RE: On Clingy Submissives

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OldBastardly1 -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:02:17 AM)
I must not be hyper-evolved. [sm=biggrin.gif] I know if somebody laid on my chest balling and squalling because they didn't want to say goodbye ( not a permanent goodbye ), I would seriously doubt their sanity. But that is my take on it and I am but a simple man. [sm=ofcourse.gif]

juliaoceania -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:06:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1 I must not be hyper-evolved. [sm=biggrin.gif] I know if somebody laid on my chest balling and squalling because they didn't want to say goodbye ( not a permanent goodbye ), I would seriously doubt their sanity. But that is my take on it and I am but a simple man. [sm=ofcourse.gif] What a nice nastygram from you... I was wondering, what spurred such nastiness? Edited to add.. I guess you think that my personal evolution to being hyper commitment phobic, independent, and "unneedy" is somehow a slam on you personally because I quoted someone that quoted you.. my post was not about you... Perhaps you might want to understand, often people's posts aren't about you, but their own experiences.. As far as to my level of sanity.. I may be crazy, but I am not cruel enough to take someone's tender moment and mock them with it.. that is really one of the more nasty things anyone has ever posted to me.. and I will never read you without it in my mind that you truly are a nasty person

Rushemery -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:07:49 AM)
I would rather be wanted than needed but also it depends on the type of need (someone who needed me because I was their only true love, absolutely) because I support them no, there are lots of types of needs

juliaoceania -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:19:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rushemery I would rather be wanted than needed but also it depends on the type of need (someone who needed me because I was their only true love, absolutely) because I support them no, there are lots of types of needs I was not speaking of needing someone to hold a person up, or as an emotional crutch, or monetary gain.... I mean that kind of need that you know that if anything ever happened to them that your world would never be the same again, and you would never get over it... As far as my "crazy scene", it is rather hard on me right now because my Daddy is not well, and it is killing me not to be there to be with him and take care of things for him, even though I know he will be ok. And I am not ashamed to say I need him.. we split up for 4 months with no contact, and my life was not as happy as it is now because he was not in it. Sure, I went on with life, and I was living... but I wasn't happy. And there are all types of needs... love is just one of those needs

parttimehotty -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:19:28 AM)
This is a great topic! If you've read my many posts about this being yet another 'trial period" in my submissive journey, allow me to explain that for a long while in the beginning, i was very clingy. Constantly asking why He's not online, why He won't answer my tm's/or emails, forgetting (selective memory) the fact that i sent NUMEROUS of each and realistically, each one does not need a response. He would answer the notes that He determined were worthy of a response. i would also ask Him, when i did have His attention, if He'd be coming by my place anytime soon & when He'd respond in the negative, i'd ask if i could invite my former FB over for some vanilla sex/or just to give me a massage. i was so starved for this Dom's attention, rather than tell Him that, i'd try for a reaction in a juvenile manner. When He'd tell me to go ahead & do what i wanted, that i wasn't collared, i never did seek another's arms. This time, i wised up, i told Him that when He has time, great, i'll be available, if not, i won't worry Him about my need for Him. i have a full life w/family friends & volunteer work that i can fill my time w/until He's available for me. i would never ask Him again if i could fk another because i never do anyway, so why waste His time/my breath and make U/us both frustrated and Him angry. It's been a challenge, but my clinginess has stopped/when i find myself aching for Him, i just shoot Him a brief TM and all is well. Lol, one week, i held back for several days w/o bothering Him and it turned out to be the best thing i could have done. He has a kids and a family member w/cancer He's been caring for, so His time is very limited***

