least some of the time. I've always been a bit of a chameleon in this way but I attributed it more to growing up as a military brat, having to learn to adapt to new settings/situations/people with little preparation.

I'm better about it now than I was. Yes, I do tend to be more quiet and thoughtful around quiet, thoughtful people, and bubblier around the sunny types. And yes, I am heavily affected by the Eeyores out there. But being aware of it means that some of the time I can compensate for it and I never act in contradiction to my normal personality.

I'm more me now than I was ten years ago.

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RE: Yet Another Sub Question - 8/21/2005 9:23:40 AM

KarbonCopy

Posts: 779
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I've noticed that it is not uncommon for one partner to take on the characteristics of the other in any type of relationship. If one partner is continuously happy and bubbly, its a good change that the other partner will pick up on this charge, or vice versa.

You spend enough time around smoeone, and well you start acting like them, its human nature.

Hell I cant be around someone with a foriegn accent to me, without starting to talk like them. Only takes like 10min.

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RE: Yet Another Sub Question - 8/21/2005 10:50:05 AM

CalliopePurple

Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
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I agree with the others. I tend to change myself just a little depending on the people I'm around. Working on being more of "myself" at all times, but it's not easy when you've spent your whole life being what others want and expect.

And when I know that a certain person is having too much of a negative influence on me, I cut him/her out of my life. Oh, imitating accents is great fun too. Especially when it takes little to no effort. *Is a bit of a mimic*

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RE: Yet Another Sub Question - 8/21/2005 1:01:25 PM

kisshou

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Joined: 2/11/2005
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watch the movie "The runaway bride" with Julia Roberts, the whole movie was based on this theme. I don't end up taking on a partners characteristics as far as personality but I end up liking what they like.

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RE: Yet Another Sub Question - 8/21/2005 3:52:47 PM

Taik

Posts: 307
Joined: 8/5/2005
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I would say for me it depends on the other person, if they have a strong personality I'm likely to absorb some of thier traits and desires, however people with (I hate to use the word) weaker personalitys I seem to stay even with. I dont mind either really.

The thing that gets me the most is I seem to have a habit (atleast with vanilla girls) of attracting people with baggage/issues. I do the best I can to help them and get them on thier feet, whether its going back to school, staying in college, finding a job, whatever the case may be. Trouble is they always seem to leave me shortly after they get thier bagage/issue worked out. I really enjoy helping them and I'm happy they are back on thier way again, but sometimes it just makes me feel like a Bandaid.

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RE: Yet Another Sub Question - 8/22/2005 12:38:13 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
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I think almost everyone takes on some trait of the people they spend the most time with. I have a more severe case of it than others. For a while I adopted the speech patterns, interests, tastes, etc. of every partner and close friend I had. Then I realized that I was being an idiot. I'd lose myself in other people. Being submissive is so ingrained in my habits that I'd adopt the mannerisms of the people I loved just to please them, and present them with an inoffensive front. There's nothing wrong with picking up the odd trait here and there. It's bound to happen if you spend enough time with someone (and it's not necessarily a bad thing, it's actually enriching quite a bit of the time). But don't lose your entire identity to someone or something. Spend some time away from that particular person/persons and cultivate your own interests and personality. Be the best person you know how, then if you pick up some random mannerisms from someone, you're just getting the best of both worlds.

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