Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (Full Version)

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pinkpleasures -> Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 8:32:55 AM)

Some members may doubt their instincts and scoff at others' use of them. Today i found out from a woman that a man on-site was lying about being married; not living where he claimed; never had 6 slaves; cannot "perform"; beat her especially when suffering erectile dysfunction; used her to try to lure other woman into a "poly life" with him; etc. etc. i knew (various ways) she was exactly whom she claimed to be, and that she was speaking the truth.

This man knew me from the time when i used to chat in TheLobby. He constantly tried to get me to have sex with him, until i warned him one more mention and i was blocking him Then he started asking me if i wanted a ride on his boat. Then he just wanted to meet for coffee.

Something about him never sat right with me, even when all i knew about him was his conduct in chat. For whatever reason, partially intuition, i refused every time he tried to meet me.

i feel very fortunate. i think possibly this little story might serve to help S/someone else trust their instincts as well.

pinkpleasures



perverseangelic -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 8:38:11 AM)

I'm glad you didn't find yourself in a bad sitatuion, however, I have to ask.

How did you find out that this person wasn't telling the truth? Did the woman talk to you online as well? If so, how do you know that it isn't -she- who is lying? How can you be sure she isn't angry at him, or jealous that he is no longer with her and saying things bechind his back to ruin his name?

This is the problem I have with knowing individuals online only. One cannot check up on the realities of the situation, untill one has met that individual. And, of course, there are risks to meeting htem.



pinkpleasures -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 9:04:18 AM)

quote:

I'm glad you didn't find yourself in a bad sitatuion, however, I have to ask.

How did you find out that this person wasn't telling the truth? Did the woman talk to you online as well? If so, how do you know that it isn't -she- who is lying? How can you be sure she isn't angry at him, or jealous that he is no longer with her and saying things bechind his back to ruin his name?

This is the problem I have with knowing individuals online only. One cannot check up on the realities of the situation, untill one has met that individual. And, of course, there are risks to meeting htem.

perverseangelic


First; i have enough of a fact-log so to speak on him that i could cross-check against what the woman claimed. Times, dates, places, etc.

Second i "knew" she was speaking the truth. My intuition told me she was not lying.

My whole point is...if it feels "off"...stay away.

i know that no matter what i say, S/some people will reject the notion of intuition, and i can do nothing to change their minds. That's fine. i did not post this to "prove" i was right in that argument.

i posted it for the P/pl who hear such "tingling" when they speak to someone..to assure them that intuition does exist and is worth listening to...doubting oneself is unwise.

pinkpleasures



Veav -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 9:32:17 AM)

A touching story, although it doesn't take intuition to figure out someone's a creep if they start out jonesing for sex...

I'd like to chime in with a story of my own. Someone was headed down to my neck of the woods for something called Kinkfest, and just to be friendly dropped in on the local furry boards to invite others along. Mind you - at this point, I'd had no exposure to actual BDSM. Reactions from the locals were mixed, but I threw on a few light-hearted posts to try and keep things supportive, and eventually we just moved to e-mail (yes, that's actual "oh noes, mad hax0rs" e-mail) and had some prolonged discussions about the nature of the beast.

When Kinkfest rolled around, I dropped by for dinner - and again for breakfast the next day. I did not use a safe call, I did not tell anyone specifically where I was going... though I did mention to a few people "I've been invited to dinner by a dominatrix", just to get their reactions and because it amused me. These were relatively public functions, but more importantly, my intuition told me I could trust this person. There were no warning lights, no ominous forebodings, she had a lot to say and was good company - as it turns out, both offline and on.

Next time she was in the area, we hit up a few days of Leather Pride week - again, no safe calls, no check-ins, no strafing runs by friends nor secret decoder rings. In meeting this person I'd only met once before, in a strange part of town and among people who could have easily been persuaded I'd agreed to anything that happened, it wasn't necessary. My intuition happily said "go on, have fun, here's some spending energy and don't come back 'til you go broke" and pushed me into several interesting situations - I can't say as I came out of it unscathed per se, but I requested every bit of scathe I received and I'm glad I did. The only reason it wasn't a one hundred percent success is because we ended up low on time and never got to hit Powell's Used Books, which is a crime, really. (It's a city block, filled with books. I kid you not.)

Score two for intuition!



NakedOnMyChain -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 9:42:21 AM)

He sounds like a rather desperate loser. Cheers for being able to steer clear of him. Intuition is always vital in these kinds of situations. If you're getting a bad feeling about something, get out.



pinkpleasures -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 10:13:53 AM)

quote:

Next time she was in the area, we hit up a few days of Leather Pride week - again, no safe calls, no check-ins, no strafing runs by friends nor secret decoder rings. In meeting this person I'd only met once before, in a strange part of town and among people who could have easily been persuaded I'd agreed to anything that happened, it wasn't necessary. My intuition happily said "go on, have fun, here's some spending energy and don't come back 'til you go broke" and pushed me into several interesting situations - I can't say as I came out of it unscathed per se, but I requested every bit of scathe I received and I'm glad I did. The only reason it wasn't a one hundred percent success is because we ended up low on time and never got to hit Powell's Used Books, which is a crime, really. (It's a city block, filled with books. I kid you not.)

