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OL/LD Play - Questions and Opinions - 1/4/2008 9:00:16 AM

whenstarscollide

Posts: 90
Joined: 11/24/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterJames1020

Greetings everyone. I am a new Master in the D/s, M/s lifestyle. Have limited experience in BDSM. 2 years to be exact. I'm currently in a long distance relationship with a sub female. She is new to D/s and is just starting out. Since I am still green and have not really done much play online or long distance what would be some good play scenes for a beginner submissive who is thousand of miles away?

MasterJames1020

I found a thread in Ask A Master (quoted above) about long distance relationships, and was wondering what the subs on this site might have to say about it.

I am in a similar situation to the girl MasterJames1020 described. I'm new to D/s and unfortunately, as a student, am constantly moving back and forth from NY and NOLA. Trying to figure out if I want to pursue someone in one city or the other has proven to be difficult. Especially since I may be graduating a year early, and my plans to pursue a graduate degree mean that I could be going ANYWHERE. Anywho, I have been talking with a handful of doms in both cities, all of which have a great deal of potential. I have even engaged in some OL play in order to get a feel for my likes, dislikes, limits, and whatnot. However, I have found that my lack of ability to see and touch said dom is EXTREMELY frustrating. I doubt I could keep it up for more than a couple of months at the very most.

So the bigger question/problem becomes do let the pitfalls of an online and/or long distance relationship deter me from pursuing a dom that I really like?

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RE: OL/LD Play - Questions and Opinions - 1/4/2008 9:24:45 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

Well, I'm sort of in the same boat. Mistress lives in West Virginia and I live in Louisiana. While we have been talking online and on the phone since July 7 last year, we have yet to meet because She is in school and I have just started a new job. The timing really sucks, but we try not to focus on D/s stuff. Instead, we focus on constantly getting to know each other more everyday by talking for hours at a time. We send pics to each other quite often to add some sort of face to the words we speak. We are trying to pass the time as quickly as possible until She can fly to Louisiana for spring break in March.

We know we have very similar kinks and interests and I've gotten to see a little taste of Her dominance over the phone. She is extremely beautiful and sexy, but it's Her personality that made me fall in love with Her. If you find the right person you click with, do your best to make things work, even if from a distance for a while. While the distance is very hard for Mistress and I, we know it's only temporary and we'll be together as soon as She finishes school. Until then, it just gives Her more time to plot my demise when She finally gets Her hands on me!

Remember, you only get out what you put into it.

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Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

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RE: OL/LD Play - Questions and Opinions - 1/4/2008 10:06:33 AM

mhawk

Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
Status: offline

personalyl i steer clear if any "potential" asks me for OL play or CM play.to me it jsut does nothing for me as one example and two,my Lord,Mistress and myself took a huge leap after talking on the phone and emailing only a few short weeks,decided to fly me out here to start my training earlier than we had all origionally thought to do.and all i can say for that is,it worked out quite well,we are now moving past my trial period and getting into the more intense training that my Lord and Mistress require.

if for some OL is what works for the time being that's fine,it works differently for everone.i preffer it to be active and face to face,under the same roof,for me there is no substitue for real.

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RE: OL/LD Play - Questions and Opinions - 1/4/2008 1:59:17 PM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

I have tried online play and it really gave me no idea what play irl would be like at all. I met Master online but we never played online. We did much as rubberpet and his Mistress do. We talked for hours on the phone every day. Exchanged pictures and got to know eachother. There were times he gave me instructions over the phone but we both knew that focusing too much on the D/s aspects online and on the phone would not work for us.

So my advice would be if you want to find a committed partner try focusing on finding a partner you connect with on many levels, that you would want to spend hours talking to and not just about BDSM. If you are searching for experience but are not ready to commit to someone yet since you're not sure where you're going to be i would reccomend finding a local lifestyle group. You can watch and learn and if you get to know and trust someone enough to play with them then you will be able to feel what this stuff feels like in real life without the long-term commitment. Online playing is not going to give you a true perspective of what it will be like for you when you are doing it in person. I find that for me it actually had some negative effects because i started to expect the fantasy i had in my head that had never been challenged online. Now i live with Master and many of the things i imagined are coming true but in a real life physical way that i could not have experienced over the phone or online.

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RE: OL/LD Play - Questions and Opinions - 1/4/2008 2:14:59 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
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My last relationship with with a beautiful man from another country. At times he lived in the US, at times I stayed in Israel, and sometimes it was online / phone. If the person who catches your attention and seems like a good potential match I don't see the harm in trying it out as long as you both know the risks and rules beforehand.

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RE: OL/LD Play - Questions and Opinions - 1/4/2008 5:44:28 PM

Honsoku

Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
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Online play is to RT what ginger ale is to a German lager. I have done both, and while online play gets boring pretty fast, I will play for hours real time and barely notice the passage of time (time really does fly when your having fun!).

This is not a question that could be answered easily, as there are many variables to consider. What are the potential doms' situations regarding their ability to relocate? How is your time going to be split between the two cities? Is there a dom in one city or the other which you click with a lot better? Are all of them seeking long term relationships? Have you met any of them face to face? Considering your situation, I would be leery of committing to a long term relationship at the moment, because it will be a major headache with you moving around a lot and you aren't even sure what you like yet. Unless you know yourself really well, what you think you will like and what you actually find out that you like, will probably differ a lot. This means a lot of effort for a relationship where long term compatibility is nearly impossible to determine at this point.

Do you need exclusivity in all things, or just in sex? If it is in all things, you have a very difficult choice ahead of you. However, if it is just in sex, then you might want to consider trying to set up non-sexual arrangements with several doms just so you can get a variety of real experience.

< Message edited by Honsoku -- 1/4/2008 5:50:50 PM >

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