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RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/29/2005 2:21:40 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

Imtempting
use the simple word
Hello :) and send a pic and if they dont reply then I think ahwell and move on...

This says :
1. I didn't take the time to read your profile.
2. I shallow and assume people only base there interest in others on physical attractiveness.
3. I'm too lazy to bother making any effort in finding someone who meets me needs.

Messages such as this are a dime a dozen and flood my mail box daily

I agree completely. When I'm feeling generous and have a sense of humor, I'll respond to a hello; the fact is the ensuing emails/conversations have never (thus far) revealed a person on the other end who cared about anything I said in my profile or one who is communicative with whom I had much in common. So that It (just a hello) definitely is looking like an indicator of "we haven't much in common, and we won't have easy converstation, so just give it up now." M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to MaitresseEden)

Post #: 21

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/29/2005 5:06:05 PM

QueenRah

Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressGrace07

quote:

How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady?

on your knees....

========================

there ARE those on here that wilkl scream bloody murder if ya do that. it isn't proper to behave that way until ya know someone they whine n bitch.

so i dont until i get there in person.
wolf

I believe, and I do sincerely hope, that MistressGrace07 was replying toungue-in-cheek. As wolf noted, many of us Dominants (male and female alike) don't appreciate the presumption of a supplicant claiming one of us by worshipping, bowing and scraping or otherwise "submitting" to us before we've even had the opportunity to consider his/her proposal.

I, for one, am amongst those who does not wish for or need someone foisting all his fantasies on me. I have my own, thank you. Some of his fantasies may be pursued if I'm satisfied first, and if they mesh with my own, to begin with. A "submissive" who thinks it's my (or any other Dominant's) responsibility to satisfy his fantasies is not a submissive, he's a bottom. Many Dominants have dealt with their more-than-fair share of those. If I wanted a bottom to do to/for, I'd advertise myself as a Top. There *is* a distinction. As a Dominant, I do "Top" - but only when I have gotten input from my submissive. Again, we aren't talking about what a bottom thinks is his input - it's what *I* determine is his input; hence, the term "Dominatrice." I call the shots. I determine. I get what I want.

If a boy wants to be considered by me and in order to make a good first impression on me he needs to: 1) Read my freakin' profile. I took the time to write *exactly* what I'm about - he should take the time to read and LEARN; 2) Make a sound judgement as to whether he fits within the parameters of my stated interests (i.e. - if we are, indeed a match, or, so close that the differences don't matter); 3) In his first email, provide me with enough information about himself that I can make an informed decision about whether I wish to consider becoming involved with him or not; 4) Accept my "Yes, thank you, let's talk" or "Thank you, good luck in your search" response.

Gee, you'd think that if so many Dominatrices are writing pretty much the same thing as I have just done, the clueless would get a consensus about what it is that they should do.

Yes, there are some assholes in vests and messed-up bitches in uncomfortable clothes and shoes. But, by the same token, there are selfish, needy-greedy bottoms who have either deluded themselves into believing they are actually submissive or believe they can lie, manipulate and otherwise inveigle their ways into our lives.

*whew!* Nothing like going off on a tangent (an important and educational one, mind you).

So, to make a short story very long, l and h, consider some of the more sound advice you've read here - Approach a Lady. Do. Write more than a one line, "Wow. You're gorgeous" and less than a point-by-point biography of your life SD (since discovering you were a D/s-er). Be yourself, but don't unload absolutely *everything*. (I don't mean to say, "be mysterious," I mean, don't tell her...uh...absolutely everything.)If you don't know what to say, tell her so, but then say something.

wolf, as for your snide, little "whine n bitch" comment, remember you are in a Ladies' forum, so please, watch your decorum. As far as I can tell, you have been treated with the respect due anyone on any forum here. I haven't seen anyone condescend to you or disparage your posts or position. So, the same should be forthcoming from you. Thank you.

QueenRah

< Message edited by QueenRah -- 8/29/2005 5:16:01 PM >

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 22

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/29/2005 6:16:20 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Me three! I am baffled by the "hello" emails. Is that ALL the person has to say? How odd that they would do it via email, when I can't respond right away........

We've all noted that so many of the males are programmed with some sort of goofy fantasy behavior. I think it's reasonable to let them approach with that, and explain what the desired behavior is. ("I prefer to be called XXXX") and see what happens next. Do they follow directions? Do they ignore the directions and do whatever they like? Or, my personal favorite, do they get allllll cranky and tell you what you are SUPPOSED to be called?

:)F

(in reply to MaitresseEden)

Post #: 23

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/29/2005 11:56:22 PM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting
I use the simple word

Hello :) and send a pic and if they dont reply then I think ahwell and move on...

Don't forget. This is all you offer and then complain about not getting replies.

If all I got was a "Hello' and a picture, I'd ignore it. This means that you have nothing intelligent to say to me, nor did you read my profile where I toss out multiple topics and examples of how I feel about life in general. I literally feed a person a menu of topics to discuss with me. Oh yeah, and a picture is not the first thing I ask for. An intelligent conversation will get a person a whole heck of a lot farther than a picture, no matter WHAT a person looks like.

