ranting (Full Version)

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lateralist1 -> ranting (1/5/2008 5:38:55 AM)

I feel like a rant lol.
Yesterday I talked to someone who pruported to be a sub.
I asked him what he had to offer me as a prospective Domme.
He said £200 a week.
I was asking him what qualities he had as a man that would make me interested in him.
My rant is that pro Dommes are making it almost impossible to give men the right mindset for a relationship.
As a community of lifestyle people we have to do something about this.
My profile is very clear I think.
Would anyone reading this please check it out and tell me if anywhere it is ambigious. Or could suggest any other way of explaining what BDSM is about for me. I know people who post on these boards are very good at giving advice. I also know this will sound as if I am just getting people to read my profile lol.
But I am seriously worried about the fact that people really do not understand that some of us have more important reasons for being here than just to make an easier buck.
My sexuality is a very big part of who I am.



sweetstorm -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 5:43:35 AM)

Some people see what they want to see and read what they want to read. Who's to say he even read your profile?



laurell3 -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 5:44:16 AM)

I don't know, I've had guys offer me money to to pay my bills/rent etc. before.  I think sometimes it's not necessarily what they think the person they are talking to wants as much as it's their sole way of judging their own worth.  I can't say it's ever really insulted me as much as made me hesitate that they may not be the sharpest tool in the drawer.



missturbation -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 5:45:16 AM)

Oh dear - an anti pro domme rant.
Let the flames begin [;)]



MissMorrigan -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 5:51:40 AM)

Lateralist, the problem isn't pro-dommes, it is opportunists who litter sites such as CM b/c they have learned they can make easy money from men who are naive and new to the world of BDSM, and gullible enough to hand over cash in exchange for their submission. Such people aren't pro dommes. A person seeking the services of a REPUTABLE pro-dom/me can be assured that the service they are paying for will provide an exciting time in a contained environment and with a person who has spent a considerable amount of time developing techniques, and whatever occurs during that session will remain in that environment, never encroaching into their personal life.

I have a great many male subs that write to me who have run the gamut of the money-grabbing leeches and it's a great shame their initial understanding of submission is that it can only be gained at the price of a 'tribute', but then, I also encounter many who take the time to educate themselves and use the resources available so that they aren't caught.



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 5:53:54 AM)

Some people will always come across as lacking social and relationship skills, especially on the internet.   It has nothing to do with prodommes.



PsyVamp -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 6:27:23 AM)

I'll have to agree that it's probably nothing to do with the pro Dommes. 
Imo, MissMorrigan is probably correct when she said
quote:

... it is opportunists who litter sites such as CM b/c they have learned they can make easy money from men who are naive and new to the world of BDSM, and gullible enough to hand over cash in exchange for their submission. Such people aren't pro dommes...

Sometimes its just a numbers game for them, if they demand $xx from enough people, sooner or later somebody will probably give it to them.

Then again, there are some people into financial domination, to each his own.

He probably didn't read your profile, or thinks he has nothing more to offer than cash.  I generally ignore those emails that mention money in them.

Your profile does read that you are looking for a relationship, to me it sounds like you are looking for a submissive lover. 



KatyLied -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 6:49:20 AM)

I've never had any guys offer to pay my bills.
I did receive one compelling offer -- flight and expenses paid to see a championship game between the Broncos & the Steelers, watching from the Bronco's sideline.  If only that offer hadn't been made by a complete stranger.  sigh.



lateralist1 -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 7:40:38 AM)

Thankyou everyone who has contributed.
You have all had something important to say and I have taken what you say on board.
Psyvamp I am looking for a submissive lover I don't feel the need to cover that up BUT
I know that vanilla submission  is not going to satisfy me.
As a sadist BDSM is the only way for me to be satisfied sexually.
Believe me I wish it were not so.
However I have always believed that two people have to actually love one another before indulging in sex.
Old fashioned, naive, bloody stupid I maybe.
Rarely lived up to my ideals certainly but I still believe them to be true.
It's not what you do that matters so much as who you do it with.



xAdamx -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 7:57:45 AM)

not



PsyVamp -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 8:35:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

Psyvamp I am looking for a submissive lover I don't feel the need to cover that up BUT
I know that vanilla submission  is not going to satisfy me.
As a sadist BDSM is the only way for me to be satisfied sexually.
Believe me I wish it were not so.
However I have always believed that two people have to actually love one another before indulging in sex.
Old fashioned, naive, bloody stupid I maybe.
Rarely lived up to my ideals certainly but I still believe them to be true.
It's not what you do that matters so much as who you do it with.


I can relate to this in a fashion.  Every time I think to "date" in the vanilla pool, I realize it just doesn't work for me.  I have enough sadistic tendencies that can't be kept in the closet, especially when it comes to sex. 
I have mixed feelings about casual sex, that is fodder for another thread.

