Second chances

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wannabesub67 -> Second chances (12/27/2007 10:00:29 PM)
I find myself in a situation that I will try to describe without running on too much. I am more of a sensual sub who does not enoy pain but loves to serve. I met a Master that i fell for almost immediately but was way out of my league. Needless to say we had a few months of many ups and downs after which I asked for my release and he gave it. Oh, at the beginning I was not looking for a Master but a Dom. In the past several months we have maintained minimal contact but, never discontinued it. He has been a friend and a support through some difficult times, especially when my company faced hard times and job closures, and supported me emotionally until I found other employment. Over the past several months I have accepted that he is much more into TPE than I had originally wanted, and that he is a severe Master when need be. But, he is also a wonderful supporter and did reward with what I needed, which I did not recognize at the time. My feelings for Him have not faded in the least, nor have I been able to stop thinking about him and my need to please him or feel his touch. We have recently begun to talk again and it is wonderful, except for one thing. He says that now I have lost the special placein his life and will have to deal with the fact that he has another, before it was just us. I have never been with another woman, nor have I desired to be. But to earn back my place I will have to prove my desire to please him. He never made me do this before as I had earned my place and he had "put away his little black book", so to speak. So through much introspection, I have decided that I do desire to earn back the position I had before, but must face a challenge. He desires to have another slave and have the three of us together. I must repeat, I am doing this willingly, but am having a hard time with two issues. First, sharing is difficult for me even though he assures me it has no bearing on hi sfeelings for me. Second, i have really never desired to be with another woman and fear my reaction when it actually comes down to that moment. I am not asking for either he or i to be criticized, but for advice on how to get through this time that i am willing to submit to. How to accept seeing him with someone else, and he has said it would be with me, and how to sexually be with another woman for his pleasure, even though it is not a desire of mine. Please, no bashing, well unless you feel the need, just asking for advice and support.

MystressDream -> RE: Second chances (12/27/2007 10:11:09 PM)
I may be off base here, but, you say he is TPE and severe, and that is not what you want. You say he is poly, and that is not what you want. You say he wants you to engage in activities with his female slave, and that is not what you want. *Question: What makes you even consider that this could possibly work?* *It sounds like you have a crush on the man, and, you are possibly in love with the concept and idea of being owned.* Nothing in your post makes me think you could make this particular situation work, however. You don't like to share, yet he has been clear that you will not only be sharing him, but he will be sharing you. Do you honestly believe that if you "earn your place" back with him that the other woman will go away? Don't plan on it. He has been honest with you. I think you need to be honest with yourself now.

AquaticSub -> RE: Second chances (12/27/2007 10:19:40 PM)
I strongly suggest that you spend a lot of time thinking about how much this poly thing bothers you. He is not the only master in the world and there are less severe masters out there who have no interest in poly. I'm a big believer in that love/lust/strong feelings aren't always enough. He has been honest with you about what he needs in a relationship - what do you need and do your needs match?

Rushemery -> RE: Second chances (12/27/2007 10:42:45 PM)
Im not trying to be rude but do you want him back because he has someone else? I have a strong thought that or Ill say I wouldnt get rid of someone because someone from my past wants me back would his other deserve that? tough situation, i think I would have offered you a place beside his new one or did he say he would get rid of his other if you measured up. think before you jump, listen to these ladies above you I think they maybe right

Daddysredhead -> RE: Second chances (12/27/2007 10:48:13 PM)
I think that you need to look deep inside yourself to see if what he desires is something that you are really ready to give. It's the whole dynamic of fantasy/desire not equalling reality. What you think you may be able to give him, may be, in fact, the thing that brings you more pain that you know what to do with. I have seen my Master with other women before and thought beforehand that it might not be a big deal for me to see this. Well... I could not have been more wrong. It took many hours of talking afterwards and countless tears to get over the fact that this is something that I cannot handle emotionally, for reasons that are personal. This type of sharing is a huge trigger for me and Master knows this now and understands that I am not being bratty when I say that I could not deal with this type of play. I just can't. After long discussions, he realizes that I am not trying to top from the bottom, set the rules, or anything like that. He knows from where I speak and how adversely it affects me, and it isn't that big a deal for him to not have this little "treat." So... it's not something we do anymore. Period. That's just him, though. Your Dom may not have the same point of view and you need to be ready to accept that just because you jump through whatever hoops that are set in place for you, that his needs and yours just aren't on the same page. Wishing you well, DRH

ksub4u -> RE: Second chances (12/28/2007 6:31:54 AM)
You wish to 'get through this time you're willing to submit to'. The problem I see with that statement is that this isn't a time you're going to get through - he wishes to be poly and wishes you to be bisexual for him on an ongoing basis, if I'm reading you correctly. You really like this guy, but his needs and yours don't match up. That's important. I think you need to do a lot of thinking before committing to a relationship which contains elements you don't desire. I am also wondering about a dominant who wishes to test you this way - have you been very clear with him about how you feel? Have you both talked this through? Is he very sure of where you stand? Maybe you need to meet for coffee or dinner and really hash this out with him - try and get past your desire to please and win him back, and explain to him how you feel - give him the benefit of a doubt. Also - should he just put aside this other woman now that you're ready to commit? I'm trying to see this from his side. Good luck!