Score two for intuition!

Veav


With all due respect Veav, women face a different situation in meeting men. There just is no way for a man to understand that distinction completely.

pinkpleasures

p.s. i'm happy You enjoyed Your new friend.



Veav -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 10:31:26 AM)

Ah? I'm sorry, I'm still pretty inexperienced in this field. Somewhere along the line, I formed the impression that men can also be raped, abused, lied to, violated and exploited. Thanks for clearing that up!



MrThorns -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 10:50:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

quote:

I'm glad you didn't find yourself in a bad sitatuion, however, I have to ask.

How did you find out that this person wasn't telling the truth? Did the woman talk to you online as well? If so, how do you know that it isn't -she- who is lying? How can you be sure she isn't angry at him, or jealous that he is no longer with her and saying things bechind his back to ruin his name?

This is the problem I have with knowing individuals online only. One cannot check up on the realities of the situation, untill one has met that individual. And, of course, there are risks to meeting htem.

perverseangelic


First; i have enough of a fact-log so to speak on him that i could cross-check against what the woman claimed. Times, dates, places, etc.

Second i "knew" she was speaking the truth. My intuition told me she was not lying.


You're kidding, right?

First...a "fact log"? Are these actual facts? Or Are they more snips from chatrooms, hearsay, assumptions, he said/she said bullshit, etc?

Your intuition told you she was telling the truth. Wonderful. As someone who says that they are/were a lawyer, I'm sure you realize that you would be laughed right out of court. "Your Honor...I would like to have all charges dismissed because I just "know" she's telling the truth."

quote:


i know that no matter what i say, S/some people will reject the notion of intuition, and i can do nothing to change their minds. That's fine. i did not post this to "prove" i was right in that argument.


I don't reject the notion of intuition. I reject decisions and judgements that are based soley on intuition.


quote:

With all due respect Veav, women face a different situation in meeting men. There just is no way for a man to understand that distinction completely.


How is it different? Women don't lie? Women aren't able to carry weapons? Women are unable to use drugs to incapacitate a man? Women cannot be abusers? Women cannot destroy a man's reputation by crying in a chatroom somewhere to a bunch of people who rely only upon their intuition?

I'm sure that you feel I just couldn't understand...I'm a man after all.



darkinshadows -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 10:53:45 AM)

I have to agree with Veav here - men are just as 'at risk' as women - and bad occurances do happen. I met one Dom for a social meet whom is a really good friend to me, who set up safecalls for himself and everything because His risk was wondering if I was some sub with a Sadistic Master ready to beat him up... It happens - and to think otherwise would put many men at risk.

Peace and Love

Edit to add -
Lol - I see Mr Thorns beat my post so I am adding I agree with Veav and Mr Thorns.
Also - just to add - that the man I met for a social meet is a close friend now - but not at the time we first met - obviously - lol - if that makes sense...[:D]



Veav -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 10:55:25 AM)

quote:

quote:

With all due respect Veav, women face a different situation in meeting men. There just is no way for a man to understand that distinction completely.

How is it different? Women don't lie? Women aren't able to carry weapons? Women are unable to use drugs to incapacitate a man... <snip>

Nono, see, we've got a penis, we're immune! We can relax now! God, it's a load off my shoulders...



MsIncognito -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 11:15:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Veav

A touching story, although it doesn't take intuition to figure out someone's a creep if they start out jonesing for sex...

<snip snip snip>

Next time she was in the area, we hit up a few days of Leather Pride week - again, no safe calls, no check-ins, no strafing runs by friends nor secret decoder rings. In meeting this person I'd only met once before, in a strange part of town and among people who could have easily been persuaded I'd agreed to anything that happened, it wasn't necessary. My intuition happily said "go on, have fun, here's some spending energy and don't come back 'til you go broke" and pushed me into several interesting situations - I can't say as I came out of it unscathed per se, but I requested every bit of scathe I received and I'm glad I did.

<snip, snip, snip>

Score two for intuition!


I was going to post a story very similar to yours except I was meeting a MALE DOM *gasp!!* I trusted my instincts and had some remarkable experiences - no safe calls, no social security numbers...hell, not even a last name until after the first meeting (where we did play *gasp again!*). Instinct rocks.



luvdragonx -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 11:16:26 AM)

The main thing that puts women more 'at risk' is the belief that women are more 'at risk'. The opposite is true of men. They seem less 'at risk' because the belief is men are less 'at risk'. The attitude that a woman is weaker and more vulnerable is the biggest problem in these types of discussions. I don't think 'I have to be more careful because I'm a woman'. I believe I need to be careful because there are crazy men AND women out there who might want to do me harm.

Men are no safer than women are. How do I know? Because I'm a woman. And I know what I'm capable of.

The man who thinks that a woman is an easy target would be surprised when she has his balls in a death grip, deep scratches across his face, part of his ear bitten off and two plugs of hair missing.

The man who thinks that because he's a man, he's safe, will be surprised when he wakes up after a healthy dose of rohypnol, tied to a chair while 4 women put out cigarettes on his penis.

