Bad Dommes (Full Version)

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sub4femmes -> Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 4:31:48 PM)

i have been on collarme for quite sometime, and have ran into a reoccurring problem that i believe needs addressing.
i seek advice on how, and where i can complain about a Domme that is unethical?
the Domme is a Pro, but does not reveal that first off, pretending to be lifestyle, or plainly not being truthful. after you are hooked, then they reveal what they really are. also, they say they engage in certain activities, when actually they do not, or do not know what they are doing. this happens repeatedly here, as well as on other sites. i feel they are being unethical, and not truthful. this lifestyle is based on trust between the Domme and her submissives. it is also damaging to the reputations of the many good Pro Dommes that are out there. They, and the D/s community are damaged because subs do not complain. as a sub, i really do not like speaking out against women, but i think this is a time where subs should speak up.
i humbly would appreciate an answer that any domme would give me.



AAkasha -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 4:37:33 PM)

After how long does this happen?  Weeks or months?
Is the interaction in person or email/phone?
How many times has it happened to you?  What was in common about the femdoms you selected?
Akasha



MistressNoName -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 4:40:53 PM)

You could certainly try complaining to the Mods/powers-that-be...but frankly, there's nothing they can do about your general, run-of-the-mill bad egg. Now, if someone scams you, contact the police and let them do their job. But frankly, there's nothing that anyone on CM can do about someone pretending to be something they are not, unless they clearly break the law and then, all they can do is revoke the person's membership and remove their profile. But that doesn't mean that gets rid of them. CM is free and most of us want it to stay that way, which means we all have to take the bad along with the good. Sucks, but that's how it is. And yes, I've had my times of complaining. Even to the mods, which is why I know first hand that there is little they can do and little that they are willing to do.

The best thing is to learn from this experience, block the person and move on.

best,

MNN

edited to add: BTW, if the pro(s) you are talking about are practicing in areas where it is legal to register their business, then you might be able to report them to whatever governing body exists in their area, but you will have to present some real evidence to back up your claim and you need to be able to show how they use unethical business practices.



sub4femmes -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 4:44:03 PM)

thank-you for responding Ms. Akasha. it happens within weeks at most. they string you along, with online chat or phone calls, avoiding personal contact. it is at the point that a meeting time is being arranged, that they advise you of the costs.
it has happened at least 6 times, in recent history. what all the femdoms have in common is that we have similar interest.
i beleive ProDommes are a significant, and important part of the Lifestyle. to be honest, these 'bad dommes' have given me a bitter taste of the lifestyle. subs are to be honest and show integrity, but some dommes do not? i think the only way to fix it is by we subs complaining, and hopefully driving the bad dommes out of the lifestyle...all the good Dommes Pro or lifestyle, will still be here!



tornaway -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 4:52:47 PM)

 
    I wasn't able to determine from your words , if you seek a pro-Domme or not ?  Just that you are interacting with some questionable ones .
 
     It might be helpful , as in all human interaction - to be upfront yourself - from the very beginning .   In your first contact ,  outline exactly what it is you seek .   Whether or not you're looking for a real connection ,  or someone to provide a service for which you will compensate them in some way .  Having it all out there from the start may help to prevent later misunderstandings .
 
                                Good luck !
 
 



LaMistressa -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 4:54:55 PM)

1.) The mods here are very clear on why you can't blacklist people: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1163969/tm.htm

2.) If someone won't meet with you after a certain amount of time talking, give up and move on.  Trust me, it happens on both sides of the Domme/sub coin.

3.) If I had a dime for every "twue" sub or slave who wrote me begging for my attention only to flake or bail, I'd have enough money for the subway at rush hour! It happens -- smile, grit your teeth, and let it go.





darchChylde -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 5:00:38 PM)

All i can say is that i am certain that many of the lovely dominant women here can give you their own similar horror stories.  There are many a "sub" who claim to be that which they are not.  The idea of a blacklist has been passed around numerous times for numerous reasons, and there are also numerous reasons that such an idea has not been acted upon.  I would recommend using word of mouth in your local community; as for your bad luck with dominants; i'd recommend turning of the computer and going to a real-life social or munch.  You live in a major metropolitan area, it's there.  Then, before you decide to play or serve someone; you've the opportunity of getting to know them in person and ask those in the know about them.

On a personal not, i am offended by this statement: "They, and the D/s community are damaged because subs do not complain. as a sub, i really do not like speaking out against women, but i think this is a time where subs should speak up."

Submissive has never meant doormat, which is what you seem to imply; and if you've read the boards at all, you'd see that subs do complain, and whine; all the damned time.



kc692 -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 5:52:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4femmes

thank-you for responding Ms. Akasha. it happens within weeks at most. they string you along, with online chat or phone calls, avoiding personal contact. it is at the point that a meeting time is being arranged, that they advise you of the costs.
it has happened at least 6 times, in recent history. what all the femdoms have in common is that we have similar interest.
i beleive ProDommes are a significant, and important part of the Lifestyle. to be honest, these 'bad dommes' have given me a bitter taste of the lifestyle. subs are to be honest and show integrity, but some dommes do not? i think the only way to fix it is by we subs complaining, and hopefully driving the bad dommes out of the lifestyle...all the good Dommes Pro or lifestyle, will still be here!