OldBastardly1 -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:30:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1 I must not be hyper-evolved. [sm=biggrin.gif] I know if somebody laid on my chest balling and squalling because they didn't want to say goodbye ( not a permanent goodbye ), I would seriously doubt their sanity. But that is my take on it and I am but a simple man. [sm=ofcourse.gif] What a nice nastygram from you... I was wondering, what spurred such nastiness? Edited to add.. I guess you think that my personal evolution to being hyper commitment phobic, independent, and "unneedy" is somehow a slam on you personally because I quoted someone that quoted you.. my post was not about you... Perhaps you might want to understand, often people's posts aren't about you, but their own experiences.. As far as to my level of sanity.. I may be crazy, but I am not cruel enough to take someone's tender moment and mock them with it.. that is really one of the more nasty things anyone has ever posted to me.. and I will never read you without it in my mind that you truly are a nasty person I am so sorry that you interpreted my post as a nastygram to you. But you have caused me to have a question.....why is it that you seem to think yourself more highly evolved or on a different level that the common people? Please note that I said seem, not stating that you think you are. And perhaps I was speaking of personal experience as well. I hope this clears the air. [sm=flowers.gif]

DesFIP -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:37:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitttty quote: Because he feels so much more competent when he compares himself to you. It's a sign of his insecurities, like men who only date dumb blondes because they know they would be shown up as ignorant if they dated a smart female. What crawled up your bunghole? itching powder? ...you know, usually that kind of comment implies a bad thing, but on this site, you never know- maybe someone wants that kind of thing. Not me though. A craving for preparation H is about as non erotic as things get. I dont know what Master thinks of my relative lack of competence. He doesnt seem that keen on it. You're the one who consistently portrays him in that bad light. If you don't like the picture you painted, then paint a new one. Don't blame the mirror you look into. Any comment anyone makes on him is through your perspective. Yours.

juliaoceania -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:38:49 AM)
you decided to read my post in the way you did because I said to me it would be regressing if I were to go back to being "unneedy".. to me it would... You do not know me, or my life, or the way I was a few years ago. I was actually needy then, although I certainly fooled the people around me into believing I wasn't. Part of my emotional growth has been to need people... That is all I have to say on the subject, because frankly people read me the way they want to, and you have decided to take what I say and twist it... probably because I told you off on the submissive forum for telling a slave that is not allowed to open her emails that she is not being "arrogant" to assume that those men emailing her all want her... I just pointed out, she was follow orders... Now you want to assume things about me.. go for it, I really could care less after what you have posted to me on this thread. Mock me on a myriad of things, but mock my relationship, I tend to just not want to deal with you Have a nice life. edited to take out gratutitous nastiness.. not worth it

OldBastardly1 -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:46:25 AM)
My, my, my. It seems as though a bitter beast has reared it's head. Calm down, take a breath. Don't take things so seriously. Less drama is a good thing. Less confrontation is as well. About the other thread....I think we both spoke our opinions. It should have stayed as that. Don't take it so personal when someones dares to disagree with you. Everything is not about you. [sm=mrpuffy.gif]

juliaoceania -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:48:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1 My, my, my. It seems as though a bitter beast has reared it's head. Calm down, take a breath. Don't take things so seriously. Less drama is a good thing. Less confrontation is as well. About the other thread....I think we both spoke our opinions. It should have stayed as that. Don't take it so personal when someones dares to disagree with you. Everything is not about you. [sm=mrpuffy.gif] You insinuated that I am crazy because my Daddy made me lay on his chest and cry... and I am not supposed to take this personally? like I said, have a nice life...

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:49:44 AM)
~FR~ to me, needing someone means i could not exist without them. i need oxygen. i thought i needed my ex husband, and was sure the day he left i would shrivel up and die. but i didnt die. i became stronger than i have even been in my life. i could never go back to the mindset of needing another human being for my happiness. my happiness and contentment is within me. and i will always keep it there....i feel it is my responsibility to feed it and keep it healthy. the thought of handing that responsibility to someone else just does not work. for me. i need to know that no matter what, i will be ok, alone or with someone. that is the only way i am capable of giving all i have to someone else....knowing that if the relationship ends, i will be all right, and somehow richer for the experiences we had. for me, thats how it is.

