RE: Is it normal to fall in love with your Dom during training?

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RE: Is it normal to fall in love with your Dom during t... - 8/22/2005 12:51:30 PM

FangsNfeet

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Love love love love love.

You never know when you're going to fall in love. It can be when someone changes your tire, helps your mom accros the street, or when you get your first adult spanking from someone. So basicly no matter how odd or irrational it may sound, it's perfectly normal when you fall in love with some one on any given time, meeting, or experience. Cupid shoots his arrow as he damn well pleases.

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RE: Is it normal to fall in love with your Dom during t... - 8/22/2005 3:22:16 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweet4master

hi lexie. as many other i also was curious about hearing what Masters here would answer to you.
well its quiet disappointing really, because none of them has really said that Love should be the base of a Master/slave relationship.
they All want you to love them, but you wont find many that will love you too
they dont expect you to love them, they are sure you will
if you tell them, you will be the one in pain, not them
the more they deny it to you, the more you will love them
until you realise that it will never work

Rubyb can love more than one at the time
MstrssPassion doesnt really says
KnightofMists gives a bit of hope and says infact that its very important foundation to have a deep sense of love
fastlane its just heartless, whatever he represent
Archer again gives hope and makes sense to the relationship
Focus50 infact focuses on the love that subs/slaves feel, as if Doms really didnt have any feelings at all

one is free to do as he see fit, but do not play with feelings
subs/slaves are human being, love comes naturally and we are talking about Love guys, and that Love comes in one way only
as many subs/slaves here i cannot imagine being "trained" without loving my Master, it will simply not work

to lexie i would say to be careful, Love is a word that scares most people, i still have to understand why is that
he might run away and you will have to live with it, it will be painful but you will realize you have lost nothing but a heartless person

good luck

And welcome to the Message Boards, too, sweet4master.... :-)

I guess this is just my week for having fem/subs put words in my mouth - words I never said or even meant. I restrict myself mainly to posting in "Ask a Master" but still I have fem/subs translating and interpretting for me.... *groan*. My posts are longish in general but I still like to think they're read by other mature, like-minded adults so that I don't really have to spell everything out in single syllable terms - thus making the posts even longer!

I specifically draw your attention to this from my first post: "I look for the "whole package" within my relationships."

Anyone whose read more than a few of my posts knows I'm a "relationship Dom"; not a player or exhibitionist etc. BDSM is not my kink, hobby or chosen "career" for playing with subs then running home to my nilla true love blah blah. The "whole package" means my sub is the woman I love and share everything outside of BDSM with, as well. Of course love is the base for my D/s relationships, as it is for many - but maybe not the majority....

But the simple fact from *MY* experience is that subs get attached far quicker than I do, especially newbie subs, and that's why I'm very conscious of not letting that happen too fast in case my feelings aren't reciprocating. I need more time - it's that simple! If I'm not developing real feelings for a sub, the relationship is doomed because BDSM for me isn't about the play or dynamic so much as who I'm sharing it with. I have no interest in playing with just any willing "piece of sub meat"....

You're new to the boards so I'm not pissed at you as I have been with a few others recently but there are dangers in publicly putting your meaning to what others say and then implying they said it, k?

Focus50.

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RE: Is it normal to fall in love with your Dom during t... - 8/23/2005 9:30:10 AM

whippedattitude

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i would think that one would almost have to be NOT human if you were 100% opening yourself up and letting them inside and not feel the *L* attachment. The first time is always the worse for the heart ,for i think we put the Dom on a pedestal.

Slavery without loving the Dom, is usually replaced when you love the act of service more so then perhaps the Dom Him/Herself. Have you ever been *loaned* out for an extended period of time and had no attachment what so ever.. it doesn’t have to be about love, but it is icing on the cake.

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RE: Is it normal to fall in love with your Dom during t... - 8/23/2005 11:05:15 AM

1CHRONDOM

Posts: 23
Joined: 11/11/2004
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Greetings all,

I am a Daddy Dom to a sub that practically lives with me and to one I've only played with a few times but talk with constantly. I love them both. Of course there are differences but no relationship will be exactly the same. Both of my subs expressed their love for me before I did. I have always been a bit guarded in the heart department but being that this lifestyle is so open and expressive I felt no fear in returning the expression and opening my heart to them. I love them both even though one sees me a lot more than the other. I'm sure that others have made bdsm relationships work without love but I don't know how long it would work for me.

