TiNeedsHouseboy
Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: saret
A number of *really good* mistresses I've met
What are the defining characteristics of a "really good" dominant -- as you see it?
(Since no two people have the same perceptions, there is no single "right" answer.)
quote:
ORIGINAL: saret
when I've talked to them extensively or watched them play, have an extremely commanding tone of voice. Its not shouting, or even insulting - just very firm and commanding.
Are you saying that while engaging in banter, they use the same tone with you as when scening with a sub? Does that strike you as odd?
quote:
ORIGINAL: saret
How do you do that?!? I would love to sound so confident and commanding.
When you feel sure of yourself, you will act confidently. It's not a function of vocalization. It's a function of the inner you. In fact, I find the stereotypical notion of the bitch queen / demanding Domme great for a porn flicks, but highly impractical for the cultivation of real-time TPE dynamics.
Personally, I loathe having to use a "mom tone" or "ice queen" or "bitch queen" tone. As far as I'm concerned, if I need to do so, it reflects a failure in my training.
For myself, I don't believe in commands or demands. I make requests. Someone who wants to serve my heart is thrilled to follow through.
This notion is not a practice that's unique to me. For example, one of the Yahoo BDSM groups' moderators, who's a 24/7 sex slave to his Mistress/wife, never receives orders. His Mistress/wife always makes requests.
There's no need to wear a facade that isn't the real you. If you're quiet, and it's natural for you to quietly make requests, then do so. Take a breath and plan the request in your head, if necessary. All good subbies must wait. It's what every great subbie does best: wait for his/her dominant to have a need that requires tending.
If you have difficulty with the notion of asking a sub to do your bidding, then you need to reach down inside and figure out why that makes you uncomfortable. Issues to consider: Are you immersed in the vanilla notion of reciprocity? Is there a dynamic from your childhood that taught you that only selfish people impose their wants on other people? Etc.
Only after embracing your needs, and feeling comfortable expressing them, will you progress to "really good" Domme-ing.
~ Ti ~
P.S. If it helps to know, despite scening propaganda that "it's all about the dominant," that only works for the length of a scene. If you're hoping to cultivate a long-term relationship, then the sub's wants/needs/desires must be factored into the relationship's dynamics. (Shhhh! Don't tell that to any subs. Mum's the word!)
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RE: Help with voice commands... - 
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