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NovelApproach -> RE: Reply to AllietheKitten. (1/3/2008 1:28:39 AM)
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The only time I've had a scene go bad was early on with Kitty. We were going to do an interrogation scene - I'd tied him up and blindfolded him and was going to leave him alone for a bit to let him get into it. A few minutes in it he called out for me by my first name, rather than any of the names we use for playtime. Worried, I broke scene and asked if he was okay, since I'd tied him up in an awkward position, and he assured me that he was "just getting into character." That pause ruined the mood, and for the rest of the session he was sort of snarky instead of say, helpless. I ended it early and we talked, then did the same kind of scene a few days later with much more success. Admittedly, part of my mistake was not trusting my boy to use his safeword if he needed it, but I've learned to do that now and he's learned to let me know when the scene isn't working for him.
Aside from that, I've had some pretty awkward moments with kinky-but-mostly-vanilla partners in the past. One of them had Dissociative Identity Disorder, and he would sometimes "switch" in the middle of sex. One of his other identities was extremely uncomfortable with being in bondage, and another was essentially a UM and would get confused when he realized he was naked and bound. It didn't happen often, but it was a constant worry for me. I quickly learned to cope by recognizing when he'd "switched," stopping play immediately, wrapping him in a blanket and removing the restraints, and talking gently with whoever had just "woken up." I often joke that "it was weird to go to bed with someone and not know who you're going to wake up with," but it was absolutely true. I thought I could handle it, but eventually it got to be too much of a strain on me. It was hard, but we decided it was better to avoid kinky play until after he'd gotten some help. We broke up later for unrelated reasons. I should have made this a rule from the beginning, but it never seemed necessary before him -- I don't date/play with people who have severe psychological disorders.
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