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RE: Is it normal to fall in love with your Dom during t... - 8/23/2005 1:08:38 PM

littleone35

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Just remember ther is a huge iference in lovint someone and being IN LOVE with them 2 months that pretty fast to be deeply in love but its possible.

littleone

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RE: Is it normal to fall in love with your Dom during t... - 8/28/2005 11:50:53 PM

LittleMissSub

Posts: 46
Joined: 2/23/2005
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perspective from another sub....

i play around with different people. when it's with the same person over a period of weeks or months, i tend to feel as if this person could be "the one" or i love them. In further experiences, I've learned that for me anyways, that with the giving of myself, I start to have this emotional connection that's really easy to read into. It's perhaps the respectful love i have, and the love of what takes place between the two of us that I'm misreading as being IN love. It's a hard trap not to fall into. Now that I know it happens, I can put up that emotional wall and just allow things to happen and have fun with it all.

As much as I hate being asked "what are you looking for" by every tom dick and harry i meet, it's a good question. allows you to know from the start that maybe an emotional connection isn't where the relationship is going. and you can do things to offset that from the start.

there are lots of doms that for whatever reason will not be happy with the "L" word. there are lots that WILL be happy. just take some time and try to figure out if it really is love. true love is unconditional. is your love for him that way? or maybe in a i love you but i'm not IN love with you kind of way. The latter is always more flattering than scary. if you do truely love him, tell him, so you can see where it goes. even if it's not reciprocated, teh objects of your affections deserves to know...and if you do love....love unabashedly.

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RE: Is it normal to fall in love with your Dom during t... - 9/3/2005 9:02:52 AM

tade

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I can't comment on the sub's side of the topic, but to say that I feel most that I have topped have had a certain level of "love" for me. I would think that would be required to do the things we have them do.

I know that from my point of view I have loved every woman who has ever felt my touch, be that vanilla or whatever. I may not love them in the same way that I love my wife, but every one of them has held some place in my heart.

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RE: Is it normal to fall in love with your Dom during t... - 9/7/2005 7:47:14 AM

misclaudia

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Normal ,, thats a good question.

However, i will say that as a Mistress i had a wonderful slave that was in love with me, and i welcomed his love. By him being in love with me his devotion and loyalty was sealed and it made him a much better submissive.

I lost him in an auto accident in 1996, just before his death he asked me to marry him. I told him yes, You see i was also in love with him.

Our love was complete i think because i trained him from a novice , i slowly held his hand as he was led into the lifestyle ,i lovingly taught him what it was like to be a submissive.

this i feel is what brought about our mutual exchange of caring for each other.

to day it is 2005 and i have yet to meet such a person who can remotely compare to him.

SO YES ITS NORMAL TO LOVE A LOVING MASTER.

good luck

MisClaudia

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RE: Is it normal to fall in love with your Dom during t... - 9/7/2005 1:55:35 PM

Altheus

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Joined: 9/6/2005
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Perfectly normal, You are spending intense time together, probably a lot of it. He is occupying the space in your mind called Master. one word of warning, make sure it is love, not infatutaion. (I'm not sure how you'd do that but it's a distinction worth making).

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RE: Is it normal to fall in love with your Dom during t... - 9/7/2005 4:40:38 PM

LovingSir

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Joined: 8/18/2005
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I hate to sound wishy-washy, but it all depends on the people involved.

I am currently training a new slave, and she announced that she was madly in love and adored me within a few months. It actually seems perfectly natural as she must make my pleasure her priority and I am constantly stretching her limits. Adoration and the excitement of finding new limits: how can she not be in love with the person giving her this?

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RE: Is it normal to fall in love with your Dom during t... - 9/7/2005 6:37:18 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: anopheles

I think it is probably just as common to have loveless D/s relationship as it is to have one that involves love.

What a great thought...

As one of those dominants who has no desire to be loved by his slaves, I always end up explaining that the kind of relationship I do desire is as passionate, as intense, and as meaningful as any love based relationship. It just isn't a romantic passion, intensity or meaning.

Do answer the OP, I do think it is quite common for a submissive to fall in love with someone who is showing them attention and giving them direction (especially if it is the first time in their lives that anyone is pushing their subbie buttons). A smart training will take certain precautions if he is not looking for those kind of feelings.

Taggard

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RE: Is it normal to fall in love with your Dom during t... - 9/7/2005 6:56:37 PM

boulderchick

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As a sub, i've played and been infatuated with a number of Doms, and i do love (not IN love, but love) a Domme & her sub/hubbie with whom i've played for several years. But now, i'm in love with my Dom, and this is love and being in love and the whole shebang.

Personally, i think loving your Dom/me is a natural reaction; however, it might be as others have said that this emotion is a natural growth from the trust and openness you feel for the person. You are revealing yourself, trusting all of yourself to this person. Love is not an outrageous reaction to this type of relationship.

good luck, g

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