Need laughs and craziness...

Need laughs and craziness... (Full Version)

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brightspot -> Need laughs and craziness... (12/29/2007 10:03:15 PM)
*Hello All,* *Some of you know that I have had a really fricken hard* last half of this year (the fire and my mom's death)[:(], not looking for sympathy... more I am looking to end this year laughing and wanting to go into the New Year with my spirit lifted and ready to face a new life. *I will be starting to look for a New House starting this week (in the freezing cold!), I guess I will take anything positive and funny you can throw at me...I need my spirit kicked into gear!* *Missy*

FangsNfeet -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/29/2007 10:08:04 PM)
Start celebrating Hanakah http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3ubVzb1ZMg

Marc2b -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/29/2007 10:16:47 PM)
I first posted this in the humor section ages ago. I’ve always liked it because I find it not only funny but with a nice moral to it. In a small mid-western town heavy rains had swollen the river and it’s banks overflowed, creating a terrible flood. At the local church several of the town’s people had gathered to pray for their safety. The minister assured them all that God would save them from the approaching flood. A bus from the National Guard came by and told everyone to get on board. "We’ll take you to a safe place," said the driver. "No!" exclaimed the minister. "We put our faith in God, not man! God will save us." But some of the people were to scared and got on the bus. The minister and the other people refused to get on despite the bus driver’s best efforts to convince them otherwise. Since he had to get those he could to safety, he gave up and left. The flood waters came and steadily rose. Soon the minister and the remaining people were forced to climb onto the roof of the church. The National Guard came by again, this time in a boat. "Everyone get on board" they said, "we’ll get you out of here." The other people, terribly frightened now, got on board. "Oh ye of little faith," chided the minister as he stubbornly refused to get on the boat. No amount of pleading could convince him otherwise and the boat was forced to leave to look for other survivors. The flood waters continued to rise. The minister was forced to climb up the steeple to avoid the swirling mass of water. Soon he was clutching the cross at the top of the steeple, hanging on for dear life. The National Guard came by again, this time in a helicopter. They lowered a rope ladder to the minister and through a bullhorn he heard, "grab hold, Reverend, we’ll save you." "No!" shouted the minister. "I am faithful unto God and He will save me." He refused all appeals to grab onto the ladder. The pilot, shaking his head, reluctantly left. The flood waters continued to rise. "I believe in you God," shouted the minister as the waters pounded against him, "I know you will save me." But his strength was ebbing quickly. He could no longer hold on against the surging waters and was swept away in the flood. He drowned. He went to heaven. He was overjoyed to be in heaven, of course, and spent several days marveling at its many wonders and delights, greeting old friends and loved ones. But... something was bothering him. He had to have an answer. He went before God on his throne and said," Lord, I am pleased beyond the ability of words to describe how happy I am to be in heaven. Please do not mistake this for ingratitude. But I was so certain that you would save me from the flood and I put my faith in you. Please Lord, tell me, why did you not save me from the flood?" To which the Lord replied, "I sent you a bus, a boat, and a helicopter. What the hell more do you want?" Moral of the story: we, are God’s answers to each other’s prayers.

angelikaJ -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/29/2007 10:22:32 PM)
some of this is really good! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkQovjoHXS4 Les Barker

FangsNfeet -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/29/2007 11:31:26 PM)
Mabye Bambi can inspire you this comming New Year. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJWrddNTM-E&feature=related

dcnovice -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/29/2007 11:49:59 PM)
When I need a laugh and a lift, I re-re-re-reread P.S. Your Cat Is Dead by James Kirkwood. Hasn't failed me yet.

TheHeretic -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/30/2007 12:10:11 AM)
This one makes me snicker, damn near every time. http://www.brackenspub.com/beer.swf

Suleiman -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/30/2007 5:38:53 AM)
But other than that, Mrs Lincoln, how was the play?

