A Crazy Mission (Full Version)

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kyakitten -> A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 8:31:37 AM)

Hello Sirs and readers,

I would appreciate your advice if you please.

Four years ago I was with my first Master for about 8 months. We communicated constantly via email, phone and in person, although we lived 3 hours apart, and developed a very deep - an epic - loving relationship. Both of us were in open marriages at the time.

We broke up because I worried about how I was complicating his life and suggested we might take a break to make things easier. (Good old topping from the bottom, there. Yep, I'm that dumb.) His life really was turning crazy (bad marriage, job) and he agreed.

Over the next three years our correspondence dwindled as life got complex. My marriage ended, his marriage disintigrated, we both changed jobs. We kept up appearances via infrequent email; it wasn't until a few months ago I learned he'd left home 2 years prior and was living with a new sub. I could sense his unhappiness and begged him to meet me for lunch.

We got together and... he is so defended now, has walls up like you can't believe. It's not personal, it's what he does when he's hurting. He basically makes himself an island. He told me about that back when we were together - which is when he also instructed me never to let him push me away because of that.

So I am obeying that instruction. I am sending emails full of love and memories and dreams; I am clearing days to drive to his state just in case he's free; I am calling and leaving voicemail on a cell phone that is almost certainly directed straight to voicemail. I am conjuring up half-baked plans like moving to his town so that it becomes easier for him to see me.

And rationally I feel like a fool. His replies are one-liners. There's never a salutation at the top, like he doesn't know who he's talking to. (I know that's routine for other people, but not for us.) Just a few drops of hope here and there - that lunch, one phone call, an emailed expression of gratitude or affection, and I keep putting my life on hold knowing that sooner or later he must come out of hiding and hoping that when he does our miracle will return.

I keep vacillating - one moment I want to make some drastic demonstration of devotion and the next I am equally sure I must cut ties and move on. Meanwhile, I keep dropping pebbles into the well and wasting time debating myself whether the water is getting higher.

What do I do?

Thank you...




kinkypuppy2 -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 8:42:10 AM)

Long past time to walk away. You are not the saviour of the world and all its ills, You are not his therapist.
Time to heal yourself and not in a on-line way.



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 8:59:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyakitten

What do I do?



You need to watch the Sex in the City.  He's just not that into you.



sexyred1 -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 9:00:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyakitten

What do I do?



You need to watch the Sex in the City.  He's just not that into you.



Seriously. I was just going to say that. Stop it. Right now. You are making him a priority and he is hardly making you an option.



SlaveOwnerDave -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 9:08:32 AM)

Greetings kyakitten,

Please excuse My bluntness, and My lack of applicable experience:

As far as I can tell from what you have said, He needs a psychiatric therapist. His problems cannot be healed by you.

you, furthermore, have your own life to lead. Unless you live in Podunk, Wyoming, there are many more Masters out there near you.

Just as there are many phony slaves, so too, there are many phony Masters. But there are many real Masters. Many of those Masters would be happy to have someone as devoted to Him as you have been to your old Master. you could build a full and satisfying life with one of Them.

If your old Master feels you are important, then He will telephone YOU. If He ignores you, then He values you not, and is best seen in your rear-view mirror--if at all.

Please look for Someone new. Indeed, talk with a "kink-friendly" therapist if you can. S/He will set your mind at ease.

If you cannot afford a therapist, then I suggest looking through these threads to find other slaves who are experienced in this kind of situation. Many of them would be happy to help you through this emotional problem.

For an emotional problem, logic is not always the best adviser. But if you want logical advice, then feel free to contact Me.

My best wishes,
Master Dave



sirguym -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 9:34:48 AM)

I would echo the other responses.

I have heard of many trying to rekindle the fires that burned between themselves and another - I have never heard of one-sided efforts ever working.

Get your own life on track, with a stable work-life, a circle of friends inside and outside the scene, move on.

Maybe he'll come chasing you, probably not, but whichever way it goes, you've got a life back and more to give to him, yourself and/or another.



kyakitten -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 9:44:32 AM)

Kinky, Taggard, Red, that's exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.

Dave, thank you for your kind words. It's been discouraging and frightening to be out into the world these three past years and not having found anything resembling the glories of the past, but your words give me a lot of hope to keep going forward. I guess Vermont is not as bad as Wyoming either!



kyakitten -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 9:47:10 AM)

Sirguym - At first when I read your post I thought "wait, that's not fair, I have a very full life!" Then I reread it and realized how very much I've put on hold these past few weeks to pick up this torch again. (Case in point, I should be working today!) So thank you.....



PanthersMom -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 10:04:22 AM)

take the hint, he left his marriage and when he had the freedom to contact you and continue your "epic" love affair, he didn't.  you were fun while it lasted, now you're in the past.  time to change the email, change the phone number and walk away.  you've wasted all this time on this non-relationship.  my question is why?  why are you so afraid to move on with your own life?