chellekitty -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:53:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania <snipped for brevity> Normally I agree with both of you, but this time I do not, because of how I define "dependence... one definiton revolves around drugs and addiction.. the unhealthy kind... and here is the definition I apply to my dependance on my Daddy... Here is Websters *1: the quality or state of being dependent; especially* : the quality or state of being influenced or determined by or subject to another 2: reliance, trust 3: one that is relied on** I think that being "dependent" on someone emotionally means you have learned to rely on them, trust in them, that you may see yourself as counting on them.. you need them. I have always wanted that sort of relationship, I see nothing unhealthy in it. I have come to the conclusion that people need people and most of the people that believe themselves to be independent just aren't.. everyone needs others to get by, we need to rely on others... just the human condition. i agree with your definition of dependent...i believe the problem comes when you stick a "co" in front of dependent...there is a whole 12 step program for it even...co-dependents, not just the partners of addicts anymore, are people that, in relationships, are only happy when there partner is happy and will do anything to make them happy, and will put their own needs aside to make that happen...and if their partner says no, go take care of yourself...there is a storm a-brewin....thats when there is a problem.... chelle

juliaoceania -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:55:15 AM)
quote: to me, needing someone means i could not exist without them. i need oxygen. i thought i needed my ex husband, and was sure the day he left i would shrivel up and die. You see, that is where we differ, but I do think people need each other, hermits often go nuts from lack of human companionship, babies die if they have no affection, and kids will become maladjusted if they are not loved... I am reposting a post I had on a similar thread http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=589584 "I think people confuse being "needy" with "needs" and if it is not the bare essential minimum to sustain life then they are 1)confusing wants with needs 2)they are a needy person. I do not think this is true at all. Maslow's Heirchy of Needs explored this concept by showing us that if the lower tiered needs are met that frees us to get our higher order needs met. I think of a needy person in two different ways, but both are charity cases. 1) if you lack the basics to sustain human life you are needy. If you do not have clean food and water, a warm place to lay your head and adequate clothing you are a needy person because you are in need of something. 2) The other type of needy exhibits itself as the clingy vine, it is not a healthy neediness in the minds of people. Having a hole to hill inside one's heart can make them needy, and it is considered to be a character flaw. It is one thing to need something physically, but to admit to needing things emotionally smacks of neediness, and since that makes a person flawed, no one wants to admit they need other people. I need people... I make no bones about that because I know from scientific evidence about this that we all are in need of others to sustain good emotional health. If I love someone I need them as a part of my life to operate at maximum wellness. I need to know my son is ok, I need to know my extended family is around and stay in contact. I need my chosen mate around, If I have no chosen mate I am lonely for one and that causes me to focus energy on that aspect. I have noticed a lot of people that feel it is weak to need others, especially romantically. I think odd because without others we go literally crazy if left alone too long. Just some thoughts "

kyraofMists -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:58:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne ~FR~ to me, needing someone means i could not exist without them. i need oxygen. i thought i needed my ex husband, and was sure the day he left i would shrivel up and die. When some people talk about needs, that is what they refer to, needs for survival. I also see different types of needs. My needs for survival are met and now I focus on the things I need to thrive. I do not need my Lord and Alandra in order to survive. I do need them in order to have the fulfilling relationship and live that we have built together. I also know that there are most likely other people out there that could fulfill this need to thrive but the relationship would not be the same as the one I have now. I also have needs that are associated with what I want. I want X so there are certain things I need to obtain X. I want a happy and fulfilling relationship with them, so there are many things that I need to do in order to build and maintain that relationship. For me, I have more needs than just ones in order to survive. Knight's Kyra

chellekitty -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:59:41 AM)
living just to survive is a pretty crappy existance...i prefer to thrive....

