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Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 8:49:26 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		The "Threesomes" thread in "Ask A Submissive" got me to thinking ...

What is the ratio between Doms initiating looking for a third and subs initiating looking for a third? Is it a much higher percentage of Doms initiating threesomes / moresomes than subs?

If you are a sub who has looked / is looking / is considering looking / or actually has a third, who initiated the step? Have you gone along with the idea without really considering it, just to be pleasing to your Dom? Have you been pleasantly surprised by the addition of a third, what she adds to your life and dynamic?

If you are a Dom who has looked / is looking / is considering looking / or actually has a third, have you found reluctance in your primarly partner, do you have conversations to assess her state of mind in the search, have you called off a search because your partner really wasn't down with the whole idea after all? Would you be pleasantly surprised if your sub independently approached you about adding a third?

It strikes me that I have rarely heard of a sub wishing to initiate the contact / search and I am very interested in hearing your story. Don't feel constrained by the questions - tell it the way you want to tell it.
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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 9:23:21 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Well, I am going to answer and not feel restricted to the question as requested.  I know everyone automatically assumes a threesome is MFF - but it isn't always that way.
 
Many years ago I was invited to a threesome.  I don't know if this counts, as the couple were not 'officially' BDSM orientated and it was purely experimental but the man who asked was the more experienced and more the 'head' of the relationship but it was primarily arranged for his partner as they were in a stable gay relationship although R had previous sexual experience with females his partner had never been with a female and simply wanted to experience it.  I was just really good friends with R and he knew it would be no strings and I had sounded off that I would be up for a threesome with two guys (ah the brazeness of youth) and I was doing a service.  It was cool - and there was no emotional connection, but there was a spiritual one.  The dynamic wasn't mine so I can't comment on whether it brought anything other than an experience, but they did say I pretty much rocked.  It was all good.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 9:32:46 AM   
ghitaPVH


Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		Are you asking about a threesome like..add a third to your actual relationship? or a threesome like...hey, lets have casual sex with a third person, but continue our regular relationship on our own?

Casue if its the casual sex thing...then Id have to say Im the one who brought it up, not him. shrugs. maybe Im just weird.

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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 9:36:29 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		It was Alandra who first brought up the idea of poly with him just before they were married over 17 years ago.  It took some time for him to be comfortable with the idea.  From what I understand, she has always wanted to have another woman to be in the relationship with her.  I will tell her about this thread and maybe she will have time to share her perspective.  We all seem to be spending less and less time online now that I have moved in  *g*

When the relationship first started with me, I know it was him that I interacted with most and who I first talked to.  I am not sure it really counts though since the only purpose to our interactions in the beginning was for me to pick his brain. 

Alandra and I are not required to seek out other partners for him.  I do know that one time Alandra arranged a threesome for him as a birthday suprise, but that was not requested of her.

Knight's Kyra

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(in reply to batshalom)
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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 9:55:44 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I was depressed about not being in the shape I was used to being in, but not having the motivation to do something about it. Also, Master is extremely busy and would like me to be more submissive. I suggested we find a domme to help in my training. (I have suggested another dom in the past, but, for some reason....He is against that!)

~Christina

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 10:09:53 AM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		It's only happened once, the Dom initiated it, and the bitch did everything in her power to get me into trouble, to get me to take the blame for stuff i never even did, and then purposely tried to destroy the trust He had for me so that He would "kick me to the curb so to speak".  About 30 punnishments later, and me going back home the truth finally came out but, no apology was ever given. She stayed in His life, as did i, seperately but, things were never the same after that.

So my new rule is:  unless it's casual with no strings attached i want no part of it.  slave or not i'm going to protect myself especially when i know the Dominant wont under those circumstances, the dick has more influence than the brain sometimes, so i'm hoping that makes sense to you all.

~meticulous~

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 10:25:04 AM   
SirMichealspeach


Posts: 73
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline 		Master and I have both initated it. we have had a third in a long term relationship (female). she is no longer part of our family though due to her own issues, she is still however a friend and we see her regulalry.
If i see a male or female that interest me, i will tell Master and He will make the first contact usually. If He see's someone that interest Him , we discuss it and if He knows I am ok with her He will iniate contact.
We have never just had casual sex with a third that i can remember, He has allowed others to Top and sexually Dominate me on occassion but never unless He feels I am comfortable with the person...

