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To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 6:29:39 AM   
SubmissiveAK


Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline
... be they lesbian-oriented or not.

I was curious what it was that leads you to seek female submissive's in paticular. Is it the genitalia or the personalities, or just an attraction to female subs? Would you consider a transgendered female submissive/slave to fall into that category? It isnt often clear when looking at a profile (of someone who is looking for a female) if contacting them will be considered rude/annoying or if it is perfectly ok. I have no desire to step on anyone's toes

~submissiveAK~

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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 7:06:46 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		Okay...I don't have an answer for your question but I have a question regarding your post...

Couldn't somebody ask the same questions of Dommes seeking male s-types?

And what about the women out there who are bi? You're completely dropping off an entire sexual orientation. What if "service" isn't about sex in anyway? does it matter anything other than that they might seek companionship with another female AND have their service and D/s needs met?

This seems to me a very one dementional question boiling down to your last question.."is it okay if I contact a Domme who says she's seeking females?" And to me that leads itself to some problems some (I don't have any kind of numbers just experiences) straight males have had with dykes..."why are you even interested in women? I have a penis...they don't...you should like me more."

That's just my opinion...take it for what it's worth. Oh one last thing...my biggest suggestion would be to not proposition Dommes or female s-types for anything beyond friendship if you are males and they are seeking females...it just really cheeses them off.

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 8:33:07 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		Hi SAK

In my experience the likes of us had best, I'm sorry to say, be prepared to be disappointed, even in what is a more broadminded field like bdsm by comparison with the everyday world.

Yes, most will tolerate us and many will even accept us socially - but the whole romantic / erotic / sexual thing is where the numbers fall away to a very few indeed, of those who are OK with us.

This isnt nastiness - its simply preference, and our problem is that whether or not we're accepted socially as female, it is rare to find anyone who accepts us sexually as well - and of those, even fewer who would consider a relationship rather than a casual fling.

Because when it comes down to the sexual sphere, for most we're not really male and we're not really female - and this makes the whole sexuality thing difficult.

For a het male - we will always be another male
For a homosexual male - we will always be a female
For a bisexual male - we will be neither or both, when he wants one or the other
Similar applies to potential female partners
a het female sees us as another female
a lesbian female sees us as a male
and a bisexual female sees us as neither or both when she wants one or the other

This isnt to say that its impossible to find a partner of course - but the odds are certainly well stacked against us. From what I've seen its far more usual for the likes of us to get together with others of similar backgrounds than to find us with more everyday partners.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 10:17:40 AM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		I don't have a problem accepting a transperson who takes reasonable effort with their presentation as the gender they geniuinely are on the inside.   Sexual attraction can operate on a different level from personal and social acceptance however, and in some cases the two can conflict.  I do feel attraction to some MTF transwomen as well as to androgynous, feminine males, but none at all to genetic females.  I've thought about it and decided to avoid relationships other than friendships with MTF transwomen, because it would be harmful for a transwoman to have a partner who selfishly valued her masculinity and who was not prepared to encourage and support her to as complete a transition as she needed and wanted to make. 

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 10:25:39 AM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
This isnt nastiness - its simply preference, and our problem is that whether or not we're accepted socially as female, it is rare to find anyone who accepts us sexually as well - and of those, even fewer who would consider a relationship rather than a casual fling.

Because when it comes down to the sexual sphere, for most we're not really male and we're not really female - and this makes the whole sexuality thing difficult.


Very well spoken, Lady.  I will add the additional problem that many of the people who are attracted to transgendered folks are specifically attracted by the fact that femininity and masculinity are combined.  This leads to major emotional and ethical problems when then transperson in question needs and wants to transition fully and the consequence would be losing their attractiveness to their partner.

I identify as genderqueer and generally prefer people with gender-balanced energy around me rather than spending time around people who are too masculine or too feminine with no balancing component.  I am not attracted to people who are too far up on either end of the gender spectrum, either as sexual partners or friends.  Eg, I am not attracted to highly masculine men and do not like to spend time around highly feminine women.  But I'm still not a good partner for a transwoman, though a fully transitioned transman might be a possibility.  Life just ain't fair, neh?

(in reply to LadyEllen)
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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 11:41:17 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am bisexual and for me it is a purely personality. I have a malesub now and I would enjoy adding a femsub but so far I have not found anyone that I am compatible with. But I am always hopeful and will keep looking.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 11:48:18 AM   
SubmissiveAK


Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline 		Part of why I ask is because I am curious about seeking a Female/female dynamic, as a lesbian or translesbian. Its not that I am excluding other dynamics, It really on the person and the energy they give off more than thier sex or sexual orientation. I just find myself curious about the F/f dynamic and how I could fit into it. I appologize if it came across as exclusionary or biased.

