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Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 4:05:14 PM   
BlueKnight555


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline 		Is it wrong to ask advice from Dom and sub - how do i develop as a Dom. I am new here and wish to explore - will subs join a Dom who is just 'starting out' or if not - any advice on the ways to move forward. Thank you for anything - even if saying this is not the right way to start!!!!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 4:33:08 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		This is great, just jujmp in read, read read, ask questions, explore with care. Enjoy.

It will be harder for you as a novice dom, but it's always harder to start.

(in reply to BlueKnight555)
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RE: Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 4:37:00 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlueKnight555

Is it wrong to ask advice from Dom and sub - how do i develop as a Dom. I am new here and wish to explore - will subs join a Dom who is just 'starting out' or if not - any advice on the ways to move forward. Thank you for anything - even if saying this is not the right way to start!!!!


Perfectly appropriate. One thing I've never understood is why some doms don't want to get advice from submissives. That's like trying to tune an engine blindfolded with earplugs.

As for finding one of your own: just be honest and be yourself. There's a lot to be said for a dominant who is willing to listen and learn. At the very least you'll get points for honesty. It separates you from all the "Old Guard" masters who say things like "when I remove the clamps from your nipples you'll sigh with relief."

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to BlueKnight555)
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RE: Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 4:46:51 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		I have always found that asking questions and LISTENING to the answers is the very best way to learn. And reading lots of books about anything related to the subject would run a close second. Don't be afraid to ask an experienced Sub or an experienced Dom for pointers. Afterall, we all started out as beginners at one time or another. Just remember that old adage about 'You can't listen and talk at the same time.' If you ask for advice then take the time to listen to the answer. Whether you decide to USE that advice or not is a personal matter.

< Message edited by OscarHargraves -- 8/23/2005 4:48:24 PM >

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to BlueKnight555)
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RE: Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 6:23:06 PM   
MistressFire70


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		We must all start somewhere. I agree that asking as well as listening are the two most important things. Ask and listen to all, Dom and sub alike.

BTW, are you really 96 years old?

Fire


_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to BlueKnight555)
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RE: Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 6:25:51 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Blue Knight, at 96 years of age, anything you do is right.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 7:28:31 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Is it wrong to ask advice from Dom and sub - how do i develop as a Dom. I am new here and wish to explore - will subs join a Dom who is just 'starting out' or if not - any advice on the ways to move forward. Thank you for anything - even if saying this is not the right way to start!!!!


It really depends on what a submissive is looking for. When Sir and I met, he was just coming into the local scene. He had experience, but his experience was mostly with vanilla girlfriends he tried to "kink-up". This of course, concerned me. It's been a long time since I was new, and I have references that I can supply, etc. It's difficult to reference people who have not been part of the scene.

In the beginning, we took it slow. We talked alot, and developed a friendship. It was almost 3 months after we met that we actually had our first scene. For that first scene, I requested that we play at a party where others I knew would be. My safety is priority one to me. He agreed without hesitation and we set up the scene.

Happily for me, he knew what he was doing. He'd done his homework over the years, and was skilled with the toys he chose to use, and knew the safety routines.

If you are just starting out, meet people. Talk to the Tops/Doms and subs/bottoms. Make friends. Find people who you are comfortable with in a platonic setting. Ask questions and be open to learning both protocol, relationship stuff and practical stuff where toys are concerned. Ask someone who is a Top/Dom who you feel comfortable with to Mentor you. Go to any and all demos/educational things in your area that you can. Volunteer with the local group to help set parties up or what ever they need. Get involved. That's how you learn how to exist here.

If you allow yourself to be open to learning, then you should be quite alright.

Good luck,
Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to BlueKnight555)
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RE: Learning Dom - 8/24/2005 5:42:58 AM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		As others have said the best way to learn is to read, ask questions, listen and to watch.

On www.informedconsent.co.uk you will find listings of events all over the UK. I go to events over there and fine that many are willing to teach/show others how to do things or how to use the "tools of the trade". Some of the munches and fairs have demos.

Take what suits/interests you and go with it.

Good luck,

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to BlueKnight555)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Learning Dom - 8/24/2005 8:38:25 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Hey, everyone has to start somewhere. It's like riding a bike, you're destined to fall off a couple of times, but eventually you'll get the hang of it. The more you immerse yourself in the lifestyle, the quicker you'll pick things up. Just make sure you do it safely (ok. That's my mothering instinct coming out).

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to BlueKnight555)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Learning Dom - 8/24/2005 9:08:19 AM   
SirWaverider


Posts: 48
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		I'ver actually been wondering that myself because I've only been in the lifestyle less than a year. but I feel lucky My sub and I have made lots of friends and they have helped Me immencely. I have a couple of friends I concider Mentors and I can ask them anything. I also let my sub ask questions. nothing like information overload. I have realized that this lifestyle and the people in it are much more respectful towards eachother than the "outside world"
With all that said....go ahead attend munches.....find a discussion group....find a dungeon or 2..( of course know your curtesies at dungeons) being around fellow lifestylers will get you all the info you want and then some

(in reply to BlueKnight555)
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RE: Learning Dom - 8/24/2005 9:33:11 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello BlueKnight555, and welcome to the boards. Always nice to see a fellow Brit here!

I think that considering information from all sorts of places is a good idea ~ online and offline. With regard to the specific question you asked about subs considering a 'newbie' dom, there was a thread about that fairly recently, which might be interesting to you:

An experienced slave and a new master: Can it work?

Take care and have fun,

~ Elektra

(in reply to BlueKnight555)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Learning Dom - 8/24/2005 11:31:05 AM   
BlueKnight555


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline 		Thamk you one and all for such good advice. I will go slow, listen adn research well. You have all been most encouraging and helpful. I look forward to enlightenment. Wishing everyone a fulsome life in their way. BK

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
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RE: Learning Dom - 8/24/2005 8:03:16 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I've learned as much from sub/slaves as I have from the Dominant folk.. the only wrongness or shame in doing this is in your own mind and in the minds of small minded people.. Do what you believe to be right and honourable and tell the rest to bugger off.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to BlueKnight555)
Profile   Post #: 13
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