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My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 9:06:53 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Master has asked me to find a domme in our area to help train me. I did as requested and in my search set up certain parameters in regards to age. I left town for a few days, and lo and behold, Master is having a conversation with a 23 yr old person who says she is looking for a female submissive, but SHE is also submissive to her Dom. (So, she's a switch.) If my parameters were in place this person would not have even been under consideration because I am long past 23, and can't imagine serving someone of that age, and, I never did understand the whole 'switch' mentality.
I don't want to be rude to this person, as I'm sure she's very nice. At the same time, there are many things that just probably won't work for me. Master would like me to have a drink with her and get to know her. I don't mind doing that but I think I should let her know my reservations ahead of time. How can I nicely tell this person about my feelings regarding this without being regarded as bitchy or 'prejudiced' (a word my Master used to describe my 'ageism'.)
I appreciate your help.

~Christina
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 9:18:59 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know what to tell you...I like younger and would not discriminate, especially in a Domme, if I was into her. I might have told the guy about my reservations ahead of time so that this situation would be avoided.

Why don't you just have a drink and see if there is chemistry? She may be super mature and cool or she could be an idiot. You will never know till you try.

Be open minded, I would imagine you would not want someone to think you were too old for them, right? Without meeting you at least?

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 9:23:29 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I think it is definitely a good idea to put your concerns out there.  But, while putting your concerns out there, you should make sure it is clear that these concerns reflect on YOU not on her.  They are your personal preferences and have nothing to do with her personally.  There is nothing wrong with not being able to serve someone based on x or y or z., BUT what's offensive and rude is when others treat being 'too' young (or old) like a horrible and highly contagious disease.

Go out for drinks, have fun, maybe you'll make a new friend.




_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 9:53:09 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Well, Red, the thing is, maybe I AM too old for this person. Yanno?
I didn't tell Him about my reservations ahead of time because I didn't think He would arbitrarilly go in and change them...*lol* shows what I know.
Good advice from both you and June, thanks for the advice!!

~Christina

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 10:43:35 AM   
SayaNereida


Posts: 152
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Master has asked me to find a domme in our area to help train me.


Well, since he asked you, go meet her without voicing your reservations; you may end up pleasently surprised, at the very least make a friend.

If it does not click, then you can go back to your Master and explain your parameters, as well as other things you may have discovered...as far as likes or dislikes of the personality you two are searching for. 

Saya

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 10:52:34 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		I think that stating honestly to her would be good, but try to be as tactful as you can. say you are willing to get to know her, that maybe (despite the age difference. ) there will be chemistry.  On a side note, I cannot help but wonder what exactly your Masters feelings and motivations are on this.  And I wonder what the young lady's Dom thinks of this. Keep us posted! *smiles*

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to SayaNereida)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 10:57:25 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings christina,

i have to agree that it would not hurt to meet her. you never know - things may work out. also, while you might see that as being a switch and thus be uncomfortable, some don't feel that way about it - i was seeking a submissive for awhile, and actually still am interested in having that kind of relationship with someone, but i don't view myself as a switch. if you learn more about her, you may feel differently. or you may not. but judging offhand is not the way to go imho.

i personally have a difficult time understanding ageism, but that's just because i'm young and in a very happy age gap relationship (my master is about 35 years my senior). so i have learned from experience that age differences can work. i don't have a pollyanna attitude - i'm very aware that they don't work for a lot of people. but as others have mentioned, meeting her doesn't mean you necessarily have to serve her. it just means you get to meet her, and perhaps make a new friend, whether or not you end up serving her.

i have to also agree with the "share your reservations!" crowd. he can't help you unless he knows them, and unfortunately masters are not omniscient, omnipotent, and infallible. you mentioned he went in and changed them - did he know about your concerns beforehand or not, out of curiosity? if he did and ignored them, i would definitely bring up that it's bothering you (and try not to let him brush it off as prejudice), but still, it would not hurt just to meet her. you may not be too old for her after all!

i hope things work out for you. best of luck in your search.