Think about it. Make me think, make me smile and make me want to continue the conversation. THEN you'll get some juicy responses.

Purr

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 24

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/30/2005 4:58:31 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

I use the simple word

Hello :) and send a pic and if they dont reply then I think ahwell and move on...

No you don't. When you wrote to me after getting to know me a little on the boards, you wrote me a very lovely email. Mind you, it was not a courting email, but it was a very sweet, personalised note. Stop selling yourself so short silly boy.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 25

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/30/2005 5:02:52 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
One of my favorite warnings to submissives is "I am NOT a life support system for a whip"

Good one! I might borrow that one if you don't mind.

- LA

Feel free to file the serial numbers off and claim it as your own [smile]

Merci beaucoup!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 26

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/30/2005 5:13:54 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Well actually im not complaining and I dont think I ever have about not getting replies but theres always a start.

Secondly as Lady A has pointed out to her and many others ive actually taken the time to write a proper email too...

Thirdly, many here would complain about long emails and saying you dont get the time to read them all.

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)

Post #: 27

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/30/2005 6:51:43 AM

pandora29

Posts: 22
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline

I have had e-mails from both ends,from the Hi and Nice Pic to the ones that go on about nothing.Many times i don't even bother with the two or three word e-mails and after reading the first paragraph of a long one with it saying nothing to peak my interest then i'm done.I know my profile isin't the best but i have given enough info on what i'm not looking for in a potential sub/slave for the one reading the profile to know if what i'm looking for is them.I've even gone as far as to tell them in my profile that the two and three word e-mails will be erased and i have made an autoreply to others to make sure they have read my profile for instructions,but the e-mails still come.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 28

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/30/2005 4:35:13 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

I'd just like to add that it's not the size of the email that counts, it's the content. ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to pandora29)

Post #: 29

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/30/2005 7:23:36 PM

MistressGrace07

Posts: 100
Joined: 7/29/2005
From: Chicago
Status: offline

It was slightly tongue-in-cheek.. but it's more of the attitude of "on your knees" rather than the ACTUAL "on your knees"... if that makes sense (I'm tired).

_____________________________

My Journal

"Let me make this as monosyllabic as possible" - Captain Amelia in "Treasure Planet"

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 30

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/30/2005 9:24:26 PM

LeatherRose

Posts: 62
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline

I agree with this, I hate getting an email that to me seems like a form letter. In that case I usually tell them to spare me the spam.

LeatherRose

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 31

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/31/2005 1:23:12 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherRose

I agree with this, I hate getting an email that to me seems like a form letter. In that case I usually tell them to spare me the spam.

LeatherRose

This is my point. A form letter yet people want something thats well thought off and written.

Be realistic people, Submissives cant magically know what you want in an email or that a well written email is treated as a "form", just something that seems copied and pasted.

It shocks me to read 'crap' yes I did say 'crap' in refereance to proper writing of emails for introduction letters. Alot of people put in their profiles about them and their wants and alot of other things so maybe if these ignorant Dominants actually READ the profiles of the submissives then they wont have as many complaints.

After all it would be these same Dominants that complain the submissives dont read their profiles.

Maybe it just prooves that these people are hypocrites...

Before I get a barrage of 'Oh I do read their profiles there is nothing in them" I will point out alot of Dominants have said they delete as soon as they open the email....

(in reply to LeatherRose)

Post #: 32

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/31/2005 6:24:07 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

A sort of "Cover letter" does make sense----but how hard is it to preface that with a paragraph saying Hi, my name is, I really liked this about your profile etc, the following are some things about me.... PERSONALIZATION.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 33

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/31/2005 9:49:00 AM

pandora29

Posts: 22
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline

I will agree with you on the excess emphasis on how to write an e-mail,i'm not anEnglish major and don't expect the one's who write me to be, and i know i did say i do delete e-mails but not before i look at their profile.Many who have e-mailed me have had maybe one thing in common with me.The ones that i have e-mailed back i have asked them to tell me more about themselves and NOT what they can do for me,that's when i run into the problem.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 34

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/31/2005 2:42:17 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

I, for one, almost always check the profile of any boy who may write to Me. I admit I, sometimes, delete something that is particularly inappropriate without looking, but I do check most of the time. And, in fact, there is usually very little to nothing there.
You wrote to Me, also, imtempting, and I did reply...(not to apply for a live-in position, but as an act of friendship dialogue). You are the one who never followed up. For whatever reason, that was your decision, and I respect that. But if I had not known a bit of you from the message boards, and if you had simply written a hello to Me with a photo, I would not have responded.
As to the fact that it has been brought up that Dominas should write to the subs, I do not. I don't because I will not assume that a boy wants to relocate to Me. I think that would be just as arrogant as the boys who send a one liner assuming I am chomping at the bit to use My flogger on their ass. And I have some exacting standards. So if a boy writes to Me and wants My attention, he should put some thought and care into his initial introduction. If he chooses not to do so, it not My personal job to take him on and teach him common courtesy and decent netiquette. I do have several boys I write to, not because we are exploring anything, or might be a match, but because they are lovely and open and sincere in their desire to learn. Oh, yes...and they are respectful.
One can only hope there are lots of lurkers who may not be posting, but at least are reading and learning.
I could go on and on here, but I won't....'nuf said.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 35

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 8/31/2005 3:25:30 PM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

I have few simple rules:

1. Read my profile and respect it
2. Be polite and intelligible
3. Make me laugh

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 36

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 9/1/2005 12:57:38 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

If I recall correctly you said you were going to contact me when you could talk and ive never stated I had a good profile. I always say my profile is not good...