Termyn8or -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/30/2007 12:35:08 PM)
bright, you had a fire ? I know how that is, I don't care how much the insurance pays it still the biggest pain in the ass. I wouldn't have a house fire for a million dollars, and this place ain't worth anywhere near that. January third 1995 I get a call at work, Dad lives downstirs, this is a double we bought together. This is just something we never give up, it is getting paid for. No matter what either of us does we still have this. "It happened", is what I heard first, I left work and drove home at lightening speed. Basically the back half of my house was burnt off. I figure I could stay with someone but that wasn't going to work out, so I decided to go to Florida. Wanted to get some clothes but they were all burnt up. So I grabbed my weed and took off. No reason to sleep I made it from Cleveland to Columbia SC in one fell swoop. What else was I to do ? Thing of it is, everything is better now, after the remodeling. We got them to do things they never do. And a kickback of course. Speaking of that, the guy from the company, the owner's son who was to deliver the kickback tried to get over. We were to get like $2,000 and he claimed to have only X amount. He thought putting a bunch of money in our face would get us all starry eyed or something, but it was not the specified amount. Well we decided to go get beer. Jack and I piled into one of our many GM built vehicles and proceeded to the store, but sometimes it is easier to get out making a left from the next street over, which has a traffic light. What do we see ? Not only this guy's car sitting on a sodestreet after he told us he had top go to the bank, but believe it or not, a SHOE. He pulled that other thousand out of a SHOE ! I am not going to make any racial remarks, but I am Polack, and we got every last dime they owed us. Momma didn't raise no fools. Let's just say this much, if we had another fire, the same construction company would not have any interest in the job if they know we are still here. We got every dime's worth fro them. T

EvilGenie -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/30/2007 1:16:19 PM)
Here you go! Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says. "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave say's, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington ." And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw ... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?"

DollysSissyGirl -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/30/2007 6:45:18 PM)
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and yells to the bartender, give me a double shot of Jack. The bartender turns to the ham sandwich and says, sorry buddy we don't serve food here. Have a happy, healthy and prosperou$ New Year ! Best regards, sissy

FangsNfeet -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/30/2007 7:29:01 PM)
Have no fear, the Chipmunks are here and are ready to sing some cheer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyQCZEguYXQ

brightspot -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/31/2007 4:38:18 AM)
*Thanks sooo much you guy's!* *All of your posts made me laugh!!! [:D]* *Fang, to watch footage from Bambi really brought back* *good memories [;)], and the Chimpmunks singing that song was great!* *DollysSissy, Genie and Suliman your jokes made me LOL!![:D]* *Heteric.....Yep beer can definately help to see past all the flaws, Hahahahaha!* *dcnovice, I will have to look for that book, thanks for the recommandation![;)]* *Termyn8or, yes, a fire sure makes life really fucken hard for awhile, I am looking* *for a new home now, I can not wait to be settled somewhere again, hope things* *are going better for you now [;)].* *angelikaj, I had never heard of Les Barker, funny, funny stuff. Thanks for introducing* *him to me.* *I wish you all a very Happy New Year! You have given mine a good jump start and I hope* *it returns to you all ten fold!* *XOXOXOX Missy.*

Twicehappy2x -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/31/2007 4:50:36 AM)
Here you go, two true stories that will make you bust a gut. First, our new neighbors moved in last spring and we quickly became good friends. It was the female home owners first house. Walking home from the bar one night she stopped, dropped her pants and peed on her, as she put it "62,000.00 dollar driveway". Then quoted, "my house, my driveway, i am marking my territory". She will still tell the story complete with a demo of her squatting (clad of course) if you ask her too. This same friends sisters lives in an RV, in a campground. Guess what she did for her vacation? She packed up her tents and went camping.

gillybean -> RE: Need laughs and craziness... (12/31/2007 5:38:19 AM)
Here's to a better 2008 for you and us all. And here's a couple of funnies that always manage to make me smile. http://www.pendland.com/html/cow.html http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama

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