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If there is a santa claus?? - 12/29/2007 12:42:28 AM   
kciDOM


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1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.


2. There are 2 billion children in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - a mere 380 million children according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes, one presumes there's at least one good child in each!


3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of out calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For the purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional can run, tops, 15 miles per hour!


4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth ship.


5. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second! Each! In short, they will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500,061 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.


In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now!
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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/29/2007 1:06:00 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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 IF?
What do you mean if?

"In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now! "

(in reply to kciDOM)
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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/29/2007 2:32:01 AM   
RubberWitch


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Read this before, does not take into account...

The additional momentum caused by the payload
movements through N
The theories of Einstein stating that as you approach the speed of light, comparative time slows towards 0
That Father Christmas is magic.

J&C

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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/29/2007 5:10:41 AM   
KyttynTheMynx


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From: Moosecrotch, Va
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Santa defies all scientific logic, and hes so awesome that all of what you said doesnt even apply.

See if you end up on the good list this year...


_____________________________

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The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/29/2007 10:41:47 AM   
Termyn8or


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I was wondering just when would be the right time to bring this up.

They are all vampires. Now get all this malarkey out of your head, nothing supernatural here. Just a few minor changes in the RNA and there are changes. Extreme strength, agility and resistance to harm. That means fire, cold, G forces everything. But once this happens to an organism their digestive tract is compromised and they need to feed on blood. They can no longer break down the nutrients in normal food.

But on the other hand they get extreme longevity and near superhuman (or super reindeer) strength and resilience. They don't get to change into other animals or a wisp of smoke, but they can move like lightning. Remember the story about Bruce Li (or Lee) about him being able to get across a room, turn on a light switch and get back across the room before the (incandescent I presume) bulb actually lit ? I don't know if I believe that but I do believe he may have done it faster than the cameras of that time could pick up. Regsardless, a vampire makes him look like a dottering old Man.

There are two extant facts which support this theory. For one, Santa's diet is never discussed, even though he is obviously obese. Nor has the diet of the reindeer ever been mentioned. You got to feed them sometime. So just what is that. Is it possible that Santa's facility is the reason for the noticable lack of fauna at the North Pole ? Perhaps the EPA should look into this.

And the other very suspicious thing is that they only come out at night. So what do you make of that ? It all fits.

So this should explain it to everyone's satisfaction, if not you will have to rely on Cheech and Chong's magic dust theory.

T

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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/29/2007 11:41:11 AM   
angelikaJ


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RubberWitch

Read this before, does not take into account...

The additional momentum caused by the payload
movements through N
The theories of Einstein stating that as you approach the speed of light, comparative time slows towards 0
That Father Christmas is magic.

J&C


Thank you... this means I can get out of bed now.
aJ

(in reply to RubberWitch)
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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/29/2007 11:42:19 AM   
angelikaJ


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx

Santa defies all scientific logic, and hes so awesome that all of what you said doesnt even apply.

See if you end up on the good list this year...




Indeed!
I am so ashamed I ever doubted.

edit to fix quote thing


< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 12/29/2007 11:43:56 AM >

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/29/2007 12:03:30 PM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Who enters your house(originally illegaly) on the night before your Messiah's celebrated birth.
Wearing a red suit, taking milk and cookies, and who knows what ather indulgences(sexual, whatever)
bribing children to forget the real meaning of the holyday
Says "Ho, Whoe, ho" and his name is spelled with S A T A N



Yeah, flying reindeer, what drugs are you on? I want some!

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to angelikaJ)
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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/29/2007 12:07:40 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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Nooooooo!



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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/29/2007 12:49:08 PM   
Sirandlil1


Posts: 272
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kciDOM

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.


2. There are 2 billion children in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - a mere 380 million children according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes, one presumes there's at least one good child in each!


3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of out calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For the purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional can run, tops, 15 miles per hour!


4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth ship.


5. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second! Each! In short, they will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500,061 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.


In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now!



And you wonder why you got a big piece of COAL??

_____________________________

A true Master exhibits honor, integrity, honesty, self discipline, personal responsibility and caring for his property.

(in reply to kciDOM)
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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/29/2007 12:49:08 PM   
JackM1


Posts: 137
Joined: 2/3/2007
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^-^ an oldy, but a goody. we circulated that around our highschool a few years back and what do you know; we actually made a few underclassmen cry....


seriously...




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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/30/2007 3:05:08 PM   
bliss1


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You forgot to factor in the number of pagan children that get their visit from StNick on Dec 21 (Yule).  Cuts down on Christmas Eve trips a little more.

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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/30/2007 6:16:54 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
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*runs in circles screaming* SANTAS REAL HES REAL! shup yall just shup!

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to bliss1)
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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/30/2007 7:05:37 PM   
Saratov


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Joined: 10/22/2005
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 It looks like not of the speculators remembered to factor in the space/time continuem combined with the theory of parallel universes.  That can explain how it gets done in the time alloted. [possibly in addition to their original theory]

< Message edited by Saratov -- 12/30/2007 7:06:17 PM >

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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 12/30/2007 7:48:47 PM   
meticulousgirl


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Joined: 2/20/2007
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KciDom

Did you get coal for Christmas?

If not maybe you should have, what a way to destroy our fantasies of Santa having a list and checking it twice and then for those of us who are bad all year hoping Santa will spank us......You ruined my fantasy, you horrible, horrible Man....grrrrrrr

~meticulous~


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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 1/1/2008 8:19:43 PM   
JulieorSarah


Posts: 552
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline
Just as i have faith in my Master, (where ever he is) i have faith that
Santa Clause, St nick whatever his identity in your part of the world ...
the Easter Bunny - particularly if he has Lindt chocolate ...
the Tooth Fairy - at 47 it is a real hope that he visits for second teeth as well as first ...
Fairys who live at the end of the garden
My fairy Godmother - who has looked after me well so far

all exist and are real.

and

as J M Barrie said - clap your hands for the fairies ... for they will live.

If so many believe that a man died and came back to life about 2K years ago, or that a messiah is to come or that allah is, all of which is based on faith.

Faith can keep Santa going - so all you beleivers out there - tell kciDOM he is WRONG.

i have to go now ... it's time to take my medication ...

btw my invisible friend would like to play with your invisible friend ...

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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 1/1/2008 8:28:50 PM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Satan Clause Does exist!
but there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries!
there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries!
there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries!
there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries!
there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries!
there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries!
there's no such thing as faeries! there's no such thing as faeries!
there's no such thing as faeries!



gee, look at all the fairies I killed,lol

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to JulieorSarah)
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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 1/1/2008 8:37:10 PM   
JulieorSarah


Posts: 552
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline
Yes Virginian

There is a santa clause and there are faireis and I BELIEVE ...

And your profile is 100% accurate.  You are.

But like Dorian Gray - I believe you will see the light and the Force will be with you ... one day.

Live long and prosper Virginian

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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 1/1/2008 8:45:45 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline
Buying Christmas gifts on a credit card should require a sanity clause!

edited to say I wasn't responding to anyone, simply a fast reply.

< Message edited by MsLadySue -- 1/1/2008 8:47:20 PM >


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I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

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RE: If there is a santa claus?? - 1/2/2008 7:33:15 AM   
Saratov


Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
Yes, faires exist, and.nd they have cdommunities in San Francisco and Fire Island. 

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