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 37

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 9/1/2005 11:06:26 AM

QueenRah

Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

I, for one, almost always check the profile of any boy who may write to Me...And, in fact, there is usually very little to nothing there.
...As to the fact that it has been brought up that Dominas should write to the subs, I do not. I don't because I will not assume that a boy wants to relocate to Me. I think that would be just as arrogant as the boys who send a one liner assuming I am chomping at the bit to use My flogger on their ass. And I have some exacting standards. So if a boy writes to Me and wants My attention, he should put some thought and care into his initial introduction. If he chooses not to do so, it not My personal job to take him on and teach him common courtesy and decent netiquette. I do have several boys I write to, not because we are exploring anything, or might be a match, but because they are lovely and open and sincere in their desire to learn. Oh, yes...and they are respectful.

Ditto on all points. I, too, read and respond to *all* who write me - even the ones that are completely off-base: (ex: I am Plikkit from Singapore am 5'4" 243 pounds and I want to be a baby for you. I like to sit in wet,dirty diapers all day. I want to be your 4ever tru slave. Please, Lady, PLEASE, PLEASE...) I *do* look at the profiles and, as stated, there's little to nothing there. That's a little too unforthcoming on a "potential's" part. There's gotta be something there I can work with, ya know?

As for the form letter; well, let me tell you what I, as a self-respecting human being, let alone Domina, read into this is: A guy who sends a form letter is sending it to *every-freakin'-body*; he's not tailoring it to what he's read on my profile (because he hasn't READ my profile); he, generally, isn't telling me anything about himself (obfuscation); and he hasn't considered anything besides his own quest for gratification. That ain't gonna make me feel so special, is it?

I have continued convo with guys that write me *more* than what they want me to do to them and the guys who just want to converse and share (not cyber), as well as potentials who have done their work in determining if we both have something mutually beneficial to offer one-another.

QueenRah

_____________________________

Life's too short to drink cheap booze!

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 38

RE: How to approach a Strong, Dominant Lady? - 9/1/2005 3:15:31 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

If I recall correctly you said you were going to contact me when you could talk and ive never stated I had a good profile. I always say my profile is not good...

You don't recall correctly, but that's ok... I have sent you a note on the other side.

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

This is my point. A form letter yet people want something thats well thought off and written.

Be realistic people, Submissives cant magically know what you want in an email or that a well written email is treated as a "form", just something that seems copied and pasted.

It shocks me to read 'crap' yes I did say 'crap' in refereance to proper writing of emails for introduction letters. Alot of people put in their profiles about them and their wants and alot of other things so maybe if these ignorant Dominants actually READ the profiles of the submissives then they wont have as many complaints.

After all it would be these same Dominants that complain the submissives dont read their profiles.

Maybe it just prooves that these people are hypocrites...

Before I get a barrage of 'Oh I do read their profiles there is nothing in them" I will point out alot of Dominants have said they delete as soon as they open the email....

This was the point I was addressing, in general, and I did address you, in particular, regarding the one thing. I know you are very capable of sending a proper email.
What I am wondering here is why you feel a need to defend the masses of submissives who don't bother? You admitted, yourself, that you don't have a good profile, and then you just send a pic and a "Hello", and if you don't get a reply you shrug your shoulders and move on.
As I already stated, if I got that, I would not reply. Because, what have you given Me to reply to? Even if I check your profile, there is nothing there to go on. Unfortunately, this is very typical of most of the boys who write.
As LA said:

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I'd just like to add that it's not the size of the email that counts, it's the content. ;-)

- LA

I would rather have two or three good paragraphs that are written to Me personally, and open a reasonable dialogue, than a "Hello" or a "Wow...can i b ur slave?", or a long and flowery dissertation that says nothing substantial, and never once addresses Me on a personal level. I can actually pick out the emails that are forms, and can apply to any Domina a boy chooses to write to. Like QueenRah, it doesn't make Me feel special.
Now I know I have seen several boys who write that they have taken the time, and written well thought out letters, and they still don't get a response. I have no doubt it is true and I am sorry about that. I am not one of those Ladies. I can't do anything about it.
To all of you, who participate, (or just lurk and read)...be careful where you decide to fly your flag of petulance.
And now that I have ended several sentences with a preposition, I will leave to make Myself a new cup of Earl Gray.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 9/1/2005 3:17:46 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 39

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