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Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 1:20:14 PM

TwistedSin

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline

As an every day person, I believe in taking things slow. As a slave, I believe in taking things even slower because devoting every part of yourself to someone can be dangerous if you're in the wrong hands.

I have noticed that here on CM, many people want to immediately jump into things. After three or four emails, they want to jump to "Call me Sir" and ask for my phone number. Just because I am a slave, and I am searching, that doesn't mean that I need to be collared RIGHT NOW. I prefer to be friends with someone before I even consider anything. But many people on here begin consideration from the very first email, and don't even bother to ask if I am even interested in them.

Many people become frustrated and ask why I'm not devoting myself to them, or why I am never online, why I never answer their calls, ect. I am a busy person, and I am not going out of my way to mess up my day to jump online for someone I met three hours ago. I'm sorry, but I think we all here on CM have our own lives, our own jobs and our own families to worry about. Why does everything have to be a rush? Why do I have to jump into anything head first just to prove I am a genuine slave?

Has anyone else had a problem with this? And if you do things this way, are you ever called a fake or not genuine because you don't choose to cyber kneel to every Dominant you come across?

Post #: 1

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 1:27:31 PM

sweetstorm

Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

On an hourly basis.

_____________________________

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You need a parachute to skydive twice.

(in reply to TwistedSin)

Post #: 2

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 1:52:57 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Why does everything have to be a rush?

Because they are:

1)horny
2)desperate

either/or both, take your pick

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to sweetstorm)

Post #: 3

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 2:00:37 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Dear TS-

On one hand, I never demand that someone call me 'sir' ( though I been known to strongly suggest it, in scene<eg>). OTOH, I do expect things to move to the phone pretty quickly- I am looking to meet people, not make pen-pals. I wouldn't assume that someone isn't real, or is less submissive because they don't want to go, but my interest is going to fade pretty quickly.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 4

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 2:05:38 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Take your time girl.. Don't be intimidated with pushy Doms...

_____________________________

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Max: And loving it!

(in reply to TwistedSin)

Post #: 5

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 2:05:53 PM

Rushemery

Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

do what makes you feel right, you dont belong to anyone you have not given yourself to so you really dont have to call anyone anything you dont want to call them as for being in a rush well I tend to want to make sure you are who you say you are if we have agreed to head in that direction but I would just emil you my number if you wanted it, people tend to not be so scared if I offer rather than ask for theirs ---Happy New Year

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 6

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 2:17:18 PM

NaiveTempest

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

When I was considering a job in sales, my mentor told me an important piece of info. "Out of every hundred or more people you will probably get only one sale. But do not allow the to deter you from making an effort." Most if not all of us get those emails everyday. Just ignore/block those members, but keep the door open for the one that may prove worth while. But you have to be willing to wait how ever long it may take before you meet that person. Don't rush or settle.

_____________________________

"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"

(in reply to TwistedSin)

Post #: 7

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 2:31:36 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I expect doms to push. I figure them knowing what they want and going for it is a given. I didn't judge them on that. I did judge them on their response when I said they were going too fast and scaring me off.

One apologized, slowed down and told me to tell him if he started going too fast again. I'm still with him, over four years later.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to NaiveTempest)

Post #: 8

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 2:55:10 PM

mimkyodar

Posts: 72
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline

I never demand anyone call me sir....
Sorry, i found that funy. (Yes, funy)

Oh, I totally agree. I mean, hello, people, i'm not your slave yet, don't call me that. In my opinion it just forces an unnecessary barrier into the possible formations of a relation which should be based on trust.
Think about it.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 2:59:44 PM

stripmymanhood

Posts: 124
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline

i pray for a Domme to push me..take what She wants...if a Domme won't impose Her will on me...i feel i have a level of control in the situation that i really don't wish for...i know it's wrong, but i have been known to test to see if they will do so...on more than one occasion, the lack of desire to take what they want has killed any interest i have in that particular Domme.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I expect doms to push. I figure them knowing what they want and going for it is a given. I didn't judge them on that. I did judge them on their response when I said they were going too fast and scaring me off.

One apologized, slowed down and told me to tell him if he started going too fast again. I'm still with him, over four years later.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 10

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 4:15:18 PM

Rushemery

Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

I feeling pushing someone prior to an established relationship is wrong, after they have given themselves to you sure if its what your agreement is but before that its harrassment

(in reply to stripmymanhood)

Post #: 11

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 4:23:08 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

don't settle until you're ready to settle and submit to the dom who is compatiable to you. there are many hngs around here who enjoy slapping titles of "dom", "sir" and "master" to their names. not everyone moves at a fast pace ...i'm like you - i rather move steadily so i can "get to know" someone until i feel comfortable and trust them.

good luck, OP

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to TwistedSin)

Post #: 12

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 4:23:17 PM

NaiveTempest

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rushemery

I feeling pushing someone prior to an established relationship is wrong, after they have given themselves to you sure if its what your agreement is but before that its harrassment

Yup!