juliaoceania -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 7:59:59 AM)
quote: i agree with your definition of dependent...i believe the problem comes when you stick a "co" in front of dependent...there is a whole 12 step program for it even...co-dependents, not just the partners of addicts anymore, are people that, in relationships, are only happy when there partner is happy and will do anything to make them happy, and will put their own needs aside to make that happen...and if their partner says no, go take care of yourself...there is a storm a-brewin....thats when there is a problem.... chelle My Daddy often says he does "not do co-dependent".. interdependent fine, it is the "co" he refuses to do anymore... and sometimes people have to reevaluate to see if they are doing more "co" than "inter" dependency.... it is just something to be aware of

OldBastardly1 -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 8:01:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1 My, my, my. It seems as though a bitter beast has reared it's head. Calm down, take a breath. Don't take things so seriously. Less drama is a good thing. Less confrontation is as well. About the other thread....I think we both spoke our opinions. It should have stayed as that. Don't take it so personal when someones dares to disagree with you. Everything is not about you. [sm=mrpuffy.gif] You insinuated that I am crazy because my Daddy made me lay on his chest and cry... and I am not supposed to take this personally? like I said, have a nice life... Please re-read what I said. I made no mention of you or your Daddy making you lay your head on His chest. Like I said , everything is not about you. I spoke of my personal feelings about a situation that you mentioned. I did not insinuate that you are crazy. Puh-leeze! Are other people not to express themselves unless it agrees with you and your infinite wisdom? Please pardon my query, but you seem to have gotten a bit defensive and snippy with other posters lately. Are there issues in your personal life that have affected your usual pleasant demeanor? I used to really appreciate your postings and enjoyed reading them. ( I think in a communication I had with you a while back, that I said I had read many of your profiles and enjoyed them. That was a typo. I meant that I had read and enjoyed your postings. ) I sincerely hope that whatever issues are causing a negative effect on you will balance out. [sm=flowers.gif]

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 8:01:13 AM)
i havent gone crazy from being alone...well no more crazy than i was before[:D] i have actually found contentment alone. now i have an awesome son, a great network of friends, and i get out and dance and have fun every chance i get. i am also blessed to have a job i adore and look forward to going to every day. but i am content, more content than i have ever been in my life. and before i will let someone in my life in a D/s/romantic way again, i will have to be sure it can be better than the contentment i feel alone. i adore not having my mood set by someone elses mood....if im happy when i walk in the door at the end of the day, i stay that way.....if im in a pissy mood i can let it flow and get over it. i can do what i want to, when i want to, and it is awesome to me. this could change in the future. i have only been single for 5 years, after having spent my entire adult life married, but as for now, it is simply heaven to me.

lovingpet -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 8:06:24 AM)
Could all the personal bickering stop or be taken to your emails so that this worthy discussion can resume with some dignity? I am not one to get angry or vicious, but it seems a personal disagreement has overtaken the discussion at hand. I am fairly new and am learning a lot from this discussion. I would like to continue to do so, but I will not sit and read through arguments to do so. I am certain I can find another way, but prefer exactly what I am doing right now. I hope this has not been terribly offensive. I just want to hear more about this subject in a positive environment. lovingpet

MzMia -> RE: On Clingy Submissives (12/28/2007 8:07:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne i havent gone crazy from being alone...well no more crazy than i was before[:D] i have actually found contentment alone. now i have an awesome son, a great network of friends, and i get out and dance and have fun every chance i get. i am also blessed to have a job i adore and look forward to going to every day. but i am content, more content than i have ever been in my life. and before i will let someone in my life in a D/s/romantic way again, i will have to be sure it can be better than the contentment i feel alone. i adore not having my mood set by someone elses mood....if im happy when i walk in the door at the end of the day, i stay that way.....if im in a pissy mood i can let it flow and get over it. i can do what i want to, when i want to, and it is awesome to me. this could change in the future. i have only been single for 5 years, after having spent my entire adult life married, but as for now, it is simply heaven to me. As usual, you so eloquently state how I feel. I agree with this 100%, which is why I enjoy being single. Were we twins in another life?

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