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Kitty NY resolutions - 12/31/2007 10:11:21 PM

GreedyTop

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Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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*Your Cat's New Year's Resolutions*
My human will never let me eat their pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium
I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and throw them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.
I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)
I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
We will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti" over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.
I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house.
It is not necessary to check every door.
I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when they are on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are *not* a hammock.
Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has watched a horror movie.
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched the X-Files.
I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night and then yell at the top of my lungs so that my humans can admire my "kill."
I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare until they wake up.
I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing important adagfsg gdjag ;ln.

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RE: Kitty NY resolutions - 1/1/2008 5:40:01 AM

Zenonis

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Joined: 1/29/2006
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Have you met my cat... or they just all alike? This was a good one.

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RE: Kitty NY resolutions - 1/1/2008 7:28:33 AM

RubberWitch

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Joined: 7/27/2005
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All cats are unique, but they all belong to the same union.

They also share embarrassing stories about you with every other neighborhood cat when they go out. so if you go to pet a neighbors cat, and it doesn't even let you touch it? It's heard the one about the crisco and the zuchini.

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RE: Kitty NY resolutions - 1/1/2008 11:34:02 AM

Saratov

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No matter what language you speak, 'cat' means "Pain in the Butt".

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RE: Kitty NY resolutions - 1/1/2008 12:59:41 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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cats are unable to keep resolutions, aren't they?

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RE: Kitty NY resolutions - 1/1/2008 2:52:51 PM

LotusSong

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Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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This is great! (The "hammock" behavior on my forearms is why I have to edit so many of my posts)

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RE: Kitty NY resolutions - 1/1/2008 5:30:22 PM

dawntreader

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Joined: 11/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RubberWitch

All cats are unique, but they all belong to the same union.

They also share embarrassing stories about you with every other neighborhood cat when they go out. so if you go to pet a neighbors cat, and it doesn't even let you touch it? It's heard the one about the crisco and the zuchini.

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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RE: Kitty NY resolutions - 1/1/2008 7:15:24 PM

HypnoticDan

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Dogs love their masters. Cats neglect their servants. It's that simple.

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RE: Kitty NY resolutions - 1/1/2008 7:28:05 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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Oh that was very cute.

I had the best cat in the world for 17 yrs.

This post made me smile.

: )

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I give good agita.

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RE: Kitty NY resolutions - 1/3/2008 3:23:39 PM

slaverosebeauty

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From: Cali
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I have to hide this from my cat, she might take it as a "How To" manual; she does a decent part of that already.

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RE: Kitty NY resolutions - 1/3/2008 4:08:20 PM

SweetDommes

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I mentioned New Year's Resolutions to our cat (well, the one that is the most likely to do any/all of those things) ... and she sniffed at me and walked out of the room LOL I guess we'll be putting up with the same old same old from her this year.

One that should be added:

If I eat a houseplant and it makes me sick, I will not eat more of it to punish it for making me sick (yes, MIA does that all the time ... or did until she killed the last of the houseplants).

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