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Elorin -> RE: i find myself wondering.... (1/5/2008 7:46:16 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kaiynasha
IMHO some Domme askthis because they want to show that they care about you. I believe that it is important to know if you even match one another. What if the sub's desire is to be beaten and the Domme wants all day massages- obviously this will not work.
I ask what a sub likes for a number of reasons.
Firstly, if the subs likes almost all fall outside of my area of interest, I know that we are not going to be compatible for long. BDSM relationships are two way streets, and both parties need to get both needs as well as desires filled regularly, or one party will likely become resentful. This is why I don't form relationships with subs whose primary interest is toilet slavery, oral worship, or forced feminization. I can DO that, but it is more the icing on the cake we only eat once a year for your birthday, not a staple of the diet.
Secondly, I like to know a submissives likes in order to better be in control. I want to KNOW and consciously choose whether I am a) granting pleasure to my sub b) denying pleasure to my sub or c) ignoring their preference to do whatever I want. Without the knowledge of a submissive's fetishes and interests, I am unable to grant desires or deny desires with intent.
Third, I like a submissive to know that I am aware of their preferences. This makes it plain in the relationship that I am informed, and lets the sub know that if they aren't getting what they love, it is likely intentional on my part and not because I just don't have a clue. This clear communication aids all facets of a D/s or even just play relationship.
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