There is nothing inherent in being a man or a woman that puts you at any more risk. The riskiest thing is believing these attitudes and not being reasonable and smart about the situations you choose.



MsIncognito -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 11:19:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Veav
Nono, see, we've got a penis, we're immune! We can relax now! God, it's a load off my shoulders...


Dayum! Where do I get me one of those?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 11:34:23 AM)

I want a penis! And I want my boobs at the same time. Is there something weird with that?



astralboy -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 11:46:20 AM)

I couldn't agree more. I felt safe until one day... when everything changed. Intuition always works, but... it's a good idea to take safe steps to enjoy / leave the situation.

learning and growing,
puppy

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvdragonx

Men are no safer than women are. How do I know? Because I'm a woman. And I know what I'm capable of.

There is nothing inherent in being a man or a woman that puts you at any more risk. The riskiest thing is believing these attitudes and not being reasonable and smart about the situations you choose.



pinkpleasures -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 11:52:14 AM)

quote:

Ah? I'm sorry, I'm still pretty inexperienced in this field. Somewhere along the line, I formed the impression that men can also be raped, abused, lied to, violated and exploited. Thanks for clearing that up!

Veav


You're right of course. i do not mean men need not care about their safety; anyone can be armed with a pistol, e.g. Thank You, Veav.

pinkpleasures



Veav -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 11:52:22 AM)

*goes into his drivers and disables sarcasm.dll for a moment* Okay... keke... anyway.

The original OP was an anecdote regarding how intuition is a valuable tool in being cautious and careful. While the anecdote itself seems to beg several questions, the point is valid and I certainly don't dispute it.

My response was an anecdote of my own communicating my belief that intuition is equally valuable in forming trust and friendships. It was a positive experience, yes, and I'm happy to have that memory - looking forward to more like it.

Now, I've never worked in the legal field. Hell, I never even took debate! But it seems to me that the following reply falls under the fallacy of ad hominem, to wit, "an argument based on the failings of an adversary rather than on the merits of the case". Actually, it doesn't address my point at all, it just says that I can't possibly be qualified to form an opinion based on my gender.

quote:

With all due respect Veav, women face a different situation in meeting men. There just is no way for a man to understand that distinction completely.

If you were to argue that I don't have a way to understand pregnancy, I'd agree. I don't. I have no basis for comparison and I never will, despite having slung on a harness with strategic weights in health class once. I also do not understand menstruation, nor do I feel I understand painting toenails, though the last one isn't out of the question.

Arguing that I don't have a way to understand proper caution and the potential risks in placing trust in others based on the fact that I am male? This, to me, signifies both a strong sexist streak and a marked ignorance regarding sociology and gender roles. luvdragonx makes a good point about this, so I'm not going to reinvent the wheel - she got there first.

If you feel that you, as a woman, are somehow more vulnerable, that means you are. If you feel that I, as a man, am somehow less vulnerable, that also shows ignorance of my own past. I don't advertise, but when you say "there is no way for a man to understand"... you're right, I don't. There is no distinction. When you claim there is, I laugh my ass off.

*reinstates sarcasm.dll*

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito
Dayum! Where do I get me one of those?

Ebay!



pinkpleasures -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 11:58:50 AM)

quote:

How is it different? Women don't lie? Women aren't able to carry weapons? Women are unable to use drugs to incapacitate a man? Women cannot be abusers? Women cannot destroy a man's reputation by crying in a chatroom somewhere to a bunch of people who rely only upon their intuition?

I'm sure that you feel I just couldn't understand...I'm a man after all.


Mr Thorns


i already apologised to Veav for the comment "men don't understand"; so now i shall apologise to You, Sir.

To answer Your other questions; i could see some of his online behavior (e.g., what time of night he came on-line) but i was referring too, to the factual statements he made about himself that were contradictary or just wildely-unlikely. One specific thing that happened is that he never wanted to drive to Cleveland to meet me for coffee; he always wanted me to drive about 90 minutes to somewhere else. And yet he would claim he sailed/motored in Lake Erie. Just seemed a bit odd.

pinkpleasures

i think MR Thorns posted before my apology to Veav as well. RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe - 8/23/2005 10:50:52 AM



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 12:08:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures
And yet he would claim he sailed/motored in Lake Erie. Just seemed a bit odd.]

As someone else noted- the point stands. I am a huge proponent of intuition and very much wish people would hone it as a skill more than they do.

However, there's a difference between saying "my intuition guided me to this decision" and "my intuition said this to me and it was confirmed by some online stuff from an ex."



kc692 -> RE: Intuition and a Story About Being Safe (8/23/2005 1:00:52 PM)

Not necessarily, pink. In offline, there are women who, although may supposedly be the "weaker sex" bring along a gun, or knif, or talk the man into being tied up, or have someone in the hotel with them when then man arrives. So, the distinction is not as great as you would like to believe.....men face possible danger just like women, and need to take precautions also. In addition, not all men are towering hunks of flesh, able to crush beer cans in their bare hands...


Edited to add: in reply to post # 6 of this thread before I read rest of thread.....



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