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just a thought - 12/28/2007 5:48:20 PM

jakeskajira

Posts: 87
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

I will give a disclaimer to my opinion because I truely don't wish to upset anyone.

In my experience the reason people don't like switches -- or want to deal with them is a number of reason's, but primarily, because unless you align yourself with another switch, they don't want the responsbility of said "switch"... it is different if your a Dominant with one person, and sub with another.. but I think many people who don't "switch" roles find that daunting.. there's a big "what if"... what if they "switch" rules when I need them sub/dom etc.
There are often more power struggles with switches.. you guys have 2 parts to your personality and for someone else who doesn't, that makes it difficult to cope/handle/deal with it.
Many subs and doms want black and white, it is hard for them to deal with gray. (Not impossible, but sometimes it isn't want they need or want.)

I know this has to be challenging for many of you, and I can sympathize, I am not a slave to anyone besides my Master and if he allowed me to be in charge of others.. well I probably could be a "switch"... but I had to pick the one part of me that rang the most true for me.... (it wasn't just about play time for me... it was about a 24/7 lifestyle choice)

So, the key is finding those who accept that and are okay with that, but it can be challenging if you struggle for power because one day you just "switch" to your Dom side and decide to not give in and submit... power struggles can be challenging... a submissive may also feel extremely insecure wondering if her dominant will just "change" her mind one day about being a Dominant...

These are some of the reasons why people have a hard time with switches... not because there's anything wrong with you, but because for people who like opposite sides of the extreme, your in the middle and could go either way and that is hard for some people to understand....

with much respect,
slave emma

Post #: 1

RE: just a thought - 12/28/2007 5:49:46 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

And?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to jakeskajira)

Post #: 2

RE: just a thought - 12/28/2007 5:52:35 PM

jakeskajira

Posts: 87
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

there's many threads on here asking whats wrong with switches.. well.. nothing is wrong with them, but I was just giving a general opinion on why some people have problems with them, which has nothing to do with the individual switches at all..

Regards,
slave emma

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 3

RE: just a thought - 12/28/2007 5:54:14 PM

Raechard

Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

At last I understand myself!

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 4

RE: just a thought - 12/28/2007 5:55:24 PM

jakeskajira

Posts: 87
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

hey as long as your happy that is all that matters!

regards,
slave emma

(in reply to Raechard)

Post #: 5

RE: just a thought - 12/28/2007 5:56:52 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jakeskajira

there's many threads on here asking whats wrong with switches.. well.. nothing is wrong with them, but I was just giving a general opinion on why some people have problems with them, which has nothing to do with the individual switches at all..

Regards,
slave emma

And you're qualified to give the general opinion about acceptance by others how? Or to make statements like this "but it can be challenging if you struggle for power because one day you just "switch" to your Dom side and decide to not give in and submit... power struggles can be challenging... a submissive may also feel extremely insecure wondering if her dominant will just "change" her mind one day about being a Dominant..." which in my experience is true of very few switches.

Many people are unaccepting because they don't actually talk to the person but assume things because of the role, you are doing the same thing.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 12/28/2007 5:57:38 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to jakeskajira)

Post #: 6

RE: just a thought - 12/28/2007 6:02:17 PM

jakeskajira

Posts: 87
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

No, I wasn't assuming, I was explaining my opinion on why SOME people feel that way... it doesn't make it true, or real, or right, it just is a worry that many non switches have, switches have a "what if" factor.. you guys can go either way. That doesn't make you bad, or wrong, but it makes others who don't understand the "middle" part of it question where you stand... and wonder if it could just change... (Doesn't mean it will, but this is some of the reasoning behind the "attitude" towards switches. I am sure I over simplified it.) This doesn't mean you will switch roles with specific people, or at all, but it is more likely in the mind of someone who is on one extreme or the other and no where near the middle.

with respect,
slave emma

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 7

RE: just a thought - 12/28/2007 6:03:42 PM

Raechard

Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

As a switch I always respect the roles of others, that is fundamental to being a switch. You don’t try to top a top or play bottom to a bottom. There is no power struggle unless you are with another switch and that is part of the scene.