respectfully,
annabelle.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 12/31/2007 10:58:11 AM >

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 11:33:41 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		If all your Master wants you to do is have a drink with this person and get to know her, I say just relax and go ahead with meeting her. If there are truly no expectations (she already has a Dom so it doesnt sound like its a situation where your Dom wants you to want her because he wants her), then the worst that could happen is you spend some time with a person you can't relate to as a Mistress. You still get to go out, have a drink (as someone who should abstain right now, that would be enough of a bright side!) and meet someone new.
I personally can't picture myself submitting to a younger (especially that much younger) woman, but there are some exceptional people out there. She just might surprise you.
If your Master thinks she is worth getting to know, there must be something about her he thinks you would like and possibly connect with. You've been honest with him about your feelings. I dont think it's necessary at this point in time to go into detail with her about your hesitation. After all, it's only a drink. As long as you both understand it's a casual meeting with no expectations, I think she's well enough informed without your revealing anything to her you don't feel comfortable revealing (ie your feelings/fears/preconceived notions).
It is also possible that your Master wants you to go because you don't want to go and/or he is hoping to provide you with an opportunity to grow. If nothing else, you can process your going to meet this woman as an act of obedience to him. HTH. h

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to hisannabelle)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 2:30:31 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		hmmm....well...I already wrote to her and told her that I was surprised that Master had changed my parameters, and that, I was concerned regarding our (vast) age difference (well over 10 years). I also told her that I had concerns about the 'switch' aspect, and that I never really understood the 'switch' nature. (not that there's anything WRONG with that, but...I just don't get it.)

I told her that I would like to make new friends, and that I have no problem having a drink with her. I guess the rest will be up to her.

Thanks for your help!

~Christina

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 4:04:48 PM   
Solinear


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline 		From a more Dom perspective... if I thought that you might fight who I was going to have you work with for that reason (age descrimination), I would probably want you to work with that person simply to get past that issue alone.  Then again, I usually think of a Dom's job to be to help the sub get over irrational fears and prejudices.  To be accepting and loving of all around them, so that they might enjoy anything and everything that I would want them to experience.  I wouldn't want my sub to care if the Dom(me) was 18 or 78, they were being topped by that person for a reason.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 4:42:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Why don't you think of it as an opportunity to actually meet someone in the flesh who can open you up to a whole world of understanding both youngins AND switches?  Instead you seem insistent on staying in your comfortable closed lack of understanding life.

Why did you choose to change your standards to begin with if you knew you really weren't open to that change?

What will be the harm in opening yourself up to meeting someone new?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Solinear)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 4:55:37 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		I have a few questions.
 
1. Why does he want you trained by a Domme to begin with?
 
2. Did he know your parameters and agree to them?
 
3. If he did know, did he give a reason for changing them while you were away?
 
Please forgive my suspicious nature and I really hope I am dead wrong, but it sounds like by bringing in a 23 year old switch, it is his way of having a younger subbie to play with.
 
jen
 
 

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 5:12:15 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		just a general note,

wow. y'know, i've always seen posts about how switches get no love and this and that, but this is the first time i've ever seen such suspicious posts about the whole issue (particularly considering that we do not even know if this woman identifies AS a switch, but clearly, how she feels about the issue shouldn't matter). i'm really not sure how, "he wants this domme to train me" and "she happens to be submissive to someone else" goes to, "she must be one of those weird switch people" goes to, "he must want a younger submissive." the first leap i can kind of understand, because if you are a submissive who has never dominated or topped someone else, it can be difficult to get (and there are submissives who do dominate and top others who are genuinely switches, don't get me wrong, and that may be the case)...but the second one is seriously just disgusting, blind prejudice, and i don't think anyone would be saying he was looking to cheat if the domme in question were the same age as the original poster (particularly since nowhere does it speak about him having a close relationship with whomever ends up training the op). but clearly because he's going outside of her comfort zone (which is either acceptable in their relationship, or she is living with it, because she doesn't seem to want to talk to HIM about it), he must just be looking for some young pussy.

sadly,
annabelle.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 12/31/2007 5:22:23 PM >