I will say that I understand the need for a masochistic or submissive lover and leave it at that.

I don't remember wanting to be like this, but there is no desire to change it now so I guess it can't bother me that much.




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 9:45:16 AM)

My question is- what's wrong with a sub offering money as part of their submission?  I understand that's not a fairly taboo kink for most kinksters, but it's a completely legitimate form of service and dynamic in a Ds situation.

THe service they were offering was not what you were desiring- oh well.



ShaktiSama -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 10:13:57 AM)

To be honest, I think the pro dommes make the community a better place in a lot of ways, but that's beside the point.  I think LuckyAlbatross is right that this might simply be an issue of incompatible ideas of service.

When a man offers me a form of service that I neither want nor need, I try to politely brush it aside and discuss a form that is more appealing to me, if he has varied interests.  If he is a one-trick subby, and his one trick doesn't do it for me--then alas, I have no use for him.

I have yet to meet or hear from a man whose kink was pure financial domination and nothing else.  I suppose hypothetically if such a man wanted to serve me in a loving way, I would probably accept it though.  True, I think our whole society spends too much time telling men that they have nothing to offer women in the way of love but money or material goods...but if this is how someone has come to symbolize his loving desire to please, I see no reason to reject it, if he is otherwise a worthwhile person.  You never know, maybe in time I could draw him out in other ways...



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 10:19:42 AM)

Sigh...nobodys offered me money.... and i want to get a new tattoo!!! DAMNIT!!





lateralist1 -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 2:06:27 PM)

Ok I understand that financial domination  is an accepted kink I actually have no problem with it and to be honest would consider it as I need the money. As long as it was completely understood that it was not about sex.( That by the way is not an advert just an explanation. If I wanted to advertise that service it would not be on a lifestyle site but in an acceptable business way)
That was not my point.
Having presumably read my profile it sounded like a bribe which I felt was very disrespectful. It has happened before.
My gift of sadistic sexual domination is not for sale.
Even if I decided to become a pro Domme that side of my domination would not be for sale in any way shape or form.
What I have a problem with is the idea that a slave/sub can buy the services of a 'lifestyle' Domme.
Basically because too many men think that all women can be bought.
They just have to find out how much. (still ranting).
I also do not look for service such as cleaning.
I am only interested in TPE within a loving sexual D/s relationship.



MzMia -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 2:27:03 PM)

[;)]
I totally understand what you have said.
It is hard to totally articulate what you are saying in words.
I added this statement to my profile, along with about 4 other
similar statements.
 
***
Just read this on another profile so I am borrowing it. I am in this lifestyle for PLAY, not pay.That does not make it easier for you,in fact it makes it harder.: ) ***
 
I think it helps state how I feel.



RedMagic1 -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 6:11:57 PM)

I only write to women who state they are interested in a long-term relationship... and I have had some respond by saying, "Oh, yeah, not mentioned on my profile, but there's also tribute."  Both women who list their primary role as Domme and sub have done this.  It's a small percentage of my replies, but it's very real, and they have been the ones who wrote me back the most promptly.

I have never gone along with this, because I consider it dishonest.  Like other posters above, I think this has nothing to do with actual proDommes who mention up front they request tribute, and if there are any candidates for people on CM who are not weal and twue, it's these folks.

No one who has included, "I am not a pro" in her profile has ever done this to me.  You might consider putting that line in your own profile.



MissMorrigan -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 11:10:25 PM)

RedMagic1, one of the most common complaints I hear from many male submissives that write to me (this only transpires during the course of conversation) is that they check out a domme's profile on CM, take the time to write to her, they get a conversation going, speak on the telephone, actually meet in person and only once an attachment has been made the 'domme' has then hit them with, "Before we can proceed I will need £xxx from you", or "I will need you to send me £xxx for my travelling expenses plus my tribute". Even more common are the ones that request money before sending any pictures to verify that the person in their profile picture is actually them, claiming that they do this to ensure the sub is 'real'. It's a pet peeve of mine and has nothing to do with pro-dommes or financial domination. The bottom line is they are con-artists.



AquaticSub -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 11:40:30 PM)

~Fast Reply~

I honestly don't know if it's so much the pro doms as it is the idea that the man is breadwinner, must support the woman, and hence what he is able to give you in terms of money is important, perhaps the most important thing. Or maybe giving his money to women is one of his big kinks and he wants to make sure that you will take his money. Did you try explaining to him that his money doesn't matter as much to you as willingness to serve/ability to fix cars/give massages/etc?



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: ranting (1/5/2008 11:45:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

Sigh...nobodys offered me money.... and i want to get a new tattoo!!! DAMNIT!!




i don't either however i had an actual Pro-Dom view my profile recently



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