That’s it, all I’m going to say.

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 8

RE: just a thought - 12/28/2007 6:06:19 PM

jakeskajira

Posts: 87
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Raechard

As a switch I always respect the roles of others, that is fundamental to being a switch. You don’t try to top a top or play bottom to a bottom. There is no power struggle unless you are with another switch and that is part of the scene.

That’s it, all I’m going to say.

I totally 100% agree with you... LOL (don't think otherwise I do agree with you) but others don't realize that.

regards,
slave emma

(in reply to Raechard)

Post #: 9

RE: just a thought - 12/28/2007 6:06:33 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jakeskajira

No, I wasn't assuming, I was explaining my opinion on why SOME people feel that way... it doesn't make it true, or real, or right, it just is a worry that many non switches have, switches have a "what if" factor.. you guys can go either way. That doesn't make you bad, or wrong, but it makes others who don't understand the "middle" part of it question where you stand... and wonder if it could just change... (Doesn't mean it will, but this is some of the reasoning behind the "attitude" towards switches. I am sure I over simplified it.) This doesn't mean you will switch roles with specific people, or at all, but it is more likely in the mind of someone who is on one extreme or the other and no where near the middle.

with respect,
slave emma

The majority of the switches I've met don't have any "what if" factor at all. The majority of people I've talked to in person have many concerns, oddly that's rarely it, although a handful of people on this board say that repeatedly, I'm pretty sure that handful don't constitute "many" and they are usually people that are specculating about switches and never been with one or even talked to more than one. I never assume anything is true of a person based on role or what others have said, I talk to them.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 12/28/2007 6:11:46 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to jakeskajira)

Post #: 10

RE: just a thought - 12/28/2007 6:17:44 PM

sweetstorm

Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Raechard

At last I understand myself!

In my opinion, that's the best place to be!!!

_____________________________

You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You need a parachute to skydive twice.

(in reply to Raechard)

Post #: 11

RE: just a thought - 12/28/2007 6:35:19 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Raechard

As a switch I always respect the roles of others, that is fundamental to being a switch. You don’t try to top a top or play bottom to a bottom. There is no power struggle unless you are with another switch and that is part of the scene.

That’s it, all I’m going to say.

Hey Raechard let's play...we'll flip the supersecret, glow-in-the-dark, magic switch coin to see who gets what role!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Raechard)

Post #: 12

RE: just a thought - 12/28/2007 8:12:48 PM

KnOcala

Posts: 260
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

I have to agree with your concerns and have thought about listing just Dominant or Submissive. Usually my dominant side is what shows and I have most experienced, but part of me really wants to try being submissive.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 13

RE: just a thought - 12/28/2007 9:25:54 PM

undinerising

Posts: 36
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline

It's difficult not to interpret commentary of this kind as veiled criticism, especially coming from a woman identifying as a 'kajira'. My understanding is that there's not a lot of room for switches (or dommes, for that matter) in a Gorean setting.

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 14

RE: just a thought - 12/29/2007 9:02:06 AM

Raechard

Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
Hey Raechard let's play...we'll flip the supersecret, glow-in-the-dark, magic switch coin to see who gets what role!

Heads I win!

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 15

RE: just a thought - 12/29/2007 2:35:06 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Raechard

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
Hey Raechard let's play...we'll flip the supersecret, glow-in-the-dark, magic switch coin to see who gets what role!

Heads I win!

Doh....what is winning?