You say all subs are to be honest and show integrity as the dommes are supposed to also; what about the subs that do not?  Everywhere in life you have people that misrepresent themselves.  Being an adult means you take your time and wade in slowly, and when you find an idiot or a manipulator, no matter on what side of the kneel or in vanilla, you have the fortitude to go on and not dwell on it.  CM is not here to police your making new contacts, nor anyone else, as long as they abide by TOS.  Some of those same people may think you misrepresented yourself, and who is CM to be the referee, and why would they want to? I wish you luck on the site, but you have to take everyone EVERYWHERE with more than a grain of salt, till you have enough information to make an informed decision.



ShaktiSama -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 6:36:58 PM)

Even in just a month on CM, I have already run into a number of submissive men who have displayed all sorts of repugnant and/or hurtful behavior.  I choose not to allow this to put a "bad taste in my mouth" about all men in general or all submissive men in particular--no matter how repetititious and typical certain kinds of behavior may be.

Sometimes you just have to apply Sturgeon's Law:  "90% of everything is crap."  Out of 100 people you interact with here, 90 will be wrong or bad for you in various ways.  It is the remaining 10 that matter, and those are the ones you keep an eye out for.

Good luck!  [:D]



unforegvn -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 6:58:25 PM)

I strongly suggest you discuss what your needs are from the relationship at the start of the conversation and don't stray from your convictions make sure that you explain bluntly that you are not going to pay at all. 

You have had a half dozen of these encounters would seem you might be able to tell by now if they are being dishonest about their experiences but then I am not the one chit-chatting with them. 

Best of luck to you in your search. 



MisPandora -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 8:09:49 PM)

Damage is when someone is actually physically harmed, or psychologically scarred from a horrific event (rape or other such incident.)

Hurt feelings or pride is when you've been duped/suckered and feel like an imbecile.

I hope you never learn what real damage is.  Seriously.

Tough love advice?  Grow some thicker skin.  Learn to screen people more and MEET them.  Ask the question up front, "Are you going to require a tribute if we go further in this relationship?" 

And maybe stop posting your kicked puppy "I got burnt" experiences.  Politely say, "No thanks, sorry" and move on.  We *all* have been burned one time or another.



FourInchHeels -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 8:11:49 PM)

From what I've observed, if She has a personal web site, it's a good bet She'll be asking for money.



AnnabelHell -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 8:19:43 PM)

You're kidding ... someone on the internet misrepresented themselves, lied about who they were, and said they were into things they really aren't? I can't believe it.

If you get hooked on something from the internet before bothering to do your homework or use your own common sense then perhaps worry about how you approach the net, and the people on it, before complaining about other people. Of course half the people on the net are full of shit, false, not  being completely honest, scams, not the person in the picture, there to take your money, etc, etc, etc, etc. Think with your brain, not your penis.



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 9:08:03 PM)

Eh.   Many people online lie...waste time...scam....etc.   "Fake dommes" don't corner the market on that any more than "fake subs" do.  

Learn to screen better if you want to use this medium to meet people.  Better yet, get involved in your local scene, where you'll still meet some people that won't be a good fit  for you (and you might meet some that will), but one thing that they'll have in common with you is that you all managed to turn off the computer and get out there. 



EvilGenie -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/2/2008 9:53:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FourInchHeels

From what I've observed, if She has a personal web site, it's a good bet She'll be asking for money.


Really? I own several personal websites none of which have anything to do with D/s, bdsm or any alternative lifestyle. Geeezus and people wonder why I hate generalisations. I even know of a few Dommes whose sites do deal with this and they are not ProDommes.

''Never generalise, as nothing is ever general.''



AtlantaMistress -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/3/2008 12:58:36 AM)

It takes one bad apple to ruin the bunch...but don't bunch all the apples together, making a stereotypical judgement about all people in any one "category"! Just be careful...and DON'T be in such a hurry to make a connection. You must take your time, after all with ANY type of relationship - internet, personal, vanilla, D/s - you must have trust and communication to have something REAL. If you have been burned more than once before, you must stop blaming the unscrupulous people out there trying to hustle you, because you can't change them - you can only change what YOU are doing. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, so learn from the mistakes YOU have made in trusting the wrong people, and remember, your submission (with or without tribute/pro) is still a gift that must be respected and only given to someone you respect.



Marsh -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/3/2008 4:05:22 AM)

In every walk of life, we encounter others (both good and bad) others we mysteriously are drawn to. A magnetism that at times challenges our better judgment but in the final analysis, only we are responsible for our conduct behavior and choices. Remember skepticism is the tool of the truth seeker and cynicism is it foremost enemy. Do not become cynical or defensive, become more discerning.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/3/2008 6:34:27 AM)

Pro dommes are in BUSINESS.  Certainly there is an amount of screening time before meeting a client, but to string someone along for "weeks" is hardly a business practice.



stripmymanhood -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/3/2008 6:54:41 AM)

One thing to remember is that for many, sites like this and others are little more than an earning opportunity...whether it be the money domme craze, or just c-teasers who hope to build you up and then take the shot at  squeezing some cash out of you later on...you have to head into the online world with both eyes open.  What i find more frustrating is when you start to chat with someone, and when it comes close to getting real...they bail...remember, this lifestyle/lovestyle is little more than fantasy for many.



mnottertail -> RE: Bad Dommes (1/3/2008 6:58:19 AM)

Bad Dommes, Bad Dommes
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
When they come for you

Bad Dommes, Bad Dommes
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
When they come for you

Bad Dommes
Whatcha want, watcha want
Whatcha gonna do
When Dominatrix Goddess come for you
Tell me
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna dooo
Yeaheah
News at nine.

AnchorMan



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