PM



KatyLied -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 11:14:11 AM)

Your thread title is aptly named.
Let him go, let the relationship go.  Find something more fulfilling.  Being by yourself would be more fulfilling.



littlebitxxx -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 11:32:20 AM)

kyakitten, hugs to ya.  Sometimes there comes a time when "don't let me push you away" becomes walk away.  You've done what you could, seems like more than anyone else might have done, to no avail.  In my opinion, it's time to go find someone who can give you as much as you seem able to give.  You deserve it.  Heartstrings are the hardest to cut but memories last forever.



came4U -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 12:43:30 PM)

open marriages? and a bad marriages?

what didn't you learn by observing his or your marriages?

what is there to learn? Did you think you were more 'special' than his wife who allowed this nonsense?  Guess now you realize -oh oh, ya not!  Maybe he is grieving his lost marriage.  If and when he is over her then maybe he MIGHT be willing to give a crap about you.

You both spilled the crackerjack box, eat the popcorn now and choke on the toy.



DesFIP -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 1:18:09 PM)

He's living with someone else. He's closed off from you. That doesn't mean he's closed off from her.

Stop stalking him now.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 1:44:11 PM)

In my opinion, you are trying to re-create what you had. That's impossible. You both are two different people now. You're also trying to make him feel a certain way and you can't do that either. You have no power there. You're also hoping that he will change. Change is hard and therefor unlikely. At some point, he has to reach out. Back off, let him know that you're there when he is ready to do that.

I've been through all this. These are some of the lessons I learned. YMMV.

Master Fire



kyakitten -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 2:02:31 PM)

Thank you again for the replies.

Panther's Mom, your question was very valid and is prompting a lot of thought. Special thanks.

Celeste, I've admired your posts a long time but at the moment you're stoking a popular misperception. Since my ex is neither offended nor fearful, nor is that my intention, there is zero stalking occurring. The definition of stalking is as follows:
"Stalking (from Middle English stalk: from Old English bestealcian; akin to Old English stelan to steal) is a legal term for a pattern of offensive behavior involving repeated harassment or other forms of invasion of a person's privacy in a manner that causes fear to its target." (from Wikipedia)
Outside of that detail, I do hear what you're saying though and agree.

Polly Positive, aka came4u: My, that's quite a chip on your shoulder.

FireMaam: All true, all helpful - thank you. I hope the end of the story was positive for you.



DesFIP -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 2:27:04 PM)

He isn't offended yet. Or at least he hasn't said anything, but he also hasn't said anything positive. Driving there, showing up uninvited, that does border on stalking. You don't want to start doing things like that. Right now it's just emails and such, easy for him to avoid contact. If you show up in person that's a totally different thing.



PsyVamp -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 2:44:19 PM)

kyakitten,

You have received much sane advice.  I can only tell you from my perspective that when someone tries to rekindle things with me, I am sometimes rather polite to them.  I will take the occasional call, respond to the occasional email and even share the occasional meal.  To me, none of it means that I have any intentions of picking up on a romance; it means that I remember the person fondly and still like them as a human being.

If it were me, I'd take some time to put myself first, find out who I had become and go on to a new life.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Lady Jag

Oh, and btw:

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveOwnerDave

Unless you live in Podunk, Wyoming,


I honestly thought I was living in podunk, New York. ;)



BitaTruble -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 3:35:11 PM)

 
Kya,

Four years ago you had a fling that made your head spin with it's intensity. Then a separation of three years and you're pinning for a man who did it for you four years ago and, who may or may not do it for you now. He's got another submissive with whom he lives. It's time for you to do what he's doing.. live your life. Being in a holding pattern hoping to rekindle something from the past is going to stunt your growth and it's already putting you into a turmoil. He's moved on and the instruction he gave to you four years ago is no longer valid. He doesn't own you, so there is no need to follow some long past command.

It's okay to let it go and it's okay to feel bad about letting it go, but Kya, you do need to let it go. I don't necessarily agree with the other Celeste that you are stalking him since you didn't mention anything along the lines of him telling you not to contact him, but it seems as though you're only going to hurt yourself in the long run. After three years, he's got someone else and, there's a possibility you are projecting that he's unhappy because that allows you to have a foot into his door. He got out of one unhappy marriage, no doubt if his current submissive doesn't work out, he'll get himself out of that situation as well. Waiting around for 'if' though, isn't going to keep you warm at night nor keep you fed.

I will hope for the best for you, Kya.

Celeste



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 4:54:38 PM)

let him go

he's going to be emotional drain on your life each time you come to his rescue



windchymes -> RE: A Crazy Mission (12/28/2007 4:59:11 PM)

Panthersmom said it best:  He was free to go to you and he went to someone else.  Period.  End of sentence.  HE WENT TO SOMEONE ELSE. You were a pleasant diversion for him  but you were never his priority, he never was in love with you, he never intended to spend his life with you, and he's never going to.

Sorry this is blunt, but it's the reality.  As you said, cut ties and move on.

Funny thing is.....I could have written your OP, verbatim, except that I had the chance to spend time with mine.  Guess what....he was NOTHING like I imagined him to be, nothing like what he imagined himself to be.  He was weak, dishonest, irresponsible, especially with money, and trolled for others right under my nose while I was at his home.  It was all internet fantasy.  You are luckier than you know that you are free to go and find something good for you in the real world.



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