I forgot to switch in (pun intended) the rigged, supersecret, glow-in-the-dark, magic switch coin damn it!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Raechard)

Post #: 16

RE: just a thought - 12/31/2007 11:27:30 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jakeskajira

No, I wasn't assuming, I was explaining my opinion on why SOME people feel that way... it doesn't make it true, or real, or right, it just is a worry that many non switches have, switches have a "what if" factor.. you guys can go either way. That doesn't make you bad, or wrong, but it makes others who don't understand the "middle" part of it question where you stand... and wonder if it could just change... (Doesn't mean it will, but this is some of the reasoning behind the "attitude" towards switches. I am sure I over simplified it.) This doesn't mean you will switch roles with specific people, or at all, but it is more likely in the mind of someone who is on one extreme or the other and no where near the middle.

with respect,
slave emma

Well, a lot of folks come to this specific forum to addess the issues that they have had to deal with being a switch. I've noticed that, by and large, the nice folks who come in trying to explain to us why we wren't acceptable to the world at large, tend to get the largest number of smartassed sarcastic responses. I appreciate the offer of insight, but honestly, we pretty much have they why covered. Mostly, folks hang around here to reassure folks that it's okay to be a switch, and to sharpen our claws on the folks who want to tell us what is wrong with our end of the lifestyle. Personall, I love sharpening my claws, but I prefer to do it on something with a bit more resistance, and mayber after dinner and a movie. Interested?

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to jakeskajira)

Post #: 17

RE: just a thought - 1/1/2008 1:06:25 AM

Violently

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Uk West Midlands
Status: offline

Hey slave emma.

Personally I think that's cool that you've written your thoughts.
I don't necessarily agree with you as I think it comes across as a bit prescriptive but even within the opinion itself I find myself agreeing when you say some people simply are not capable of understanding things outside of black and white. I also agree that it is the other persons problem rather than mine.

In general, I think sexuality is something we fail to explain well.
It's like trying to speak a different language without being fluent in it. You only have very few words to express your ideas and it all ends up a bit of a frustrating exercise. It doesn't help that most of the language with regards to our BDSM sexuality is inaccurate, exploitative, vanilla or repressive ;-)

In particular there's one part of your statement which I find quite intriguing

quote:

ORIGINAL: jakeskajira

These are some of the reasons why people have a hard time with switches... not because there's anything wrong with you, but because for people who like opposite sides of the extreme, your in the middle and could go either way and that is hard for some people to understand....

I don't see myself in the middle at all. I am at all times the consuming extreme of either end rather than in neutral territory and it is one that informs the other.
What I don't need to be is both or either sides with any one person. D/s is a relationship of negotiation and I always think that what happens within it is a joint informed decision... not some flippant toss of a coin. However, even if it were - I don't see how that is any less acceptable.

A person is far more capable of being complex outside of a label and whilst I applaud you for seeing outside your own box; I would say that again we only have understanding according to how much we are able. It is a label that makes it easy for us to make us feel we grasp understanding, and at the same time unfortunately it blinkers us from knowing so much more about that very something.

These days my interactions with people are very simplified. What matters is only what I am to them and they can call it whatever they like.

(in reply to jakeskajira)

Post #: 18

RE: just a thought - 1/1/2008 11:37:30 AM

BiteGirl

Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman

quote:

ORIGINAL: jakeskajira

No, I wasn't assuming, I was explaining my opinion on why SOME people feel that way... it doesn't make it true, or real, or right, it just is a worry that many non switches have, switches have a "what if" factor.. you guys can go either way. That doesn't make you bad, or wrong, but it makes others who don't understand the "middle" part of it question where you stand... and wonder if it could just change... (Doesn't mean it will, but this is some of the reasoning behind the "attitude" towards switches. I am sure I over simplified it.) This doesn't mean you will switch roles with specific people, or at all, but it is more likely in the mind of someone who is on one extreme or the other and no where near the middle.

with respect,
slave emma

Well, a lot of folks come to this specific forum to addess the issues that they have had to deal with being a switch. I've noticed that, by and large, the nice folks who come in trying to explain to us why we wren't acceptable to the world at large, tend to get the largest number of smartassed sarcastic responses. I appreciate the offer of insight, but honestly, we pretty much have they why covered. Mostly, folks hang around here to reassure folks that it's okay to be a switch, and to sharpen our claws on the folks who want to tell us what is wrong with our end of the lifestyle. Personall, I love sharpening my claws, but I prefer to do it on something with a bit more resistance, and mayber after dinner and a movie. Interested?