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 5:31:01 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Master has asked me to find a domme in our area to help train me. I did as requested and in my search set up certain parameters in regards to age. I left town for a few days, and lo and behold, Master is having a conversation with a 23 yr old person who says she is looking for a female submissive, but SHE is also submissive to her Dom. (So, she's a switch.) If my parameters were in place this person would not have even been under consideration because I am long past 23, and can't imagine serving someone of that age, and, I never did understand the whole 'switch' mentality.
I don't want to be rude to this person, as I'm sure she's very nice. At the same time, there are many things that just probably won't work for me. Master would like me to have a drink with her and get to know her. I don't mind doing that but I think I should let her know my reservations ahead of time. How can I nicely tell this person about my feelings regarding this without being regarded as bitchy or 'prejudiced' (a word my Master used to describe my 'ageism'.)

I appreciate your help.

~Christina


If you are "prejudiced" then so am I.  Sir and I have a profile up on a dating site looking for another female to join us (not necessarily in a BDSM sense).  30 is my absolute bottom age limit, although I prefer playmates to be over 35.  Sir would never violate my limits in this area even though He has no such trouble with how old a person is.

I'm 49 and have unmentionables around that age (23).  It squicks me to think of doing sexual things with someone I'm old enough to have given birth to. 

Maybe your Dom is pushing your limits, but IMO he should have told you this before he went and set something up behind your back.  It shows a lack of respect somehow

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 5:54:12 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		At least one of these posts I will have to read at least twice over even to understand it...*lol*

Master made it VERY clear to me that ANY physical contact at all would only be between He and I, or between She and I. I do not have to even worry about whether He wants someone younger to play with...except possibly, to play with me.

I always respect LA's advice, and will take it to heart.

As far as the confusing post I was referring to...yes....this person DOES identify herself as a switch.

I do not have anything against switches, but, if I am going to submit to someone, I want them to be ....uhm....I guess in the same mindset I am....but...totally the opposite...*lol*

Oh, and I should mention, that it was MY idea that we find a Domme to help to train me. He is VERY busy in His professional life, and I thought He would appreciate the help. I knew He would NEVER agree to having another Dom train me, so, I thought of this.

Any switches out there; please don't take my posts in the wrong way. There is nothing wrong with your feelings and/or orientation. I have just not evolved enought to understand it yet, that's all. 

Thanks!

~Christina

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 5:56:17 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		christina,

thanks for clarifying :) even if things work out with her, i'd recommend talking with him about it if you haven't already, if it's still bothering you. but i hope everything works out.

annabelle.  


_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: My parameters have changed... - 12/31/2007 6:02:00 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		christina,
I am glad I was wrong. Good luck with this and I hope it works out for all 3 of you.
 
jen

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: My parameters have changed... - 1/1/2008 3:02:56 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'd be honest. Tell her your master wants you to submit to a female and he has decided he would like to see you submit to her. However I'd also say that you have enormous reservations about meeting as anything but two subs looking for friendship because your preferences in female dominants are very different from his and so far you do not feel inspired to submit or even bottom to her. What I wouldn't do is lie to her or even lead her on just because he wants a certain outcome.

Ageism is not hiring someone because of their age. If a 23 year old female doesn't turn you on, then she doesn't turn you on. There is nothing bigoted in having personal preferences. Hell your master should be glad you have yours, because if they were different from what they are, you wouldn't be with him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: My parameters have changed... - 1/1/2008 3:33:43 PM   
HaveRopeWillBind


Posts: 514
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline 		Just point her to this thread.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: My parameters have changed... - 1/1/2008 3:52:14 PM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline 		I'd have to say "go meet her"  - and go in viewing her as an equal, and see how it goes. Let the dynamic evolve. If she doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of being Dom to you, then you will BOTH know it very quickly I suspect. Even more interesting would be if she felt sub towards you..... maybe due to the age difference, and possible intellectual/life experience differences. You won't have lost anything, but you and your Dom will be able to scratch her off the contender's list.

_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 20
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