I know there are always going to be people who wont see me kindly, or accept me as I am. I understand that and to them, best wishes. Im just hopeful that there is someone, some people out there who accept me and, dare I say, want me. Im sorry if that sounds a little selfish.

Najakcharmer: I wouldn't say its a bad thing to desire someone for thier masculinity, not all transgendered M2F want SRS. (In fact Im not sure I do) Still I do think its important to be open about those kinds of desires, in case they do feel the need to transition with surgery.


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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 2:40:20 PM   
BrzlianMistress


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I am bisexual and for me it is a purely personality. I have a malesub now and I would enjoy adding a femsub but so far I have not found anyone that I am compatible with. But I am always hopeful and will keep looking.

~Lashra



Me too....

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 2:53:46 PM   
DragonLadysFire


Posts: 167
Joined: 12/8/2007
Status: offline 		Personality first, body parts second. IMO

_____________________________

A dragon may breathe fire, but that doesn't mean you will be burned.



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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 2:57:14 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAK


... be they lesbian-oriented or not.

I was curious what it was that leads you to seek female submissive's in paticular. Is it the genitalia or the personalities, or just an attraction to female subs? Would you consider a transgendered female submissive/slave to fall into that category? It isnt often clear when looking at a profile (of someone who is looking for a female) if contacting them will be considered rude/annoying or if it is perfectly ok. I have no desire to step on anyone's toes

~submissiveAK~




For me, it's about mindset so gender takes place above the neck, not below the waist.

I don't think it hurts to send a respectful email 'asking'. Someone who's going to dog all over you for just asking probably isn't someone you're going to want to be around anyway. You really have nothing to lose by sending a polite email as long as you keep a thick skin and realize someone might blast you anyway. Just keep looking.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 4:22:17 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAK
Najakcharmer: I wouldn't say its a bad thing to desire someone for thier masculinity, not all transgendered M2F want SRS. (In fact Im not sure I do) Still I do think its important to be open about those kinds of desires, in case they do feel the need to transition with surgery.


No, it's not a bad thing, but I feel that it would be potentially a hurtful and unhealthy thing for a transwoman who wants and needs her femininity fully supported and who is really not comfortable with her masculinity.  There are people who identify as trans-genderqueer more than as "woman accidentally born and uncomfortably living in a male body", and those people would be better suited as partners for me.  A transwoman who wanted full SRS would not be a good partner for me because I would most likely no longer be sexually attracted to her once she was completely female, since I myself identify as a genderqueer who is closer to the gay male end of the spectrum, and who is most attracted to nonconventional masculinity.

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 5:36:02 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		I have had zero success in finding someone who actually wanted me for me.  So far anyone who's wanted me has for sexual curiosity because i am intersexed.
I feel this will be the way it is forever and ever.  Most people in this lifestyle are in it for sexual reasons.  note i said MOST and not all as there are many actual lifestylers.  I do not offer sex so for me to find someone is next to impossible. With my condition its not possible for me to offer sex with my parts instead  I offer love, submission, commitment, respect, experience, but most of all i offer myself. 

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 5:52:01 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		Why would I seek a female submissive--?  Well, I enjoy the company of other women, domme or sub, even just as friends and partners in crime.  As to why female subs are so appealing as D/S partners, I can sum it up in two words:  multiple orgasms!

It's like having a day pass at the amusement park.  You can go over, and over, and over, and over...

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 6:02:17 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		 guys have multiple orgasm`s Ma`am.... just with a bigger gap in between......

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
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RE: To Domme's seeking female subs... - 1/4/2008 7:16:59 PM   
Kirren


Posts: 580
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline 		I have posted 2 entries in My journal about My recent experience with a femal sub...and Im just going to tell you, its the mental dynamic...I have spoken with fem subs that I just had no spark with...and others that I knew I couldnt control...even if I wanted to...but there is that just right..that perfect fit for everyone...I think I have found that...and Im happy with it....

The thing about that is...she was introduced to Me by a friend, and not really MY girl per se, but all the same, we had a good dynamic..and I just adore her...and I want to keep her...and most likely will...but I will have to share with who I was introduced by...which leads Me to wonder...can two Domme's share one sub?

_____________________________

Everything has been said before
There's nothing left to say anymore
When it's all the same
You can ask for it by name


Did I fail to mention...I am a BITCH?

(in reply to Politesub53)
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