Yep. I think it's funny that people come prancing in here telling us that our sexuality is wrong. It's like a lot of American's who don't agree with homosexuals. You can't, NOT agree. It's just how people are, dumbass! Lol.

And, slave emma, you don't need to explain to us why the ignorant don't like us, just like me, reiterating this point that everyone has pointed out, we have heard it all before. Nothing new.

(in reply to Suleiman)

Post #: 19

RE: just a thought - 1/1/2008 1:24:51 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jakeskajira

I will give a disclaimer to my opinion because I truely don't wish to upset anyone.

I'll remember this disclaimer if I ever go into the Gorean thread and post about the various reason's that people don't like Goreans. I'm sure it will be equally well received.

quote:

In my experience the reason people don't like switches -- or want to deal with them is a number of reason's, but primarily, because unless you align yourself with another switch, they don't want the responsbility of said "switch"... it is different if your a Dominant with one person, and sub with another.. but I think many people who don't "switch" roles find that daunting.. there's a big "what if"... what if they "switch" rules when I need them sub/dom etc.

I have no idea what your experiences with switches are, but from what you've written here, I'd say they are lacking in diversity at the very least.

quote:

There are often more power struggles with switches.. you guys have 2 parts to your personality and for someone else who doesn't, that makes it difficult to cope/handle/deal with it.

I have one personality just like most other mentally healthy adults. The fact that I'm multifacted and complex just makes me a normal human. It doesn't equate to more power struggles. If someone has a problem dealing with switches, the simpliest solution is .. don't deal with switches. Seems pretty easy to me.

quote:

Many subs and doms want black and white, it is hard for them to deal with gray. (Not impossible, but sometimes it isn't want they need or want.)

If your post reflects how 'you' feel, no harm no foul but at least take responsibility for your thoughts rather than try to push them off onto a mysterious group of random 'they's who aren't here to speak for themselves.

quote:

I know this has to be challenging for many of you, and I can sympathize, I am not a slave to anyone besides my Master and if he allowed me to be in charge of others.. well I probably could be a "switch"... but I had to pick the one part of me that rang the most true for me.... (it wasn't just about play time for me... it was about a 24/7 lifestyle choice)

I think what you don't understand is that switches also pick the one part which is most true for them.. being a switch. As far as things not being about 'play time' for you, or that you've made a 24/7 lifestyle choice .. such implies that switches are only about play. This is just one more example of someone coming into this forum stating that 'switches' aren't as real, as true, as good as straight up doms and subs. Yawn.

quote:

So, the key is finding those who accept that and are okay with that, but it can be challenging if you struggle for power because one day you just "switch" to your Dom side and decide to not give in and submit... power struggles can be challenging... a submissive may also feel extremely insecure wondering if her dominant will just "change" her mind one day about being a Dominant...

Compatibility is key to any relationship. Switches are no exception.

quote:

These are some of the reasons why people have a hard time with switches... not because there's anything wrong with you, but because for people who like opposite sides of the extreme, your in the middle and could go either way and that is hard for some people to understand....

I'd like to post a disclaimer here because I really don't want to upset you .. but you're clueless.

quote:

with much respect,
slave emma

I didn't see any respect at all. I see someone once again coming into the switch forum telling others things that are already known, who touts they are some sort of bionic slave because, while they 'could' switch, they decided not to so they are real, don't play and live the lifestyle 24/7, something which is apparently not feasible if you happen to switch. I don't know what your motivation was in posting, but the post itself is pretty much BS.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to jakeskajira)

Post #: 20

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