SirMicheals peach

(in reply to meticulousgirl)
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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 10:48:24 AM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		We really haven't yet, but it is definitely me initiating the idea of playing with another woman. I do not desire so much a third full-time in the relationship, but a trusted friend-with-benefits arrangement. If things flow naturally from there... who knows.
 
Call me twisted (oh, yeah!), but I just kinda get off on the idea of watching Him control, dominate and fuck another girl.

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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 10:52:01 AM   
Argentopal


Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline 		From as early as I can remember monogomy (or serial monogomy) never made any sense to me.  If we have the capacity to love more than one parent, grandparent, sibling, friend, etc., why could we not also love more than one "partner"?  It just never made any sense to me.  But I bought into the whole 'normal' marriage thing for a long time (while still expressing my inner feelings) because I lived in society and society said we had to be married to one person at a time.  After a prety long marriage and a decade of 24/7 Ds, my husband/Master met someone and began to have feelings for her.  He told me about it and said he wanted to keep getting to know her better and we actually both got to know her pretty well.  We had hopes for building a poly relationship with her, but her family's disdain for it made her decide against it.  After that we both have looked off and on at different times, but always included each other. So I suppose in a way it was always my basic instinct, he just acted on it first.
opal


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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 1:19:45 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		Short answer:  Both.
 
When i was married, in my early 20's, my Dominant husband wanted us to swing with other couples and he found people for us to have 3-somes and 4-somes with.  They were all vanilla females and couples and it was always for casual sex only. 
 
Later, one Dominant, i had a long term relationship with, tasked me with finding females for me to have sex with and for us to have 3-somes with. 
 
In my current relationship, my Master said, from the very start, that i would be required to submit to Dommes, whenever He wanted and it could be arranged.  His plan was to find a local Domme to use me on a regular basis. 
 
It was my idea and it was me who made the request to my Master that another female submissive or slave be brought into the home for a committed, long term poly relationship, with the hope that she would be submissive to Him and Dominant over me.  That search began within the first couple of months of my being here, about 2 years ago, and the search continues.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

< Message edited by slavegirljoy -- 1/4/2008 1:23:15 PM >

(in reply to batshalom)
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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 1:22:58 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Hmmmm.  For my sexual threesomes it was a mutual thing, can't say who was really behind the idea.  It was mostly a case of us both knowing the other was interested and open to it and then my partner (submissive) asked me about a specific person. 

As for poly relationships, that's usually been fluid, too.  But the times when there was a distinct leader in it going that way, it was me.

So a bit of each.

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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 1:34:04 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		with my former dom, he wanted a third (and more) to be part our relationship.  he put me in charge finding her here and other sites however i was the one who wasn't too keen about the idea.  i had a squick factor about being with another woman and i kept telliing him i wasn't bi or even remotely bi-curious.  well, since he wanted his stable/harem of women (which by the way he had on the side that i didn't know about), i walked away.

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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 1:35:51 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		This is very interesting and quite eye-opening - thanks to all who replied so far.

To clarify a point Ghita brought up, I am interested in thoughts / experiences / stories about either poly families or casual sex.

(in reply to RumpusParable)
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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 1:37:05 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		We haven't played with a third yet. That's because we are a new Master and Slave (yum). However MFF is a lifelong fantasy/wish/desie of mine and I have in the past participated in non bdsm MMF sex and MFF sex (all yum).
It is currently one of my tasks to find a third. But Master allows and expects me to have sex with others if I need and if I am honest in telling him. He knows if He were to attempt to control me in that way ie by denying me sex with others that
1 I would desire it more
2 lie
3 do it anyway
I want a third, and a fourth -- another D/s to become involved with for two reasons at least.
First becasue Master P. wants it and second because I want it.
I had a plethora (I think that's the right word) anyway a rsuh of Doms vying for position before P. and I turned down all of those who wanted me to restrain or expected me to restrain from sexual play and bdsm with others. To me it felt like their insecurity.
Being given freedom and ethical honesty as part of bondage/ownership is the best deal I could ever imagine.
ed. to add: I don't know how to organise a poly family unless it would begin casually and then move into discussions about LTR.