Till I submit to you we're on an even keel, so come at me with the same respect you would a vanilla woman, cause you don't know me. Once I submit to you, you can spank my ass for the wait and drama! LOL

_____________________________

"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"

(in reply to Rushemery)

Post #: 13

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 5:03:18 PM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

After a few online chats, if I am still interested I also tend to move pretty quickly into meeting. Of course, I always insist on a vanilla meeting over coffee, and certainly don't require any kind of form of address.

Still, if I am interested, I will suggest a meeting relatively soon. This doesn't tend to be a problem with the boys on this site: I get the impression that at least half of them want to kneel naked at my feet as soon as I say "hi." If coffee is all they can get, they'll take it.

I'd certainly be happy to move slower if requested, but I really am not looking for online relationships, so meeting is very important. If I felt like someone was putting off meeting for too long, I might start to lose interest, or simply leave them with "Please let me know if you change your mind." I wouldn't be verbally abusive or ignore them, but they would no longer receive the kind of priority attention I give to people with whom I am building real life relationships. The same applies to people who live geographically distant, which is sad, because there are so many nice people I've met here on CM. Of course, if I ever do find myself in their area, I will also invite them out to meet for real, even if I'll never pass that way again, and even if it seems rather sudden and out of the blue.

I am sorry that so many people here on CM have to deal with abusive jerks. It's not just the subs; several of my fellow Dommes have gotten terribly rude messages as well. It is just a hazard of the internet these days: people feel they can act totally uncivilized just because they can hide behind a screen.

(in reply to stripmymanhood)

Post #: 14

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 5:48:06 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rushemery

I feeling pushing someone prior to an established relationship is wrong, after they have given themselves to you sure if its what your agreement is but before that its harrassment

Agreed. Pretty much why I work the corners, nibble around the edges, build trust and friendship first. Two cardinal rules I always go by:
1. You can't make someone do something they don't want to do
2. You can't keep someone from doing something they want to do.

I wait until the time seems right. Then I don't talk, I brew! (Stolen from an old National beer commercial)

Les (Brewer of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to Rushemery)

Post #: 15

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 6:19:45 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

It happens on the flip side, too. Just a part of the internet process. Consider it a part of your early weeding processes and be grateful for it...even as it aggravates you! LOL

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to TwistedSin)

Post #: 16

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 6:27:12 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Don't worry about it, OP. The opposite thing happens as well. You get guys whose profiles states that no subs are for "real" and never want to meet and then these self same dudes write and write never move past the email.

Usually a clue that they are married, scared, wanking or just playing. So consider it all a learning curve on the lovely world of the internet. Some rush, some go too slow, I like meeting fairly quickly, go figure.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 17

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 8:33:46 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I did not have a problem with this, I refused to remain in contact with this those without boundaries.. not a good sign to me if people lack boundaries for themselves and expect me to let them walk on mine

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to TwistedSin)

Post #: 18

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 8:42:53 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

It happens on both sides. I have been told I am fake because I wasnt interested in being met and having someone serve me on a first meeting. I dont want to control someone over the phone before we have met, and until I have someone under consideration seriously, I am not interested in them calling me Mistress (which I hate) nor in having little tasks for them until I decide. If you are going to be mine, it will happen. Theres no reason to be jumping through hoops until then. If I want to take my time, then so I will. If you arent OK with that then thats your problem, and you know where the door is so to speak.

I can understand someone wanting you to call them Sir right off. I dont find that pushy, demanding it seems silly but suggesting it I can see. However, if someone is moving too quickly for you, or expects you to put them ahead of your real life responsabilities from day one maybe they arent much of a loss. Priorities are important, and if a dominant sees themselves as yours, and you dont share that view it will cause immediate problems. Best to cut your losses with those types and just wait on someone who wants things the same way you do, and is willing to let you take your time getting there.

IMHO of course
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 19

RE: Jumping the gun - 12/27/2007 10:07:55 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedSin
After three or four emails, they want to jump to "Call me Sir"

A Dom told me once, the title of "Sir" should be earned not expected... I tend to agree.

quote:

ask for my phone number.

Ask for his and tell him you'll call him! hee hee

quote:

But many people on here begin consideration from the very first email, and don't even bother to ask if I am even interested in them.

I'm unfamiliar with the "consideration" thing.... On the first email? I don't get that? They know nothing about you (other than what you have on your profile, and you sure as poop don't know them!)

quote:

Why do I have to jump into anything head first just to prove I am a genuine slave?

You don't, and I have a feeling you already know this OP. If it's meant to be it will happen.

girly

(in reply to TwistedSin)

Post #: 20

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