RE: Being Released and Letting Go

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RE: Being Released and Letting Go - 12/30/2007 4:23:35 PM

gypsypet

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/8/2007
From: New Zealand
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All i can offer, is that it made things easier for me to pull right away for a long while.
The love is still there because this man gave to me as i gave to him for a lot of years, knowing he will always be there if ever the need arises. Am now comfortable chatting to him as a dear friend who knows the good and the bad about me.
well thats my 2c worth hope it somehow helps
cheers

(in reply to Sirsinini)

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RE: Being Released and Letting Go - 12/30/2007 4:40:53 PM

SlaveOwnerDave

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Petaluma, CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dragonnette

I was released a couple of months ago. However, my former Sir and I have maintained a relationship. He released me because we were stepping all over each other's boundaries (I think, he's never explicitly said why). He loves me and wants me in his life just not in a formal D/s relationship.

What do I want? I'm not certain. I love him. We've been together for almost 3 years. It's been full of ups and downs but always the love and connection.

Even though we no longer have that formal agreement of Sir and pet, when we are together (we live about 100miles apart), the dynamic is still very much there and part of our interaction.

I've tried to maintain some emotional distance so that the hurt of being released can heal. I'm wondering if keeping in person contact to a minimum would actually be healthier in the long run. Now that I've written it out and considered it, I can see that I have been doing that very thing. I've avoided going to visit. And my last visit was me stopping by while I was in his city for other reasons. Hm. I will have to think on this a lot more.

Not sure if I'm looking for feedback or just wanted to write this out somewhere where I will be understood. Either way, thanks for reading and any responses you care to make.

Greetings dragonette,

I am going to echo what many of the others have said here. Sorry.
He released you because "he's never explicitly said why".----This is a red flag to Me. No communication=no honesty!
"He loves me and wants me in his life".----He wants you coming to him--no responsibility for him, just benefits. you even pay the transportation costs!
"It's been full of ups and downs but always the love and connection."----There is no connection--he threw you out!
"keeping in-person contact to a minimum would actually be healthier in the long run."----Definitely!
"I've avoided going to visit."----Good girl!

Wherever it is you live--I have not checked your profile--there are other Sirs. Maybe lots of Sirs, any one of whom could be right for you. Send messages, 'talk' with Them. Listen to how they sound.

The ones who show some care for you are the ones you want to consider. The Sirs who believe you should have done anything to get back together with your old Sir are suspect at best.

In these 'conversations', the subject of discussion is helping you get over the guy. It is NOT to help someone a hundred miles away from you!

I wish you the brightest of success! A new year, a new Sir, a whole new beginning.

Sincerely,
Master Dave

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RE: Being Released and Letting Go - 12/30/2007 6:03:43 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dragonnette
Giving myself space seems to be my best course. But I don't want to cut him off completely because I'm also friends with his primary partner and his UM. They are chosen family to me so it is a bit more tangled than if it was just him.

So what? You tell him politely that for now you need time to not talk to him or see him so you can get your head in order.

And then you call her on occasion and ask her to go shopping or meet you for coffee. But honestly they won't be heartbroken if you don't see them for a month.

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RE: Being Released and Letting Go - 12/30/2007 7:52:39 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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Yeah, and her last post makes me think she's never going to get an answer either. But I think that means a relationship between the two of them is impossible. To the OP: I'm sorry, but you'll have to let him go if he won't even let you ask him why he released you in the first place. Maybe one day he'll be able to give himself to you fully. Maybe he doesn't even understand himself well enough yet to do that. But for now, he's just wasting time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I think the first thing you need to do is find out why he "released" you. Have you asked him?

This is great for up front emotional closure, but if it never happens, needing it will never help. I moved on, finally and when closure did finally come, for ME, there was an incredible emotional cleansing. I stil dont know why, but it makes no difference. We are both on a different journey and I enjoy mine immensely. I dont even want to know if he does his.

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RE: Being Released and Letting Go - 12/30/2007 8:36:59 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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How much do you want to keep on picking that scab?...Tempting

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RE: Being Released and Letting Go - 12/30/2007 11:31:32 PM

calicowgirl

Posts: 98
Joined: 9/5/2006
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Fast reply~~

For me the only option when I was released was to move forward and not look back. It was what worked for me and to me showed who had released me that I cared enough not to make things any more difficult than they were. It is a very personal and difficult decision. I wish you the best of luck.

cali

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RE: Being Released and Letting Go - 12/31/2007 6:23:18 AM

unravel

Posts: 90
Joined: 9/3/2007
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Oh... this is not easy... as so many people, i would know.

The "space and time" advice, if borderline on the cliché, would still be one key aspect of a healthy approach to this. Look inside, focus on you, on how you are feeling, and why, and try to let go of any sort of "expectations" as to how He is behaving now, what He is thinking now... focus more on you, how you are feeling, and what you would like to be next for you, D/s and beyond D/s. So in a way it is almost a matter of going with the flow, and of embracing the break-up and release process for what it is, no matter how painful or sad or both.

And in time, when you feel you are ready for it, that you can handle it... i guess the decision of friendship or not friendship will be for you and Him to make, because yes as you said some aspects of the dynamic will never change really, so it can make it tricky. But me i would hate to lose as far as the friendship of someOne who has cared for me so deeply at some point in time. But it is not easy, and does never help the let go process unless you have fully healed.

Good luck!

unravel

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RE: Being Released and Letting Go - 12/31/2007 7:52:24 AM

dragonnette

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Joined: 8/22/2005
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Thank you all so much for your replies. I have much to consider and yes, a conversation needs to happen.

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