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 1/4/2008 1:38:29 PM >

(in reply to batshalom)
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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 4:10:01 PM   
Greylynn


Posts: 575
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		I did the first time for FFM..actually there wasn't any talking.   I was taking evening classes and one of my classmates came home with me to use my computer.  I dont' know exactly how the subject came up but we started talking about guys wanting 2 girls.  She admitted to getting hot while watching it in pornos.  We decided to go ahead and try it and called my husband into the room.  He comes in and we're topless playing with each others breast.   

He's surpised.  We're watching him and laughing and then he starts telling us what to do to each other...and well, you can guess the rest.

He arranged for the MMF.  I like MMF much, much better. 








(in reply to Prinsexx)
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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 4:21:55 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'll estimate 20-30% of subs do initial initiation, and 70-80% of doms.

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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 4:29:29 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		When I was younger I had a couple of poly relationships - a V and an O... I was terrible with communication back then and the O ended disastrously.  To be frank, they weren't so great with communication either... we were a bunch of horny folks trying to slake our lusts. 

Now I'm actively interested in poly with lots of communication... I bring it up with Doms who approach me and I find that the ones who aren't open to it somehow always end up falling by the wayside for me.  I have a Dom friend that talks to me about it and I realized that (thanks to this board and those talks) I absolutely can't do poly unless I feel secure with the people that are involved... my one on one relationships with them need to be secure before I can do the more complex poly relationship...so, I guess I'm initiating it?

peace

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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 4:39:30 PM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		You know, this thread made me realize something about my switchy self.

As a sub, I am all over adding a meaningful third to the relationship. I would love to have another partner to, well, love. I wouldn't harp on it, but I would be certain to let my Dom/me know that I was open to the idea.

As a Domme, I tend not to pursue that option, even though almost every boy I've ever played with has expressed his glee at the idea of serving more than one woman, or in some cases even another man.

I think it comes down to logistics. As many of the couples on this site have found, finding a third is very difficult process. Actively seeking one takes a lot of effort. I'm lazy. If a viable third comes along by happenstance, hey, cool! If my Dom/me wants to introduce one? Awesome. Do I feel like trying to "find" a third myself in order to fulfill a boy's fantasy? Nah. Guess I'm not that kind after all. Sorry boys!

< Message edited by KindLadyGrey -- 1/4/2008 4:40:57 PM >

(in reply to batshalom)
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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 4:49:30 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greylynn



He arranged for the MMF.  I like MMF much, much better. 




MMF depends....if the MM are both bisexual men and their level of interest in MM sex....that can feel quite exclusive. Maybe males are more voyeuristic than females but since I don't want to sabotage the thread (as it's not about the gender issues of voyeurism) I'm simply saying that for me FFM is best with or without an element of bdsm

(in reply to Greylynn)
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RE: Who Asked? - 1/4/2008 4:52:54 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

You know, this thread made me realize something about my switchy self.

As a sub, I am all over adding a meaningful third to the relationship. I would love to have another partner to, well, love. I wouldn't harp on it, but I would be certain to let my Dom/me know that I was open to the idea.

As a Domme, I tend not to pursue that option, even though almost every boy I've ever played with has expressed his glee at the idea of serving more than one woman, or in some cases even another man.

I think it comes down to logistics. As many of the couples on this site have found, finding a third is very difficult process. Actively seeking one takes a lot of effort. I'm lazy. If a viable third comes along by happenstance, hey, cool! If my Dom/me wants to introduce one? Awesome. Do I feel like trying to "find" a third myself in order to fulfill a boy's fantasy? Nah. Guess I'm not that kind after all. Sorry boys!

Yes it is an effort. And actually being a 'single' bi female wanting to be a third is such fun and so much easier a task.....which country/state/county has a predominance of spare groovy females...does anyone know?

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
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