DesFIP -> RE: Second chances (12/28/2007 8:10:49 AM)
Considering everything you've been through, you aren't capable of listening to your gut right now. What I suggest is you stop leaning on him, in fact stop all contact with him for three to six months until you can think clearly about the situation. And then decide if you want to be in second place to his primary, if you want forced bi, if you want tpe, if you want a relationship where you don't have any of your needs met. I don't think he's been this disinterested good friend all this time. I do think he's been keeping you on a string so you couldn't find someone more compatible. I do think he's seeking to be revenged on you breaking up with him. I do think getting into this relationship which is tailor made to make you unhappy is not the right thing to do. You really do deserve to be with someone who loves you and who has the same desires you do, he isn't it.

parttimehotty -> RE: Second chances (12/28/2007 8:18:41 AM)
i wholeheartedly agree w/you, MystressD Nothing that he wants is what you want, wannabe and while you may try at first, you'll probably end up leaving and not on good terms either. Forcing yourself to change who you are/give up what you want will only lead to resentment. Keep him as a friend/sounding board but i'd forget about a relationship w/him and find a Dom who's more suited to your needs/desires as you are to his.

MasterSohun -> RE: Second chances (12/28/2007 8:27:11 AM)
let me tell you a story,,i had a woman i dated years ago she was a switch said she was into woman but really enjoyed cock and the act of pennetration well here is what happened her boyfriend of the time set her up with anothere girl hoping for the threesome thing,,he threw her naked in the room with the other woman and told her they were gonna fuck !well she felt nothing !!was unable to have sex with the other woman and ran out of the room and called me!the moral of the story to you is if you have doubts about being with the other slave that is gonna come out when he wants his three some,i wonder if you would do best to reconsider the situation at all??

Mercnbeth -> RE: Second chances (12/28/2007 8:41:59 AM)
well, this slave's take on the whole thing is that He wants a performance, an ACT, in order for you to prove yourself---so why not plan on being a good performer, or actress, instead of fretting about your inexperience with women or issues with sharing something you don't own. this slave would suggest imagining the scenario in your head and how it would play out to His desire, then start practicing your responses and facial expressions---if there is time and you have the inclination, sign up for an acting class, read up on techniques that actors use, or rent some FMF porn to watch. Perform as if it is the most enjoyable experience you have ever been a part of...after all, the scenario is not being set up for your enjoyment, but for you to prove to Him that His pleasure IS more important than your fears, isn't it? good luck![:)]

wannabesub67 -> RE: Second chances (12/28/2007 9:35:02 AM)
Thank you all for your replies. They are all good advice and I shall seriously consider them in my decision process. For those of you who questioned it, no he has not indicated that anyone else would be put aside and I trully would not wish to cause that hurt to someone else. DRH I do believe he will consider my reactions and how situations affect me. It was the effects of previous situations that caused my earlier release, which by the way he did not simply want to release me, he attempted to give me options in an attempt to make something work. And I believe he will consider the affects of this situation on me too. Beth, I have always appreciated your comments here. You seem to be very happy with your Master and to get great satisfaction from serving him. You are right, it is about his pleasure. Acting classes are out of the question with my kids' schedule, but I will try to change how I think of the situation and attempt to practice the reponses he will enjoy. That is a good way of going about this positively instead of with my fears and insecurities leading me. I hope to some day be as knowledgable as those of you offering your advice, for now I am still learning and experiencing, and attempting to do so with a man who although we have differences, I feel does care for me and does wish only to have me enjoy my service to him. Does that mean uncomfortable situations at times? As new to many things as I am I am sure it does. But I need to learn to trust him to get me through those times. Thanks again all!

laurell3 -> RE: Second chances (12/28/2007 11:07:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wannabesub67 Thank you all for your replies. They are all good advice and I shall seriously consider them in my decision process. For those of you who questioned it, no he has not indicated that anyone else would be put aside and I trully would not wish to cause that hurt to someone else. DRH I do believe he will consider my reactions and how situations affect me. It was the effects of previous situations that caused my earlier release, which by the way he did not simply want to release me, he attempted to give me options in an attempt to make something work. And I believe he will consider the affects of this situation on me too. Beth, I have always appreciated your comments here. You seem to be very happy with your Master and to get great satisfaction from serving him. You are right, it is about his pleasure. Acting classes are out of the question with my kids' schedule, but I will try to change how I think of the situation and attempt to practice the reponses he will enjoy. That is a good way of going about this positively instead of with my fears and insecurities leading me. I hope to some day be as knowledgable as those of you offering your advice, for now I am still learning and experiencing, and attempting to do so with a man who although we have differences, I feel does care for me and does wish only to have me enjoy my service to him. Does that mean uncomfortable situations at times? As new to many things as I am I am sure it does. But I need to learn to trust him to get me through those times. Thanks again all! The person in life that will always be most knowlegable about you, is you. I certainly wouldn't say don't try to do these things as it seems you truly want to at least attempt them and I'm not sure we know how we feel sometimes about some things until we do try them. My first bisexual experience was that way and I was very glad I did try it. I would say be realistic about whether you will be able to do them on a longterm basis. The first safeguard to your health, safety and wellbeing is you. While we all want to trust and please our partners, submitting to something that is negative to you isn't in the long run going to please anyone. Poly is a good example of something that if you are not prepared to be open and honest about it and realistic in what you expect from each other it could very well ruin your relationship.

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